Thursday, October 12, 2006

The Theme Fight

Does every couple have a theme fight?

You know, the fight that you have OVER AND OVER again.

The one that makes you roll your eyes to the heavens and say to yourself, "Have I willingly signed my self up for a L-I-F-E-T-I-M-E of this?"

Our theme fight is about parenting styles.

Though we are very similar in our approach there are subtle differences and so, we commence to fightin'.

The theme fight seems impossible to resolve. He or I feel judged, become defensive, and find some counter accusation to invoke.

"Your ancestors were color-blind, wig-wearing people with chronic halitosis!"

It's really so productive!

Maybe the theme fight changes as the phases of your life change.

When K and I were on our backpacking trip we argued constantly about who got to be in charge of getting us from a bus or train arriving in a new town to the hostel where we would stay. My approach was the best one to find the most direct route on the map and march forward ho. K's approach was to wander willy nilly around the streets of [random town] while wearing a 35 pound pack. That is just wrong.

We also used to fight in backpacker internet cafes. We would often share a computer because we're idiots er, we were too cheap to spend five cents an hour extra for a second computer is just downright wasteful or something. Anyway, in my opinion, K's computer mouse maneuvering style is all wrong. He is to driving a computer mouse what an eleventy million year-old, nearly blind, hat-wearing, retiree in Tampa is to driving a car.

Adventures in slowness, watching paint dry, grass get me?

Anyway, even though it is important to be on the same page with your partner in order to manage the hellions toddlers, parenting is kind of an absurd theme fight topic in a way because there isn't an absolutely, scientifically proven, best way to parent. All parents seem to feel helpless, hopeless and lost at various points.

At least lately we have been laughing at our inability to resolve some of our differences.

"Parent my way or I'll kick you."

"You want to fight me? I'll fight you. Put 'em up."

[commence to wrassling]

[wrassling can actually lead nice the moon]

Anyway, here at House of Joy, we officially have no idea what we're doing and so we theme fight about that.

Please say you have a theme fight too?!


Christina_the_wench said...

Oh yes. And we use the "do it my way or I'll punch you in your big nose" defense. Or the "I SAID she could do that. *turns to daughter* "He is male. Forget him."

Wrassling, socking in the arm, trips to the ER. Aww marriage. *sighs*

Waya said...

I often told my hubbie that there is no way that we can survive the "Amazing Race" contest b/c I'm always right, even when I'm so wrong.

We always have the "I have the last word in" arguments. And guess who always have the last word in?! Hee hee. He's such a saint for putting up with me and my antics.

Grim Reality Girl said...

Guilty as charged. Our theme fight is on parenting style as well. Ugh -- why can't he just convert to MY style??

Sarah said...

our theme fight is on who is spending enough time doing x and too much time doing y.

The Medium Swede said...

TSK (my wife) and I definitely have a theme fight. It centers around her feeling that she does not receive enough help around the house etc... I feel really put upon if I am really trying and really feel I help a lot.

Every time we start the fight, TSK begins it with "this comes down to what I have been asking you for (fill in the blank) years and I see no improvement.

I think we tend to make our statements all encompassing when in reality it is a once in a while thing.

julia said...

TCBIM and I fight about house stuff. He claims that he does all the outdoor stuff, but the yard will go a month between mowings. He claims he does all the plumbing stuff but I've had a boiler sitting un-hooked-up in my cellar for three months. Prior to that it was in the driveway. For two months.

I don't expect him to do everything, but when he sees that there are clothes all over the floor on his side of the bed, he should put them in the laundry. I'll wash them.

Drives me crazy.

Anonymous said...

To the others who comment: At least Jessica and Kevin are human enough to have some differences of opinion. But from a Mother-in-law's view, Kevin is a Saint. He cooks, he cleans, I've seen him do laundry, he is not a sports addict or a slob, he supports the feminist point of view, he does child care extremely well and he is a loving, kind, attractive, smart person who is also kind to his mother and mother-in-law. And my daughter deserves him. ;-) She may not always be as saint like - but she is fiercly loyal - loving and so full of life, passion and humor that she is my addiction.

Emma Kaufmann said...

We always fight about moving or staying put. I always say, I hate America and I want to move back to England and hubz says he hates England and wants to stay here because he'll make better money. We row about that and I decide after all I don't hate America that much, and then we wait a few weeks and start it all over again.

Momish said...

Being two absent minded unorganized adults, our theme fight is about who was suppose to do what and faild to get it done. It's an "avoid the blame" tactic we both have mastered. We have it out just about every Friday, seeing as that is our trash day! Never fails.

Mel said...

Me, to kid: "No, you can't do that right now."
Him, two seconds later, to kid: "Aw, go on ahead and do that thing your mom said you couldn't do."
Me: ::punches him in the eye::

Domestic Chicky said...

Ditto on the parenting fighting (he only acts like that when YOU'RE around), and household stuff (if it's not in the basket, it doesn't get washed)
I tell him if he would give up and assume I am right ALL the time, things would go so much easier for him!

cmhl said...

ohhhhhhhhhhh yes, we have theme fights. usually the "we could be doing xxx if you weren't laying your sorry a$$ on the COUCH!!"

hahah. I won't tell you which one of us says that.. I do have SOME pride you know.

bubandpie said...

Hubby and I have one that runs from 10:15 until 11:30 each night and it always starts the same way: "Are you ready for bed yet, or are you stillblogging?"

What's way worse is the recurring fight about a past (and supposedly resolved) event. That was the one I kept having with the ex-husband, and everytime it came up it just got more vindictive and pointless.

Blonde Vigilante said...

I agree with you, so I'm gonna tell you what you need to do. The next time you two have a fight you just tell your husband that this 25 year old blogger named Mackenzie sides with you and that should solve EVERYTHING.

CroutonBoy said...

Our fight theme is decision-making, i.e. who's responsibility is it to actually have an opinion and act on it. My wife ruminates over every decision until her eyes twitch ("are you sure we should feed her blueberries?" "well, she's been eating them for two months, so it's a little late..."), while I'm overly accomodating ("what do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do YOU want to do?") All of which reinforces your point that we have absolutely no idea what we're doing.

It rarely leads to wrassling, though...I'll have to include that in my fighting technique for future reference.

mad muthas said...

oh dear - i do recognise myself here. my solution is to start up my own independent state (the people's republic of megrovia), where i can make up the rules as i go along and dispense summary justice as if see fit. give it a go - i'll send an ambassador, if you like.

slackermommy said...

Our theme fights are about how cheap hubby is, hubby not helping with kids, and hubby asking dumb questions. Of course I'm always right and he's always wrong. Don't you feel sorry for the guy?

kim said...

we fight about parenting styles too... of course im the seasoned parent ( of 4 ) and hes the newbie (with our 2 yr old ) so he should learn from my extensive wisdom right?

we reach a certain stress level and start the same fight each time...
thank goodness it usually doesnt last much past the kids bedtime :)

jen said...

absolutely. theme fight about who does more, about who waters the plants, about who picks up clothes off the floor. i am right in all our theme fighting.

carmachu said...

Housework. Or rather lack there of. By her, as I'm tired of doing it all(or most) AND working full time AND doing all the guy stuff around the house AND.....having to listen to her complain how she doesnt like how the house looks....

*sigh* No I dont sound bitter do I?

Trish said...

Been married 22.5 years and still have a theme fight, although it's different from the earlier ones.
Nowadays it's:
You're a dope.
I work harder around here than you and you're a dope.
Kids change the entire tone and theme.
I think I kinda like this one much better.

Megan said...

We have two:
a)at Ikea. Always. Without fail.
b)the more intense, I want to bite your head off one: picture hanging. Des hangs too high. Always. Which tops off an already stressful time, moving. And for the past two years (and two moves) this also involves me being pregnant. Fun times with team Reddick!

urban-urchin said...

Oh yes. Yes yes yes. We have a theme or circular fight. More than one actually. We fight about how he can be way too harsh on the kids. His rebuttal is, I don't back him up when he's correcting the kids. Then there is the fight about how I just harp on him and try and control him, my rebuttal: I don't give a crap- don't leave your dirty socks everywhere!

Jen3 @ Amazing Triplets said...

Lately, I just complain incessantly. That's been my theme.

Does that count??

modmom said...

i just found your website!
how did you make the sidebar thing that hides those zillions of links?
that's cool!

Anonymous said...

Our theme fight is about how much he works-or about the fact that when I say it, it's stupid, but when SOMEBODY AT WORK says it, it's genius. Why is that?

The knock-down-drag-outs are generally just about lack of sleep...

Is it really bad if you'd rather watch tv than fight? At the end of the day, I'm too tired to get into it, I'd rather watch Grey's Anatomy...

The Sour Kraut said...

I have often said that we could just hit "play" on a past recording of one of our theme fights and save us the trouble of repeating ourselves.

Kevin Charnas said...

Oh a matter of fact, we had one last night. And what infuriates matters is that Will turns and says, "I'm trying to read."

Or he'll say, "Why do you have to pick right now to fight?" As though fighting EVER comes at an opportune time.

OR he'll say, "I just wanted to get a good night's sleep."

All of these add to the theme, stoking it and I fume with the idea of burning him at the stake.

Jenny said...

Yep. My car, money and blogging.

I NEVER ends.


Jenny said...

Oops. I meant "It never ends."

I'm a dork.

Mrs. T said...

Ours is of the "Am I the ONLY one who ever looks at a clock around here?" variety- usually while running around, trying to get everyone looking presentable, and out the door on time for school, church, dinner parties, appointments, movies, you name it.
The other theme fight is "You have too much random shit that you are never in a million years going to "go through". Throw it the hell away, or I'm going to."
We've all got them.

lynsalyns said...

"Am I the only one who can do (fill in the blank)?" Like oh, change a diaper. Or feed the baby without being asked. Or get her ready for bed.

Yah. Theme fight. So true!