Monday, May 28, 2007

Learning to Love the Sharpei

Regardless of how much I exercise my abs I can't seem to rid myself of the saggy bit of under-tummy that joined me once I was done birthin' those babies.

Yep. It seems to be here to stay .

I am getting used to its presence though, so much so in fact, that I have developed habits around it.

For example, whenever I sit down I hook a thumb into the waist of my pants and pull them out ever so slightly
so that as I sit the saggy part deposits itself inside the pants. (If I don't do this it will hang over the top of the pants and that is just. not. pretty.)

I may have even become too used to my new lower abdominal companion.

The other night we went out to dinner with some friends and as I sat down I did the thumb-hook thing and said,


"Hang on, I've just got to get my post-partum Sharpei in my pants."

Hello.

How about a nice dinner out with me and my big, fat mouth?

Ever since I discovered the havoc that childbirth wreaked on my body I have been trying to find practical ways to accept my new shape.

I'm trying to be more comfortable living with the little under belly Sharpei dog -- especially in
times of nakedness. (Woof, woof!)

Over Memorial Day Weekend K and I tried out a new plan for increased marital... uh, intimacy.

Here's how the plan worked...

The exact second the children go down for a nap... GET NAKED NOW NOW NOW!!!

I have to say, K and I are very good at planning -- and this, like many of our plans, was a good one, particularly for our Yippee Yahoo Regions.

(Did I mention my big, fat, too-much-information-sharing mouth?)
Ahem.

Anyway.

The second best thing about the GET NAKED NOW NOW NOW plan was that in addition to the "OH, SWEET BABY!!!" time, there was the post "OH, SWEET BABY" time -- time to talk to each other while still naked.

Somehow K and I found ourselves talking about exercise. (Heh, heh.)

We got on the subject of stomach muscles and I said,

"My stomach muscles have never been as strong as they are right now. Except you can't see the abs through all this post partum, wrinkly, stuff."

"Let's see," K said.

Then... my man grabbed a hold and he TUGGED THE SHARPEI DOWN.

Oh. My. Got.

"Look at that! You totally have a six pack under there!"

Uh, huh.

The joys.

87 comments:

Queen of the Mayhem said...

J-
I believe they call that "afternoon delight"! :)

As for the sharpei...mine is more like a spare tire that has migrated both above and below my belly button....no really, it is JUST that sexy! :)

Sayre said...

Totally laughing - and totally relating. My abs are actually pretty strong, but they're buried under a layer of fat AND a sharpei. I find during some of my classes that I have to move my sharpei WITH MY HANDS to accomplish some of the moves. I must be pretty fast because I STILL manage to block punches and get a few of my own in...

Cat, Galloping said...

see. i needed *you* with me when the dr criticized my "mushy" belly. i'm pretty sure i have a six-pack underneath my mush, too!

QT said...

OMG - that is too funny ~ I love the new plan, tho. I may have to institute something like that in my household... oh, wait, we don't have kids!

I guess at a certain age you just have to start scheduling this stuff.

Kyla said...

I think the tummy into pants tuck is a universal post baby manuever. Amalah and I discussed it when we met a while back, and I remember thinking, "You're tiny! I see no tummy!" but I think we all have it.
Hooray for afternoon delight! Get it while you can. BubTar no longer takes the afternoon nap. *sob*

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I love that man.

Sharpei. I love that!

I'm gonna name mine "SassyFrassy". Just because I can. She's that sassy.

Jan B said...

My sharpei is a full grown English Mastiff. Down boy!! DOWN!








woof.

canape said...

I have no good excuse. Just wine. And a belly to beat all bellies.

You have invented the at home tummy tuck I believe.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

HAA HA HA!

One of my daughter's friends patted my poochy belly (that could pass for 3 months pregnant if I don't suck it in) last week at preschool graduation and told me I had a little belly. And by little, she really was saying "Pillsbury Doughboy-esque."

I'm trying to cut myself some slack, but now that two years have past since I birthed a youngin' I'm running out of excuses.

My six pack is now relegated to the fridge. ;)

Mama's Moon said...

Yup, that's a man for ya. They're no fools, they know where the good stuff is. What makes them worth keeping around is that they put up with all our 'fluff' (the sharpei) that covers all the good stuff. hehehe.

NotSoSage said...

OH MY.

I don't think I'm at the place, yet, that I would forgive Joe for pulling (ahem) that.

But naked nap time has been on the table (I mean...whatever) for a few weeks now! We are sticking to a rigid (will it ever stop) schedule of QUIET TIME on weekends. Bow chicka bow bow (bow wow?).

jen said...

i noticed nothing of the sort, friend. instead, your lithe and lovely form was quite stunning...although yes, natch...i didn't get quite the close up K gets, but still.

Terri said...

Hum...
I don't EVEN want my husband touching me right now ... I'm toooooo self consious...OYYEEEE...
Havin a hard time with that last 15lbs...

Terri said...

"conscious"

Aliki2006 said...

I do the same thing with the band of my pants...I've never thought to look for a six-pack under there.

wordgirl said...

No one is allowed to tug my sharpei. Not nobody. Not nohow.

MnRooMom said...

Yup, there's an entire website dedicated to the Sharpei (imagine that) and the women that have made peace with it: http://www.theshapeofamother.com/
It ain't pretty, but I think of my "twin skin" as a badge of honor. And I tuck that badge right into my NYDJ Tummy Tuck jeans and it just disappears!

Slackermommy said...

I have two words for you: tummy. tuck. So worth it girl! That is if you are done birthing them babies.

paige said...

gadzooks! you let him tug your sharpei???

bow chicka bow wow indeed.

slouching mom said...

i'm trying to remember what gingajoy called this very appendage sometime last year:

'wrinkly flesh apron,' i believe.

oh, dear. whatever one calls it -- i've got it. a double, actually, because 2 C-sections just make it that much bigger.

sigh.

EE said...

Love your plan!

flutter said...

oof. I might have kicked him. Then again I might have laughed and let loose with a mighty air biscuit you know, potayto potahto

Thirty-One Trendy said...

I just like to squeeze my rolls together and make them "talk." My boys have an instant puppet show wherever they go.

DV said...

I always wondered what to call it. Perfect name!

Izzy said...

My abs aren't even strong underneath my jelly rolls. *hangs head in shame*

MsPrufrock said...

Good to know that I'm not the only one that does the tricky thumb-looped-under-the-waistline thing that I live by. I feel like slightly less of a freak now.

karrie said...

I'm with the pp who has an English Bulldog. If I ever lose the fat pack, I'm going to be able to gather up folds of skin and tie them behind my back like an apron. (It's close now..lol)

jeanie said...

ha ha ha - I have solved the problem of extra flab post baby - pack it - sure may not be muscle tone but the loose skin is not noticeable if it is tight!

Love your style.

ewe are here said...

Laughing and depressed at the same time... because I was sooo hoping I'd be able to get rid of mine eventually....

Mamma said...

Even without the uniform...he really is a damn fine park ranger!!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

LOL, I have that same puppy on my belly! It's like what you see on people who gain 1000 pounds and then loose 850 of it. It just feels like big rolls of skin (blech!).

I've been thinking of having a 'plan' too! Unfortunately, NONE of mine nap, although they will sit still for a movie, so it looks like the DVD will have to go on overdrive.

Bon said...

perhaps we should develop a postpartum sharpei leash, that would keep it tugged tight and function as a thong at the same time...

oh yeh! we gonna be so rich we can afford tummy tucks!

erm...did i say that?

Shannon said...

Holy mother....ironically my stomach is KILLING me from laughing so hard. I was "rolling" when I read the mother-cat-stomach post.

I can totally relate and sympathize. I too have a pet Sharpei.

I'm like a blind woman reading Braille when I touch my abs after a good workout. I can't see them, but I know they're there.

LMAO at K pulling the skin for the ab reveal. OMG....

Jenny said...

I don't have a sharpei. Mine is more like a well-traveled gravel road.

God. What a terrible analogy.

Super B's Mom said...

Long live the "tuck & pull"!!

ali said...

i think we might just be the same person.

hot abs...covered by all this..erm...skin...

mommiebear2 said...

LOL- I would have died. I freak if DH even pats my middle section.

Little Monkies said...

It *is* a sharpei! I totally know what you are talking about. Sad little sharpei...Dr. 90210 is going to walk you to the "farm" someday.

I do the thumb hook too. So sad.

JamesMommy said...

Hot or not, K deserves to die for that.....or at least be sentenced to doing all the housework for a couple of weeks. :o)

crazymumma said...

He luvs ya babe, sharpei and all.

I do the thumb tuck thing as well, its just like breathing now.

Catizhere said...

Joe calls that my "sit-fat"
It's not that noticable while standing, but once you sit.....

mcewen said...

It's called SKIN. You need it. It's not surplus, otherwise when you do a 'crab' you'd split!
Cheershttp://www.fotosearch.com/IMG300/01011047/

liv said...

I like to think of mine as a crepey little satchel attached up front. And I also don't dig the little 'pockets o' fat' just below the breasts which sit on the top end of the ribcage. Dude. 14 hours of yoga a week and still, this?! Fudge.

QueenB said...

You COULD have the sharpei removed eventually. If you feel that you wouldn't miss it.

My sharpei is more like a rather droopy, jowly bloodhound.

Big Daddy rather quickly (and conveniently) volunteered the information that tummy tuck after c-section is covered under our insurance-so I now hold that out as an option once the kids are a little bigger.

Jodi said...

The thumb hook thing? Yeah, I do that too. And then I look like a retired school principal* on vacation in Florida with his plaid shorts hitched above his navel and held fast by a white belt.

So we have a dilemma: belly flap over the waistband or waistband-meets-bra strap?

SIGH. Damn kids.

*Disclaimer: I'm married to a retired school principal, so I can pick on them at will. My spouse, however, does not jack his pants up to his hairy nipples. I'm thankful for the small blessings in life.

Kevin said...

How very.....visual.

Gingers Mom said...

The post partum sharpei... never heard that one. LOVE it. Description is utterly perfect. I do the same thing with my pants. Gotta keep the illusion that we are still smokin...at least keepin the jellies under wraps.

canarygirl said...

So *that's* what it's called, huh? I have more of a golden lab, I think. Ps...followed you over here from Kevin's blog, and am bookmarking! Love your blog! :)

Above Average Joe said...

Mrs. Joe has the same complaint about the stomach. She's been doing the pilates thing for over a year now, too.

And how tough it has to be for you to not wear "mom jeans" but keep your Sharpeis contained.

What you women do to yourselves...

WILLIAM said...

Sharpei? I think you need to draw some eyes on your belly and take a picture.

Cece said...

I look forward to afternoon nookie!

I've got a tire 'round my waist so don't complain. lol

Pattie said...

*LOL*
Sharpei! I love it....I recognize myself in this post all too well...
*sigh*
BTW, I was in the mountains this past weekend and thought of you when I saw the hot park rangers in their uniforms...heheh....

Jennifer said...

I think muffin tops are waaaaay sexy. Too bad no one else does.

Wendy said...

I am so glad that 1. I am not the only one that pulls her pants up and over to contain the belly and 2. I,now, have a name for the prodecdure.

Queen Heather said...

"whenever I sit down I hook a thumb into the waist of my pants and pull them out ever so slightly so that as I sit the saggy part deposits itself inside the pants."

Oh, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has to do this too.

Biddy said...

oh the joys of an afternoon quickie...

sigh...

now, as for the 6 pack - forget that! I've got a keg! I've never, repeat, NEVER been thin, ALWAYS a rolly polly sharpei...so, i cannot feel sorry for you, although i would reccommend slapping anyone who dares tug on excess...

Jen Magnuson said...

Oh my God, we really think alike on this one. I named my midsection the Angry Sharpei Puppy after my third was born. And with lowrise pants? REALLY ANGRY Sharpei. You've got me on the graphics, though ;)

Little Miss Moi said...

Dear oh the joys. Hey, I have to live with a big fat mouth all the time (mine) and Mr Moi is actually rather reserved. So usually I say something that doesn't bother ME, while he sits on the other side of the table blushing very deeply.

Biddy said...

oh crap i forgot! my mom had c-sections with both of us, so she totally had that going on (poor miss "i was a size 2 six weeks after you were born")

anywho, a few years back she had a hysterectomy, and the doc did a little tummy tuck while he was at it! how cool is that!?

Jenifer said...

I am still laughing!

KC said...

I don't have a sharpei. Don't hate me. But, I do have a sad tired old belly button that I refer to as "The Old Man".

Mary Alice said...

I would snatch the Military Man bald if he tugged on the Sharpei......I am a firm believer of artfully arranged sheets and mood lighting.....bow chicka bow bow

Momish said...

That is some great man you got there!

CG said...

OMG, I find myself doing the same thing with the pants. I finally lost all the weight from pregnancy but I can't get rid of the "sharpei".

Stepping Over the Junk said...

they say sex is a great great workout so try it every day!!! Yay abs!

JoeinVegas said...

Still haven't gotten that guy to pay for the plastic surgery yet, huh?

Cherann said...

yeah. I plan on getting a tummy tuck once we have a third. At least you just have a sharpei. I have a sharpei disfigured by stretch marks.

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Lawyer Mama said...

Sharpei! OMG! I think I just snorted milk up my nose.

sweatpantsmom said...

I'd like to bring fanny packs back in style.

They're good sharpei-hiders.

Well, also for stashing my Budweisers and beef jerky.

angela said...

HOORAY! for LET'S GET NAKED!NOW!NOW!NOW!
I am sharing this plan with Tim as soon as he makes it upstairs.
You are brilliant. Brillant, I tell you!

Mrs. Chicky said...

*giggle*

I do the belt loop thing too. But if my husband were ever to do the pull and yank thing on my sharpei there wouldn't be anymore pulling and yanking. If you catch my drift.

Chris H said...

Totally hated my saggy belly after losing the weight, and 6 friggin kids.. so had it chopped off! Woo hoo, no more surplus.

Mrs. Chicken said...

What is this "nap" of which you speak?

Lotta said...

Mine's more of a foldover at this point. Like a double tummy. One on top of the other. Get a tummy tuck! Rock that hard earned hidden six pack in a bikini!

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

Hey, I love sharpeis!

tulipmom said...

Do you know the Muffin-Top Mom, the Muffin-Top Mom, the Muffin-Top Mom?

Do you know the Muffin-Top Mom?

She lives in your pants.

(and mine too).

Biddy said...

ok, you opened my eyes (note to self, know the facts before making an ass of yourself..damn) While I don't feel sorry for you (somehow I think that might piss you off hehe) I do feel your pain. You've worked hard to get to MILF status and the M is represented by the Sharpei! Otherwise, you'd just be an ILF ;-)

Chaos Control said...

You've got yourself a Sharpei ... I've got myself a shelf. I'm thinking I should put it to use and adorn it with knick knacks. Or something.

Momma Bean said...

I'm laying here, on the ground, in total pain from a messed up back and from laughing out loud! You did not?? He did not!! I call it my "twin skin" because I mistakenly thought that only those cursed/blessed with multiples got that yummy bunch of extra flesh under the belly button. Apparently, I'm not the only one with the sharpei in my pants!

moosh in indy. said...

As the eightieth comment, my boobs get flapped around in dibelief like flaccid chunks of meat.

Karen said...

LOL-- this was a good one! I never thought I would actually want a tummy tuck, but that's looking like a good Christmas present someday!

Major Bedhead said...

I think there would be no more get naked now now now if TCBIM did that.

Of course, I have a whole fucking KENNEL of Sharpeis. With a couple of St. Bernards thrown in for good measure.

Kevin Charnas said...

And...I'm turned on again.

Are you sure that this isn't the "House of Bow Chica Bow Wow"?

PinkPowerSuit.com said...

I have the same habit! I also encourage my 19-month old to drum it. Keeps her busy. Ahh, I'll lose it soon enough.

DSB said...

I shudder to think of what my tummy will look like if I ever reach my goal weight.

Deb said...

I love it when you link to past posts that I have missed.

I do the thumb hook!! I did it the other day at a traffic light (because I failed to do it getting into my vehicle), and I wondered if anyone else did it. Hooray!