Alas, another Valentine's Day passed without any Park Ranger action.
No one can accuse me of not giving it my best effort - even in the eleventh hour...
-----Original Message-----
Sent:
To: Mike (K's former boss and former chief ranger in charge of large U.S. National Park)
Subject: Happy Valentine's Day - could be happier...
Dear Mike:
I hope all is well with you and that you are properly adored today being that it is Valentine’s Day.
I’m sending you a photo to NOT SO SUBTLEY remind you of how you said you’d hook me up.
K would make a mighty FINE lookin’ Park Ranger don’t you think?
It IS Valentine’s Day after all (and I have no shame.)
Best,
Jessica
-----Original Message-----
From: Mike [mailto:formerchiefranger(at)tease.com]
Sent:
To: Oh, The Joys
Subject: RE: Happy Valentine's Day - could be happier...
-----Original Message-----
From: Oh, The Joys
Sent:
To: Mike
Subject: RE: Happy Valentine's Day - could be happier...
My thought exactly, but see you have a role to play in that coming true… Which is why I come to you BEGGING.
From: Mike
Sent:
To: Oh, The Joys
Subject: RE: Happy Valentine's Day - could be happier...
-----Original Message-----
From: Oh, The Joys
Sent:
To: 'Mike'
Subject: RE: Happy Valentine's Day - could be happier...
Okay. If you can get me a ranger hat – and let me just remind you that at the fancy nonprofit event dinner LAST YEAR it was you who suggested Valentine’s Day “next year” – which would be today – ahem.
To this, my man Mike sent no reply.
-SIGH-
(complete with screaming Mayor and food covered Rooster)
After six hours spent on the phone with tech support (someone stick a needle in my eyeball) I went to the market and who should be standing in line in front of me?
A National Park Ranger in full dress.
Oh, the ... anticipation.
I was grinning like a fool at the man and making him a bit uncomfortable... so being the complete dork that I am, I said,
"Excuse me sir, I really have to tell you something."
I confessed my Park Ranger Fetish to this 79 year old African American man and gave him a chuckle.
He did confirm that it is illegal to impersonate a Federal Officer, but "only if you get caught," he said.
He did not, however, offer me a uniform.
I will continue to dream...
48 comments:
Well, the hat sans clothes for your birthday party isn't a bad place to start, right?
Great card! ;-)
I think the title says it all. ;)
Poor, Jessica... no Park Ranger for her! ;o) I would have loved to be behind you in line at the store when you confessed your fetish to the 79 year old African American park ranger! LOL!
Good luck in your Park Ranger pursuits! A nekkid park ranger with only his hat on sounds good to me! ;o)
Oh, and I love the card K gave you... that was really creative!
Awesome card! I love it when you can tell they thought about the day before it rolled around!
Wow, back when you first admitted it, I thought you were joking about this interesting fetish. Now I realize you can never take your family to Yellowstone. Yikes!
Good luck on your quest for the hat. Maybe some sage cargo pants with it and he could be a sweaty shirtless ranger. Lalala!
I think the solo hat works just wonderfully...no?
Sheesh, some people don't know how good they've got it and just want more, more, more. That CARD!!! Fuggedaboutit. You so scored in the Valentine Department.
I bet you made the old guy's day. He will be telling that story for years.
Placement of the hat is key.
Sorry you didn't get to live out your Park Ranger fantasies. Kudos on your determination!
You could always hire a seamstress to whip you up a uniform. My seamstress is Vietnamese and I doubt I could convey to her why I would need such an outfit. I don't know what "sexy time" is in her language.
I like the idea of a hiring a seamstress!
You know I still don't get the Park Ranger thing...but I'm not judging. I realize I don't have a like fantasy for Shakey. I'm thinking I better get one. Maybe I can turn it into a blog contest..."Get Me a Fantasy for My Man!" What d'ya think?
Why are you blonde in the card?
I am so sorry your Park Ranger fantasy has been left unfulfilled yet again...{insert muffled laughter here}.....sorry, I just can't get this out of my head!!!
Oh, The Frustration!
Man - I hope Mike comes through for you next year!!!!
In the meantime, TAKE THE HAT!
I think that running into a random park ranger is an omen. Your wish is destined to come true. Eventually.
Better luck next year....Hee hee hee...
The card looks really nice.
Well, that is a shame. It's good to have a fantasy though... Maybe, if you can get ahold of a hat, somebody can sew some patches on a brown uni shirt and pants?
The card is classic.
You are hysterical woman. Now whenever I see a park ranger, I'm gonna think of you. And if he's hot and I have a camera, I'm going to take a photo and send to you. heehee.
Hope you get some hot park ranger (hubby) action for your birthday.
I say get the hat now, pick up the rest of the outfit piece by piece over the rest of the year.
"Aaaanti-ci-pa-tion..."
Wait, that song just make me think of ketchup.
Well, you're obsessed with Park Rangers, I'm obsessed with nothing to say and whining about being afraid to state my mind on my blog. To each his own. At least yours is amusing! :)
Have you checked e-bay?? I suprised you cant find a park ranger outfit on e-bay.
Alternately, perhaps you have a friend who sews??
And isn't that a country song? You can leave your hat on?
I am trying to think of my most odd fantasy. I love that you told the park ranger your story. It definitely sounds like something I would do. Very hilarious, very awesome.
I've been reading your blog for awhile. I got hooked on it reading Kevin's blog. I actually get to claim him as a good friend. We live close to each other. Anyhow, I've been slowly getting into this blogging thing and today I linked to you in my blog (first time I've done that!).
You're not a freak. I promise.
Have you thought of putting together a uniform from a supply company? I found this site that has mix and match uniforms available. They even have THE HATS! I swear I'm in no way affiliated with this site, just passing along some info....
http://www.siegelsuniforms.com/pages/details.php?subcatid=1&catid=58&prevcat=
Take the hat. Nekkid park ranger has got to count for something.
I'm with Iris...I just can't help picturing the Yogi bear cartoons.
Although the more times I think about Nekkid Park Ranger...Hmmmm. No, still nothing. I'll have to come up with my own fantasy, I guess. I hope you actually get to fufill yours soon.
I suppose if you were desperate enough, you could have led the park ranger you met in the grocery store to a secluded place..... and knocked him out... and stole his uniform....not that I am suggesting that is legal or anything....
Oh lorday, I can't stop laughing, you are too much!!!!!
I thought I could be a little "focused"sometimes...
There is always next year. Start your preparations now so you won't be disappointed.
Fun stuff.
you're so funny.. I can't believe it can be that difficult to find a park ranger uniform... I wonder if you can get them over here..?
I've tagged you btw. My first meme.. will you have a go..?
www.littlenuttree.wordpress.com
Oh, the disappointment. So very sorry.
Park Rangers have always struck me as being oh-so-very proper... sort of like grown-up boy scouts.
But then again, they're out there with all of those wild animals...
Hmmm.
Yeah, I can see it.
oh that is funny...first time here. Great story. :o)
Don't give up....there's got to be somewhere...where's there's a will, there's a way!
On the note of random conversations with strangers..... last night I went for a few cocktails with some girlfriends...( Girl's NIGHT OUT WOO HOO)
In walks a man that looks EXACTLY like the lead singer of Def Leopard....back in the 80's! As the night progressed, this amused me more and more (maybe it was the appletinis) and I would stand close to him, put up my rock n roll hands and sing "Pour Some Sugar on Me!" Well, the appletinis must have done something to my vocal chords as the last time I did it, I was so loud that he turned around. So, I said, "Hey! Are you the lead singer of Def Leopard?" Funny, men who wear hairsprayed mullets in 2007 don't appreciate this question......I feel a post coming on about this experience.....
You've gotta hang on to your dreams, girlfriend!
Perhaps you could obtain a crossing guard uniform...or threaten a 5th grader into giving you his Safety Patrol badge...you know...just until the Park Ranger outfit arrives.
oh and twisted dreams they are.
Over here we have no park rangers only Park Wardens whose job it is to wander around London's parks shouting at children for feeding ducks. They are not very sexy.
I say take the hat, then you can work on the rest. I have a uniform fetish too - policemen especially. Sometimes I beg my BF to wear his toolbelt from work at home. Freaks of the world unite, I guess!
Oh, the card! So funny! --Never thought about park rangers as fantasy potential, but now ya got me goin'
That card was too funny. Bummer about the Ranger uniform. An old army buddy of mine was going to be one, but the opted for a different line of work, otherwise I'd help you out. I am all for fantasy fulfillment. Look in the yellow pages maybe there is a uniform shop around your town. You may even be able to put something together from Kohls or Sears or whatever.
I'm gonna buy you a purty frame for your dreamy pic of K...
AHAHAHHAHAH! I misread the title as "Power Ranger", which added a whole 'nuther layer of humor to the story...
LMAO!
THat is hillarious...poor man in the market! lol
did you not offer him money for his uniform?!
Ahaha! How did I miss this post? You're being totally serious about your fetish! I believe you! I believe you! Oh my gosh! I hope you get hooked up soon. I've never even seen a man in park ranger uniform. Did a park ranger do something to you/for you as a young girl? Why are they so sexy to you? Wow!
BTW, thanks for all the traffic today!!!
hahahaha... this caught my eye because I have... 4 NPS uniforms! Hahahahaa... and you have none. But what is "a role in the meadow"?? And what the heck are Rangers doing that they shouldn't be doing lest they get caught with their... um... pants down?
Gregory's in Colorado supplies the uniforms.
That's too funny! Can I send you a cardboard cut out of a Park Ranger then?!
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