Friday, August 11, 2006

Pee, Pee on the Range

Last night during The Mayor and Rooster Girl's bath, The Mayor occupied himself by wrapping a wet washcloth around my wrist so that we could "play archery."



(He did archery on our vacation and is, apparently, the only two year old ever to hit the target in the history of all the kids that ever shot arrows there in the long, long career of the college-aged summer employee guy staffing the archery range. Impressive, no?)

As The Mayor repeatedly wrapped my arm in the sodden washcloth all I could think about was the fact that little boys hit warm water and...

they pee.

It's the first thing they do when they get in the tub. Every time.

To make the best of it, I was thinking about whether or not there might be any redeeming spa-like benefits of having diluted little boy pee on your skin, you know, like a special moisturizing quality or something.

I was also wondering if I am a bad mother for allowing
The Mayor and Rooster Girl to be washed together every night.

Its one thing for
The Mayor to "wash" in his own diluted pee and somehow another for his sister to have to sit in it.

Even with all these deep and complex thoughts filling my head, I was all the while shooting imaginary arrows from an imaginary bow whose string did not chafe my forearm thanks to the protective washcloth I wore.


In the middle of a particularly good imaginary shot, one that would surely have been a bulls eye, Rooster stood up in the tub and flung her washcloth so that THWAP! It hit me right in the face.

While I was thinking about how diluted pee water might be the new Visine, she squatted down, re-soaked the washcloth, stood up and pressed it into my shirtsleeve soaking me from the shoulder to the elbow.

Satisfied with herself on the soaking mama front and not to be out done by her peeing brother, she squatted back down, grunted like an ape and released two small, spherical poops into the tub*.


Diluted little boy pee is one thing. Poo poo is another.


The free floating poos resulted in an all out re-enactment of
the "doody" scene in Caddyshack. There was a great exxodus from the tub, there was screaming and general hysteria and the archery range fell silent.

(*Rooster is famous for this, as evidenced here and here.)




25 comments:

Diana said...

OMG!!! My son has done the bath tub poop to my sister and husband but never to me!
I guess that was revenge for the diluted pee she KNEW was in the water...LOL!

Christina_the_wench said...

Never had bath poop thank God, but Ruby seems to have it down pat. *laughing*

kevin said...

Urine in the tub is one thing, but I think I'd have to draw the line at poop soup.

Teacher lady said...

I had a nurse once tell me that urine is sterile, so that's good. As far as the little turds floating in the tub, though . . .hmmm.

Nikki said...

LMAO

That .... I have no words.

Kiss Ruby for me.

Blonde Vigilante said...

Oh, god...can't wait to be a mother....sarcasm meter on high people. :p

Heather said...

First off, that is hilarious. Secondly, I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with them bathing together at this point. Anyone who does is overly prudish.

Also, thanks for all of the support lately. I could sure use it! Hope the points are going well for you!

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

That's funny.

Just think of all the urine they share in the pool over the summer.

I don't think there is any prob with bathing them together at this age at all.


Lisa

blessedmomx3 said...

Ha ha! Visine! I wrote an almost identical post to this several months in a row because my twins went through a phase of pooping in the tub and my hysterical screaming scared them.

And you totally beat me to this other topic of boys peeing in the tub! My 18 month old son has gotten more noticeable with his tub peeing thing b/c he stands in the tub when I first put him in. It's like a little fountain.

But I really have been contemplating making him bathe alone. It doesn't seem fair that his twin sisters should have to bathe in pee water. I might as well let each of them have their turn sitting in the toilet and flushing it. At least then I wouldn't have my whole arm in it for 20 minutes!

Natsthename said...

What's a little poo between family members? ;)

EWWWWWWWWWW!

I love your writing, by the way. "While I was thinking about how diluted pee water might be the new Visine" - you had me rolling on the floor!

Pendullum said...

Poop in the bath...
and you thinking of the spa attributes of boy pee...

my kid sister used to get into her diaper and smear the poop all over the walls and her face...
don't know what that was all about...
but... my mom SWEARS that is why my sister has such 'great skin'...
too bad no one wanted to hang out at our house... but my sister had great skin...

blessedmomx3 said...

Incase you didn't know this yet, watermelon scented bubble bath mixed with the smell of your child's poo causes dry heaves.

Lily said...

I don't think it's just baby boys, though. I think those babies grow all the way up into men, and STILL pee in the tub/shower. Gross.

That is why I cannot ever relax by filling up the tub and soaking... bleh!

Her Bad Mother said...

We were introduced to the tub turd recently. Except that it wasn't so much a turd as it was a squoosh.

Ee-ew-uck.

carmachu said...

Pee is sterile......as for the rest, its funny...

Patty said...

how cool!!!!

lildb said...

dude. my kid dropped a bomb in the tub last night. for the first time ever.

and the first thing I thought of was Caddyshack.

you and I have too much real estate in our brains devoted to early/mid-eighties comedies. (but since we're on the topic, wasn't Chevy at his finest in that movie? I mean, I get such a boner when I watch his scenes.)

hi. maybe it's just me over here with the too-much-real-estate dilemma.

hautemama said...

And then the big black shark came!!

That was an amusing post--thanks!

hautemama said...

ps-is that you in the pic? If so, you look like a classic beauty from a vintage era!!!

Mama C said...

Bennett started peeing in the tub tonight, and I grabbed a cup for him to finish in. I think he liked it. Almost like going in the potty. Great. Now he'll want to do it every time. The poop though. We don't get much of that at my house. Thank God!

Your Aunt Nancy said...

My baby brother did this to me once. That ended US sharing a tub, that's fer sure.

RennyBA said...

What an funny, lovely, crazy good Road Trip and I'm sooooo excited about that Scandinavia is on your list too - of course you are welcome. Tell me how many days I need to take off and I'll take the Norwegian part and Lisa takes the Swedish part (could I joine you?!

liberalbanana said...

You know, blogs are great birth control. Every time I read a parent's recount of their children taking a crap in the tub, I makes me think that having a hysterectomy at the age of 26 might not be such a bad idea after all.

Shannon said...

I'm back again tonight. What a scream - I read of Ruby's previous expeditions as well. Love the two of them standing there watching the poo containment contingent. Don't know if this will help (or even if it's true) but a friend of mine who is a pharmacist swears that urine is good for your skin and, further, that it is a component of most lotions (urea)? She said she learned it in pharmacy school. Your daughter is sure to have the best skin on the block.

Anonymous said...

You guys will love this great bath video for parents, it's hilarious! Poop in the tub made simple!

http://www.dadlabs.com/general_parenting/bathtime101_poop_in_the_tub.html