Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Big Mouthed Idiot Wins Again

I’ve been facilitating meetings for the past two days and have had to arrive early and leave late.

Everything was set up and ready yesterday morning so I was drinking coffee and reading a few blog posts.

One of the male meeting participants arrived and I offered to share my table with him.

He set his computer up and said,


“I’ll be right back. I'm going to get a cup of coffee.”

[Excellent idea, man! Go forth and worship at the pot of the sacred black drink as I and so many others have done before you.]

When he came back he insisted on chatting despite the fact that I was trying to read about the new Lead Poison Barbie.

[Did you know that Barbie used to be a man? Growing up I didn’t know that she used to be a he. It sure explains a lot, right?]

Anyway…

Coffee drinking man told me that he doesn’t usually drink coffee.

“Why would you NOT drink coffee?” I asked him.

[As if a good reason could exist.]

He took a sip of coffee and said,

“When caffeine combines with the Ritalin I take for my ADD it’s just too much.”

I struggled to think of anything remotely resembling an appropriate response.

“Plus there’s the whole narcolepsy thing. I have narcolepsy too.”

I grasped desperately for something to say to this early morning, hyper-caffeinated over-sharer but fumbled and said,

“You have narcolepsy? Really?!!! That's great.”

[Don't be intimidated by my overwhelming powers of compassionate understanding.]

Before I could die of shame, Coffee Man snorted in a Beavis and Butthead-ish way and said,


"Heh Heh. I know, it's awesome. Want me to drive you somewhere later?"

I think we're friends.

88 comments:

leendaluu said...

I've taken away all the twins Barbies and Polly Pockets and have given them knives and rocks to play with....It's so much safer.

kgirl said...

You still handled it with more grace than I would have.

Shannon said...

LMAO. When you find someone with a sick sense of humor, befriend that person and hold them tight. They are a rare and needed commodity.

Circus Kelli said...

Bwahahahaha! THAT is fantastic!

My word verification is: URADIT
I'm a dit?

Patience said...

Narcolepsy and ADD?!?

For the Love... said...

OMG laughing my arse off!

Jodi said...

Hmmm...if I claim I have narcolepsy I wonder if I could crawl under my desk and take a nap.

Hetha said...

Whoa, you must have some mad facilitation skillz to not let those confessions bother you a little! LOL!

pinks & Blues Girls said...

He sounds like my kind of guy. And by that I mean that my kind of guy is Beavis or Butthead.

Jane, P&B Girls

tulipmom said...

LMAO and shaking my head

Mimi aka pz5wjj said...

LMAO!

Oh man I need a coffee!

Kyla said...

LOL. I love meeting those people. The ones who volley my dumbass comments into something entertaining.

kristen said...

Too much. (That's what you were thinking, right?)

Angela said...

Hahaha! I think your new friend sounds fun! Give him some Bailey's Irish Creme in his coffee after dinner sometime and see what happens.

ADD and Narcolepsy, how wild is that?! I think my own response might have been "cool!" LOL

Magpie said...

LOL!

Need more coffee, now.

Bananas said...

Narcolepsy and ADD? As IF those are reasons not to drink coffee.

JoeinVegas said...

I am impressed with how easy it is for you to make nice friends. You must have been the popular one back in high school too.

Chase said...

Too bad he didn't tell you he also had Tourettes. Now THAT story would have had a fun ending.

Marmite Breath said...

How come you meet all the cool ones and I meet all the ones who immediately ask me if I know their Lord and Savior?

(I usually answer, what does he look like and I'll tell you if I've seen him).

NotAMeanGirl said...

BWAHAHAHAHA. Now THATS a person I could be friends with. Dude HOOK ME UP!

Super B's Mom said...

How come I never get to work with cool people with narcolepsy?

No FAIR.

Mary Alice said...

Doesn't his ADD make him forget to concentrate on his narcolepsy? And how about his erectile dysfunction did he forget about that?

mcewen said...

I like my Dad's rule - not talking until 9 a.m. [hopefully my brain is connected to my mouth by that time]
Cheers

Mamma said...

Narcolepsy...necrophilia. I always get those confused.

Audubon Ron said...

Main lining coffee and backing it with the old Ritalin (not that watered-down, slow, time-release crap for whimps) rallies in this really nice buzz on your tail bone. I love it when that happens.

Jenifer said...

I think I have had 3 coffees already this morning...shaakkkkiiiinnnnggg much?

Yep a gal and guy need their coffee.

Kristin said...

I wish I had some sort meeting I needed you to facilitate... how about you come over and just walk me through my morning coffee... promise I won't fall asleep!

flutter said...

Dude! Your super contagious, highly painful cystic hepatitis with mouth sores is SO BAD ASS!!!

Mimi said...

Oh geez that's funny. You guys have got to be friends now. Except you do the driving. But only if he shares the Ritalin first.

urban-urchin said...

leendaluu's comment made me spit coffee on my screen (and fyi it's doesn't interfer with my ADD meds at all- maybe that means I need more meds, hmmm)

allrileyedup said...

Narcolepsy AND ADD. Wow. I'm sure he was a riot back in the school bus days.

CamiKaos said...

put a lampshade on his head and he is a walking party animal!!!

Cathy said...

OK, as a woman who never feels like she gets enough sleep, your response sounds totally appropriate to me!

Love his comeback.

Lawyer Mama said...

Wow, I probably would have just sat there & stared dumbly at him.

I love his response though!

painted maypole said...

that's funny.

And I don't drink coffee. I don't like the taste (sacrilege, I know, sorry) I get my caffeine from carbonated sources, thank you. Oh, and tea. :)

Robin said...

All I could think of was "world's collide". He seems to wear it well.

Paige said...

I probably would have said "hummana hummana hummmana..." because I never know, you know?

creative-type dad said...

Great response!

I'm shock you didn't pull out a kazoo and took a horn.

3carnations said...

His response to your response was great. He could have totally made you feel more awkward. :)

My name is Rima. said...

Sounds like he would be fun at a party.

Diane said...

That is hysterical! Funny, I always wanted to meet someone with narcolepsy. Is it really like in the movies? I gotta wonder.

Heather said...

That is hysterical. I find that any time I got to a training session or big meeting there is one of those to be found! Sounds like you really bonded (snort, snort).

furiousBall said...

Barbie doesn't drink coffee either.


Because she's a doll.


Dolls don't drink coffee.

PunditMom said...

Your life is SO much more interesting than mine!

Rusti said...

LOL!!! Oh J - thanks for sharing!! (Did my URL thing work? Can you now get to my blog from my profile? Just checking) :)

mothergoosemouse said...

You so totally rock. I would've probably said something uncouth like "No shit?!?"

Jen M. said...

Did you really say that? Gah - It's funny, and yet I'm also withering a bit for you in my chair...I like my shoe with tobasco sauce, you? ;)

nell said...

Oh that is so perfect! If only all of my social faux pas could go so well.

BOSSY said...

Get him to tell you about his Tourette's.

Jennifer said...

That is completely fantastic. The entire episode!!

mauniejames3 said...

Who cares about Barbie....did ya
go for a ride...please tell me you went for a ride...nothing that fun ever happens to me

wordgirl said...

I'm just glad this wasn't a story about how you confused "narcolepsy" with "narcoleptic".

wordgirl said...

I'm just glad this wasn't a story about how you confused "narcolepsy" with "narcoleptic".

wordgirl said...

Wait...wait...necrophilia. THAT'S what I meant.

ALM said...

Yeah, but more kudos to you that he didn't fall asleep during the meeting!!!

Hol&J said...

I would have had a hard time not saying, "ooh, show me!"

I mean, what DOES that combination look like in action?

*~*Cece*~* said...

And you don't have any video to show us after an encounter that awesome?

Redsy (formerly CrankMama) said...

wow. sure has a way with the laydays.. old smoothie.

you should have observed to him what a total catch he is..

thanks for the link... i wondered why my traffic was greater than my family members today :P)

tiggymooshoo said...

You gave me a fantastic belly laugh for the morning! Bravo!!!!

Lisa said...

Oh that's funny. I didn't even know that combo was possible.

Moobs said...

Is snarkiness a side effect of Ritalin or simply caffeine-induced?

WhatWorksForMom said...

Hilarious! An awkard conversation definitely won out over an awkward silence.

Jenn said...

Did you catch if he was single? :)

Stimey said...

Oh, that's classic. Sounds like something I might say. My foot has quite an intimate relationship with my mouth.

EE said...

I hope you didn't get in the car with that narc;)

Anonymous said...

word verification: bobofish

google must have a sense of humor.

meow.

Serina Hope said...

That is freaking hilarious.What a combination though, ADD and narcolepsy?? Crazy

Aliki2006 said...

Narcolepsy? ADD? I just can't get my mind around that combination!j

Blog Antagonist said...

HA! Well at least he has a sense of humor about it.

slackermommy said...

Can't wait to read more funny encounters as this friendship blooms.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Where do these people find you?? You attract some characters, friend.

wayabetty said...

TMI dude, that's all I can say!

Bitsy Parker said...

Now that was funny. I lost your url but now it's found!! I'm linking and putting you on my read every day list.

carrie said...

You slay me.

kevin said...

I recently was told by a friend that her son wouldn't eat lima beans because of a disorder he's been diagnosed with. Remember back when we just used to call that being a picky eating? Those were the days, huh?

Shannon said...

I love it. I like narcolepsy guy.

metalia said...

You SLAY me.

Every damn time.

Lotta said...

I love that kind of bluntness. It's like your telling the world it's no big deal rather than making it something you need to be tactful about. I might skip the ride though. ;)

~JJ! said...

You would make a wonderful holiday party!

Stepping Over the Junk said...

have a friend with ADD and he eats WAY too much sugar and drinks way too much coffee...when we have lunch, his leg bounces up and down and shakes the table...I have to make sure we get a table that is bolted down.

Flawed & Disorderly said...

You are sooooooooo funny!

Damselfly said...

Sounds like a winning guy.

But seriously? How can you have ADD and narcolepsy at the same time?! "Oh wait, I can't concentrate...zzz...."

Momish said...

I think I like that guy! It is a gift to be able to laugh at oneself. He seems like a great fellow.

KC said...

I wonder if he really has narcolepsy or that's just when his ritalin and coffee wear off. Dude. That guy is damaged goods.

Mrs. Mustard said...

Oh man, too funny! I am laughing my ass off (or am I laughing at the Big Comfy Couch? Probably not.).

Mommahbear. said...

Coffee and Ritalin are a bad mix. The rollercoaster veers off the upward turn and just keeps climbing until the surprise nasty crash decent. Rough. Oee has just begun to love the barbie. I'll have to check into this barbie business.

Colleen said...

Absolutely hysterical. This being a real person cracks me up... especially the offering to drive you somewhere... heehee

Patois said...

At least he didn't own up to also being into necrophilia.