Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Preparations

I invited a blogger to meet me at Church of the Zoo this past Sunday.

[Oh, blaspheming follower of elephant poo that is me!]

I decided to try not to sweat what I wore or how I looked.

I kept telling myself,

"Just be yourself."

[I have to be my own self-help book since I am under deep cover in hiding from the Book-of-the-Month-Club people.]

I stood in front to the bathroom mirror surveying my look and had the following conversation with myself...

"Shorts? Fine.

Shirt? Fine.

Face? Oh, dear.

Perhaps a wee bit of mascara never hurt anyone?

Okay.

Uh.. your eyeball under bags are really bad, girlfriend.

Hmmm... what to do?

What's that thing the Hollywood stars do with Preparation H?

Wha...???

Don't you have some Preparation H around somewhere, you know, from the post-partum days?

Seriously? You want me to put hemorrhoid cream on my face?

Totally."

I rooted around in the bathroom cabinets and found Preparation H, but only in suppository form.

That's right. You heard me. Suppositories. For INSERTING. As in... Up Yer Bum!

[Up Yer Bum! Up Yer Bum! Up Yer Bum! Wheee!]

I applied it.

Oh. Yes. I. Did.

And, uh... it was like putting lipstick on my eyeball under bag! (Sort of.)

As far as I could tell it didn't do a damned thing for me but I sure had fun applying it and Liv never knew my beauty secret.

[Until now.]

For the record... Liv is smokin' hot with two cute kids and an awesome sister Sue.

If only she lived closer.

If only all you Internet peoples lived closer...

78 comments:

Annie said...

I like that tip! Don't we all have the Preparation H - for the same reasons?

I think it's great that you met other bloggers - and high time I did the same thing. Not going to no stinkin' hot zoo in this part of the world though - not until at least November.

Shannon said...

You know, I've been wanting to try the Prep H thing. Maybe the cream would work better. I just can't bring myself to use the tube my husband has.....I don't need a staph infection for crying out loud.

It's women like Liv who inspire us to look our best :D

Thanks for adding my blog :) Of course I had to go check, LOL. I will add yours now.

liv said...

This was such a fun time! (I am glad I didn't take communion on my first visit to the Church) And, Roo's meat loving habit is the stuff that legends are made of!

For the Love... said...

You gotta love a girl who will rub a suppository under her eye!

Sounds like y'all had fun, thanks for adding me to your blogroll!

Mimi aka pz5wjj said...

I must admit... I always wondered if that really worked...

Now I know...

mcewen said...

I believe we have cause for concern. I cannot imagine where you acquired such a beauty tip. [fortunately] For myself, I find that a dab or two of Icy Hot to the base of the spine, does wonders for that 'eyes wide open' look, but it has no effect on the bags.
Cheers

Patience said...

Hemorr-eyes?? P-H! Why not!! It's a heckuvva lot cheaper than eye cream that doesn't work!

That's not a blog roll! That's a blog rollin'-rollin'-rollin'! So does it take all week to get thru them all???a

meno said...

Man, everyone gets to meet Liv except me! Why don't you people move closer?

wordgirl said...

I'd love to meet a blogger at the zoo, but what if they mistake me for the 100-year-old tortoise? Where's the eyebag cream that can prevent such a thing?

3carnations said...

I hadn't heard that beauty tip...Even if it's a myth, at least now you won't get hemorrhoids THERE. :)

slouching mom said...

Oh, oh! I've just discovered Liv! She's terrific!

I thought the purpose of this blog was to pass mighty wind? Or something like that.

Hetha said...

Dude, I've never heard of Prep. H for your eye-bags, that's sick! What will they think of next!

I am envious that you live in a place where other bloggers travel and you're able to meet up with them. I'm in such a rural pocket (total BFE) that I have no hopes of ever meeting any internets people. So cute that you're fretting over your appearance, like it's a date! I guess I'd be nervous too come to think of it.

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

You have awesome improvisational skillz.

painted maypole said...

that blogroll is really frightening to me. But thanks for putting me on it. :)

Prep H, huh? I think you can buy actual CREAM for such things, you know, instead of cream intended for...um...other places.

ALM said...

so wait - putting preparation H on your face... does that make you a Butt Face?!?! (Sorry, but I'm honestly cracking myself up! Guess I really do need to get out more...)

Thanks for putting me on your blogroll. So cool.

radical mama said...

Your blogroll scares me a little.

Lori at Spinning Yellow said...

Thanks for adding me to that crazy blogroll. You are definitely exceeded your goal of building a community! If you read all those blogs, it's no wonder you have bags under your eyes. The best cure for that is sleep!!!

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I really want to get together with fellow bloggers in my area. One is coming through sometime soon so hoping that will work out. A fellow artist.

I love prep H

acumamakiki said...

I've always wanted to try the prep H under the eyes, also on the thighs which is supposedly the secret used by the pageant girls. My luck, I'd put the prep H on before the pool and then all the water would bead up on my thighs, sharing my secret with all.

Blogging meet-ups are the best - it's hard that everyone is so spread out.

cronznet said...

I think I'll just live with the bags under my eyes.
As for meeting other bloggers, I hope to meet up with one or more on my vacations in the coming months. All next summer will be spent travelling the US so I'll keep putting the idea out there.
Anyone coming through New Mexico give me a holler--if you can stand a baggy-eyed-but-free tour guide!

Jenn said...

Baggage Handler, by Bliss.

It does work.

I just haven't tried it on my ass yet to see if it's reversable like Prep H, but for the eyes, it works.

WILLIAM said...

Beauty is in the eye..I mean the bum of the beholder.

CamiKaos said...

Yeah! I'm part of a community.

and um... Yeah, I can't believe you did that.


(my antispam word is "lurdy")

Kim said...

a cousin of mine used to always swell up quite badly when bitten by mosquitos...my aunt would apply Prep.H cream to them and it worked to reduce the swelling. The thought it kinda gross, but hey, if it works!

...I've heard it works for eye bags too...you'll have to try the cream and get back to us, a new mission for ya ;)

Lawyer Mama said...

I've heard about the Preparation H trick but have never had the guts to try it....

Janine said...

Prep H is now being bought up in every suburban Rite Aid around the country - me, suppositories are still in the cabinet from pregnancy (did I just admit that?) - the question is, I am brave enough?

Mama's Moon said...

Prep-H? That's exactly why I've kept the tube from my postpartum days handy! But, the suppository applied in lipstick fashion? By George (Joy!) I think you've just broken the makeup mold! Leave it to you to make useful sense of even this thingy. Oh I worship thee!!!

BTW, you always look mahvelous, Dahling!!!

*~*Cece*~* said...

I've heard that trick works wonders. I should have my husband go out & buy some to have on hand "just in case".

Cathy said...

Heard of it, but never tried it. Am leery of butt products, mainly because I've never gotten past my memories of the battles during my daughter's Days of Constipation and Suppository Hell.

I must confess to being more intrigued by the comment about using it on your thighs, however.

acumamakik, could you please elaborate? I HATE my thighs. I would pop open a dozen suppositories wallow in them if I thought it would improve matters.

Thanks for the blogroll add!

Miguelina. said...

Oh, the blogroll!

I'm impressed that you thought to use the suppository - it's more sanitary if you think about it - right?

Blog Antagonist said...

Gurfren....you are beautiful. And I now firsthand.

BTW...Olay eye gel is da bomb. Tighten those suckers right up.

Catizhere said...

Boy, that Tyra Banks sure is smart....I think I heard that tip on either her talk-show or from America's Next Top Model.

I've never tried it though.....my eyebag problem is the darkness, not so much puffiness. You know, If I go outside without concealer, I look like Uncle Fester.

Rock the Cradle said...

The things we do for beeyoo-tay.

Off to rip some more hair follicles off my face...

I'm so over due for a blogroll update. I keep thinking I'll get to it when I give my entire sight an overhaul. I'll keep thinking...

Redneck Mommy said...

Did you warm up the suppository in your hand before trying to rub it on first?

LOL.

Can't stop laughing at this image.

How I love you my friend.

You and your hemmorhoid-like eyes...

Craze said...

I've heard of that beauty tip but have always been afraid to try it!

jen said...

Sigh. Liv. You met the remarkable and amazing Liv. The two of you together....

Sigh. Glad it happened!

Worker Mommy said...

Bwahaha...just picturing it makes me laugh...suppositories on the face.

What'd you do just rub it on your face or pound it in to powder with a mortar and pestle and make a paste ? (tee hee)

Alpha DogMa said...

I use leftover nipple cream on chapped lips. I thought that was gross. But you are grosser.

I mean that with love, sweetie.

Paige said...

You know what they say about girls with big blogrolls...

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

What a great tip! Not that I have anything like that in my medicine chest. Nope, not me.

flutter said...

I love her, and she is so freakin adorable and you? You I adore.

BOSSY said...

No fair having Grrl fun without Bossy. Who by the way would have changed in and out of her white tank top an impressive amount of times.

My name is Rima. said...

NO! Were you out of cucumbers?

Thank you for the add, by the way, and your kind words.

Kyla said...

Preparation H in the US doesn't have the active ingredient to shrink under eye bags. You have to import from the UK for that.

HOLY BLOGROLL, Batman. Do you read all those? My mind has been blown.

And also, there is something for you over at my place.

carrie said...

I've always heard of that beauty trick, but never been brave enough to try it!

Or maybe, not brave enough to go to the store and buy some when I'm not pregnant! Who knows?

Lisa said...

How cool that you guys got to meet up.

I'm sure you looked awesome!

Major Bedhead said...

Wow, you have an impressive blog roll. (That sounds much more disgusting - disgusting like surprises you find in the toilet disgusting, not waggle-your-eyebrows disgusting - typed out than it did in my head.) Anyway, yeah, digress much, bedhead? Thanks for putting me on your blog roll.

QT said...

That is not a blogroll - we have to come up with a different name for it.

So jealous that you got to meet liv!

PunditMom said...

Girl, you don't need no Prep H. for the eye bags! You're BEAUTIFUL! And cheers for the thoughts on the updated blogroll --I will soon be doing the same!

Momish said...

No. You. Did. Not! You are too much! Especially since you don't need any of that crap to look gorgeous!

Mrs. Chicky said...

I used to put spoons in the freezer and then when they were really cold I'd hold them to my eye bags to relieve the puffiness. I know, ice would have worked just as well.

But never, NEVER, have I tried Prep H.

Maybe now I will. It sounds like fun.

Omaha Mama said...

I didn't click on your church of the zoo, but I will. I'm assuming it's Sunday morning at the zoo? We spent one of the happiest zoo days ever on a Sunday morning. No lines, no waiting. The kids went behind the "fence" at the aquarium and went right up to the tanks. It was glorious. If God wasn't there, then I have no idea where He may have been. It was wonderful.

jeanie said...

I wanna know - suppository - how does one go from the "shove it up your butt" phase to the lipstick application?

lol - thanks for having me on your blogroll!

Aliki2006 said...

I had NEVER heard that Preparation H tip before. Wow. So I will now watch reruns of the OC and apply Preparation H to my face at the same time...:)

Fairly Odd Mother said...

It is thrilling to see my blog name amongst so many other fine bloggers.

I think I had prescription-strength Prep H after having my daughter. Just imagine what that could've done for the bags! Yowza!

Serina Hope said...

So, does Preperation - H have a smell?

Magpie said...

Your blogroll is da bomb.

Nancy said...

I tried the PH thing for my eyes, never worked for me.

But it does make wonderful lip protection if you think your date, that turns out to be an a**hole, tries to kiss you.

::head tilt::

Damselfly said...

Oh, I can die happy -- I'm on your blogroll.

Does Preparation H come in a vat for dunking your whole body?!

WhatWorksForMom said...

preparation h? wow.

isn't that just the cat's pajamas.

dawn224 said...

My realtor tried the Prep H trick - her eyes swelled up for an entire day ... I hate to visualize what could happen on the dana.

Thanks for the blogroll mention, wanna put my mommy blog up too? Teacher stuff is a little dry compared to the bras and stuff at the sister site :)

deb said...

Holy crap that's a big blogroll woman.

FENICLE said...

I gotta tell you the Church of the Zoo thing is cracking me up!

That being said...glad you made a new friend.

crazymumma said...

cool. I'm on your roll.

I HAVE heard of that preparation H trick..gotta try it someday.

Shannon said...

I was just considering the prep H the other day. Too many sleep-deprived nights. Many more and the dark circles will droop past my chin.

I admire your spirit of adventure.

mamatulip said...

So it really works? Huh. Guess I'll pick up some 'roid cream today at Costco.

~JJ! said...

I have dark circles...not bags...Hmmm...they both suck.

I'm so sure you rocked that 'playdate'...How could you not?

I wish I lived closer too...We would have a helluva good time...

The Farmers Wife said...

I agree, Liv rocks. And the Preparation H thing, I have so wanted to try this but never had the nerve.

NotSoSage said...

I remember my mom trying that when I was a kid and being thoroughly disgusted at the idea. I'm not sure why...it's meant for your bum, but it's not like you're applying it directly off it. At least I hope not.

Christina said...

We worship at the Church of the Zoo quite often.

I'm no longer speaking with myself. Apparently I'm a real bitch to myself, so it's better for all of us that me, myself and I don't chat.

wayabetty said...

Oh she is a cutie like you OTJ!

Alex Elliot said...

Who knew Preparation H has so many uses! We used to use it at the camp I worked at for a rash called swimmer's itch that we would get from the lake. It dried the rash right up.

moosh in indy. said...

Hi, um, so I'm on there but I have an extra dot. The extra dot doesn't do well for me. It's like an extra period, and who wants one of those?
I've learned to embrace my bags, all six of them.

motherbumper said...

Dude, it has to be the cream - otherwise it just don't work.

I love meetin' me some bloggers - it makes them seem more human.

Ruth Dynamite said...

I'm not above being an ass face. (Actually, I already am.)

theotherbear said...

I really don't think the suppositories rubbed on your face would work quite the same as the cream but oh heck that cracked me up!

Lotta said...

Ok, now I feel much better. I put vaginal cream on my face for BlogHer. I was told it would give me a glow.

EE said...

So that's why my husband has 3 tubes of PH in his cabinet...