Friday, December 29, 2006

Sweetie, You've Got One Clean Nostril

K and I decided to change our insurance benefits.

To do this we had to get physical exams to prove to the underwriters that we weren't about to drop dead and
the insurance company sent a nurse to our house.

The nurse was an older Jamaican woman with a strong accent.

The Mayor was pretty worried by her presence and didn't appreciate the Mommy / Daddy blood letting.

Trying to reassure The Mayor, the nurse kept saying things like, "Its okay Sweetie, everything will be fine, Sweetie."

Unfortunately, the "Sweetie" came out in that dismissive tone that kids HATE.

Finally, The Mayor walked right up to the nurse and said,

"Hey SWEETIE, when are you LEAVING?"
So very nice.

In other news, while vigorously brushing my teeth, the brush flew out of my mouth and rammed itself right up my nose.


Up the nose... and, inevitably, back down.

I now have one really clean nostril.

So I've got that going for me.

Otherwise, I am the world's grouchiest woman.


32 comments:

wordgirl said...

The Mayor really knows how to sweet talk a woman, doesn't he?

Sudiegirl said...

I usually just puke on a nurse. His way is probably more effective and less smelly.

Oh - we're both blogger and blogging chicks!

Rah! Yay!

Anonymous said...

I just started reading your blog and saw that you lived in Columbia, Md. I grew up there. You are funny and I appreciate your stories. I am a working Mom of a two and half year old son who is in daycare.

wendy boucher said...

Sweetie, I'm sure you have some perfectly good fingernails for nostril cleaning. Don't waste your toothbrush. Sweetie.

Veronica Mitchell said...

My sister has a tiny scar on her cheek where her toothbrush one day inexplicably snapped in half and the pointy plastic gouged her. So if you come out of it without scars, you are doing okay.

Gingers Mom said...

It's funny how kids can see right through some people. Hee hee. I like him already.

Jenny said...

I bet your nostril smells heavenly...um...sweetie.

*giggle*

hk said...

There's a line - he had had enough. *laughing*

We're not there yet....although the elder likes to call out a person who has tooted. lovely.

What we say when things attack - damn a toothbrush!

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

I love the mayor, he is my kind of guy.

At least now your nostril will be clean enough to smell it's minty freshness.

Lisa

Grim Reality Girl said...

The mayor is THE BEST! Hope your nose feels better sweetie!!

Diana said...

Your nostril didn't swell and get all red did it? Because then they would think you have some kind of nostril disease or something...
LOL. Wayward toothbrushes suck- I usually get mine to travel into my upper gum area at very fast speeds...not too thrilling.

jen said...

hopefully that won't count as a preexisting condition, sweetie?

can the mayor come over here? i need him to talk to some people.

Heather said...

At least it was your nostril and not the toilet. I came into the bathroom the other day to C's hysterical laughter, only to find his brand new toothbrush floating in the toilet! A nostril you can boil away....there is not enough boiling water in the WORLD to remove toilet germs! Good to know your boy will stick up for you! The insurance man came to our house while I was pregnant....yeah, weighing at that stage of the game was PLEASANT! Can you just imagine me trying to explain away these extra 40 pounds I was carrying! UGH! Hang in there...I am SURE tomorrow will be better!

Starrlight said...

OUCH! I have done that and it sucks!

Kristin said...

I love the Mayor more with each passing post...

Also, I am grouchy but am couching it in "dissatisfied".

carmachu said...

Apparantly you DO need to go to the nursing home, because you cant brush your teeth without missing the mouth completely?

Nice....

QT said...

Gah! Haven't scored a nostril hit before, but I have missed the mouth completely, or alternatively jabbed the gums.

Oh, the Mayor... too bad she didn't offer to take his temp "in the butt" - he would've been her #1 fan then.

mothergoosemouse said...

I LOVE the Mayor. Not only does he rock, but those stupid insurance medical people annoy the poo-poo outta me too.

And yowza on the nostril penetration. Ow ow ow ow ow.

urban-urchin said...

I'm trying to imagine how vigorously you must have been brushing for that to happen.

The Mayor can talk to ALL the annoying people in my life anytime. (I can't help imagining Edina in Ab Fab- "sweetie, dahling")

Denguy said...

Oh, crap! You just triggered a coughing fit in me, brought on by laughter. Great, I woke up my wife.
"What are you laughing at?"
"Nothing, just this toothbrush-nostril thing."
She went back to sleep.

Which is nice.

mamatulip said...

Grouchy? I can't imagine why.

karrie said...

Did you floss?

carrie said...

Ouch!

Carrie

Megan said...

Thanks for updating the blog, I was hoping for some "joys" today inbetween hospital visits. Oh, did I mention we all have the flu and Cade's includes a fever? Are you constantly smelling winterfresh?

Sayre said...

I'm trying to re-create your, um, nasal adventure. Haven't managed it yet. And my nostrils could use a good sweeping...

KC said...

When I first read this, I thought you meant the brush went up your nostril then down the back of your nose, out through your mouth.

I was going to suggest not lifting so many weights. Or acquiring a larger toothbrush.

*relieved*

Bob said...

HA. Kids can always tell when they're beoing condescended to.. And you have one that calls 'em on it. That must provede for o(more)_ interesting situations..

Mom101 said...

I think your kid is as nice as good be. And perceptive. And smart. No kid deserves excessive sweetie-ing, not around the holiday.

Pendullum said...

The Mayor certainly lives up to his monniker!!!!

Happy New Year Jessica,so glad I found you in 2006, you have been in my living room more often than you will ever know!!!

Much Love,
Pendullum

Girl In Her Underwear said...

Thank goodness I'm not the ONLY cranky beeotch right now! Several days ago I had to spend a lot of time apologizing to my poor children. There's nothing quite like holiday stress mixed with PMS.

Nikki said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!! YOU BRUSHED YOUR NOSTRIL.

SNORT SNORT

*ahem*

Sorry about that.

SNORT.

hee hee

Penny said...

OH-F!!!

I have to remember not to drink coffee while I'm reading you! Now, I've got one dirty shirt.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!