Monday, September 18, 2006

These Are The Days of Our Toys Lives

On the weekends we spend a lot of time playing with our kids.

Sitting in their room as they play with their toys, I sometimes descend into a dream-like state.

Descending down the boredom tube... down, down, down...


(Dream sequence)
(Dream sequence)
(Dream sequence)
(Dream sequence)

Wavy blue stripe

See, there were these twin brothers Jed and Ted.


Father was a farmer.

Father Farmer favored the first born twin, Jed and willed him the farm.


This infuriated Angry Mom
because she favored the second son Ted.

It was not unusual for Angry Mom to be angry.
She was angry most of the time.

(If you press down on her head she kicks you in the shin! Rock ON, Angry Mom!)


ANGRY MOM had abadonment issues because her father was rarely around during her childhood. He was too "busy at work" as Mr. Famous Pirate.


Mr. Famous Pirate managed a motely crew of swarthy, junior, lesser known pirates.


FAMOUS PIRATE'S boat was known for crazy parties where
swarthy, sea faring, manly men found true love on the open seas.

The ship was a giant, floating, gay pirate disco ship of love.

The two crew members voted "Couple Most Likely to... find buried treasure" were the burly pirates Javier and Johanssen.


Other pirates would comment about how Javier and Johanssen looked perfect together, as though they were cast from the same mold.

...and the way they danced together!

Alas, Johanssen was caught cheating with Twisty Ed, the surfer pirate.


Poor Javier.

There is a faint sound of someone crying. A child has been knocked on the head...

(Trumpeted Reveille)
(Trumpeted Reveille)
(Trumpeted Reveille)
(Trumpeted Reveille)

I am returned, up from the deep.

Clearly I need therapy -- or a babysitter -- or a Xanex. to get a babysitter, swallow a Xanex and go to therapy.

I leave you today with two thoughts, first, it's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.


...and second, when you do a Google image search for "Gay Pirate Disco Love" you come up empty handed. Nothing. Bubkiss.

I therefore double dog dare Kevin Charnas to dig into his costume closet and fix this particular internet problem. Help us Obe Wan Charnas, you are our only hope.


Kevin Charnas said...

HHAA!! You complete screwball. I'm oddly aroused...


you'll'll see. I'm gonna show you, Miss Jessica...I'm gonna make a HUGE ass out of myself on-line in front of EVERYBODY (or a bigger ass) and TOTALLY show YOU!

I linked to you today as well...huh.. Irony? Maybe. Otherwise, I just say; "Je ne sais quoi."

Kevin Charnas said...

Hey, I hope that you had a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

slackermommy said...

You crack me up!

Diana said...

We really do play with these toys more than the kids do.
Javier and Johansen seem to be doing the forbidden Lambada...
LOL! Loved it!

Christina_the_wench said...

Oh god, you stirred up the 'gay one', even aroused him. *high five*

Pass the Xanax. And I know how to spell it 'cause it was my friend for years. =)

Sayre said...

I have GOT to stop reading you at work. They already think I'm crazy without the hoots of laughter coming out of my office...

Waya said...

So that's what you did on your b-day huh?! That was very funny OTJ!

Natsthename said...

LOL. You clearly have too much free time....

Naaah. I used to do this with my son's Fisher Price "Little People." There was a whole scenario with the farmer's wife running off with and the knight, leaving the poor farmer with 5 little kids and various animals. It's great fun for moms with brilliant imaginations!

Keep it coming!

Pendullum said...

Party at Jessica's house!!!!!!!
Yeeehewww... and Kevin Charnasis going to do some party numbers....
I'll be hanging with Johanssen and consoling Javier while Kevin takes out his Donna Summer wig and belts Save the Last Dance for meeeee!!!!
Owen and Ruby will be flabbergasted that there could be even more life breathed into their toys as Angry Mom sits back and scowls waiting to kick Will for bringing kevin the party animal...
Jessica, look what you have unleashed!!!!!

wordgirl said...

Ahh..if only I had saved all of my kids' toys from when they were little, I could have staged an entire production of "Grease". Also..with pirates in the lead roles.

cmhl said...

that is strangely fascinating.. I am transfixed!

Domestic Chicky said...

I love this. There is a group on flickr I think that has pictures just like this. Dorks rule!!!