Monday, July 23, 2007

Bush Trimming

K fantasizes about having a perfect lawn.

That must be some sort of sign that we are officially middle aged.

He obsesses so much about the yard and its brown-ness that yesterday while The Mayor and The Rooster napped, he went outside to rake, clip and generally putter about.

[I also spent the time productively by conducting scientific experiments to determine which pillow on my bed was the most comfortable.]

When The Mayor and The Rooster woke up, they cried for Daddy.

[Because I am chopped liver.]

K was still outside, so in I went.

The sight of me caused a great wailing.


"No, Mommy! We want Daddy!"

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I could hear K's attempts at "lawn whispering" (as William calls it) out back. I pulled up the blinds so the kids could look out and see their father in all his botanical glory.

K had picked up the hedge clippers and was looking squint eyed at a bush with four foot sprouts shooting out the top.

When he saw The Mayor and The Rooster pressed against the window looking at him, he came and squished his face against the screen and made funny faces. He could hear their laughter through the window pane.

The yard clown's hedge clipping circus was born.

K ran at our bushes, clipping willy nilly, and running right over them. I watched our yard ornamentation bend down to kiss the brown grass and spring back up.

K jumped up and down randomly clipping the ends off Magnolia branches while The Mayor and The Rooster laughed and laughed.

While he was attacking the holly bush in an "Edward Scissor Hands Goes Religious Fanatic" way, a neighbor, whose backyard abuts ours, wandered across his lawn and out to his driveway staring puzzled at K (who didn't notice him) the whole time.

[Now I was laughing.]

K leap frogged over the hydrangea and back again while clipping and jumping with such frenzy that I am truly impressed the man still has testicles.

On a reverse jump the neighbor headed back across his lawn and this time K saw him and came to a startled and abrupt stop.

"Whatever it takes to amuse the kids, eh?" the neighbor said.

K nodded his blushing head, watched the neighbor disappear into his house, and then resumed the lawn and garden show.

The Mayor and The Rooster pointed at the yard's next victims and, in response, K raged against them with his clippers.

Finally K wore himself out.

While our hedges have been clipped... or whacked... or whatever,
our yard still isn't K's dream show piece.

Still, the next time he wrings his hands, worrying about our yard and looking with envy at the springy grass up the street, I hope he remembers that he is achieving something far greater than the perfect lawn.



K Makes A Face

74 comments:

Anonymous said...

You and my lucky grandkids are blessed with the "silly Dad". Thanks for making me laugh too. Love, Grandma Seattle

Heather said...

Aww, K is a special brand of dad! He's as cute and sweet as you OTJ. Lucky Lucky Mayor and Rooster!

deb said...

Entertaining children is underrated I think. There is nothing better than hearing squeals of delight from small kids.

Absolutely Bananas said...

yup, he's a good one! but next time, you need to include VIDEO so that we can use his antics to entertain OUR chillun as well!!

JoeinVegas said...

Yes, video set to some hip hop music or something.
Maybe he could trim those bushes into animal shapes.

Jenifer said...

We have a silly Dad too, think painted toes and ponies in his hair. You are a lucky family to have K!

Mamma said...

Should K ever pine for green grass you can tell him about the three foot circle in my front yard that remains bare because, "we need to have a home plate."

Some day I'll miss that bare patch.

Em said...

This was so NOT what the title led me to believe! LOL

But I gave up on our yard long ago. I'll never compete with the neighbors because I HAVE A LIFE!!!

Magpie said...

He's funny. And the sticking out the tongue thing? We do that a lot around here.

furiousBall said...

as earlier suggested, this clip dancing needs to be committed to video going forward.

Tabba said...

i love that K. i really, really do.

and you are so right.

meno said...

We place a very high value on silliness at our house too. It has saved many a day from the doldrums. Good for K.

tulipmom said...

Like Em, I was surprised by the direction of this post :)

Screw the neighbors; your kids will remember this kind of stuff long after the neighbors have moved away!

JayJenny said...

Oh, that's such a cute story!

QT said...

I cast my vote for video taping. That sounds hilarious~

MOobs said...

Our garden is still as it was when the builders left a few weeks ago save that rubble is now hidden behind thickets of weeds that are nipple high on me. We have a garden party in 4 days. I need valium.

Carla said...

I love it when parents give themselves permission to be silly! Kiddos love it! What a fun daddy!

NotSoSage said...

It's official. I want you to adopt me.

slouching mom said...

Like notsosage, I think your home sounds like the place to be, all of you so funny and warm and loving.

Patience said...

Loooove the picture!! and the story

flutter said...

wait, lawns are green? I thought they were all cacti and rocks....

must just be in AZ

K is a doll, jess

mothergoosemouse said...

Yard maintenance goes best with a sense of humor and a beer.

Annie said...

A fun Dad!

My daughter is currently going through the 'it has to me Mommy - for - every - single - tiny - thing' phase - so enjoy your kids Daddy favoritism while it lasts!

WILLIAM said...

"a neighbor, whose backyard abuts ours,..."

That sounds dirty.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

makes me wish I had a husband who didnt mind making a fool of himself out where everyone else can see. there's something about someone who is comfortable with themselves in any situation

Deb said...

I think it is such a blessing to your kids that you and their father have such a wonderful sense of humor!

Karen Forest said...

I love this! What a great dad!

Janine @ Moving Mama said...

He better so hope that the neighbor wasn't going back inside to get his camera phone to secretly record his yard tumbling :) He may want to keep an eye on YouTube for awhile.
Very cute!

Mona said...

I don't know what I love more--the hilarity within this post or the title.

carrie said...

You know, he may have a calling . . .

What a great Dad, and husband, you have there!

Carrie

Cathy said...

I second the request for a video! In exchange, I'll offer up Hubs dancing in front of our picture window. In his boxers. I do love a man who's willing to humiliate himself for his offspring's entertainment.

jen said...

i can only imagine how much K loves this post, sister.

SJ said...

Ack, no my babydaddy is yard-obsessed and he's only 32. (I'm hoping this means he'll make it past 64.) I think it's genetic. Or man-netic.

Leann I Am said...

What a sweet hubby! My kids cry for their dad too! I quite enjoy the break!

PunditMom said...

You crazy kids! And, hey, I hope that pillow experiment came out OK!

Paige said...

K needs to coach my hubs on how to put on a fine yard-taming show.

Jenny said...

I need a new lawn boy. The last one refused to entertain my daughter while sheering imaginary topiary dinosaurs.

Bastard

Mimi said...

Yoiks! Jumping and clipping may indeed produce an unintended vasectomy. I'm glad K made it out alive.

Did you determine, scientifically, which of the bed's pillows is in fact the most comfortable? Your research will not be complete unless you balance this finding against a group of control pillows from the couch. So get to napping, woman!

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Great story. There is nothing better than a Daddy entertaining his kiddos!

Worker Mommy said...

Hee Hee, I totally thought this was going to be a different kind of post.

Gotta love the silly goofy, entertaining Dad. Its one of the things I love the most about hubby!

Circus Kelli said...

Wow. He's Supah-Dad. That's awesome.

Virtualsprite said...

That is so cute! Can he come over and train my Nature Boy?

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

I'm not sure what is funnier: "Bush Trimming" or lawn whispering...tee hee.

I love it when my husband unleashes the unbridled silly for the girls. It makes me all the more sure I married the right man. :)

K sounds like the best dad evah! (except, of course, for the daddy at our house)

Ally said...

Oh my, you gave me a good laugh this afternoon. I love that K did all that just to make the kids laugh. There is nothing better than a silly, fun-loving dad.

Kevin Charnas said...

amen.

Sarah said...

What a fun dad! So silly about the neighbor.

NoMommy said...

Oh, the double entendre!

We have a silly Daddy here too, aren't they fun! I'll put in my vote for video.

mcewen said...

You know before we came out here, we were given a book as recommended reading for new immigrants [can't remember what it was called now]

We laughed so hard about the lawn thing which we didn't understand at all.
[translation = I don't we do still, even after 12 and a half years!]
Cheers

BOSSY said...

Dads are sexy.

Deb said...

AHHH the lengths we go to, to embarrass ourselves! Today my son was counting the aisles in Target checkout.. mom 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9.. mom wheres the count... we need the number of the day... so I said in my Sesame street count voce won to, threeeeeeeeeeeee for, fiv, six, sevon, eight, NINE... a ha ha ha ha 10 check out aisles HA HA HA!

Alpha DogMa said...

I've got one of those "amuse the kids at the cost of personal pride" kind of husbands. Aren't they great.

Terri B. said...

He did something so much more lasting than a perfect lawn which only stays "perfect" temporarily :o)

Omaha Mama said...

That is hi-larious. My dad often asks my hubs if he's raising grass or kids (hubs is OCD about green grass and the ills that come about due to kiddie pools and the evil, evil slip n slide (banned). This story made me giggle - especially envisioning Edward Scissorhands.

Omaha Mama said...

Oh, and the slutty ho bag comment made me spit AND snort.

painted maypole said...

that is fantastic! And the picture is the perfect ending (and the perfect response to those perfect lawn keepers)

Amanda said...

I have yet to find anything more delicious than the secret world of dads, how magic it is to peek through another child's window and onto the stage upon which dad performs. This was especially wonderful as we shared mom's laughter.

Beautifully told!

KC said...

You know, I've been feeling like chopped liver recently too. I'm thinking this Chicago trip is highly needed for some mommy-withdrawal.

K is a riot, how much laughter goes on at the House of Joy every day?

Mrs. Chicky said...

Get that man a beer. He deserves one for all that.

Shauna said...

Too funny!

Biddy said...

"while clipping and jumping with such frenzy that I am truly impressed the man still has testicles."
can't. stop. laughing!

i want a fun husband like yours! could you maybe send me a clone of him? thanks. oh and i'll pay for the postage

moosh in indy. said...

Lord of the Lawn Dance, eh?
Hot.

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

Big, big smile on my face.

And that TOTALLY sounds like something Bryan would do.

urban-urchin said...

I think the name of your blog, is so appropriate.

What memories Roo and the Mayor will have of their goofey dad, and that will be, as you say so much more important that the perfect lawn.

liv said...

And you know this dirty girl expected something completely different when the post title popped up in Google reader! :) Happy trimming!

Above Average Joe said...

Those are the moments that you realize you are the luckiest woman in the world.

And not because he didnt snip anything off while leap frogging over the hydrangeas.

andi said...

Ah, men and their lawns.

Funny, though. When I read the title of this post I thought the Mayor had said something naughty. I really must get my mind out of the gutter.

Grim Reality Girl said...

YAY for Daddy -- you know that neighbor is jealous of his well trimmed bush....

momomax said...

you're a funny mutha.

k's testicles being intact is good news. someday the lawn circus might need a third ring.

Sayre said...

Oh, the mental pictures!!!! You've got a good thing in K.

We, too, finally have a yard with grass and an edged driveway. My FIL cannot be more thrilled.

WhyMommy said...

Okay this made me laugh out loud, nearly waking the children.

He's an awesome dad!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

You two are a perfect couple. Hilarious.

Little Nut Tree said...

I felt right there with you... in my house, this is more likely to be me than BN being the silly idiot so it's funny to see it from the other perspective :o)

so funny!

jchevais said...

Lawn whisperer. I like that.

Genevieve Choate said...

Laughed so hard at 'lawn whisperer' -- what a great post. Loved reading it.