Someone whacked our mailbox last night.
My college roommate Lisa grew up in the city of Chicago and she firmly believes that anyone whose mailbox sits on its own post is a hick.
She believes that to qualify as "urban" your mailbox has to be housed with a collection of other mailboxes (like in the foyer of your building) or mounted to your actual house (near the front door.)
NOT A HICK.
However, if your mailbox looks anything like this:
(Which mine TOTALLY does!)
"YOU ARE A HICK!"
The following photo series,
taken at 3:00 a.m. in 1987,
chronicles the endeavors taken by my
(extraordinarily drunken) roommate Liz
in an attempt to persuade (the equally drunk) Lisa
to amend The Hick Mailbox Theory
through sheer physical force.
Throughout the tussle, Liz shouted,
"SAY I'M NOT A HICK JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A MAILBOX!!!
A SIMPLE YES IS ALL IT TAKES."
(on the bottom left)
Liz lost that fight
and The Hick Mailbox Theory
got up and put her drunk self to bed
My damned hick mailbox done got knocked down last night along with all the hick mailboxes on my hick street.
There was a knock on our door at 10:30 p.m.
Normally we would have been long since sound asleep at that late hour because our toddlers routinely wake us at The Time That Is MANY Hours Before Reasonable People Arise.
But last night...
Bow, Chicka, Bow, Wow was...um... in progress.
K and I
My first thought was, "Those crazy kids!"
(Followed by, "I have watched way too much Nick At Night.")
Rusty told us that the police caught the "perps" and K wondered if we should pursue reimbursement for costs related to fixing our hick mailbox.
I am against taking punitive action.
First of all, our hick mailbox is the cheapest, most poorly made postal receptacle in the history of the universe AND it is infested with ants.
Everyday I get a bundle of mail and 10,000 ants. (The joys)
Beyond the very low quality of our hick mailbox, there is the karma.
We need to let those crazy kids go!
Looking back, my friends Cindy, Colleen and I did not have to pay damages for trying to steal the high school drama department girls' bathroom tampon machine by using a crowbar to pry it off of the wall.
Nor did we get into too much trouble for toilet papering the yards of the members of the senior boys swim team.
(Though I did have to go to detention for stealing all the toilet paper out of every bathroom in the entire high school and trying to hide it in my stadium jacket --- I was busted looking like a female, teen version of the Michelin Man waddling past the custodian.)
Oh, the vandalism of my youth.
What random acts of teen stupidity will The Mayor and Rooster attempt?
I say we just get a new mailbox.
[K mutters something about me not being the one to have to install it...]
DOWN WITH THE MAILBOX!!