Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Internet Dating

I've been getting to know someone on-line for months now.

We moved from a public format to e-mailing each other and, as our comfort level grew, wrote about meeting for coffee.

We scheduled meetings... and then cancelled.

I was totally anxious about the whole thing.

What would my husband think?

Meet someone from the internet?

I ALMOST did that once before.

Back in 1998, before we were married, I had to break up with K for awhile.

In a Relationship State of the Union conversation K told me that I was not "The One."

You. Are. Not. The. One.

Well that isn't good.

Maintaining unbelievable composure, I asked him "What about a relationship would indicate that you were with The One?"

He told me that when a man found The One, the following would be true:

1.) The feeling you have when you first fall in love would never go away; and
2.) All fear and doubt relating to commitment would disappear.

When he told me the criteria, I just looked at him and blinked.

As much as I loved him,
I didn't have the patience for a load of Man Nonsense that gigantic.

"You're right," I told him. "I'm not her. Good luck finding her."

I kicked him to the curb.

While we were broken up I briefly fiddled around with the Yahoo dating thing.

I got down to some serious e-mailing with one guy... everything he wrote was just right.

We graduated to talking on the phone and I learned that he
had the most unfortunate southern accent.

Every time he opened his mouth, I pictured something like this:

Don't get me wrong, half of my family is southern, I live in the south and generally I love southern accents, but... can you say Deliverance?


I convinced myself to overlook the accent problem because his written words were, well they were DANG POETIC!

Two days before Captain Hee Haw and I were scheduled to meet, K
lamented the error of his ways, admitted that he could not possibly live without my mighty wind and we got back together.

[Reunited and it feels so good. A little Peaches and Herb? Anyone? Nevermind.]

I had to call Mister TwangSoMuch
and cancel our date...

Consequently, I have no internet dating experience so this new, secretly cultivated on-line relationship made my stomach flutter.

We put a date on the calendar...

It was getting closer and closer...

Neither of us was canceling...

I would be going out... with another blogger.

Not just any blogger, but one that unlike me, really writes.

I'm talking about the one, the only... Blog Antagonist from Blogs Are Stupid.

Her blog is filled with real writing while mine is filled with tampons, good times in the bathroom, and ass pimples.

I was worried that she would think I was a total dork.

(Which is an odd thing to worry about because I am a total dork.)

I put on lipstick for her.

I should amend that statement.

I put on every shade of lipstick that I o
wn and wiped each one off in turn, so that in the end, I had the sort of cake-y, orange-ish-red lips you would find on Bozo the Clown.

As it turns out, Blog Antagonist is a laid back, friendly person who did not chastise me even once for both looking AND acting like Bozo.

It was a luxury to spend time with her.

Every time I bring up the subject of blogging at home, K smiles, nods and listens, but I think he would secretly like to scream, "Shut up about blogging already, woman!"

Blog Antagonist and I were able to just go on and on and on about it!

Sadly, we live relatively far away from each other and had to drive quite far to a meet-up spot.

But, guess what?

I totally scored her phone number.

That's right, I got digits, people.

I am so MONEY!

p.s. She wrote a great post about our meeting here!


Christina_the_wench said...

Blog whore.

You knew I'd point that out.

Nat a.k.a Marmite Breath said...

Terrifying isn't it? I met -R- from And You Know What Else, and I was so scared!
I've met a few people from that thar Interweb, and even loved one of them enough to make them my Maid of Honour when I got married.
Yeah, though, totally scary to meet another woman, and yes, worse sometimes than meeting a man. I'm glad it went well.

Sayre said...

That was fun! I got to see both sides of your meeting!

Glad K wised up before you hooked up with HeeHawHank there....

I would be so tied in knots over meeting someone from blogland. I feel a bit like Cyrano - if you only know me from my words, would you accept my big nose (or belly or whathaveyou)? Would you really like ME? And who is ME anyway?

Plain Jane said...

Captain Hee Haw? Oh my. And that was some pretty impressive man nonsense. He's lucky to have gotten you back!

Congrats on making a new friend outside of the computer!

bubandpie said...

It never ceases to amaze me, the ideas that can take up residence in the head of an apparently intelligent man. Sounds like you had a good nonsense-eradication manoeuvre.

And you're so right - there's nothing better than a full-on, flat-out blog-talk-a-thon in person.

Iris said...

Having been divorced twice, I am thinking I actually agree with K's man nonsense. If you ain't the one, you ain't the one........ problem is K didn't know you WERE the one, he had his head in his ass at the time.

The Medium Swede said...

You little hussy you!!

The Medium Swede said...

shoot missed my opportunity to use hoo'er.....

Mamma said...

I'm so very jealous!!

I'd LOVE to sit down to drinks with the two of you.

Oh! I didn't know I was into threesomes!!

Jennifer said...

That was good. Great writing, OTJ! It's interesting to hear (read) about other couples' history with one another. So sorry you missed out on Capt. HeeHaw. He sounded like a real winner...! Glad to hear you were able to yuk it up with another blogger - nothing quite like it.

Karen Forest said...

There is something about blogging. You can start friendships based on no preconceived ideas, no stereotypes....nothing. The only thing that you can derive an oppinion from is that which the person wishes to share on their blog.

There is something about it that is scary yet appealing.

I am sure she enjoyed your company. You are such a hoot!

Christina_the_wench said...

ps. Quit posting photos of my brother. He has feelings too, ya know!

Paige said...

You need to cut yourself some slack about your writing. It's just about as money as you are! Glad you had a good time.

blot_antagonist said...

Um yeah, what Paige said. It's true that our writing styles differ, but you are funny, irreverent, and very, very talented. I wish I was one tenth as funny as you are. You are a "real" writer, don't ever sell yourself short on that point.

That said, you did not look like Bozo or a dork. You were beautiful and I enjoyed every single minute of our time together. I honestly can't wait to do it again.

Oh, and I totally LOL'd about Captain Hee Haw. You know I know what you are talking about.

karrie said...

Man nonsense. Excellent term.

I used to travel often, frequented backpacker bulliten boards and as a result have met loads of people from the internet.(Including my husband during a short trial run of Match.com.) Almost without exception they were kind, funny and at least personable enough to hang out with for a day or two.

It can be a little nervewracking meeting another woman one-on-one though. I got a kick out of both of your posts.

mamatulip said...

I recently found Blog Antagonist's blog and am continuously blown away by her writing. It's some of the best out there, I think.

So it goes without saying that I'm jealous I wasn't able to attend. ;)

I'm so glad you guys had a good time and that neither of you thought the other was a dork. And listen, girl, you need to stop making me laugh so hard when my little darlings are sleeping, mmmkay?

And FEEL BETTER. Soon. Sending you *~*~*healthy vibes*~*~*

The Sour Kraut said...

If you ever come back "home" to Chicago, maybe we could do the same. Yikes! I better go buy some lipstick.

Jess Riley said...

I am so jealous that Blog Antagonist got to meet you, and you got to meet her!

I met three fellow bloggers over the past year and each experience exceeded my expectations. (Wow. A little alliteration.)

Starrlight said...

Oh the phone call wake up of online dating! I got lucky, mine may have been southern but his accent, charming or otherwise, was fairly well obliterated. Unless he was drunk or reeeeally pissed, you'd never think he was born and bred in Georgia.

Great post!

Mommy off the Record said...

I had read Blog Antagonist's post about you the other day. I'm so jealous that she got to meet you and so jealous that you got to meet her. You two are fabulous bloggers! Glad you had a nice date :)

Heather said...

I would love to meet another blogger, face to face. I have one friend who does it,but everyone else thinks I am crazy! ( Which, I am, but that's NOT THE POINT!) Just for the record, "Hee-haw Hank's" of the world need love too. We live in the south, and have recently moved to the country. This is evidenced by my son's frightening slide into a deep drawl. Friends has 2 syllables in his dialect ( FREY-ENDS) I am seeking help for the problem! If he starts chewing on grass or hay....WE ARE MOVING! :)

KC said...

I give a lecture on the Neurobiology of Love every Valentine's Day. What he was talking about? Not in nature, dude. Glad he woke up!

Jenny said...

Captain Hee-Haw. Oh my God I cannot stop laughing at that.

Izzy said...

Yay! It's always fun to meet your fave bloggers IRL. Which begs the question...do you live in GA? Because if you do, I'm a mere eight hours south of you, more or less. We're practically neighbors :)

urban-urchin said...

Kevin is reeeealllyy luck that you took him back after that steaming pile of man nonsense....