Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I Touched Al Sharpton with My Boobs

A colleague sent me a link to a speech that President Clinton recently made at Harvard and I can’t get the speech out of my mind.

I know that not everyone likes Clinton and that some people felt he betrayed their trust while he was in office.

Because I would never want my fetish for National Park Rangers to interfere with my professional life I was willing to allow for the separation of his sex life and his job.

Though I TOTALLY get that he was in a position of power over Monica, she was an intern, feminism, feminism, feminism. I get it.


I also think Monica probably enjoyed herself.

Back in the 1990’s somewhere, K and I sleezed an invitation to Hank Aaron’s 75th birthday party.

There were over 1,000 guests including all the living baseball hall of fame players as well as an endless stream of famous people one of whom was President Clinton.

The Temptations were the house band for the evening.

The hotel ballroom was so packed with people that at one point when I wanted to greet a man I knew, I had to reach across many bodies to shake his hand.

When I extricated myself, K said,

“Do you realize who you just pressed your entire body up against?”

[Uh, no.]

“You just gave Al Sharpton the full body press, Jessica.”


[Al, the girls are no longer what they once were! Sigh.]

I stood up to get a better look at President Clinton when he entered the room.

I remember, during the primaries, thinking Clinton seemed like a total yokel on TV and I was surprised when he won.

In the ballroom, as I waited for him to enter I thought,

“Let me have a look at the guy. Would I… you know… Monica with him?”

In person, Clinton is a presence. He is tall and handsome, his eyes sparkle and he has a charming smile.

I had to conclude that yes, I would TOTALLY get my Monica on with the guy.

Bow chicka George Wa-wa-washington!

[Judge me. Whatever. I don’t care because I am just speaking my truth here, people!]

All hot cigar action aside, I listened to the speech that Clinton made at Harvard and I was really impressed by it.

I think anyone would be – even if Clinton isn’t a guy you would, you know, Monica.

What he said was far more important than who said it.

In the speech, Clinton talked about how focused we are on the things that separate us, the things that make us different.

We do this at the macro level with race, class, gender, politics and religion.

We do this in smaller ways too – identifying our differences in parenting styles, musical tastes, fashion sense, etc.

He went on to discuss genetic findings from DNA studies revealing that all human beings are 99.9% genetically identical.

This means that the intensity of our focus on our differences is time spent obsessing about one tenth of one percent of ourselves.

He suggested the importance of shifting our focus.

What are our commonalities? What unites us? What makes us the same?

How can I find my connection to you?

He talked about how much it amused him to understand that he is 99.9% the same as Rush Limbaugh and the profound humility he felt in thinking that he could be 99.9% the same as Nelson Mandela.

I was tagged again for the 8 weird things about me meme this week. You know, what are 8 things that set me apart, that make me different...

I consider myself 'on the meme wagon' after my raging binge meme -- what with all that careening down the hallways of the internet tagging people left and right.

(I think I passed out in the end, though I can’t be totally sure that I didn’t sleep with my Technorati favorites.)

After listening to the Clinton speech, I prefer to write down eight things that make me the same as anyone else.
1. I suffer
2. I grieve
3. I hope
4. I love
5. I laugh
6. I celebrate
7. I yearn
8. I dream

[And of course... I chop down trees and eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory!]

I see you.

I SEE you.

I am because we are.


The full audio of the speech (about 30 minutes) is available online If you want to listen to it. To do so, click here and then move to about the 1 hour and 35 minute mark where Clinton is introduced.



WILLIAM said...

In regards to your title of the post. Two boobs touched one.

NotAMeanGirl said...

I love starting my day with you! lol. I love the juxtaposition of what makes us alike. I was on a Diversity committee at my last place of employment. Good Lord... it was redonculous!

Craze said...

I would love to meet Bill Clinton! My new phrase is going to be "Get my Monica on"!

Julie Pippert said...

1. I need to eat food.
2. I need to drink water.
3. I need to breathe air.
4. I find beauty.
5. I find ugliness.
6. I think I am right. At least some of the time.
7. Something about myself annoys me.
8. I have skin. Thank goodness.

See? Loads in common! :)

Interesting post. IMO, I think fo Bill and sing like Stockard in my head, "There are worse things I could do..." and then I add in my own lyrics, "Like blow up a country or two...even though the world thinks I'm trashy and no good, I suppose it could be true, but there are worse things I could do..."

SciFi Dad said...

uh, you and Al Sharpton are united vis a vis your boobs...

did I get the gist of the post?

Yamagoo said...

I am 99.9% different than Al Sharpton.

I don't care much for Clinton, cause he lied from the beginning....he inhaled..he did gravity bongs standing on his head...look at the dude!

I agree however whole heartedly with his message.

However... Al Sharpton is an asshat 100%

I skip
I jump
I wear high heels suspenders and a bra

Sarah said...

I'm with Craze. "Get my Monica on" is the best new phrase of our time. EVER.

slouching mom said...

I think Clinton is one of the brightest and clearest thinkers we've ever had in office. Yes, I know he lied. But don't you think Kennedy would have lied if put in exactly the same spot as Clinton? The thing is, no one would have asked that kind of question in the sixties or before. Cuz everyone knew that presidents were having affairs left and right. People didn't think that was RELEVANT to how someone governed a country.

And you know? I agree.

(And, BTW, I think he's pretty damn good-looking too. When he's not overindulging at McDonald's.)

Mamma said...

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Though I think the idea of my girls getting to know the Rev. Al would creep me out a bit.

I absolutely agree with every single sentiment of this post.

Bob said...

Whatever people think of Clinton, he is a brilliant man and a brilliant speaker. Watching his press conferences while he was in office, he demonstrated his in-depth knowledge of whatever topic the question was about.

Melina said...

WOW that was really profound. Thank you for sharing that with us.

It is about time we start to think about what unites us instead of what seperates us.

Too bad, most people don't have a clue.

Shelli said...

I am 99.9% like Oprah.

Except for the couple billion dollars. Yup, way close! lol

I think I could spend the day coming up with really swarmy people that are 99.9% like me but that would be depressing (and scary).

Mrs. Chicken said...

Brilliant post ... BRILLIANT. Love it. You are my hero.

This is so true. So basic.

And if Bill Clinton could run again next year I would vote for him. Just as I did the first two times he ran.

Mrs. Fierce Shoes said...

I'm originally from Arkansas and met Clinton several times growing up. He IS a force of charisma in person. Up next to him, Hillary is a big dud. Say what you will about him, he does have charm! I also met George Sr. in person, not so much charm but nice!

Little Monkies said...

Fabulous post, my friend. I love Bill too.

CamiKaos said...

I cut down trees
I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.

awesome post, even without the lumberjack love.

Tabba said...

Me and my deflated girls bow to you.

Magpie said...

Bill is awesome - good speaker with charisma all over the place. And he looks damned good these days, having dropped pounds after the heart thing.

I miss him.

Karen Forest said...

Very compelling and very true.

Cathy said...

Love, love this post!

Biddy said...

hmmm the lumberjack pic is forbidden at my office...interesting hehe

that is a really awesome speech...oh and i would soooo monica with him

and don't even get me started on how much i would love to get my monica on with George W...that man and George Strait are my park rangers!!

Mrs. Chicky said...

I'm not ashamed to admit it, I totally would have gotten my Monica on with ol' Bubba.

(oh yeah, the rest of the post? Wonderful. Truly.)

Blog Antagonist said...

Ew. Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson both give me the heebie jeebies. They are so...predatory. I know they've both done a lot of good for civil rights, but I can't help feeling there's an agenda there, *other* than equality and human dignity.

Clinton is a likeable guy. That's what kept him in office so long. I think he's pretty smart too. But he wasn't smart enough not to get caught, which is the difference between he and Kennedy. Kenneday was much sneakier. You gotta be sneaky to be president.

I'm think we should just go back 231 years and not fight the Revolutionary War. I'd rather deal with a Monarch who makes no qualms about being patently autocratic. At least there some WYSIWYG there.

Kelly said...

Great post! I've always said that all children are the same, but it applies to the grown-ups as well doesn't it?

JoeinVegas said...

Darn, I knew I should have gone to more big rallys.

Queen Heather said...

Great post OTJ. As always.

How can you find a connection to me? Well, we both fart, right?

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

What a great post on commonalities...makes me think.

And "Monica" is the best new verb ever.

I worked for a local university's news office for a while and got to see a lot of great speakers. I covered a speech by Bob Dole and leading up to the event I kept envisioning him being this geriatric "dud" but he was quite charismatic and I now have an extremely cheeseball photo of myself shaking Bob Dole's hand. That said, I can't even begin to imagine what I would have done if I'd seen Bill Clinton speak and been in the presence of his CHARISMA in all its glory AND gotten to shake his hand. Yowza!

flutter said...

We laugh
we cry
we breathe
we love
we hate
we live
we die
we walk the earth in search of why it makes sense to do all of the above

Major Bedhead said...

I would totally do a Monica with Bill Clinton. He's smart and sexy and smart and well-spoken and smart. Did I mention smart? I'd vote for him again in a heartbeat. Every time I see him, I get this wave of "Damned term limits, why can't we still have him as president?"

The fact that he can do the NY Times Sunday crossword puzzle, in pen, in about 15 minutes, is what really did it for me, though. Him and John Stewart. Bow-chicka-bow-bow indeed.

Lawyer Mama said...

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK... Woah! I got off on a tangent there.

You know, everyone I know who's met BC, Republican or Democrat, has said the same thing about his presence. He has something special that you can glimpse on TV but really only see well in person.

I totally can't believe that you body pressed Al Sharpton. I wonder if he felt sullied? I bet he enjoyed it.

This was a really wonderful post and I'm once again reminded why I like you so damn much. Oh & "get my Monica on" is my new favorite phrase. I'll have to work it in to conversation as much as possible.

mommiebear2 said...

Wow, I am very impressed. I dont think the girls or any other body part of mine has touched celebrity. :)

liv said...

This reminds me of something that I once heard Rodney Yee ask: Why can't I love that person?

Really. Why? We are so alike in our joys and hurts. Sometimes it do not make no sense.

love this post.

QT said...

I will just say this: I would have been at BC's beck and call as his intern. I would have done anything he asked, Jess. ANYTHING!!

Love this post. The lumberjack link is also blocked at my work - I am scared.

BOSSY said...

Bossy hugged Bill Clinton in a rope line but she wasn't wearing a beret, she was wearing her three-year-old son. That was 1991 but Bossy often dreams that she handed off her son in exchange for about eighteen minutes alone with Bill in his Campaign Bus. Would you believe twenty minutes?

Kyla said...

The bottom of your blog is now hilarious with the new banner...and the Shame of Dryness link.

And this "Bow chicka George Wa-wa-washington!" made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants.

But I love this post, because we are all so much alike. It is good to remember that.

Jodi said...

O...M...G! I thought I was the ONLY person (besides Monica) who finds Bill hhhhhot. My sister and I were asking one another questions from a book titled "If". She asked me who I would spend the night with. I said Bill Clinton. She chose Paul McCartney and commented that she took the question to be of a sexual nature while I must have been thinking cerebral/conversational. I replied, "Nope. We were thinking the same thing."

Oooo baby!

Biddy said...

you don't think W is hott?! oh i do... Maybe it's a texan thing...

meno said...

Al would make my girls shrink.

Carla said...

Sorry but I would not put any of my person on Al or Bill. Blech. Al is scary and Bill lacks a certain something....honesty? integrity? I like George.

Shauna said...

Oh god, you crack me up!

carmachu said...

Who cares who he had sex with?

The bigger picture is he lied. In a civil trial. Under oath. As a laywer who knows better(ok ok, lawyers lie all the time, but still).

You boob touch AL Sharpton? I think thats what caused them to sag...ewwwww....

Jennifer said...

I feel like I should focus on your 8 Things That Make Me The Same list. Because, it's truly gorgeous, in so many ways. But, really, can we focus on anything else when Bill C. is in the room? I've heard him speak in person and his real life chrisma only makes his hotness even HOTTER. I would totally be his Monica. And my husband would have to be ok with it, because Bill C. is on my laminated list. ;)

Kevin Charnas said...

Bravo to that speech!!

And Brava!! to your post.

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

Clinton is a pigola that's for sure.

Who knows what diseases he's carrying ... I wouldn't be surprised if he has genital warts... I wouldn't even kiss him ... heck... I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole.

I'm crackin up at Carmachu's comment.

Paige said...

Yeah, back when I was a freshman at Syracuse, Candidate Clinton came to speak on the Quad. I finagled my way into a handshake and have to say that I left with the distinct impression that I would have liked the man to grab a hell of a lot more of me...

wordgirl said...

I'm all for pointing the finger at predatory males...especially those who use their power to seduce women (Eisenhower screwed around, so did Kennedy, Thomas Jefferson!!, FDR and so did George Bush Sr....ever hear of Jennifer Fitzgerald? No? You should Google her. Prepare to be amazed)I have to wonder at what age a woman can participate in consensual sex and NOT be considered a victim. People act as though Lewinsky was an eight year old girl, rather than a grown woman. As far as I've heard, she wasn't a minor nor was she coerced. She did not, later on, claim to be a victim. In fact, she was rather proud of her dalliance and don't forget...she SAVED the dress. The person who had the most to lose from Clinton's relationship with Monica Lewinsky (and really...if he was going to pick someone...why her???)was his wife and until now she's pretty much kept her feeling to herself. That's her right and her business. Me? I would have shot Monica in her fat knees and made him watch...and then I would have shot Bill, but that's just how I roll.

None of that has a damned thing to do with how he ran the country which, compared to where we are now, looks really good. Why do the NeoCons keep hammering on about a blowjob? Because it's all they've got. It takes more than NOT SCREWING SOMEONE BESIDES YOUR WIFE to make a good president. Do you hear me, George W?

carmachu said...

If you women stopped chasing bad boys....none of these things would happen.....

KC said...

Well done, well done.

I heard him speak too at a campaign rally and he lifted the crowd with his words and charisma. Some people just exude it.

deb said...

I'm impressed that Clinton said that, surprised too. I thought he was all about the sex. It's true too, we are all the same. The differences that seperate us are nothing compared to the things we share.

carrie said...

Clinton had a pretty profound effect on my political views being that his election was the first that I was able to participate in (as a freshly minted "adult").

I remember hearing him speak in a rally at Westlake before the election, I shook his hand.

While I don't think I'd Monica him, his presence was intoxicating - as were his words. I will always view him as a great leader. Someone who was dedicated to bringing us together.


mamatulip said...

Clinton -- it's his eyes. And his drawl. Eyes n' drawl. And he plays the sax.

That's saxy!

Cherann said...

First of know she wanted it. It's like what young girl doesn't want to do a rock star let alone the man that has the most power in the United States.

Did you give Al Sharpton a Semi?

Pgoodness said...

Hmm..don't think Bill is hot, but I certainly liked him in office, agree that Monica had fun, and agree that he is charismatic as all get out.

Carla said...

Wow. I just learned a new word. NeoCon. I am a NeoCon.

Jen said...

I can totally see that with Clinton, presence has much more effect on me than say flat out good looks.

The banner at the bottom is the best!

Ophelia Rising said...

I love, love, love this. I totally agree, we ARE all connected! Yes! See? See? I KNEW it! Bill Clinton said it, it must be true! Ubuntu!

And I do like him, too, by the way. And who in their right mind could possibly care what ANYONE else does in their bedroom, even the president? Let's stay out of there, please -- (unless it's our own bedroom, in which case, let's go in a lot more...)

Lisa said...

Wow. YOu are amazing lady!

I wonder what would have happened if you would have met Bill while he was in a park ranger uniform?

(Everytime I see a park ranger, I think of YOU.) heehee.

FENICLE said...

I agree that there is something about Clinton that draws you in. I hear in person, as you said, he seems tall, dark & mystifying.

That being said...I'm unsure about giving the "Monica" a whirl with him.

I do love the position of power though, but prefer that power to come with a side of uniform :)

Nancy said...

Great Post!

mmmm ... maybe that's George Dub-yas whole problem ... he needs to get his Monica on!

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

Yup, you wrapped up very much what I feel about Clinton. Very very much. Great post.

Ally said...

Awesome post. Well done you!

David said...

LOL! I am sure Al enjoyed the full body press;) Thanks for faving my blog!

Beckie said...

I don't think I have ever commented here, but I really liked this post. Good One!

Get your Monica on. That is classic!

EE said...

I would "do" him, and I'm a Republican:o

Queen Karana said...

I am not the nominatrix... but gosh, I think somebody should nominate that post for something. Something GOOD. I liked it. Thanks for sharing.

canarygirl said...

What he said was far more important than who said it.

YES! And while I don't want to get my Monica on with him...I really admired his leadership. I plan to send in my absentee ballot for Hil, too.

Excellent, excellent post, Jessica.

karrie said...

Clinton is a smart man. His wife is an even more brilliant woman.


Shannon said...

First, I was struck at how well written this post is. Just wanted to tell you that.

Second, I've thought about whether I'd "Monica" Clinton too! The appeal is more the power he held, I'm sure he's charming as hell too.

And I've thought that people like the Queen of England and any other person who people feel are better than anyone else is just another human being who takes a shit and wipes their asses like everyone else.

Kerry said...

Great post.
Was not a Clinton fan, but I saw him once and he is such a presence, I would have gotten my Monica on too.

Jenn said...

Clinton lied about sex. Yippee. Far greater crimes are happening right now in the oval office. (I won't pull out the soap box)

His sexual transgressions aside, the man is brilliant and compassionate and has charisma.

I'd totally body press him.

Sayre said...

I loved Clinton as president (but not in a Monica-sort of way). I wish he could be president again so he could clean up the mess of yet another Republican. But that can't happen, I guess. Hillary might be okay, but she'll never win. Too many people have strong opinions against her. Which is too bad because she is just as smart (or maybe smarter) than her husband. And you can bet there will be no blue-dress issues in HER White House.

NotSoSage said...

Oh, geez. How do you do that? How do you begin with such silliness and end on that note (and invent a sexual euphemism, to boot). You are amazing.

I was so impressed with Clinton at the AIDS Conference here last summer, though I had been pretty ambivalent about him before that. I'm Canadian, I culture ambivalence.

Chaos Control said...

I'd so get my Monica on with Bill!

Love, love, love this post!

Lotta said...

Clearly you are Monica are what is needed to spread world peace. Or at least world relaxation. Lovely post though - I miss the days of Bill Clinton. A BJ doesn't seem so bad now that we are at WAR.

Izzy said...

Frankly, my dear... Bill Clinton is the ONLY president anyone should even CONSIDER Monica-ing with.

Because Nixon? Eww!

Carter? Eww!

Reagan? Eww!

Either Bush? Double eww!

Izzy said...

Oh and just to clarify, I do know Reagan and Nixon are dead (which adds a whole 'nother layer of Ewww!)

Ruth Dynamite said...

To Monica, or not to Monica, that is the question. (But never with Al Sharpton, God help us all.)

radical mama said...

I find Bill Clinton incredibly sexy. But that would be impossible for me if he were not so intelligent and articulate and generally on the right path.

Damselfly said...

But how was it for Al?

You celebrate, eh? Well, come on over and get yourself an "I Celebrate!" button at!

Alpha DogMa said...

Everyday I fall more and more in love with you. I'd Monica Clinton also. Somedays I'd even Monica Hillary.

The Queen Mama said...

Congratulations on making "Monica" a verb!

Shazia said...

Thanks for sharing. I just heard the speech today, and it is incredible!

Gayle said...

De-lurking to tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog.

This post is wonderful.

I do so wish we still had President Clinton in the White House. If he were in office, I don't believe we would be in this terrible predicament. During his tenure, deficits became surplus, the economy was booming, good jobs were created, there was peace and prosperity. Ah, how I long for those days!

Again, I love your blog.

Starrlight said...

I wanted to elect him for a third term based soley on the hella creative use of a cigar. Any man willing to think outside the box (pun intended) is ok by me!

Ophelia Rising said...

Just wanted to add that, if you haven't already, check out this song:

Funny, funny, funny!

Little Nut Tree said...


I've not been about much lately - been v busy and tired so reading through what I've missed out on... I just loved this..

Very beautiful.