Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Cereal for Dinner

Yesterday was the first time I have been alone in about ten days.

The weight of all that I witnessed flooded my soul.

It was a hard day.

Even little things were hard.

It was picture day at The Mayor and The Rooster's school.

Their teacher called me on my cell phone while I was in Virginia to remind me about it.

Unfortunately she failed to mention that I had to sign some sort of release form so when I picked the kids up from school I learned that there would be NO PHOTOS FOR ME.

For some reason this inconsequential news made me slump down and sit where I landed in the play yard.

I'm sure I looked pretty dejected.

Rooster came and sat in my lap.

Dave The Daycare Dad strolled into the play yard, looked at me and said,

"Hi! Wow! You look TIRED!"

I don't know Dave The Daycare Dad very well, but I took the liberty of responding in a matter of fact tone with,

"Yeah. My Grandmother died in a horrible car accident last week. I am tired."

He looked as though I had slapped him in the face.

Is it me, or did he totally miss the Brady Bunch episode where we learned,

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

By the time we picked K up from the train station I was a puddle of goo, totally useless.

The kids were concerned about mommy's tears so K volunteered to take them out for pizza.

They were halfway out the door when The Mayor ran back to me and said,

"Mom, all my stuff is in my bed, so if you want, you can lie down in it. My bear is there and my blankie too. You can use them, okay?"

He gave me a hug and a kiss and then followed his father out the door.

134 comments:

we_be_toys said...

Girl, I have had days like this. I hope you're ok. What a sweetie the Mayor is! With that kind of love and support, who can go wrong? Thinking of you...
Thanks for the comment on my blog, btw...I'm very excited about it.

Not the Queen said...

You have the sweetest kids and the most caring husband! We're all still praying for you.

annie w. said...

(((Jess)))

Arwen said...

After my mom died I was at the doctor's getting the ladies checked (I have the same thing you do). She asked me how I was doing and I started to cry. When I finally told her what the problem was (I missed my mom, I was exhausted) she wrote me a prescription for Lexapro and gave me a hug. I never took it but I was honored my doctor cared and did what she thought was right. Istarted to turn the corner at that point. I never took the meds.

Theresa said...

What a wonderful example of how you are raising your children. How sweet of Mayor to offer you his "comfort place".

Still keeping you and your family in my prayers, Jess.

Lots of Hugs your way!

JoeinVegas said...

Sometimes nothing beats a blanky and a bear. You can use mine too if you want.

kristen said...

Hugs.

Super B's Mom said...

You are raising two wonderfully compassionate children. And one fine husband. :)

Prayers of strength continuing..
xoxo

mimikatemom said...

Dear Mayor,
I cannot think of a better place for your Mommy to be, Mayor. A place to be sad, yet safe and smells like you.
She's sad right now, because goodbyes are hard, but she won't be sad forever. When she looks at you she'll remember the love she felt growing up, and she'll pass that down to you. Her smiles will come back, more beautiful than ever.
What a good heart you have Mayor. You make your Mommy proud.
Warmly,
E

Miss Eliza said...

hugs to you and your sweet kiddoes. that touched my heart and renewed my conviction to pray and send all the love and magic that I can to you all.

Topetay said...

All I can say is, I hope you took the Mayor up on his advice. The simple things are what comfort us the most. Positive thoughts of strength to you and your family.

Craze said...

((HUGS)) You have had one hell of a week. The Mayors words are priceless.

Catizhere said...

It is so hard to say goodbye isn't it?
I love Mimikatemom's response.

MamaLee said...

What a sweet boy. I have one just like that.

Thoughtful, sweet, loving, kind. Willing to share his dearest things. Please get some rest, Jess. Then go outside and feel that sunshine on your face. You'll feel a little better.

xoxo

Honeybell said...

Strength can come from surprising places can't it? God Bless the Mayor and your entire family.

cronznet said...

Please be as gentle with yourself as The Mayor is being with you.
Hugs and hope from the southwest

Ribbon Rock Star said...

((Hugs))
Your kids are too sweet!

Linda

Sayre said...

OH, The Mayor!!! So sweet for offering your the kind of comfort he understands... All I can offer you is a virtual hug {{}} and my very best thoughts.

Amanda said...

I struggled with whether to hide my tears from our girls when I lost my grandfather. I think I made a half assed attempt, but they saw some. I think it is part and parcel to learning how to live and feel. What an incredible testament to your parenting and The Mayor's spirit that he made that gesture. I think that your answer in the playground was spot on and your despair and fatigue are to be expected and not fought. I am wishing you strength during this indescribably difficult time. And, for what it's worth, though my ache for him continues unabated, I am finding my grandfather in unexpected places as I move forward, and in little ways, it's helping.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

Kids are the best at knowing just what to say and do. What a sweetheart.

Hope today is better my friend.

p.s. try to get some rest

TOM said...

I hope you took K up on the offer, The Blankie AND the BEAR!! Tha's one sweet gesture...and what a great place to just lie down and close your eyes for a few moments..you may feel alone but you've got love all around you. !!

And yes I still miss my Mary, thanks so much for your kind sentiments,

Circus Kelli said...

Oh my... to have the kiddos show that kind of compassion just when you need it most... that's just really awesome.

Hang in there, love. You have every reason to feel that way. Things will get better.

Circus Kelli said...

And what mimikatemom wrote made me cry...

Thalia's Child said...

Thank heaven for little boys - I'll be thinking of you today, and hoping that things are more bearable. Grief is hard enough without blithe commentary from random strangers.

DD said...

Hey, babe. I'm so sorry that these past days have really been piling up on your heart.

You know how when you've been out in the freezing cold w/o mittens and then come into a warm house, your hands feel like they are almost burning from the temp change? That's what true love does to grief. It's intense until there's an adjustment.

Much love,
~Dawn

Guilty Secret said...

That is beautiful... wow, kids are amazing.ouny

zellmer said...

So sorry for your loss and sadness. But glad to see you have such a wonderful family to help lift your spirits. Now I see why you call him The Mayor.

Shelly said...

Oh, so precious! I love when they offer you their comfort items. So very sweet.

Rachel said...

The ending of that post made me teary. So sweet! Evidence that you are a great mom, because he was trying to comfort you in the same way you have comforted him.

I know what you mean, that when something big happens it's the little things that get you down.

Sending lots of hugs and good thoughts your way.

WorksForMom said...

Wow that tale just melted MY butter! ;-) What a great child, proof you are a great Mom. Still thinking of you Jess.

kgirl said...

I'm so sorry, and I know how you feel. I also know that, while they might not cure the sadness, the babes certainly know how to make it just a little bit better.

tulipmom said...

What a sweetheart that Mayor is. You've been in my thoughts.

3carnations said...

What a sweet little guy you have. :)

Andy said...

I want to reach through this box and give you a big old virtual hug (though, i suppose it wouldn't be virtual if I could actually reach through...ugh, anyway)

And what a thoughtful and caring little Mayor - that's about the sweetest thing I've heard in a long time.

Much love, mama.

Rusti said...

Thinking of you, and I'm glad you have such sweet children and a wonderful husband to support you, and be there for you in this difficult time... my prayers are with you J.

Megster67 said...

Hi, new to your blog... clicked through from your comment over at Bossy. My own sweet grandma died 2 years ago, and not a day goes by that I don't think about her and have a pang of missing her. I'm so sorry for your loss... I'll check back on you soon. Peace.

chilihead said...

I hope you used the blankie and bear and that they helped. It will take time to heal, but your family is wonderful and will see you through it.

Mary Alice said...

The Mayor knew just what you needed.
We have a little blue recycled glass heart that we slip under the pillow of any family member who has had a hard day. They can sleep on that, knowing that we bear one another’s burdens. Usually it stays on the kitchen window sill. On the night my husband's grandfather died, the kids solemnly went to the kitchen and ever so gently took the blue heart in and laid it on their Daddy's pillow. I am sending you a virtual and imaginary blue heart from our family to yours.

dawn224 said...

Oh, you posted just a while (and a lifetime) ago that the Mayor would wave to you the longest - seems he's found a way to wave even when he's out the door. Good man.

Shannon said...

Give that Mayor of yours a big ol' hug from me for being so good to his mom. That gesture of his must've made you lose it in a good way.

Rimarama said...

I hope you took him up on his offer, too. He's a smart kid.

Lori at Spinning Yellow said...

What the Mayor said is the kindest thing I've ever heard. There is so much love in your family. Sending hugs your way. And what mimikatemom wrote is perfect.

hello insomnia said...

Take care, sweet Jess.

Anonymous said...

J:

Your post brought tears that I didn't know need to be shed. Thanks for being brave enough to share your pain and the moments of solace as you walk this path of goodbye. May all of us have a warn safe place with a blanket and loved animals to cry when we hurt.

J in the Southwest

Redneck Mommy said...

Chin up Jess. You may look tired to Daycare Dave but you'll always be beautiful to me.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Awwww, I love the Mayor. That is one of the sweetest things I've ever heard a child say.

Much much blogo-love for you Jess.

Kyla said...

Oh that Mayor. He made me tear up...sharing his bear and blankie, that is huge.

Hol&J said...

Sending lots of love and prayers your way. (K and your kiddos are so sweet and selfless.)

CamiKaos said...

I read the entire post but after all the sadness all that stays with me:

1) how stupid that they couldn't get their photos

2) What the Mayor said made me cry. Really cry, he is beautiful.

I hope that soon you are able to regain some sense of normalcy... it can be so hard to get that back... or even know what it was.

Cathy said...

What a sweet and precious little guy.

Two Shews said...

Big big hugs. And margaritas.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

You sure do have a sweet boy. I wish you peace.

PunditMom said...

That is the sweetest offer from him.
xxoooooooooo

Loralee Choate said...

I think that trying to go back to "Normal" day-to-day life was the very hardest thing.

Jackie said...

Those little buggers. Sometimes they know just what to say.
((hugs))

Moxie-Mom said...

On one side taking him up on his offer might have been good.

On the other, your vulnerability being so obvious to the kids is so so tough.

You don't know me, but I am thinking about you. hugs

shaz said...

my condolences. take care and be well.

Tabba said...

you & K have done great by those kids.
you are the heart and soul of those wee ones.

how sweet, simple, and necessary to offer such prized possessions to his mommy.

pinks & Blues Girls said...

How special that you have your sweet children and husband to help you through this time.

Jane, Pinks & Blues

Cakabaker said...

Oh, that Mayor is such a sweetie, made me tear up!

Melissa Garrett said...

Oy! Mayor's sentiment would have completely sent me over the edge. What a sweet boy . . .

Amy said...

I hope you took him up on it. Hope you feel better soon...

Lisa Milton said...

I'm thinking of you, saying a prayer.

liv said...

Many impossible days have been best transferred into bed. I mean, I don't know anything about bad days, but that's what I hear. Love you.

Mel said...

I think I mumbled, "Oh, sweetheart" (my common refrain for when my girls get hurt) about ten times through this post.
You know, if we were neighbors, I'd come bearing a casserole, watch the babies for you and let you sleep.
I can't do that, though, so know that I care and am thinking of you, wishing I could help you through this, from way the hell over here.

Stella said...

Your kids brought tears to my eyes!
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thinking of you

B said...

i love children's innocence. i love it when they try to take care of us. so sweet. it's a perfect reflection of how we treat them.

sending hope your way...

-b

Emily said...

What a precious, precious boy you have! I am in tears. I know you'll make it through because of the lovely people that surround you and that you write about so beautifully here.

nell said...

I'm so sorry things are so tough for you right now. I've been feeling overwhelmed lately too, and I haven't even had a death in my family. I'm glad your family seems to be taking such good care of you.

Lawyer Mama said...

Oh, the Mayor is a sweet, sweet boy. I hope you took him up on his offer, sweetie. ((HUGS))

Smiling Mom said...

Oh my gosh. Your son is so amazingly compassionate. You and your husband are doing something right. I'm here in tears just thinking of the type of immense love he has for you.

I wish there was something to say to you during this sad time.

I'm so sorry you are going through this pain.

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

Has it been a crappy couple of weeks for everyone? What in the world?

I am so sorry.

That Mayor sure is a sweetheart for offering his personal comforts.

FishyGirl said...

Oh, what a sweet child. Isn't it funny how they just know exactly what we need sometimes? I hope you gave yourself permission to take him up on his offer.

Thinking about you and praying for you to be at peace; having lost my beloved grandfather just six months ago, I can tell you it's slow in coming, but it does come.

Veronica said...

(((hugs)))

The Mayor is just gorgeous.

GHD said...

The days when you're already down and still getting kicked are the worst. I'm so sorry for everything that you're going through right now.

Your son is such a sweetie!

Here's one more hug to get your through it all.

Claire B. said...

What a tragic event for your family. May there be peace in your heart, in time. And with so much love around you, it will come.
You're all in my thoughts. Really. I've been thinking about you lots this past week.

carrie said...

And you crawled into his bed, right? And breathed in his smell and snuggled his covers right up under your chin . . .

There is NOTHING wrong with cereal for dinner.

painted maypole said...

oh, that mayor. What a sweetheart. Bears and blankets can solve lots of sorrows. So can sweet, sweet children.

Aliki2006 said...

I feel so teary reading about the Mayor, and his beautiful little words of kindness.

I wish we were closer--I have been thinking so much about you and longing to lend some comfort in some way.

Anonymous said...

Jessica
The rest of your family is right there with you. We are all feeling disfunctional and you have witnessed far more than we have. My heart is with you. Having just been with your children I am not at all surprised at the mayor's generousity. I have not yet really had more than a hour to myself since we got home. Your Uncle has and it was very difficult. Feel ou arms around you and embrace that you are not alone. Love Aunt Candykfiefe

ewe are here said...

Nothing better than a bear and a blankie... what a sweet little boy you have there.

Stimey said...

I'm still thinking of you and your loss. When you're going through something huge like that, the little things seem so much bigger too. But it sounds like you have an amazing family. I hope you took The Mayer up on his offer.

Beck said...

I remember staring bleakly at my mother-in-law right after my grandfather had died, unable to answer her run-of-the-mill quesion at all because all of that banal day to day stuff was swept away by grief.
Your little guy sounds like a treasure.

Beck said...

I remember staring bleakly at my mother-in-law right after my grandfather had died, unable to answer her run-of-the-mill quesion at all because all of that banal day to day stuff was swept away by grief.
Your little guy sounds like a treasure.

kittenpie said...

Oh, thank goodness for the sweetness of little ones when we need it the most.

Darrin said...

It's amazing how tenderness and compassion comes so very easy for little ones. My kiddo's are my second conscience. They keep me from getting too out of touch, and make me re-asess my attitude from time to time. Gotta love em'

Ponygirl said...

Jess, I'm thinking about you and sending you support. I look forward to meeting your little ones. They both sound so great.

jakelliesmom said...

I love your boy so much for saying that.

jeanie said...

I hate it when the schools do that - or they give you a form 1 day out that HAS to be completed by yesterday for your child to receive a chance at whatever they are secretly offering.

Big hugs to you - and what a sweet boy!!

Woman with kids said...

Oh, seriously? That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. And quite possibly the best place to go for now.

Is there room for everyone on there?

Major Bedhead said...

The Mayor is too sweet. I got all teary-eyed reading that.

Sarah said...

What a sweet boy you have. You are in my prayers.

slouching mom said...

I doubt you will read this, it being comment number 93, but I'm thinking about you, Jess, and I'm sorry it's so rough...and yes, The Mayor is a sweetheart.

Becky said...

Awww, Jess... those last three lines brought tears to my eyes. Children are so open and loving and with such sparkling little souls. They understand more than we ever give them credit for.

It's okay not to be superMom for a couple of days... your family will understand and they will take care of you until you are able to be superMom again.

Hugs...

Annette Lyon said...

Thank heavens for little souls like Mayor.

GRAY MATTER MATTERS said...

To anyone who thinks "blog friends" aren't "real" they should know that I'm crying for your loss. I've been busy and gone and haven't checked my google reader for over a week. My heart dropped when I went from laughing at an earlier post to reading about the tragedy of your loss. I am so sorry and hope you are feeling our love and support!

Pgoodness said...

I wrote (and deleted) all sorts of stuff, but what I really want to say is that this post squished my heart and made me cry. Your family is awesome and I am thinking of you and sending hugs your way

Jen E said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. It's so hard to have loved ones taken so quickly. I hope your little one's bear and blanket helped. Hugs!!

Kelly said...

Children have this way of unburdening the soul, if temporarily, with their sweetness, their compassion.

So sorry for your loss.

Lotta said...

Comments like the one the Mayor made make you realize you're raising them up right.

Thinking of you every day and wishing I could give you a big hug.

ali said...

when people tell me i look tired i want to punch them in the throat.

he deserved it.

susiej said...

I am so happy that you are so surrounded by love.

Patience said...

You should go lie in Mayor's bed and savor the sweetness!

KC said...

What a sweet boy. So sorry you're having a rough time. It can only get better. xo.

Busy Mom said...

Very sweet. Take good care of yourself.

Holly said...

I will never forget when my mom was in the hospital for her third cancer surgery. I was attending school at night and asked my instructor if I could leave early to go visit her. She said of course and hope she gets better soon. I blurted out very matter of factly...no, she's dying. She was stunned. I felt better for saying it. I was 37 yrs old at the time. Sometimes these things just come out and you need to let them! It's all part of the process. Taking off the sugar coating and experiencing the brutal pain of it all.

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

Just like we know how to make their owies better, they sure can do the same for us, huh?

Hugs, girl.

Starrlight said...

Mayor has the right stuff, for sure. I hope you are feeling better soon too.

Jen said...

Your little guy sounds like such a doll. That offer mus thave meant so much to you.

Serina Hope said...

If the blankie and the teddy don't help...
You have awesome kids and an awesome family. they will help you find your stregnth.

SUEB0B said...

Yeah, I understand the sharing the story with others problem. On one hand, you want to say "Well, DUH, of course I am shattered, the world has just been rearranged in a horrible new way!" and on the other hand you want to spare people.

Sometimes I did one thing, sometimes the other.

One moment at a time. Hugs.

flutter said...

Oh, Mayor. What a sweet kid. Be gentle with your heart, Jess. I am here and holding your hand from many miles away.

Wish I was closer, I'd come cook you dinner and give you a massage

Mama Zen said...

I hope that you went directly to that bed and snuggled up.

Monica said...

Oh my gosh, the most loving things children say. I hope you took him up on it, or maybe will.

Hugs to you sweetie... and more hugs after.

Monica

ALM said...

It's so hard when it all piles up... It sucks. I hope today is better.

kara said...

What a sweet boy you have. Thinking of you.

heather said...

Grief creates days like this, I have had my fair share lately too.

However, with a family like yours you know you won't grieve forever, as much as it might feel like it sometimes.

Hopefully you really did go take a nap with bear and blankie.

PT-LawMom said...

What sweet babies you have. (((HUGS)))

Caro said...

so sorry for your loss. The Mayor is so sweet.

Damselfly said...

Oh. The Mayor just made me cry.

S said...

So sorry about your Grandma.

Mayor is such a sweetie offering up his bear and blankie!

canape said...

Go, Mayor. You are the man.

Shauna Loves Chocolate said...

The Mayor's sweetness is a true sign of the love which envelopes your house.

EE said...

I haven't been here for a while. I'm going to have to keep reading to get caught up.
I hope you are doing ok.

mitzh said...

The Mayor was sooo sweet.

You have a great kids and very loving husband that I can honestly say.

Tough times, tough times we all have one and we'll all get through and be more stronger.

Thanks for stopping by my page, truly appreciated that. Thank you,,,

Deb said...

Ahh... the not-so-subtle reminder from kids that there are important things in life we shouldn't forget.

hugs.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

And that is why I have kids. For all those amazingly tender things they do. Yours sound like sweethearts.

And, can I kick the people at your kids' school in the shin? Geesh, you'd think they'd cut you a break. If it is any consolation, all kids grow up to hate their school photos, so you saved yours one year to hate.

Lotus Siva Carroll said...

God places those little miracles in our lives so he can use them just like that.

Hope you are feeling better every day.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Oh the mayor is gorgeous. Sometimes kids get it completely right don't they?

Christina said...

Kids are wonderful at reading emotions and sometimes knowing just the right thing to say.

Hope you took advantage of that blankie and bear.

Katie R. said...

I'll be praying for you.

Momish said...

I hope your spirits rise soon. If I were you, I would take the Mayor up on his lovely offer!

Ruth Dynamite said...

And I hope you took him up on his sweet, sweet offer.

Kevin Charnas said...

I'm so, so thankful that you have the Mayor and the Rooster right now...