So... Crank Mama tagged me to carry on Kristen's Real Mom's Meme.
I am a real mom.
I get up at the butt crack of dawn and pick noses.
[...and not just my own.]
This Real Mom Picks Boogers
Each morning I wrestle with two, larger-than-average, feral cats and dig the goo out of their noses and eyes.
Each evening, I cook a nutritious and delicious meal.
This Real Mom Cooks
Then I leave my children with their Father and go in search of a mo' better hammock for Gilligan & The Skipper.
Because...
This Real Mom Needs Support!
I tag all y'all, bloganistas.
I tag all y'all, bloganistas.
75 comments:
Oh my lord. The photos! I can't breathe.
That would be me too, holding up the pizza box. My kids would be saying, "Mommy, do we have to have take-out again?"
Sigh.
You are funny.
very very amusing!
On further reflection, you have lopsided boobs? One's skiny, the other fat and sagging? No wonder why you cant find a bra...
That was funny. And cute.
Giggle. Well now I'll never be able to look your pictures in the eyes. All I will see are Gilligan and The Skipper.
NICE pictures! I especially like the first one. I think you should use it as your profile picture.
HA!
Hysterical.
Gilligan and Skipper don't appear to need that much help...but whaddo I know anyhows?
hopefully no one refers to them as 'little buddy.'
Your pictures are just like your blog -- hilarious!! Thank you for being such a wonderful place to visit in blogville. You never cease to make me smile!
Gilligan and the Skipper? Not Ginger and Maryanne?
Hilarious as usual ... I vote for the "nose shot" as a new profile pic. Way too funny!
How could a person EVER follow that up? :-)
Just don't let K call them "The Castaways". We'll kick his a*s.
Your cleverness kills me, word balloon mama.
I cook a lot of pizza from the box, too!
You are the Grand PhotoShop Poobah Mama!!
The thought of picking eye boogers out a CAT'S eye? Made me shudder.
Love the pics!! LOL I love pizza! and waking up in the crack of dawn is a pain isn't it? When can we sleep in again? 2040??
I hear you on the booger thing...I am like a fucking gorilla, grooming all the little things in the mist...
I have a boxer with eye boogers. I've long since given up picking them because I'm too busy vacuuming larger boogers out of the noses of my four kids. Now the dog shakes hers all over the walls. Gross, ha? Would you guys like to come over for pizza?
Sheesh..Now I gotta name em?
I was thinking Merry and Pippin but that would be for much MUCH perkier and happier boobs...
Is there a good name for large and saggy?
How about "Droopy" and "Sleepy"?
Thanks for the laugh, OTJ!!!!
Brilliant, as per usual otj.
Ha. Haha.
I see what's going on. You are the vortex of blog readers and commenters.
No wonder.
Another great picture post! Thanks, I really needed the laugh today.
Two things. First, people really underestimate how important it is to get a REALLY good bra. And you managed to convey it without even using the word.
Second, you could always just give up and walk around without one all the time. They do it in Africa. And in the south. And in W@l M@rt. Seriously. All the time.
Wow. I got tagged for this too and am still thinking about it.
Now I have performance anxiety because the bar you set is quite high...
Man. There's no topping this post, OTJ.
Made me chuckle. Quite frankly, I'd love pizza every day.
too funny!
I'm glad I am not the only Mom who has a pizza box as a permanent kitchen accessory.
Gilligan and The Skipper?
Can I tell you that this was the funniest thing I have seen in quite some time?
Oh my Lord, that second photo did me in. These days, that's us. I swear my kids are begging for spinach and liver.
Hilarious as always dahling. Say, we should get together again. Cawl me.
I'm a real mom. I let the boogers hang out of noses and get wiped on sleeves. I make the boys help chop stuff for dinner, even if they bleed.
And when the phone rings during the day and Caller ID shows it's the Health Room at school, sometimes I don't answer it.
OMG! I love these photos, you are too nuts! A real mom, no doubt about that one!
P.S. I am a picker too! My poor cat, and now the kid. I am always going at the ears and noses and gook in the hair... always something to pick.
You have such great expression! Maybe you should try out for America's N*xt Top M*odel. Tyr*a would love you!
that was a beautiful photo essay. i found the "dinner" photo particularly heartwarming, as i often slave over similar meals for my dear family.
luckily, they are appreciative. too appreciative, in fact. makes one wonder what's wrong the fancy macaroni-in-a-can stuff i sometimes whip up from nearly-scratch. freaking gourmands.
your realness is gorgeous, dude.
Is that the husband with whom you "get busy" in the last photo? Oh my God...no wonder. He's yummy.
I could no more afford to publish pictures of the inside of my nose than I could display the ravages that childbirth has visited upon my abdominal region. No reason to give others bad dreams.
Um, I would totally tackle this meme, but, um, see, you did it like way way better and even put up pictures so my attempt would only be humorless rhetoric minus the funny pictures. SO, I'll just revel in your hilarity instead.
Mmm Pizza. P says it is too unhealthy and that I must eat steamed Brocolli and Cauliflower. Normally yuour entries make me laugh this one made me cry with jealousy.
Ha, ha, ha!!
Very funny! Love the Gilligan and Skipper reference to the ta-tas!
I'm with wordgirl, K is a H-O-T-T-I-E! Lady, you are too funny. The photos! O, the humanity!
love the open nose. try scotch taping it up to your forehead. it is fun!
You honestly crack me up.. not the little snicker kinda laugh here and there.. more like the spew beverage on the monitor laughing out loud guffaw kind.
And yet, when they are grown, do you think any of us will get even as much as a THANKYOU for picking those boogers? Nope. LOL
You are a PhotoShop Goddess!! Teach me, teach me!
(And thanks for your recent comment over at my place -- I'm still blushing!)
I think there are several people walking around the world with no sense of humor at all, because you were given their portions...you are MEGA funny!!
You are killing me over here!
And I agree, the nose shot is the one to go with. You'll get a LOT of dates.
Good support=WAY important!
:)
You are so freaking hilarious. I love you!
oh, gawd. hilarious. this should win a little meme prize. or a big meme prize.
Woman, you are an absolute riot. No wonder you are constantly getting rave reviews!
Thank you for making me smile on this most shitty of days.
I'm totally going to start calling my bras hammocks.
But the boobs don't get nicknames. Not today. Not ever. :)
You crack me up!
I loooooove the pictures!
I pick boogers, too! GOOD. TIMES.
okay...my kids must have, like, abnormally small nostrils...because i can't pick their noses. i try, lordy knows i try, but i just can't.
but i assure you, i still am a real mom! ha!
oh lord!
LOVE the pics! you knew that I would.
Ginger or Mary Ann?
Neither.
I pick Jessica, along with the Skipper and Gilligan.
dude. step away from the phtotshop....
i mean, never stop. completeely riotous.
You are f'in hysterical.
I have to meet your photographer. Is it K? Does he just shake his head at you the entire time? That's what Shakey would do.
Dood. I'm trying to be all depressed and shit over here and you're KILLING me. It's hard to be down when you're laughing your ass off.
Har har! Thart's teh funnies.
Very funny! Did you check your nose for boogers before you snapped the picture?
LMAO! Love the nostril pic.
I'll have to ask the Queen if hers have names...
Just did, and the answer is a resounding NO! :)
You are just TOO FUNNY!
:)
That is tooo much fun! What a great post!
oh, what funny pictures...the first one especially!! As soon as the page loaded I almost spit my juice all over my keyboard. Well done ;)
I too, have a child that is so sick of take out. Why is Italian and Chinese the only thing that delivers to the 'burbs?
And why does getting out of the car to go pickup food from a real restaurant feel way too much like work?
Love the pics!
Most excellent pictures! I bought a new boulder holder yesterday. I tried on a D cup, even though I wear a C and it FIT. But I'm pretty sure that was cause I tucked in all my armpit fair.
Fat, I meant "armpit fat"!
I seriously have to remind myself to go to the bathroom before I read your stuff....too damn funny. And Connor? Who was sitting on my lap as I'm reading, he saw the first picture I said, "she looks funny with her nose like that, doesn't she?" To which he said, "No. She looks like a creature."
I could only tell you that. I figured of anybody, you could appreciate it.
You kill me! LOL (Also, no way could I do a post NOW. How can you follow that up?)
Nicely done! Thanks for the laugh today!
Ok, wait ... picking myself up of floor now....
Joy, I came searching for more photos of you looking goofy and adorable! And I found them! :)
You are a riot. I don't know how many times I've already said that, but it bears repeating.
This is hilarious.
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