Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Lie To Me, Sweet Pants

The jeans I'm wearing today come up OVER my belly button.

Hellooooooooooo, Mom jeans!

Call me a loser, call me a dork.

I don't care.

These jeans LIE.

They lie in a good way, but liar, liar pants on fire do they lie.

Lyin' britches.


They are lying flatterers, these pants.


The little number inside? The SIZE number...

...is a size smaller than I REALLY wear.

Big, fat LYING Mom jeans I LOVE YOU!!

Mom Jeans

78 comments:

carmachu said...

Hey whatever gets you through the day....

Kendra said...

sweet picture. we all own a pair of those, they make you feel so damn good. i might just wear mine today.

Nancy said...

Bill Blass makes great lying jeans! Always a size smaller than I usually wear. *smiles*

Stepping Over the Junk said...

MOM JEANS!!! Actually, those are coming back in style, flattering or not. I'll be continuing to wear my low rise. And perhaps just tear out the tag that has the size on it

Beck said...

Apparently, higher waist jeans are "in" again. I love higher waist jeans, because they hold the ever-flattering stomach overflow in nicely, which I suppose is why they became mom jeans in the first place.

100 Words said...

My dad, meanwhile, has special sweaters (more like maternity smocks, really) to cover his ever-expanding gut. Quite effective, as it goes

NotSoSage said...

Oh, jeez. I think I'll take the muffin top rather than face that in the mirror each morning. That said, I have a pair of plaid raver pants that do not conform to my normal requirement for low waist, but then they're raver pants.

You've visited South Africa, right? My mom found a dress there that was the equivalent of a size 12, but had a size 4 tag on it. She still flaunts that thing.

Becky said...

HAHA! I traded in all my "Mom" jeans for "just below the waist, but not quite low-lowriders" jeans. I can't even wear any pants over my belly button anymore. After baby #2 was born (almost 2 years ago) I don't like having my waistband on the upper part of my belly... but I also can't wear real lowriders cuz I don't want my arse hanging out either (how attractive is that?).

Flawed & Disorderly said...

I love mom jeans! That picture is hilarious. I would love to see that skit!

rookiemom said...

I am still fighting the mom jeans battle. So far, I have not caved.

But then I've only had about a month and a half to stare in dismay at my flabby belly and wait for my nice, flat pre-prego stomach to come back. Magically. In the night. Like Cinderella, or something.

*Sigh* I suppose I'll have to give in and do some crunches. Ugh.

slouching mom said...

This is why I buy so many pants at Target (no, that's not right -- it's the price, slouching mom, the price). I am a slim and trim size 6 at Target. I have not worn a 6 since college. But you keep right on lying to me, Target, and I'll keep coming back for more. Denial is a beautiful thing.

BamaGirl said...

I love that pic!! I don't know why more stores haven't thought about doing that--especially as you go up in numbers. I mean, is there any woman out there who is a size 14 who will complain if she can wear a size 12? I don't think so!

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

OH my that picture is great, where did you find it? So funny!

My sis makes fun of me when I wear any older pants that are even close to my belly button. Hey they fit... I bought them years ago BEFORE the low rise/butt crack jeans came into style. Sue me.

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

K, I am recognizing that photo now... I've seen that skit! Oh how I love SNL!

Woman with kids said...

For pants a size smaller, I'd wear them Urkle (Erckle? Urcle?) style.

Lotta said...

I live for high waisted pants. Seriously. It's like a faux girdle. Walmart makes a brand that looks like normal, trendy, bootcut jeans but the waist keeps going till it's under your tits. Makes me fell all sucked in and stuff. Plus it's hot when I lift my shirt to show my husband. Snort.

Lotta said...

Meant to type "feel"

kfk said...

It's all about the size, baby!

karrie said...

Let me guess. Old Navy? :)

They always lie to me.

wordgirl said...

I only wear them if I can pull a ginormous sweater down over the ass so that no one is for sure if they're Mom Jeans or not. And that SNL commercial? Totally makes me cringe.

BeckyD said...

Can I please be excused from this conversation? The only jeans issue I have is when they're long enough, they're too big, and when they're the right size they're too short.

Sorry

The "Mind" said...

I have my own jeans issues. I plan to blog about it someday.

I'm not a fan of Mom jeans, though. I can't stand pants over my belly button. I'm a just below the navel pants lover.

But sizes, hell yeah. If I could find some that were sized so that I took a smaller size, what woman is going to object to that? LOL!

Love SNL.

Sandra Miller said...

A while back, we made the mistake of allowing my eleven-year-old son to watch some SNL skits on a rented DVD...

The words "Mom Jeans" can never be uttered in front of my boy again.

Ever.

Otherwise -- for an ENTIRE DAY -- I am serenaded with:

"Put on your mom jeeeeans."

PunditMom said...

I love the fact that in the last ten years I've gone from a size 6/8 to a size 4 ... and I've actually gained weight! I figure if I want to be a size zero I just do nothing and wait another ten years! I LOVE the women's apparel industry! Lie to me some more!

Cat, Galloping said...

plus i'll bet you don't show your butt crack when you bend over, etiher.

(yes, they are coming back into style, but they'll never look good on me!)

Little Monkies said...

Beware of the dreaded camel's toe...

Jenifer G. said...

It took me a long time to get rid of my Eddie Bauer Mom jeans, nothing holds it all together quite the same way.

My new jeans are "mid-rise" not exactly low-rise, but not Mom jeans either. A nice compromise.

However, I would wear a sack if the size was a single digit.

Mary-LUE said...

I loved that SNL bit. I wish there was a nice medium between low-rise, with the accompanying inability to bend over and not show more than I am interested in showing, and the high-rise Mom jean. Oh well.

Heather said...

I love Chico's, size 0,1,2,3 woohoo I'm a 3! Enjoy your lying pants!

Slackermommy said...

Oh no! Please tell me you have not fallen victim to mom jeans?! I think an intervention is in order.

Her Bad Mother said...

Niiiice. Loves me some mom jeans.

Cece said...

Two words came to mind: Camel. Toe.


lol

Augs Casa said...

Yeah, my mom jeans are lying too. um, wait, I don't have any mom jeans...

The Sour Kraut said...

Nothing accentuates a big, flabby, post-pregnancy belly like high-waisted pants.

dillydallycali said...

OMG... Please tell me it isn't true. You're far too pretty for mom jeans.

And no... we don't ALL own a pair of those, Kendra. ewww....

Mel said...

Ha! Gotta love the "1 size smaller than normal" jeans. Regardless of where the waistline falls. Shit, that's what a flannel shirt is for!

Abbynormal said...

hawhaw i always wondered my why mom's jeans didn't fit and it was because i was trying to wear them low where i wear mine. hilarious. Mom Jeans! You're a mom! Have you seen that segment on SNL? Hilarious.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

Do you want to borrow my black Keds loafers? ;)

ponygirl said...

You know who is responsible for the return of the "over the belly" style? It's AUSTIN SCARLETT! From Season 3 of Project Runway. Thank you, Austin, for covering our butt cracks and goodie trails and making our chubby bellies look fabulous again.

mamatulip said...

Wear 'em with pride!!!

jo! said...

heehee... lying britches...

Mamma said...

What?! No picture of you in them? Come on!!!

Shoot put a smaller size on clothes for us moms and bigger sizes on clothes for those skinny wenches who lose all their baby weight before leaving the hospital! That would even things out a bit...

Busy Mom said...

My pants don't lie, they just exaggerate. I mean, there's no way I could be the size they say I am.

SciFi Dad said...

this is one of those "men shouldn't comment" posts, isn't it?

Natalie said...

I have tended to notice that the more expensive clothes are the smaller the size is. You think those fancy folk would want to make people feel better so they might go the other way around. Plus, size depends so much on brand. I would really appreciate some standards in women's sizes.

Gingers Mom said...

I love big fat liar mom jeans. They are the only way to go. I am a huge fan of Not Your Daughter's Jeans. They are amazing and suck your mommy gut right in. And you always wear a few sizes BELOW your real size. I love em so much I wanna make out with them....

Ryan said...

Everyone puts too much emphasis on wearing jeans...

go naked

Problem solved

TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre said...

You have too many comments today. You don't need mine.

However, I had to say that I, too, have lying pants, only they make me tell untruths about where I've been all day.

"Oh no, honey, I didn't go shopping...honest!"

Kendall said...

I think the picture made this post a homer!

Trish said...

I always shop at stores that have
'vanity sizing' and I set my alarm clock ahead, I set my scale off for when I weigh, I miscalculate my calories, I add my calories burned wrong when I exercise, I lie on my drivers license and any other form about my weight, and I always say I start my Christmas shopping in August, .
It just makes me feel good about myself.
Signed,
Queen of Denial.

anna said...

Where can I get me some?

thethinker said...

Yeah, my mom wears those pants too. I'm from the low-rise generation so I don't get the whole high waist thing.

Cooks on the Coast said...

There is a LOT of vanity sizing these days. But I don't care! I like those numbers so much better than the accurate ones!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Who cares if they are mom jeans.....if the number is smaller...that is ALL that matters!

BTW- why is it when I wear the one pair of lowrise jeans I own...I look like I am smuggling a tire underneath my shirt? What kind of CRUEL joke is that? UGH!

SJ said...

You know, I bought some "high waisted" pants at The Gap the other day, and they still don't come up to my navel. Whuh? Well, they're comfier than those crack-revealers.

metalia said...

Hahaha--I love that sketch...."This Mother's Day, give her the gift that says 'I'm not a woman anymore...I'm a mom...'"

Have I mentioned yet today that you crack my shit up?

Wendy Boucher said...

Size matters.

flutter said...

Wow that lady in the middle is seriously sassy.

I can't seem to find a pair of jeans with a zipper longer than like, an inch. I shouldn't have to get a brazilian simply to put on my pants. Chewbaca should not make an appearance by your waistband....just sayin'.

Momish said...

You just outlined the main reason why I shop at Ann Taylor. Her sizes are WAY off and I love it. Worth every penny!

amyerj said...

YOU TEASE! I've been looking for that damn SNL commercial and I thought you'd found it for me.

I love lying clothes. I find that the more I spend, the skinnier I get. It's almost worth it.

notfearingchange said...

umm...can you get the lying jeans if you're not a mum too?! ;-)

Y said...

Dude. As long as you're not sporting the Mom Jean Camel Toe with dem jeans, I FORGIVE YOU!

Geologychick said...

AWESOME!!!

Kevin said...

The Mom Jeans! Complete with a 12 inch zipper?

Kevin said...

Amyerj - http://www.guzer.com/videos/mom_jeans.php

Kevin Charnas said...

Your heart will always be a XXXL to me.

Above Average Joe said...

See, it's true. You admitted it.

SIZE DOES MATTER!!!

Lawyer Mama said...

But do you have the hair to match? You have to have the mom hair too!

Chaos Control said...

Oooooh. I can't. I just can't. I'd rather just cut out the damn tag on the hot-mom low-waisted jeans and be done with it!

No Cool Story said...

My son accused my last year of wearing "mom jeans": Mom, just beacuse you are a mom doesn't mean you should wear Mom jeans...why would you do that?

Today I'm wearing size 2 jeans...guess what, they aren't. HA! like I can't tell sizes, good try Old Navy, you liars.

theotherbear said...

It took me 5 years to accept low rise jeans and learn to love them (although never low enough to feel I need to trim anything before wearing them). Now they tell me high waisted jeans are back again. Nuh uh, I am not going there again.

wayabetty said...

How about Mom Jeans for pregnant women! There's no such thing by the way! Why can't they make decent fitting looking maternity pants w/o those kangaroo pouches that you have to literally wear a poncho over to cover the different shade of those damn pouches?!

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Damselfly said...

Hee hee, I remember that "commercial" from SNL!

Shannon said...

Lying jeans are the best. Cache' makes the biggest liars I have found so far. Love 'em love 'em love 'em.

Melanie said...

Haha, we women know that its about whatever makes you feel better! My favorite lie? My brazilian butt lift jeans. They make me feel like a million bucks.