I got an e-mail asking me what TBS (trivial bull sh*t) rolls around in my head.
Um, let's see...
[The standard work day begins... come...enter my head...]
I should really start working.
Ooohhh, I'll just read one more itty, bitty, teeny, tiny blog post.
Look, "vaccuuming"!!
That reminds me, I need to find out how many weight watchers points there are in "vaccuming".
Is it time to eat yet?
No. More. Baby. Carrots.
I want a fudgecicle.
Is it WRONG that I eat fudgecicles every single day?
How do you even spell fudgecicle?
I should learn how to spell fudgecicle.
I'm going to go eat a fudgecicle right now.
Maybe I want a fudgecicle so badly because of Aunt Flow.
Which reminds me, I should go change my... DAMN.
Again?
What is WITH me this month?
I think my uterus just fell out right into my Hanes Granny Panties.
Earth to uterus, come in uterus...
We have seven days. SEVEN DAYS!!!! We do not need to do this ALL in ONE single day.
MORE laundry. The joys.
If only everything came out so easily...
Mom said that she heard women are supposed to eat 30 grams of fiber a day.
That's a LOT of fiber.
I can't mathematically figure out how it would be possible to eat 30 grams of fiber on 20 weight watchers points per day.
My head hurts.
Something must be going mathmatically right!!
I have to go!
Jeebus Marscapoining Roberta Flackster!
Why is it that now, after passing two ten pound children out of my HOO HA, when I have my period AND have to poop I must also give birth to a tampon? Why?
Hmmm. Look at that. I need a shave ((((down there.))))
Why would anyone want to shave the whole thing?
Those hairs are sharp as daggars and will poke the walrus for a whole week.
I should do some work.
I think all this pollen is giving me allergies.
Nasal spray, maybe?
Heh. Nasal spray.
Remember that time, back when you used to smoke and you were all high didn't inhale and you used nasal spray?
That was awesome!
Park Rangers are awesome too.
I wonder if K is going to "win" the Park Ranger hat on e-bay.
On top of Old Smokey...
I should REALLY get to work.
Ooh! New posts in the Google Reader....
(...and wow! If I'm super lucky, Tracey will give me a giant booger nose button!)
Friday, March 30, 2007
Plenty of Room in There
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84 comments:
Holy Moley! I think my brain just exploded!!!!
Raspberries. I think I read somewhere that a cup of raspberries has something ridiculous like 20 g of fibre. I think it's the seeds.
Your work day sounds A LOT like mine.
I am glad that my mind isn't the only one with ADHD.
I say this with all sincerity.
I love you. (laughing)
Great post. Made my day...
My brain is scary too.
Tam
LOL!!!! Your mind works in mysterious ways...mine works similarly! Scary, isn't it? :)
LOL! Glad to see my mind isn't the only spaz out there!
OMG I am ROFL! That is just a riot!
You are so funny that I can't help but think you have a team of writers propping you up. Giving birth to a tampon while shitting. Glorious. Even if I am eating pumpkin soup for lunch while reading.
You know, I think all women think like that. I should have my husband read this. that way he won't get so pissy when he asks me what I am thinking about and I won;t tell him. I have explained its just random thoughts and it takes to much energy to tell him everything but he thinks I am hiding something. This post will show him for sure!!!!!
My coworkers all think I'm nuts because I am always in my office laughing to myself. Especially on this one - HI-larious as usual.
Sounds kinda like my work day, tho I am usually on the phone with a client, reading posts while they talk about their hammer toe surgery or colonoscopy....
Hi, I have been lurking for a while now. I would just like to tell you that you are crazy. That is why I check your blog about 20 times a day, just to see if there is anything new on. My husband often wonders aloud why I would read anything else when I can read your sick and wrong thoughts. No better way to start the day.
thank you.
You have such big balls. I could never post about my horrible periods, all my friends would be freaked out.
But yes, what happens in your mid-30s that makes it all want to happen in one giant swooosh?
Thanks for bringing this problem out into the light. You are so brave!!!
Get out of my head woman!!! The likeness is uncanny!!! I knew there was a good reason I liked you!
Are you living my day? My life? Oh wait. Must stop commenting. Must start working. While a dance competition (really) takes places just outide my office door.
Sigh.
Maybe one more blog ...
ah ha! Just as I thought, tons of TBS rolls around in all of our female noodles at once. I'd bet men's are one syllable thoughts, one at a time, beer, sex, fart, nap, etc.
Great reply/post!
Freak!
Just a day in the life...
Trivial? What's trivial about this? This, my friend, is freaking brilliance.
And yes, WHY does the first day or two have to be so gruesome?
You are hilarious!
Oh the joys of random thoughts. It doesn't matter what you write about, you are a riot!
That post reminded me of a tee-shirt I once saw:
"I don't have ADHD. Oh Look! There's a chicken!"
I eat a Space Pop almost every day, too. They're good for you.
I actually try to expel the tampon using only those muscles....but I was wondering the same thing the other day while "occupied" in there.
My day involves copious amounts of google reader. Good thing I'm a fast worker huh...
And try allbran bars-I don't know the point value, but they taste awesome! (stop laughing)
Shit, only twenty points? Maybe I should stay fat!
My uterus is rocking the Diva Cup right now. Highly recommend. If you bleed, you need. :)
OMG Joy! I'm about to have to leave work to pick up my puking 1st grader (Apparently they've sent several home today for that) and I SO needed that pick me up! You... need to give my brain back though. Everything is echoing in here :P
I could actually her the creek of your skull hinges as you opened up your mind :)
I do so enjoy your style! Funny and gross mixed together with the right amount of twisted nutball! :)
Seems we have some similar issues with work.
Have you done the "Real Moms..." meme? Because I think "Real Moms talk to their uteruses" would kick ass!
Allbran bars suck - they have transfats! WTF? Because if you care enough to eat fiber, don't you also care enough not to clog your arteries?
The Omega Man read through almost all of your archives and has labelled you as "Quite the character."
Nothing gets done here because there's always time for JUST ONE MORE BLOG!
And how do you spell Fudgecicle?
Hope you found your uterus!
I'm going to start ever so gently at your prefrontal cortex, work my way up past your cerebrum, take in your whole cerebellum and then make you scream when I get to that medulla oblongata.
Damn! I need a cigarette.
I believe that is the funniest post I have ever read. And I am not exaggerating.
My tampons come out with alarming frequency, and number one causes fallout too.
Sheesh. What happened to the muscles?
TOM's at your place this week-end too, eh? DAMN that Eve chick. Evil Apple eater. My uterus attempted many escapes just yesterday.
CORRECTION: All bran bars have cholesterol, not trans fats.
I have a psychotic need to correct my error. I fear Kellogg's. They seem like a litigious bunch.
OMG!! That was funny!!!
I learn so much when I visit this blog.
That would totally send me in the nit house. Wait...I'm already in the nut house...Oh 'Kay I feel just fine then.
Have an attune bar...that'll set your Dana straight.
Poke the walrus!! I'm howling!!!!
Lynx. Is that anyting like Axe because my 12-year old uses it after track practice. Should I be worried?
I think my uterus just fell out right into my Hanes Granny Panties.
Earth to uterus, come in uterus...
ROFLMAO!!!!
You are seriously the Queen of one-liners.. LOVE IT!!
HILARIOUS video. Oh my goodness. I can totally see myself doing that as a joke or not joke... My bf's dad is pretty sexy.
I should blog something similar to what you just blogged but it wouldn't be as funny as as interesting.
My husband eats skinny cow prducts they make good cones and fudgecicles. let me go get one so I can see how many calories... 50 cals per fudge pop--
he eats one every night. I eat one once in a while.
I don't understand ice cream toppings.
polar bears.
but what would your protective shell be?
(I'm curious) I liked how Merle woud be a bank safe. I'm more of a screen door myself.
I Like Candy!
Quail Dobbs
God I thought I was the only one who thought like this - all over the place. I get the period from hell for like 2 days - where i have to go to the restroom every 10 minutes or so or I will have a major mess. A lady at my office once told me she had to use 2 tampons (at one time!) and a pad. Yikes!
Ow. You're making me laugh so hard my back hurts, dude.
You are so funny. I want to live inside of your head. It sounds like such a fun and interesting place to be!
(Wait. have I told you taht before? Methinks I have. Oh well. Still true.)
Thanks for the mention! Speaking of vacuuming, how's that going for you? Wow...it's been like a week since you posted that...so, what 70 times? IMPRESSIVE!
Speaking of the shaving, I did it once as a surprise for a romantic getaway. The best way I can describe the look is DISTURBING! Kinda like before puberty, but bigger...YUCK, YUCK, YUCK! Don't even get me STARTED on when the hair started growing back!!!!
I realize it is all about the presentation.....but I prefer this present with a little more wrapping!
wow. it must be so CROWDED in your head!
OMG! YOur blog is the funniest thing since Jon Stewart! I LOVE IT! I laughed so hard I scared my children.
So its pretty much hilarious in there ALL the time? *lol*
hahahahaha...that's all I got. Damn that was funny.
"Why is it that now, after passing two ten pound children out of my HOO HA, when I have my period AND have to poop I must also give birth to a tampon? Why?"
After having all my kids mine just fall out on their own. Isn't that lovely?
You never cease to amaze me!
Our brains are so similar (well, minus the Park Ranger stuff). Not sure whether to think that's cool...or feel terror...I'm going to go with cool.
I call my thought processes that are like that organized chaos.. although there is really nothing organized about it. The chaos part is true though. :D
Fudgesicles.. yummy!
Dammit. Now I want a fudgecicle.
I almost fell out of my chair when I read "Why is it that now, after passing two ten pound children out of my HOO HA, when I have my period AND have to poop I must also give birth to a tampon? Why?"
holy ann coulter!!
you and becky would make one heck of an interesting evening.
sans tampons, of course.
*snort*
30 grams of freakin' fiber?!?! If I ate that much I think I'd had to work from the toilet.
hm, there's an interesting concept.
oh yeah, and if you think pointy publes are bad? The first time I got waxed, down on the HOO HA, the lady asked me if I wanted a brazilian. So I said, sure! I didn't know that it meant she was going to get up close and personal with good ole molly brown eye. I mean JEEEZ.
For that time of the month.
http://www.divacup.com/
Your train sure jumps a lot of tracks, but it's very entertaining!
God I miss work. At least then I was finishing my random thoughts. And for fiber - I just bought the kind you sprinkle on your food but I haven't gotten the guts to try it yet. I'm gonna have to ask Todd to sneak it into my food so I don't know it's there. Otherwise, I'll just gag.
Termites get a lot of fiber.
You are the friend who needs to live down the street from us. We can walk to the pub and have a beer and laugh at the antics of ourselves and our children.
We then compare poo stories and laugh at trying to keep a straight face in front of our offspring. Oh you ARE the joy!
Holy crap do you have a lot of comments!
There is nothing wrong with eating a fudgecicle every day. It is a milk isn't it?
Long live the bom-chicka wow-woww! Big fans of it here at our house.
I keep raw cauliflower around and dip it into Italian dressing. And eat bran flakes every morning. And stir ground flax seed into my morning yogurt (much tastier than it sounds.)
One could say I'm anal about my fiber intake. But I'd just call him/her an ass.
Where do you work? Can we swap? [trade]
As for the fiber, tip it straight down the loo and save yourself the trouble!
Cheers
Aren't fudgecicles low fat? Isn't that better than eating a baby ruth every day? YES, yes it is!
Your "down there" comment made me laugh so hard! And the added mention of the walrus had me rolling. Why oh why do we have so much biological CRAP to deal with on top of all the things? Why? It's just not right.
Wow!!
Just when I stopped laughing, that commercial made me laugh more. Now I have to pee (after I stop laughing)
My hat's off to you for actually capturing monkey-brain in a post!
Hey we are sistas!!!
uh-oh. Is that thinking contagious?
haha - when i saw that advert, i thought of you with your bow chicka thingy whatsit.
oh, and by the way, i've only just realised why you find panini such an amusing terms for a rather chewy sandwich!
i'm quick that way ...
love the way your mind works - rather like mine, alas for you
Your blog has been added to the 2kbloggers.com photo montage :)
ugh Ugh UGH!
I do hope blogging counts as activity points. Stupid Dub Dub.
That was the best train of thought post ever. You are, like, the Queen of the Hyperlink.
I'm glad I'm not the only one with a leapfrogging brain.
I hope you get the Booger award! LOL
So happy to see I'm not the only one that has a crazy brain!!!
Hahaha,heeheeeee!!! That visual was great. That is how my head works, it is like free association, sometimes I worry, most of the time I laugh at myself.
Let me make this comment section a nice round 80.
Your brain and my brain can be BBF! This was awesome. Those first two days I always liken to a crime scene - tape me off and stay away!
Funny stuff.
I've wondered the same thing--why must the tampon drop out with the poop? You had my eyes watering with that bit of TBS.
That was an absolutely brilliant post! I'm still laughing.
Oh my God. Just throw in "Oh! Something Shiney! Why is France so far away? I like cheese." and it's my train of thought.
I think you should get some sort of award for all those links! I think my brain hurts. But the really scary thing is - my thoughts work like that too! It's good to know I'm not the only one with absolutely no ability to pay attention to anything productive for more than 30 seconds.
I find myself suitably shocked and highly amused all at the same time - what an absolute corker of a post - pardon the pun.
Hilarious! Although kind of thinking that emergency c-section wasn't such a bad move after all.
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