Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Real Moms Need Support

So... Crank Mama tagged me to carry on Kristen's Real Mom's Meme.

I am a real mom.

I get up at the butt crack of dawn and pick noses.

[...and not just my own.]

Real Moms Pick Noses
This Real Mom Picks Boogers

Each morning I wrestle with two, larger-than-average, feral cats and dig the goo out of their noses and eyes.

Each evening, I cook a nutritious and delicious meal.


Nutritious dMeal
This Real Mom Cooks

Then I leave my children with their Father and go in search of a mo' better hammock for Gilligan & The Skipper.

Because...


Gilligan & The Skipper
This Real Mom Needs Support!

I tag all y'all, bloganistas.

75 comments:

slouching mom said...

Oh my lord. The photos! I can't breathe.

That would be me too, holding up the pizza box. My kids would be saying, "Mommy, do we have to have take-out again?"

Sigh.

You are funny.

carmachu said...

very very amusing!

carmachu said...

On further reflection, you have lopsided boobs? One's skiny, the other fat and sagging? No wonder why you cant find a bra...

Vancouver mermaid/Montreal photographer said...

That was funny. And cute.

Woman with kids said...

Giggle. Well now I'll never be able to look your pictures in the eyes. All I will see are Gilligan and The Skipper.

Robin said...

NICE pictures! I especially like the first one. I think you should use it as your profile picture.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

HA!
Hysterical.
Gilligan and Skipper don't appear to need that much help...but whaddo I know anyhows?

kgirl said...

hopefully no one refers to them as 'little buddy.'

Grim Reality Girl said...

Your pictures are just like your blog -- hilarious!! Thank you for being such a wonderful place to visit in blogville. You never cease to make me smile!

WILLIAM said...

Gilligan and the Skipper? Not Ginger and Maryanne?

Nancy said...

Hilarious as usual ... I vote for the "nose shot" as a new profile pic. Way too funny!

Amber said...

How could a person EVER follow that up? :-)

NotSoSage said...

Just don't let K call them "The Castaways". We'll kick his a*s.

Christina_the_wench said...

Your cleverness kills me, word balloon mama.

BlondeMom said...

I cook a lot of pizza from the box, too!

You are the Grand PhotoShop Poobah Mama!!

karly said...

The thought of picking eye boogers out a CAT'S eye? Made me shudder.

mrsmogul said...

Love the pics!! LOL I love pizza! and waking up in the crack of dawn is a pain isn't it? When can we sleep in again? 2040??

Kristin said...

I hear you on the booger thing...I am like a fucking gorilla, grooming all the little things in the mist...

nutmeg said...

I have a boxer with eye boogers. I've long since given up picking them because I'm too busy vacuuming larger boogers out of the noses of my four kids. Now the dog shakes hers all over the walls. Gross, ha? Would you guys like to come over for pizza?

Crunchy Carpets said...

Sheesh..Now I gotta name em?
I was thinking Merry and Pippin but that would be for much MUCH perkier and happier boobs...

Is there a good name for large and saggy?

Sayre said...

How about "Droopy" and "Sleepy"?

Thanks for the laugh, OTJ!!!!

CrankMama said...

Brilliant, as per usual otj.

kristen said...

Ha. Haha.

I see what's going on. You are the vortex of blog readers and commenters.

No wonder.

Cece said...

Another great picture post! Thanks, I really needed the laugh today.

TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre said...

Two things. First, people really underestimate how important it is to get a REALLY good bra. And you managed to convey it without even using the word.

Second, you could always just give up and walk around without one all the time. They do it in Africa. And in the south. And in W@l M@rt. Seriously. All the time.

Paige said...

Wow. I got tagged for this too and am still thinking about it.

Now I have performance anxiety because the bar you set is quite high...

Man. There's no topping this post, OTJ.

EmmaK said...

Made me chuckle. Quite frankly, I'd love pizza every day.

Shelli said...

too funny!

I'm glad I am not the only Mom who has a pizza box as a permanent kitchen accessory.

Gunfighter said...

Gilligan and The Skipper?

Can I tell you that this was the funniest thing I have seen in quite some time?

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh my Lord, that second photo did me in. These days, that's us. I swear my kids are begging for spinach and liver.

Hilarious as always dahling. Say, we should get together again. Cawl me.

Anne Glamore said...

I'm a real mom. I let the boogers hang out of noses and get wiped on sleeves. I make the boys help chop stuff for dinner, even if they bleed.

And when the phone rings during the day and Caller ID shows it's the Health Room at school, sometimes I don't answer it.

Momish said...

OMG! I love these photos, you are too nuts! A real mom, no doubt about that one!
P.S. I am a picker too! My poor cat, and now the kid. I am always going at the ears and noses and gook in the hair... always something to pick.

BethGo said...

You have such great expression! Maybe you should try out for America's N*xt Top M*odel. Tyr*a would love you!

Bon said...

that was a beautiful photo essay. i found the "dinner" photo particularly heartwarming, as i often slave over similar meals for my dear family.

luckily, they are appreciative. too appreciative, in fact. makes one wonder what's wrong the fancy macaroni-in-a-can stuff i sometimes whip up from nearly-scratch. freaking gourmands.

your realness is gorgeous, dude.

wordgirl said...

Is that the husband with whom you "get busy" in the last photo? Oh my God...no wonder. He's yummy.
I could no more afford to publish pictures of the inside of my nose than I could display the ravages that childbirth has visited upon my abdominal region. No reason to give others bad dreams.

DraMa said...

Um, I would totally tackle this meme, but, um, see, you did it like way way better and even put up pictures so my attempt would only be humorless rhetoric minus the funny pictures. SO, I'll just revel in your hilarity instead.

Moobs said...

Mmm Pizza. P says it is too unhealthy and that I must eat steamed Brocolli and Cauliflower. Normally yuour entries make me laugh this one made me cry with jealousy.

Jennifer said...

Ha, ha, ha!!

Very funny! Love the Gilligan and Skipper reference to the ta-tas!

Mrs. Chicken said...

I'm with wordgirl, K is a H-O-T-T-I-E! Lady, you are too funny. The photos! O, the humanity!

The Medium Swede said...

love the open nose. try scotch taping it up to your forehead. it is fun!

Groovy Lady said...

You honestly crack me up.. not the little snicker kinda laugh here and there.. more like the spew beverage on the monitor laughing out loud guffaw kind.

KD Jewelry said...

And yet, when they are grown, do you think any of us will get even as much as a THANKYOU for picking those boogers? Nope. LOL

PunditMom said...

You are a PhotoShop Goddess!! Teach me, teach me!

(And thanks for your recent comment over at my place -- I'm still blushing!)

Kyla said...

I think there are several people walking around the world with no sense of humor at all, because you were given their portions...you are MEGA funny!!

MamaLee said...

You are killing me over here!

And I agree, the nose shot is the one to go with. You'll get a LOT of dates.

Jenny Ryan said...

Good support=WAY important!

:)

heather said...

You are so freaking hilarious. I love you!

Ortizzle said...

oh, gawd. hilarious. this should win a little meme prize. or a big meme prize.

Dirty Birdie said...

Woman, you are an absolute riot. No wonder you are constantly getting rave reviews!

Thank you for making me smile on this most shitty of days.

Kristi said...

I'm totally going to start calling my bras hammocks.

But the boobs don't get nicknames. Not today. Not ever. :)

Ann M. said...

You crack me up!

I loooooove the pictures!

Her Bad Mother said...

I pick boogers, too! GOOD. TIMES.

ali said...

okay...my kids must have, like, abnormally small nostrils...because i can't pick their noses. i try, lordy knows i try, but i just can't.

but i assure you, i still am a real mom! ha!

notfearingchange said...

oh lord!

Kevin Charnas said...

LOVE the pics! you knew that I would.

Ginger or Mary Ann?

Neither.

I pick Jessica, along with the Skipper and Gilligan.

jen said...

dude. step away from the phtotshop....

i mean, never stop. completeely riotous.

flutter said...

You are f'in hysterical.

Mamma said...

I have to meet your photographer. Is it K? Does he just shake his head at you the entire time? That's what Shakey would do.

julia said...

Dood. I'm trying to be all depressed and shit over here and you're KILLING me. It's hard to be down when you're laughing your ass off.

SJ said...

Har har! Thart's teh funnies.

Slackermommy said...

Very funny! Did you check your nose for boogers before you snapped the picture?

Jennifer said...

LMAO! Love the nostril pic.

King Isepik said...

I'll have to ask the Queen if hers have names...

Just did, and the answer is a resounding NO! :)

You are just TOO FUNNY!

:)

Twisted Cinderella said...

That is tooo much fun! What a great post!

Kim said...

oh, what funny pictures...the first one especially!! As soon as the page loaded I almost spit my juice all over my keyboard. Well done ;)

amyerj said...

I too, have a child that is so sick of take out. Why is Italian and Chinese the only thing that delivers to the 'burbs?

And why does getting out of the car to go pickup food from a real restaurant feel way too much like work?

Love the pics!

Lotta said...

Most excellent pictures! I bought a new boulder holder yesterday. I tried on a D cup, even though I wear a C and it FIT. But I'm pretty sure that was cause I tucked in all my armpit fair.

Lotta said...

Fat, I meant "armpit fat"!

Tabba said...

I seriously have to remind myself to go to the bathroom before I read your stuff....too damn funny. And Connor? Who was sitting on my lap as I'm reading, he saw the first picture I said, "she looks funny with her nose like that, doesn't she?" To which he said, "No. She looks like a creature."
I could only tell you that. I figured of anybody, you could appreciate it.

Mrs. Flinger said...

You kill me! LOL (Also, no way could I do a post NOW. How can you follow that up?)

whymommy said...

Nicely done! Thanks for the laugh today!

Damselfly said...

Ok, wait ... picking myself up of floor now....

Dan said...

Joy, I came searching for more photos of you looking goofy and adorable! And I found them! :)

mothergoosemouse said...

You are a riot. I don't know how many times I've already said that, but it bears repeating.

Girl con Queso said...

This is hilarious.