Catherine at Her Bad Mother asked me to participate in a baby shower for T B (Soul Gardening), Liz (Mom-10) and Christina (A Mommy Story).
The registry requested that shower guests bring the best and worst advice received before giving birth for the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or... time.
Because I'm the eager beaver of joining, I said yes before I really READ the invitation. You know, like the details and stuff. Like who it was honoring, for example.
The thing is... I don't really "know" T B, Liz or Christina.
So I'm the weird cousin of one of the guests that was going to be in town anyway so she had to be invited and now (gasp) she's COMING!
"Hi. Happy intimate baby shower from me, a total STRANGER. I hope you like this here cheese basket."
My outfit is all wrong, I'll surely be the first to arrive and I'll stand out as a complete and total dork...
HOWEVER, I will come bearing gifts for these and other wimmins of the blogville who are about to burst.
I present my HUMBLE gifts...
Walkee Walkee, Hanky Panky
I could barely haul my bigness to the Ben & Jerry's container much less go ambling happily around the neighborhood. (I totally made it to the freezer though.)
And let's be clear... The Wah Wah Guitar of Marital Bliss was not making any Bow Chicka Bow Wow music.
[READ: Mister, you touch me and you DIE.}
Only one person at a time pressing relentlessly on my cervix, please.
Who's a horn dog at 42 weeks? Seriously.
"Walkee, walkee, hanky panky? Suck my hairy, big toe right now."
Beer Makes Your Breastmilk Come in Stronger
I'm reasonably sure that advice is a load of crap, but I was too busy throwing back the Guiness to care.
And I can assure you that sucking back The Elixer of My People took my mind off of the sleep deprivation and the stress.
For a few moments of beer drinking lovliness, there was only me... and Michael Flatley... and we did The Dance of our People... and we were HOT.
Happy Baby Shower T B, Liz and Christina
I hope you celebrate, celebrate, celebrate!