Despite The Strategic Plan I have no privacy in the bathroom.
I am routinely asked to answer questions like, "Mom, are you making poop?"
The Mayor insists that I respond -- confirming (or denying) the act.
A few days ago things escalated and it was made clear to me that now I was also expected to characterize the poop.
"Mom, is it a Regally Poop or a Fanetti Poop?"
I understood that in the Mayorese language "regally" meant "regular" but the meaning of "fanetti" escaped me completely.
Fanetti? What could that be?
I thought harder than ought to be asked of a woman trying to poop.
Is it Italian poop?
The poop of Mr. Fanetti?
Then I thought that perhaps I had the wrong spelling.
Maybe he said "Fun Eddie" poop.
When I searched for "Fun Eddie" on the internet I got this guy...
...and I'm fairly certain that he/it and my poop have NOTHING to do with one another.
Finally I asked The Mayor directly, "What IS fanetti poop?"
"You know, Mom" he said, rolling his eyes. "Fanetti poop is SPARKLY poop."
Whose poop isn't SPARKLY?
I poop The Blingety, Bling Poop!
Diamonds shoot out my Dana!
I'm so J-Lo!
After that happy thought, I wondered if The Mayor didn't mean something else, but couldn't pronounce it.
I strained myself thinking...
"Mayor, when you said "fanetti poop," did you mean "CONFETTI poop?"
"Yeah, confetti poop, mom!"
So was it regally or fanetti?
Leprechauns sounded the ceremonial tubas...
The sky filled with tiny pellets that rained down upon the people...
...and the people rejoiced, for there was fanetti.