Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Fight Injustice with Gas

On a cold and wintery night, a girlfriend and I were walking back to her house on the dark and deserted streets of Chicago.

After awhile there was a group of guys walking behind us.

They sounded drunk.

They were getting closer to us.

We quickened our step.

They started making cat calls and yelling "hey baby's".

I started to feel a chill beyond that of the Chicago cold.

I stopped walking.

I turned around.

I squared my shoulders to them....

...and in the most nasal, Long Island accent I could muster I said,

"Not tonight guys. I'm a little GASSY."

Works like a charm every time.

22 comments:

KC said...

I'll have to remember that one.

Match that up with some real gas action and that would really drive them away!

carmachu said...

Amusing.....although I'm not sure it work all the time....some just dont care...

Rachel said...

Ha! That's awesome.

jen said...

you are hilarious...

yet scary, scary, scary, that cold winter night.

i long to walk alone and fearless at 2am.

Iris said...

OH! I am LOVING that one!!

mamatulip said...

LOL! Did you prove it to them? ;)

(BTW, seriously, I am really, really enjoying your blog. Thanks for commenting on mine, to let dimwitted me know you're out there.)

Kristin said...

oh, I just LOVE you!!!

Domestic Goddess said...

AAhhhahahhhahhaa. I love that one!!

Sayre said...

Well, you could also mention that you have the flu and might throw up on them. Not everyone minds a fart, but almost everybody will run from vomit.

Grim Reality Girl said...

Too funny! Oh to be a fly on the wall......

mothergoosemouse said...

C'mon - let's hear the rest of the story! What did they SAY in return?!

Girl In Her Underwear said...

Ha ha! No way! I can't believe it worked!!!! Does it work on husbands? Tee hee!

Karana said...

*grin* Good one!

Lotta said...

Excellent! And I love that you are in the Midwest. I shall imagine we have a martini date! But not in a creepy way. More of a let's make cookies and drink spiked eggnog kind of way! Then you will be really gassy.

Heather said...

You. Are. The Queen of Awesome.

I love it.

Merry Mama said...

I'm happy to be a fan of yours....hysterical

Kevin Charnas said...

I love you.
I loved you before, but now...now this is beyond. There's a deep, deep Heat Miser like reverence bond thing going on.

I bow to Jessica.

Moobs said...

You are an evil genius.

Slackermommy said...

I use that excuse on my hubby. Works like a charm.

Trish said...

See, some guys get turned on by that, so I'm glad that it worked this time.
In all seriousness, my brother who is a cop said the best things to turn off some guy who's being flirtatious or scary or both, is to pick your nose and hock a loogie.
Haven't tried it yet...

hautemama said...

I LOVE it!

Manic Mom said...

STOP! Or I'll fart!