K is in charge of breakfast.
Every morning he makes scrambled egg whites for The Family Joy and we love that about him.
He uses a brand of organic, jumbo, brown eggs from our local farmer’s market that take the idea of a “jumbo egg” to a whole new level.
As Tessa says, they are YOOOGE. They are freakishly large.
Driving home from the market the other day loaded up with a few dozen of these super large eggs, I was thinking about the hens that laid them.
I empathised with the chickens. I pushed The Mayor out and he was an even ten pounds.
My mind strayed to the time Lotta talked about tampons and how her post partum vagina made her feel like she was throwing hot dogs down a hallway and then I returned to the issue of the chickens.
I thought, “The hens that push out these mutant jumbo eggs must have REALLY wide…uh…”
What do you call a hen vagina? Is it simply “hen vagina” or is there some other proper name?
The Old Egg Shoot?
Cootchie Doodle Doo?
I tried to engage K in my intellectual pondering about the biologically correct way to discuss hen vaginas, but he refused my banter.“Oh! I know… Henetalia!”
K rolled his eyes.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Hens With Big Hallways
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80 comments:
"Cootchie Doodle Doo?" Hah!!!! I love that!
There are some things I just haven't considered, and the proper or improper name of fowl genitalia is one of them. But I'm glad you're doing your part! Thanks!
Cloaca (Cloe-ay-ka) is the 'proper' terminology but the ones producing thoe Yooooooge eggs more likely have 'Cluck-achers'. Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
Henatalia. I love it. What the heck do you do with all the egg yolks?
Do you like egg trivia?
http://www.enc-online.org/trivia.htm
LMAO at Hens w/Big Hallways!!! You've just made my morning!
Man, and when I bumped into you at the Farmers Market, I just thought you two were on an innocent shopping trip.
Henitalia.
Those hens...yeah, I would imagine their hallways are large to push those big old eggs out.
Ew.
I was gonna say "hengina". At least with the males it all falls into place with "cock".
Woman, how are you so funny this early in the morning?
Hysterical.
Henetalia! Genius, woman. When are you going to write your own sitcom? I'd watch!
And what do you do with those yolks??
I love how your mind works...too funny!!!
You do have a real sweetie. Gigantic egg scrambling man is charming.
henetalia ---heh.
There you go showing off *again* about how your husband makes you breakfast every morning. Gahhh.
PS what? how weird! It says i am commenting as Bossy when actually i'm Bill Clinton. i hate it when that happens.
Henitalia!
I am dying here.
Cootchie Doodle Doo, Henatalia....love it! You crack me up :o)
Maybe the chickens in them there parts really do have big hoo-has.
Or...maybe they're emu eggs.
Your humor is too much.
Chick Va-jay.
Oh, the conversations!
K cooks??! Joe can barely figure out where the kitchen is.
Cloaca. I guess Mom was right. You learn something new every day.
Every day with you must be an adventure.
Between the post and comments I learned something (I never knew I needed to know) new today!
What do you do with the yolks? We always make regular scrambled eggs at our house, but we are actually more of an omellette house anyway. That or Daddy's famous chocolate-chip pancakes.
I don't make breakfast either, only toast.
who knew there was a proper name for a hen cootch? henatalia is a good one - perhaps you can hook that dude nick up with some chick that has a cootchie doodle doo
Henetalia. Awwwesome.
My friend just had a 10 1/2 pound baby who is under 21 inches. My question was "is he a sphere?" Clearly my question was wrong. I should have asked "is he an egg?"
(friend did say that apparently this was a situation where the weird round crib would be called for)
After pushing out those giant eggs do they get "hen-roids"?
Sorry, sorry-bad I know.....
Ahhhhhhh! That is TOO FUNNY! I never thought about that before. You have OPENED my MIIIIIND! ;)
What you really need to know about hens, is that they only have one exit chute, where everything comes out.
I am totally working the word "henitalia" into a conversation today.
more than any ethical issue, the thought of 'henitalia' might make me consider not eating eggs any more...
nah, they're too yummy. my daughter and i have had egg sandwiches for breakfast for the last 6 days in a row!
(bent over clutching gut)
(can't. stop. laughing.)
(will never look at chikens the same way again.)
All this vagina talk is for the birds.
LMAO, but again with the lovely imagery...
Coochie Doodle Do!! LMAO!!
I can't get over the imagery either, I really can't.
I am absolutely fascinated with the way your brain works!!
Sometimes the eggs from our grocer have really really bumpy shells. Like they are covered in the stucco stuff from my oh-so-chic popcorn ceilings. And I always think, poor poor hen who had to squeeze this sandpaper egg out her girl bits (this is what a punphobe call the hentalia)!
You are soooooooo funny. And obviously: drunk on gin from the minibar. Have a macadamia nut and soak up some of that liquor.
HAhahahaha! Perfect!
You are too funny. I highly recommend creme brulee be made with those leftover yolks. Feed it to the kids if you don't want it.
leeandluu beat me to it, tho I was going to say "vent", which is the term for ducks, geese, and chickens.
i love Fried Eggs + Bacon + Heinz Ketchup!!
but i love yer Hen Vagina even more!!
oh lordy - i was NOT expecting that*
;PPP
+ the Horny Hen Vagina replied:
ANY COCKLEDOO!!!!
LMAO. We think alike. My friend, Beth wrote a hysterically funny entry once with a whole bunch of vagina names, some I'd never even heard, that made me laugh until I cried. Enjoy! http://www.acid-indignation.com/2007/02/is-your-betty-ready.html Maybe it will help you with more hen names although, it's kinda rated R. lol.
Pretty funny. Cock-a doodle cooter.
What do you do with the yolks? Which begs the question, on farm raised chickens to they produce the yolks of oppression?
You are fucking hysterical!
Seriously, when can we have drinks? You are so damn funny.
Bryan and I make up words like this all the time. My all-time favorite is "poobs," - for the hair surrounding his nipples.
After a few of those laying spurts I bet you they beg to be butchered! OUCH!
Henatalia. Bwhahahaha:::Choke:::
Bwaahhahahaha::Snort.
excuse my tongue....
but by god woman, you are a fucking genius.
i would SO be game for that banter.
anytime.
I laughed so hard, I think I just shat myself.
I like coochie doodle doo, personally!
Thanks for the laugh! I needed it.
OMG, I can always count on finding a laugh here - thanks!
Henatalia. I am so effin afraid of the google searches that will surely follow...
Totally LMAO!!!
And to keep her hen-self covered: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/7365
Henetalia is almost as good as my favorite made up word used to describe the brown part of a banana - bananus
too funny!
Henatalia -- I love it.
I just stumbled across your blog and it's the best laugh I've had today. I'll definitely be back!
OMG, I love you! You are too funny!
In college, we had an egg drop contest.
But it may not have been the same thing.
You're a hoot. Thanks for sharing.
Bawk Bawk Bawk Bwah Ha!!!! I was laughing so hard I fekkin' SNORTED! lol. I lurrrrve puns! (What was that? Why yes... I have been to the Punitentary. Why do you ask? Oh YES. Quite Punishing! I sued em for false arrest. Got Punative damages!)
I'm so sorry ::hangs head:: I had to! Its a ... sickness.
Hens...they are tough bitches! Oh wait that's dogs.
This is the funniest damn thing I have read in a long time. I have a thing for chickens you know...no no no what you think. ;) I grew up in the country and loved the red hens and their brown eggs.
K rocks...my husband loves to cook but a big breakfast like that is just a weekend thang around here.
The Old Egg Shoot...SNORT!!!!!!
you need to patent the word henetalia, or you are going to see it on some episode of The Office or something and be really biter.
Cause that's funny stuff!!
Seee....hilarious!
I think "henetalia" is perfect. Alghough, according to this http://tinyurl.com/2pfejb
s, it is also called a vagina in a hen. What made me laugh about this diagram is how the lower part of the vagina, where there is a connection to the large intestine, is called the "cloaca" which in Spanish means "sewer." Eeewwww!
I. Can't. Even. Breathe.
You need your own sitcom!
Carrie
Oooops, didn't mean to bogart the sitcom reference from anyone.
I really need to read what everyone else says before I write, but that post was too funny. I couldn't wait!
Carrie
Ohhhhhh, henitalia....what fun! Cocks, vaginas, and chickens, always a great combo.. funny wise, not freak wise.
I do love the way your mind works! Henetalia - absolutely freaking hilarious. I will never look at a hen the same again!
Henetalia!
Henetalia!
I can't think of anything else to say write now. Henetalia! is chasing out every other thought.
I'm gonna go throw away the eggs in my fridge now.
Henetalia. You are hilarious, OTJ!
Henetalia!
Why I outta!
*snert*
You are too funny.
I'm interested to know how the eggs whites are any good with no yolks. Do you eat them on toast? What does he season them with? I'm so intrigued.
But I'm sure that's just me.
i so love these exchanges w/ you and K. i can picture it right there in your kitchen. (does he put ginger in the eggs?)
"Henetalia" deserves a spot in the dictionary. In fact, I'm gonna email the big shots at Webster's right now.
OH!Thank you!
My friend in Seattle has chickens (in her backyard of her swanky house) and says when the chickens are happy, they lay HUGE eggs and when they are pissed off, they squeak out the little ones. Go figure.
Oh, ow. That hurt. I don't recommend actually saying "Henetalia" out loud, and then snorting while sitting at work with your office door open though.
Take it from me.
ha ha ha ha ha
And are you trying to write more about Vaginas now, knowing that your dad is reading?
Always happy to help with vagina euphamisms.
ha ha - I love it. I do adore a good pun. (It is, though, a cloaca, the latin word for sewer and the outlet for eggs and waste, as well as the inlet for inseminating eggs.)
I don't know how I'm ever going to get to sleep again wondering abou this.
Ya got me. Haaaaaaa!
The things you think of to... entertain us. Thank you.
Henatalia. That's perfect. Hotdogs down a hallway? LOL. That is the ideal description. Man, us women have a rough road don't we?
I truly believe that Henetalia has been etched into my psyche.
Brilliant pun.
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