Friday, May 18, 2007

The Mother of All Meme Posts

WARNING: THIS POST IS GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOUR EYES BLEED.

I have been tagged for so many memes that I feel it is time to present:


THE MOTHER OF ALL MEME POSTS!!!



MEME #1: FIVE FOR FEMINISM

I was tagged TWO MONTHS ago byTwo Knives... two Knives, two months... I got confused.

The meme asks for five thoughts on feminism and how it has changed us...

- One -

Uh... did I ever tell you about the time that I was invited to join a "feminist salon" back in the height of the Utne Reader salon craze?

No? Shocker.

This incredibly hot, babe-a-licious woman asked me to join the feminist salon group called "Amazon Salon" and I said, (I really said this) "No. I can't join a feminist salon. I'm married."

I don't know what I was thinking. (I'm not sure I was thinking.)

I am still red in the face today, fifteen years later. I am such a dork. (And I don't mean the whale penis kind.)

- Two -

Years later, K's best friend Big Brian went on a tirade about the way that the act of shaving leg and armpit hair was an oppressive misogynist burden for women and they shouldn't do it. They should not bow down to THE PATRIARCHY by shaving. NO!

It was summer and I was wearing shorts and a sleeveless shirt. Big Brian could see that I was shorn. (Baaaaa.)

But Big Brian went on and on and on about how women should NOT have to shave and that shaving was a ridiculous beauty standard and blah, blah, blah.

Finally, I said,

"Big Brian, what is the difference between a man telling me TO shave and a man telling me NOT to shave?"

Big Brian does not discuss the shaving of female leg and armpit hair anymore, ever, anywhere, with anyone.

[Oh, my crowning feminist achievements.]

- Three -

Pants. I'm really grateful to wear pants. Pantyhose are nasty and include the word "panty" in the name. I don't like the word "panty." What's to like? Panty. Bleah.

That's three thoughts...

- Four -

I've blown my wad. Heh. (That's four!)

- Five -

I am fiveless.



**********************************************************


MEME #2: SORT OF AN EXTENSION OF THAT INTERVIEW MEME

During that whole interviewing meme thing that went around last month, I interviewed Iris and in her post answering MY questions, she (totally cheated and) asked me questions.

Questions from
Iris:

Can you think of a specific lesson that your mere existence in this world has taught someone else?

Thanks to me there is one more person in the world that knows that everyone has a little hole in their butt... does that count?

Can you think of a lesson that you learned from a brief encounter with a complete stranger that changed the way you think, act, etc?

A while back we saw a man eating out of a garbage can on the way to church. Months later we had an opportunity to do something differently.



**********************************************************


MEME #3: SOMEWHERE IN THE RANGE OF 7-10 THINGS
YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW ABOUT ME


Twisted Cinderella, Karly at Wiping Up Snot & Abby at Shearly Delighted all tagged me for 7-10 (the number seems to mysteriously vary in this meme) things you didn't already know about me.

I share everything with you people! You know about my sexual fantasy, my mighty wind, my little children of Israel and my difficulties with lube.

What can I tell you...

1. I was a thumbsucker. I sucked my thumb until I was eleven (at least.)

2. I worked as a bartender in college. I have never since had so many men tell me I was beeyooteeful at 2:00 a.m. "Yer the moesh beeyooteeful woman ina whirrrrlllld..."

3. I am an ENTJ on that Myers Briggs test. Apparently about 5% of the population turns up ENTJ. The one word description of my personality based on that result is "The General." (I'm in charge in case you were wondering.)

4. I think brussel sprouts are delicious.

5. I wanted to name The Mayor "Wyatt" but K said no.

6. Dolly Madison is my cousin 14 times removed. (Not the snack cake Dolly Madison - the other one.)

7. I have never had a nickname (unless you count "Pookie Fritz" which is what my parents sometimes call me.)

8. My heritage is Irish, German & English.

9. I speak perfect Spanglish. Super bien!

10. I took German in college and all I can remember is, "Der hund hat hier geshissen" though I don't know that it is spelled correctly.


**********************************************************


MEME #4: THE STUFF IN MY PURSE

Mrs. Schmitty tagged me to show the world the things in my purse.

The thing is... I mostly still have to carry a diaper bag.

On the rare occasion that I do get to carry a purse it only has my wallet, phone and keys.

Maybe some lipstick.

So dull.



**********************************************************

MEME #5: POST A PHOTO OF YOURSELF WITHOUT MAKE-UP

I wasn't tagged for this meme started by
Adventures in Babywearing, but I liked it and because this is THE MOTHER OF ALL MEME'S POST...

Here I am, without make-up, looking kind of serious at Miss Avery Lane's birthday party...

IMG_5554

You get a nice view of my moustache!



**********************************************************

MEME #6: WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT YOURSELF?

First Jen asked Tabba to write about the things she loved about herself. Then I opened my big mouth about it.

Things I love about myself:
  1. The Mighty Wind has no smell. It is COMPLETELY odorless. K will disagree, but he is lying -- LYING!!
  2. I don't procrastinate. (With the exception of meme #1.)
  3. I am always right. (Again, don't talk to K about this.)
  4. I'm in charge. (Ditto. No discussing this with K.)
  5. Generally I am a hopeful person. The glass is half full. People are inherently good. Life is beautiful.

Yippeeeeeee - this meme thing is getting easier as I go!

98 comments:

Tabba said...

Jess. Seriously. If I knew you had all that in your inbox, there is no way on this great green earth I would've tagged you for another. So sorry, friend.

Wasn't that FUN??

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I am so confused. I can't even see straight.

Help. me...

Two Knives said...

I'm going to slowly walk away from #8, and return when I've had no less than two cups of coffee.

slouching mom said...

This is -- holy shite -- this is freakin' impressive, jess.

I am speechless.

And I am exiting the premises forthwith so I don't get tagged again today. I already paid my meme dues.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! IT'S MEME HELL!

Theresa said...

My head is spinning already and I haven't even read half of this.

I'll have to sit down and go over this post more carefully when I'm not at work.

DD said...

More

coffee

must

have

jakelliesmom said...

I, for one, am exhausted by this. I always wondered how many blogs you read.

My kids haven't even finished their milk and cartoons yet and I need to go back to bed.

Whew.

jen said...

wow, i am exhausted, just reading it. very well done, friend.

BOSSY said...

Bossy has been reduced to a quivering amoeba. What you want her to do next she isn't sure, but she hopes it doesn't require arms or legs. Or brains.

Annie said...

I had to go make another cup of coffee, and some toast and jam just to get to the end of that!

I hate 'panty' too, I say we all start saying 'knickers' like the Irish - then I won't stick out like a sore thumb for using different words for everything ;)

Bon said...

okay, wow, i've been feeling kinda clotted because i have two memes backed up in my apparently paltry, pitiful inbox.

i can't decide now if i feel better, or just unpopular. i think both. but relieved, either way. :)

i am going for coffee and coming back to try to actually take all that in...'cause all i have left at the moment is that i'm with you on the pantyhose. or against the pantyhose. shudder.

kendra said...

Holy shiznit, how did I make it all the way through that. My eyes are blurry...no really, how long did that take you? You are a good women! :p

Erika, Plain Jane Mom said...

Lordy woman, I am spent. It is 7:38 in the morning and I'm already done for the day...

karrie said...

Bukket O'Faves....confoozd!

I like brussels sprouts too. With evoo and lots and lots of garlic.

Mamma said...

I'm not sure how I managed to escape all of that. I do have to say, I'm sad you don't think I'd be a party crasher.

You just wait until Chicago!!

Blog Antagonist said...

I don't like the word "panty" either. I really hate it, actually. I prefer just plain old "underwear".

mcewen said...

Good grief woman! Did you swallow a bottle of caffeine pills!
I already added you to my technorati favourites after I had been reading you for a week.
[that sounds very odd - 'reading you'?]
Cheers

Nancy said...

Jeez Louise, what a plethora of info to digest ... it all certainly needs to be read again. I did, however, catch that you are an ENTJ ... because I too tested as one *tips hat to us*

Little Monkies said...

Oh holy crap! Woman, you are productive! How about some sort of a meme-ish kind of thing that lets us figure out how much time we spend on the web. Idonwannaknow!

Yamagoo said...

Memes...does not compute...didn't get "tagged"...that seems like a good thing!

This is why I keep coming back here and this is why I think I should like to meet K. He's the kind of guy I could hang with if I wasn't absolutely certain he'd be throwing me out of a park somewhere for doing what I love to do in nature. (this having nothing to do with nudity or bodily functions)
You rock!

Mama en Fuego said...

Wha???

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh my gosh- that was carazy!!!

I don't have another meme, but I do have another contest... you wanna play? Enter my really awesome giveaway going on from Mason & Matisse- you could win $120 in Skip Hop gear!

Steph

QT said...

Holy Balls, I cannot believe you actually sat down and did all that!

I am an ESTJ and I have a pillow on my bed that says "You Can Agree With Me or You Can Be Wrong". Perhaps you would like one too?

Denguy said...

Hottest Daddy Blogger?

CamiKaos said...

that was the most meme ever in a single sitting. I can't believe my eyes didn't fall out from dryness with that last crazy technorati meme thing a ma jig. You are a brave and dedicated woman...

Malnurtured Snay said...

This really is the mother of all meme posts, holy H!

Paige said...

I didn't think you could get dizzy reading a blog post.

Boy was I wrong.

Shelli said...

aaaaaaah!!!!

My head hurts! But truly an entertaining read.

By the way, I am an ENTJ too, what are the odds?

Mad Hatter said...

That last one made no sense to me whatsoever. It's as if the people who came up with it have been assimilated by the bloggy borg or something. Don't they know it's spring? That there is sun? Oh my.

As soon as my brain stops hurting from the experimental stuff, I will try to tackle the feminism meme. That one should be fun. I, of course, won't blow my wad. I'll just shudder and moan.

Good work with all this. You've earned a little meme respite.

Elizabeth said...

Wow. That was IMPRESSIVE. And full of memey goodness!

I could have sworn my blogs were on that Technorati list, but there are so many versions of them going around it's hard to tell. Would you please fave my three and I'll fave yours?

Table for Five
MomCooks
MomReviews

Jenifer said...

So dizzy and thankfully you lost me long before #8.

;)

Kim said...

I see you tagged me for meme #3...way to share the love. I'll do it...next week...honest ;)

love that you posted a pic of yourself without makeup...I think too many people never want to be seen without it. I don't wear make-up myself (ok, maybe a couple times a year) and I think it's liberating to feel like you don't need to wear it.

...and as for ther German, here's the only phrase I know:

"Ich villa mita sex habbin"

...as you might say "bow, chicka, bow wow...

mommiebear2 said...

Holy Macaroni!!!! I will do your tag as soon as I finish dear sweet Toni's. :)

Stepping Over the Junk said...

AAAAHHH...the makeup-less photo tag is harmless...just wait until I can get some a few layers of that Jergen's self tanning lotion on my face...or at least a week at the beach so I have a natural bronzer going....

I have no idea, NO IDEA, how you managed to write that post, all those memes...AAAAH!

Tessa said...

You... are... WONDER WOMAN!!! I dun even know what Technorati IS much less what the eff that MEME was girl! lol... you are brave. I bow to teh Mistress! LOL

TY for the MEME Tag. I'll do it this weekend. God KNOWS I've not posted in over a week. lol

Lawyer Mama said...

Ouch. My head hurts. And I haven't even smashed it with a hammer.

That really *was* the mother of all meme posts.

Number 8 was basically gibberish to me. I don't get it. Glad to see I'm not the only one!

Oh & along with MamaLoves, I am totally crashing parties in July. Just you wait.

flutter said...

oh.my.GOD.

Well you certainly took my menstrual comment to heart yesterday. Not a bit of sap in sight...and to answer your question, my man.

Kevin Charnas said...

What's wrong with "Wyatt"?

Shauna said...

You rock!
What a post!

ewe are here said...

Wow. That's a lot of information to take in all at once. Seriously.

And I almost feel for Big Brian.

Almost.

Cooks on the Coast said...

You lost me at the end, OTJ! I'm so not tech-savvy. And, yes, I think there was some blood. Holy crap! Do you feel better with all that out of your system?

Mrs. Chicky said...

That last one is making my head hurt. I may never recover.

Flawed & Disorderly said...

Oh my gwwoooooosh that's a lot of memes!

Thank you for thinking of me! I'm going to have to dump out my purse to see if there's anything interesting in there. I think you gave me more credit than I deserve. I don't know how I can make 75 Wal-Mart receipts fun to read about.

Little Nut Tree said...

So it clearly wasn't just me that wondered if they had accidentally stumbled on to university maths class when they reached number 8?!?

I may not do that one... but not because I can't just because I choose not to..... ahem

*blushes* :)

Major Bedhead said...

Meme #8 just fried my brain's motherboard and now I have a headache. I need copious amounts of either caffeine or alcohol, maybe both together, before I could even begin to have a glimmer of a hope of an idea of figuring out what the HELL you wrote. It's like quantum physics. It LOOKS like it should make sense, but it's really just a shitload of numbers and words, swirling around on the screen and it's making the baby Jebus cry.

I'll be over there in the corner, whimpering and rocking.

Her Bad Mother said...

Holy shizzit.

im in ur meme loozing mah brainz...

Ortizzle said...

Well, er... all very interesting. And entertaining, as always. Just exactly how long it take you to write this post?!!

Em said...

This really was the meme to end all memes! You must have typed all day to get all that stuff done. Very impressive and entertaining.

CG said...

You completely lost me at # 8. I don't know how you do it.

Mary G said...

Slouching Mom sent me over here. Said you might like to be tagged for a meme. As if.

Wow.

jess said...

Huh. I'm still trying to figure out what a meme is. I might do that thing you were talking about at the end if I could figure out what it all means and what you were talking about.

I'm SO confused!

Jen Magnuson said...

Okay, as the resident newbie blogger, I barely get this - BUT I have added you to my list of technorati favorites, and I just placed a button on my site. Just now - so would you be the first to go to my sidebar and add me? And if anyone else wants to, hey, I'll do the same for ya. Spread the love, that's what it's all about.

Fidget said...

wow that was a meme'splosion!

I favorited you

Actually you popped my favorites cherry


http://technorati.com/faves/fidgetblogs?add=http://oviedochickens.blogspot.com

Fidget said...

well cc cc cc c carp that didnt work

here's my link

Fidget

Alpha DogMa said...

All hail, OTJ, Queen of the Memes. I aspire to be your handmaiden.

MommyMommy said...

how about we forget all that other stuff and I just add you to my technorati faves, okay?

kristina said...

I'm not sure about what last meme thing, but I do know that you are one beeeeeutifllll woooooman without makeup. And I'm not even drunk. Yet.

Ruth Dynamite said...

This is one tall Meme-osa sparkling with wit and bubbly charm.

I suddenly feel like shaving my legs.

Kind of Crunchy Mama said...

Umm, what are we supposed to do again???

kfk said...

Holy Mother of Memes, Batman!

Glad that is all out of your system?

Julie Pippert said...

I am LMAO.

Also, wow, you rock. That's...a lot of memes and meme answers. And well done, too. LOL

Okay I Fave'd you at Technorati.

Geez, you deserve an award after all that and this is the best I can do. :)

momomax said...

you look like a nice girl...normal even

but you're not.

I'm happy to report, however, that I've finally figured out who you remind me of, visually. Carrie-Anne Moss and Sarah Silverman's Oh, The Joys child.

(i've just figured out how to use those html tags. iz gud.)

Queen Karana said...

Oh, it's all so clear to me now. The reason my 4 year old is still sucking on her fingers is because she too idolizes you. That must be it.

Seriously... 11? But you stopped? Please tell me you stopped! Please? Because, if you did, then maybe there is a faint light at the end of this thumb-sucking tunnel.

:)

Magpie said...

I am worn out.

Ian said...

Like the post. Wow! 8 in one go, I struggle to do I at a time.
Thanks for the link in the last one, even if I had to look hard to find myself. LOL, I never saw myself as a Michael.
I don't think the benefit of future faves extends to paid vacation, just more lost souls wandering by and reading your posts.
Don't forget to save the kitten.
Thanks for the great read, Ian

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

GOOD GOD woman. MY EYES. I am blind now.

But I can still find my beer so it's all good.

Starrlight said...

Ok.

My head hurts and I am very confused after reading that last one. I think I need a drink. Sure hope you had one!

urban-urchin said...

I am way speechless right now. You are kinda amazing.

FENICLE said...

Holy Cow! Geez!

The Amazon Salon uh? I think you could have hit the big time!

LeRoy Dissing said...

Very witty and a great read. BTW: I didn't see a moustache!

EE said...

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NotSoSage said...

Oh, thank goodness. Memes are the perfect cure for writer's block. I'll get right on it (okay, well, within the next few days).

And I totally don't get the last one either, but then I might be a wee bit drunk.

Lisa said...

Holy Cow woman. You've got lots of energy to do all of those memes at the same time.

I am impressed that you look so pretty without makeup. You've got beautiful skin, lucky girl!

creative-type dad said...

I've always found "Panties" to be very funny since the age of 4.

As of recent I've found "Hasselhoff" to be funny too. But not as funny as "panties"

carrie said...

Perfect, perfect weekend fun!

And I must say, if I looked half as good as you do sans make up, I'd plaster my face all over the internet. Good lord!

Carrie

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Wow! What a lot to savour!

I have a Technorati train running as well.

I have added you on my Faves.

http://technorati.com/faves/wibblywebb?add=http://jlpicard.blogspot.com

Twisted Cinderella said...

Wow that is a LOT of Memes!

Rock the Cradle said...

you. are. insane.

In the best way possible, of course...

Cherann said...

That really is the mother of all Memes. Good think you didn't hold it all in for much longer. There might have been a meme explosion! ;-)

I'll post my 5 blogs tomorrow.

Aliki2006 said...

Wow. I think I might have to read this all over a few times or print it out and press the paper to my forehead...

I am so impressed. And confused. And impressed again...!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

OMG, I'm tired for you. Thank you for not tagging me for anything.

mel said...

Holy Crap, that was a lot of memes! Um, thanks for the tag...I think. :) And I have favorite you in technorati...Ho. Wow, I struggled to type that. I am a dork.

Haley-O said...

WOW! That's QUITE the meme post! LOVED it! Totally got to know you. :) And, you look FAB without makeup -- totally gorgeous. :)

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

Hey, thanks for the love.

And even though I read most of these people anyway - I am bookmarking this post for future exploration.

PunditMom said...

TOO. MANY. MEMES!

HEAD. EXPLODING. NOW! ;)

Jenny said...

That was awesome.

So awesome in fact that I've added you as a technorati favorite, whatever that means. And you're my first so be gentle. Or we need to come up with a safe word.

Momish said...

Dear Lord, I am still laughing over here. I feel like I just got off a roller coaster. What a ride!

I tip my hat to you for getting all that out in one setting. I have no more comments in me. Totally spent, I tell ya.

Lotta said...

First I was relieved that you didn't tag me for the no-makeup meme. Then I was like "What!? I'm not your fav-o-rite list biotch! But then I forgave you and hit the Technorati button.

Chaos Control said...

Oh, now I feel stupid. Really stupid. I have no effing idea what you're talking about in that last meme of yours.

Kyla said...

Wow. You are the Nominatrix and the Memenator.

Sean Dinner said...

Thanks for the name change...I think.. lol. Fun stuff :D

lildb said...

a) Bossy is le hot.

b) so are you.

Hannes Johnson said...

hehe, that was hilarious...
"I'M IN UR ALY FAVIN UR BLOGZ!"

Hannes Yohannes JoJohnson - brilliant! :)
Although not truly original since I get "yo, Hannes!" sometimes ;)

I just added you to Technorati - an instant fav :)
If you haven't already, please click here to add me to Technorati - or a kitten will die, remember ;)
[ok, enough with the smileys already...]

The Expatriate Chef said...

I'm game for the fave item, you are now on my Technorati list.

Here is my link:

Fave the Kitchen

Many thanks.

Mimi said...

Sweet baby jesus that's a lot of memes. Five for feminism? I can do it! You're on!

Woo!

Gunfighter said...

Scheissen

gingajoy said...

holy fucking shit, my eyes ARE bleeding. Especially after that last one--Uh, I don't gettit....

(but thanks for faving me!)

sarcasticmom said...

Well DAYAM. As I scrolled, I was expecting to see you in your underwear at some point.

You mean no one tagged you for the "Show Yo Draws!" meme? Wait, let me sign you up for that one....

You know I'm totally going to try to tackle that last bitch of a meme, right? Heh.