Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Right Now, In the Moment, Hotness

My friend Jeanie says that in 20 years I will look back at photos of myself and realize that I did not fully appreciate my RIGHT NOW, in the moment, inherent HOTNESS. So here I am appreciating it. Right now. In this moment.

Here are the Top 10 Reasons I am so Sexy that I will HURT YOUR EYES:

1. I can’t quite give up the maternity underwear yet because nothing is as sexy as panties that come up over your rib cage.

2. Within 10 minutes of getting dressed everyday my ravishing outfit is heightened to haut couture through adornment with fresh vomit, drool, and / or poo.

3. There appears to be a 20 pound, raw, boneless turkey breast hanging off the front of my body.

4. My tantalizing, pendulous breasts have achieved a NOW greater-than-ever “grapefruits-in-the-end of socks” look.

5. The alluring dark circles under my eyes – achieved through an arduous beauty process involving continuous interrupted sleep and deep, dark, night-time bottle making.

6. The incessant and mighty wind most likely induced by all the GD raisins.

7. Eyebrow stubble.

8. Back Fat. (Though the rib-high panties nicely come up and OVER that!)

9. The afore-mentioned bag lady. (Poor old gal!)

10. This year’s Piedmont Park Cine al Fresco screen also known as my wide, wide behind!


Anonymous said...

I've never stopped wanting you.

Anonymous said...

Oooooohhhhhh! My sides ache! I SO relate to number 2... and number 1... and number 10.

floosen said...

I was talking to a man the other day (a contractor working on my house) and he was just entirely full of compliments about my pregnant self. In addition, he went on and on about how fantastic his wife looked when she was pregnant, etc. My question is, shouldn't this guy hold training sessions for men? I mean, if you want to score some *real* lasting "get out of jail free forever" points with your wife, the best time in the world to tell her what a gorgeous goddess is the 9 months before birth and the 7 months after, EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO LIE THROUGH YOUR TEETH (or do the male version of "lie back and think of England...").

Number 3 was my favorite. Thanks for reminding me of the lap dog otherwise known as my stomach...

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Dude, I can't believe there was a time OTJ didn't get a bazillion jillion comments. This is so funny. And here I am, two+ years after you wrote this, enjoying my inner hotness right now.