Sometimes I just get a little too excited about my thrift store bargains.
I went to the thrift store yesterday because Monday is “everything half price day” and The Mayor needed some extra pairs of pants because… HE STARTED WEARING BIG BOY UNDERWEAR!! W00T!
While there, I found a pair of “Seven” jeans in my size for $3.50 and I tried them on.
There was a woman in the dressing room next to me that had children’s clothes in her basket so I assumed she was a mom even though I could see from the clothes she was putting on the discard rack that she was a size 1.
I knocked on her dressing room door.
I knocked again.
She pulled the curtain aside wearing her bra only (BOLD) and looked at me quizzically.
“Um, you’re a mom, right?” I asked
“I need your help,” I begged, “can I wear these?”
The jeans are tight, low-rise, flared and probably a lot more hip than anything I would normally attempt.
She laughed and we shared a moment of unspoken understanding.
At all costs, we mothers must avoid the dread “mom jeans.”
She had me spin around (so she could totally check me out. Heh.) She declared the jeans worthy and said I should buy them, so I did.
However, I failed to conduct the all too important “sit down” test on the jeans.
All my fellow wimmins know the importance of this test which:
a.) makes sure the jeans are not too tight;
b.) shows how your belly roll will look in them when you are sitting; and
c.) illustrates how much of your butt crack will show when you bend or squat.
I think we can all agree that the sit down test is relatively critical for successful pant purchasing.
This morning I put on my new BARGAIN jeans, squatted to zip The Mayor into his coat and flashed The Rooster a classic rear view vertical smile.
If you weren't fully awake before, you are now little girl!
Standing back up, I realized that the sit down test provides one more critical piece of information – where the jeans will settle on your frame when you stand up again.
In this case, the squatting down tugged the jeans far enough down on my body so that when I stood up, the low-rise feature was lower than…
Well let’s just say that if you saw me at that moment you would have had to shout with alarm,
“Sister, you have a serious ROOSTER WATTLE hangin' outta your pants!”