It wouldn’t be Oh, The Joys if I didn’t talk about butts again today.
Butts, butts, butts!
This blog is a veritable Butt Fiesta!
Yesterday I was in the locker room at the YMCA changing into my clothes after a swim and a shower.
A young girl was helping an even younger boy, presumably her brother, use the bathroom.
As he was finishing she said,
“Now let’s go and buy some chips!”But the wee, young lad had other ideas.
“No, let’s go look at some BUTTS!”
…and WHOSE butt would be the nude one in the locker room at that very moment?
Uh huh, that would be mine.
I used to swim at a public pool next to a downtown elementary school.
The children would routinely come to swim as part of their physical education program.
I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty sure I was often the highlight of most of those field trips.
Because of me, the eyes of thousands of young girls have grown to the size of saucers and then popped completely out of their heads because…
THERE IS A BLINDINGLY PALE, NAKED WOMAN IN THE LOCKER ROOM!!!
THE SIGHT OF HER IS BURNING OUR EYES!!!
I am, apparently, THAT frightening when naked.
I am The Boogie Woman in the flesh.
Great flapping buttocks! Save the children!
And while I’m talking about my butt…
Yesterday, when K was cooking breakfast sausage patties for him, The Mayor turned to me and ever so politely asked,
“Mommy, can I please put a piece of that sausage in your butt?”
Um, that would be no. NO!!!
Then he stood in front of the full length mirror and practiced saying, “Sausage in Mommy’s butt” for ten minutes.
…and no, NO, NO!!! He didn’t learn that from K or me.
Neither of us has ever even CONSIDERED putting breakfast sausage in our butts.
(At least not before now.)