For the last few months I've been trying to deny the truth.
The truth is... I want to go to the Blogher conference this summer in Chicago.
See, I'm originally from Chicago.
[Okay, okay. THE SUBURBS - so what?!}
Going to the conference would be a great excuse to see old friends and meet new ones.
Problematically, the conference falls on the Friday and Saturday right in the middle of the two weeks my children's daycare is closed for summer break.
[I know, summer break? Don't get me started...]
How could I convince K that he should take time off work to single-handedly care for the children so I that could spend zillions of dollars to jet off to The Windy City and meet some awesome bloggers?
Blog posts have already started appearing that announce various bloggers intentions to attend.
I, Asshole, mothergoosemouse and Chicky Chicky Baby are all going. I asked each of them to suggest a good arguement for K, but it was Y of Joy Unexpected that provided me with the really practical advice.
Y suggested asking K if 1,000 BJs would get me there.
Y's not just funny, she's a CRACK STRATEGIST because you know what he said when I made that offer?
Oh, yes you do. You KNOW what he said.
He was all, "How many days until Blogher? Hey, that's like... ten BJs per day!!! Want me to book your tickets? Let's get started woman!"
Clearly, I da ho'.
So, there it is... I'll be packing my hooker clothes and going to Chicago.
Who's with me?
[...and does anyone know how to make a BJ countdown ticker widget for this site? Because that is a lot of counting!]
[...and how many weight watchers points do you have to count for each... nevermind.]
95 comments:
I'd bet there's no points, because it would count as exercise. Right?
A Blogger conference? These things actually exist? Whew! Is everyone going to bring laptops and blog with each other across the tables?
exercise AND protein, right? :O
Geez, sorry, did I really hit publish? ;)
Sounds like an interesting conference and a good excuse to go on a trip!
My guess..being that I am a man and know how these things work....he will get 2 maybe 3 tops and you will still go to the conference.
So does this mean you're going?
I mean c'mon... it's ONLY 10 a day ;)
WOW.
Better stop posting and get to it!
I spent six years in Evanston. Unfortunately, grad. school got in the way of enjoying Chicago, but Ben was born there. A mighty fine (and fun) place, Chicago is.
But I don't think I can go to the conference. :(
You are going to be one busy lady. Seeing as I am less than 200 miles from Chi-town I should be going, but is smack in the middle of our Summer Family Visiting Odyssey.
BJ's are how I negotiate many a thing with Dave. I can't think of a single time when I didn't get what I wanted by offering a BJ.
Have fun in Chicago! (Incidentally, every time I hear the word Chicago I think of Married With Children, when Kelly was trying to pronounce it and she said it like 'Chick-a-go.' Just thought I'd share.)
LMAO! I *think* I'm going. I've got to buy the tickets soon, but I'm kind of waiting on the small one's MRI results, just in case. But I really think I'm going to do it. Woohoo!
If it weren't for being uncomfortably pregnant, I'd be willing to service my husband for the opportunity to attend. Oh wait, my baby will only be a few months old at the time of the conference. Nothing says fun like engorged boobs.
And, I'd probably act like a love sick 7th grader oogling over all my blog crushes. That would be totally uncool.
Hmmm... I always heard that there were NO calories in...that. It does make your skin very soft, however...
Perhaps, since you haven't talked to K yet, you could do one a day? Then maybe K could do something for you. Then you'd still have some energy for the conference. You should be the keynote speaker. Your topic?
"How I Came to Be Here"
Oh, how I wish.....That is Connor's birthday. I can't see Rav giving me leave....or Connor for that matter. He's been talking about turning 5 for EVER.
Although, your angle might just work. Hmmmmm...
wow, if Asshole is there, I may have to go, because I don't have enough Assholes in my life already.
I am soooooo jealous!
My husband limits me to 5 per day.
No, I want to go too! But I will be in Chicago (ok, a suburb) for a wedding the weekend before and cannot possibly justify going back.
Next year!
Just don't tell Joe about this arrangement or he'll be begging me to go to BlogHer...
I want to see what that ticker looks like.
WhooHoo! Tell your man that we'll make sure to take lots of pictures of half naked pillow fights and strange women drinking tequila out of your belly button. 'Cause I hear that's what goes on at Blogher.
My hubby would be cashing in on those BJs as well.
Honey, WHY are my suitcases all packed near the door in MARCH?
Haha. I made that promise 3 years ago over moving, and he got maybe 5 out of the deal. My hubs and I have kicked around the idea of going to the conference. I should look in to babysitters and all that, it would be fun, and networking is always good!
We are both interested in this stuff so it could be a good trip..we shall see :)
I was just in Chicago in January and am going back in April... that is where NewMan lives. I love it there...well at least I love the HOTEL ROOM in Chicago....but, I digress....
As for weight watchers, not sure.......pretty sure it is on the Atkin's Diet though
Now that would never work for me. I've promised BJs left and right and its now a proven fact that I just don't pay up like I say I will. My poor husband. He'd let me go anyway, though. Likes to be rid of me so he can go golfing without listening to me bitch about the cost of greens fees.
WOW - BJ's are the big guns for me - I would have tried something else first before offering up 1001 Arabian Nights. Like maybe 100...
I should go - it is just a drive for me! You can hold me responsible for whatever bad stuff you do....
I know. I really, really want to go, I'm just not to the point where I can say to my husband: "You know those people inside the computer? I want to fly to Chicago this summer and stay there for a couple of days so I can meet them and go to a conference about blogging."
Acutally, he probably wouldn't care, but, still...
Wow. Ten per day. Make sure you don't get callouses. I'm just saying.
I haven't given a BJ (to completion) in years, but I'd probably make such a deal with the devil to get to Blogher.
Because it really IS that much fun. Well worth it.
that's quite an exchange rate! didn't it occur to you to offer, say, a mere 500? you're going to be too busy to blog - and we'll ALL know what you're doing!
That? Is brilliant.
I would love to go and finally meet you.
However, I would have to stipulate air-kisses only in any of our greetings.
I'm doing a little skippy dance right now!
And I'll try not to stutter when I meet you.
You better get your jaw all loosen up with some exercise there OTJ! I hope he's not another Dirk Diggler! ;-)
I am pretty brilliant, am I NOT?
But I really need to know if you got the listerine breath strips? Because I'm curious if he liked them or not.
Mmmmmm burning sensation.
Well now theres a catchy jingle, "BlowHim for BlogHer" ... sounds like fun to me!
Oh, the joys K must be feeling...
I'm just a rookie blogger and had no idea about this conference. not that I would go, but I am less than a 40 minute drive to the Windy City. I'm sure if DraMa knows about this she will attend.
My ticker widget would be stuck on one forever. About 4 years ago, I foolishly bet The Swede a BJ and I lost. He's still waiting to collect.
I am not a serious (or good enough) blogger to even think of attending a conference, but maybe we can meet in person while you're in town.
HolyMoly!! A Thousand?!? Not only will your jaws be locked permanently, K's gonna have blisters!!!
Of course . . . didja happen to include in this contract the time limit for these 1000 Acts of Joy??? Maybe instead of spreading them over a few weeks, you could spread them out over, say, a few years!!
Yes, dear, you are.
But only for Mr. Joys, so that's ok!
Enjoy your trip!
Hey, we all have to find our currency, right?
I cannot believe this, but by sheer coincidence, I am going to be in Chicago Blogher weekend. Weird.
Okay, the widget idea totally threw me into convulsions. Just wanted to let you know. Thanks so much for the laugh.
ok...now i want to go too.
my hubs knows how to make them widgety things, btw. he can hook a ho up.
I would say 2 points, like most other lowfat protein sources.
Have fun!
I want to go but I'm not giving BJ's for it! I've got a TMJ excuse. I'm trying to talk Midwestern Mommy into taking the train with me.
You are the BEST strategist in the world! I can't wait to meet you there!
I absolutely LOVE Chicago and I would LOVE to meet you there. My blog isn't good enough yet but yours is. You belong there. I hope you have fun! I'll be going to Vegas around that time instead for NAHAs. Exciting!!! But yes count down. I bet you will deserve the rest in the end.
Man I wish I could go. Can you imagine? With the liquor flowing and the digital cameras flashing! DEBAUCHERY!
But I'm too poor. It's probably for the best.
OMG - This is hilarious! I dont think there is anything is this world I want that much to do that many BJ's. You deserve some sort of patch or somethin'.
Waukegan RULES!
I can't do it. I refuse to give BJs for BlogHer.
Hey an ad:
Bjs' for BlogHer...I'll make a button.
10 BJ's a day!
OH the TMJ!
I think 1 a day would be plenty....K has to be reasonable!
(hee-hee)
LOL...very funny post. And I'm glad you get to go. We should see lots of great posts from all the attendees. But we may not hear much from you between now and then...unless you can type while you....well....never mind.
I say it's exercise. You could rack up the points with all those, too!
Damn!! I came to comment all geared up to say I bet the oints would cancel out with the exercise inlcuded in the activity... but Woman with Kids beat me to it and .. I haven't even got as far as scrolling down to see who else did too!!
gah! :)
You know for 1000 (or even 100) you have every right to demand both BlogHer AND the ranger uniform. My man is a forester, I'll hook you up.
Ouch. 1000 is a lot - and I mean a fucking LOT - of BJs. The bummer is that I bet you could have offered, like, 20 and received the same result. My husband hears "BJ" and everything else doesn't even register.
Well, I'd love to go, too, but I'm afraid I can't use your strategy to get there. TMJ. I'd get stuck and look like that guy from "The Scream."
Ok, I know I am a total clod because at first I was confused, not quite getting how shopping at BJ's would be so exciting for K.
Can you guess how totally sex starved our household is?
I wish I could go. I do, I do. But, it would never happen this year at least, with or without the BJ's (both kinds)! Have fun you lucky moms! I am probably more jealous of you than my husband is of K. {Probably}
Would LOVE to go to Blogger- 2 bad things, though. 1, it's younger daughters birthday and 2, it's the same day as my HS reunion. Wah.
1000 BJs and I can get anything I want. I am gonna try that tonight. Do they expect payment in advance?
well--technically it's 50 points a pop, but you actually burn more calories than you (gag) ingest....
here's to BlogHer and BJs!
Is there really a blogger named "Asshole" ? I wanted to check out her blog!
In high school, someone told me that a tsp of *ahem* substance had 1,000 calories. I was like, NO WAY.
I would try to barter that deal down a bit. 1 a day seems plenty. Think about the wrinkles.
It is protein it is free caloric intake.
I may be up for it... hmm...
I'll pick up some of my I da Ho clothes too... ;-)
I'm guessing that after a week or two of 10 BJs a day:
(1) His little fella will be in plaster; and
(2) He will be begging you to go away on holiday.
Lucky K! I'd suggest not trying to get them all done before you go though. You may injure him if you do. :)
En joy your trip! :)
A thousand, really, hope you don't have any TMJ problems. At least he'll be a happy man until you leave, a tired, dehydrated, happy man.
Ha!
So, you grew up in a John Hughes movie? Which one? National Lampoon's Vacation? Xmas Vacation? Ferris Bueller's Day Off? She's Having a Baby? I'm just askin' ...
I hope you get to go! I wish I could go, but trekking there from down south here would cost too much $$. Maybe I can argue some importance to my teaching and scholarship and get my work to pay for it?
One of the great things of being a milspouse...I can always bring up the many months (years) of single-parenthood and he's got nothing. Nothing, I tell you!
I really, really, really want to go too. But I can't because of work and my baby sitter is ALSO going on vacation then. I'm still trying to work it, but I don't think BJs are going to get me there. I'm already feeling left out.
I really, really, really want to go too. But I can't because of work and my baby sitter is ALSO going on vacation then. I'm still trying to work it, but I don't think BJs are going to get me there. I'm already feeling left out.
I think you've crossed a line here.
1000 BJ's? Really?
Your man is one tough customer.
My husband would be happy with 1.
Yick.
Good luck getting to go.
Where in Chicago are you from? My family is all from Downer's Grove and Naperville.
::sigh::
I hope you have a BLAST! Take many pics!
OH, so jealous. I'd even give out the BJ's, except that I'll have a four week old this year and, well, I might not pull off the "I have my shit together" act.
Not that I would any other year, I'm just sayin'... :-)
Have fun!
I want to go! I want to go!
But Little Bear will only be a few months old and nursing exclusively. If he comes with me in a sling, will I be frowned upon, or can I sit with the cool kids anyway?
I cain't go because I's po'.
Darlin' just read the Sweet Potato Queens and you'll learn all about how to make The Promise. It's worth it, I swear.
Oh girlfriend. Your face is going to be so sore. Your jaw is going to be permanently locked in the open position. I don't even want to think how raw your tongue and the roof of your mouth will be. I'm guessing callouses (sp?) And lots of them. You really do need some of what I've been smoking. He's going to need some prep work. You can't just go to 10 bj's a day. You have to build up to it. At least that's what I'm guessing...
depends if you spit or sw... er, never mind.
So your house shall now be referred to as the "land of a thousand blow jobs" yes?
I am DYING to meet you. WHEN are they opening registration. I don't want to say "i'm going" until I gots me a spot.
(But I do wants me a spot.)
1000! Ah. You started much too high. The thing with BJ's is they pretty much tune out after that alone...no need to commit to such a high number.
All I can say is stiff neck and numb lips. Maybe you can fudge the numbers a little.
;)
I will have you know that the substance in question is heartily approved by the south beach diet.
If you're having a fat day, just don't swallow *runs away*
you must do this. you must.
k's a stand up guy. you'll be there.
I know I'm going to feel like I missed the biggest party of the year if I don't go. But I don't want to be the loser blogger walking around all by myself.
I've been floating the concept to the hubs. We'll see.
Actually it would be negative points because the engergy expense would more than cancel out any protiens....
Yeah...I'm gonna go brush my teeth now.
I NEVER laugh out loud at a blog, and you, my friend, really have me laughing out loud and hard. OMG-You are so funny! You have to go! As far as points go, it depends what the rest of you is doing, it may zero out....
Oh Lord. You are going to have these big puffed out lips when you come.
Invest in lip balm!!! Have fun at Blogher!
I'd love to go but Da Husband has already asked if this counts as my yearly ladies trip. Wha?
So I mentioned to my ladies, and they laughed at me (Another wha? You don't want to go to a blogger convention even though you don't blog? Where's the love?).
And since my last awesome trip with them was in Mexico, and I expect further fun and debauchery with my ladies this year in Vegas...I'm going to have to pass on Chicago.
And I'm definitely not going to BJ land to get a 2nd ladies trip!
That's just crazy talk!
i want to go but i am afraid no one will talk to me....
crap i hit publish before i added what a sad sack that fear makes me and that my jaw is cramping at the thought of 10 a day. you're a machine Joys!
First of all, I'm with William... being as we're both guys. Second of all, ummm, yeah, I don't really know how to put this, but, yeah, what theotherbear said...
Lady, 10 blow jobs a day and there won't be a single hair left above your lip.
Brilliant negotiating.
Joys - if you read the bit in my blog (Jenny and Dariana can confirm) about bj's, you'll know that they do not score points, but are semi-scientifically proven to be part of a well-planned weight reduction routine.
meow.
Yay! You're going! I'm so glad.
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