Thursday, October 25, 2007

I Got Your Vitamin C Right Here...

"Oh, delicious oranges!" I exclaim and pretend to pluck one.

[This is just an excuse to give the toddler butt cheeks a squeeze.]

The Mayor and The Rooster squeal with laughter and defend their hinds.

"No, Mommy! These are MY oranges!!"

So this morning when The Rooster caught me, Joyzilla: Terrifying Naked Woman, walking to the shower I was not surprised to hear her yell,

"ORANGES!!"

She charged towards me with her teeny tiny pincer hands and managed to capture my mighty, left butt flap.

"Mommy, I got your oranges!" she said with great self-satisfaction.

"I think we're going to have to call those grapefruits, Roo... or maybe even pomelos."





74 comments:

dawn224 said...

Best. Photo. Ever.

Shannon said...

I've got Honeydews juggling around in my knickers.

I aspire to shrink them to pomelo size.

Marmite Breath said...

It's the Chiquita Banana Ho!

furiousBall said...

ha! now all of your readers will think of your ass cheeks when we buy produce... awesome

Misty said...

I was going to say something oh so clever and similar to Furiousball's comment... Damn.

Sayre said...

Dude... I gots watermelons!

Tabba said...

oh lord, you are so, so funny.

hope you are well.
miss ya.

Victoria said...

Great pic!! Excuse me while I throw away my new bottle of OJ. =)

Anonymous said...

me...I have pancakes...the flattest ass in the northeast...yet in the front...a watermellon...go figure...having a bad couple of days could anyone send me a hug?


muaniejames3

Mrs. Chicken said...

Glad to see your sense of humor. And I bet they are more like tangerines.

Lisa Milton said...

So glad I'm not alone in the pinchy department. I love those squeals.

{I'm not allowed to discuss my produce. I have a good crop, plentiful.}

Mimi said...

Ha. Munchkin has been know to pinch her own bum if no one gets to her fast enough during the pre-bath Naked Run Around Time.

And she's dreadfully fascinated by my own naked self. Stops dead in her tracks. Stares. Gingerly reaches out a hand ...

Amy said...

I had oranges once...sigh...two kids ago. Why do they have to ruin everything bodily?

Fantastic picture!!

Family Adventure said...

Please.

I've read all about your victory over the Lady Flabina. I bet they were more like clementines.

- Heidi

Steph said...

I'm like muaniejames3, pancake butt...watermelon front...Ugh! I'd like to even it up a little!
Great pic!
~Steph
P.S. ((((((hugs to muaniejames3)))))))) feel better.

Jenifer said...

I would kill for grapefruits! Toddler butts are the best, who can resist a bite or a squeeze.

JoeinVegas said...

Geez, thanks, now I will not be able to walk through my supermarket produce department without images floating through my head. And as far as driving through those orange and grapefruit groves, well, . . .

Hetha said...

Oranges aren't going to look the same for awhile...thanks for the reminder, I'm off to go pinch me some toddler cheeks!

Heidi Hyde said...

So much sweeter than what we call it at our house. We call it "bacon". As in- "I'm gonna get yer bacon!"

Ok. Maybe it's only funny at our house. hee hee.

-HH

PunditMom said...

You're going to use that pic for the holiday cards, right? ;)

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

Love it! The only thing missing from this post is music!

Hope you are doing OK.

Squeeze. (A hug for you...not going after your butt cheeks but my you are tempting!) ;)

Leah said...

I would be happy with grapefruit, I have a couple watermelons like another commenter said. If I walk to fast I think someone is chasing me but nope it's just my butt trying to catch up!

Colleen said...

There is just something so addicting about pinching those toddler cheeks. Zoe runs and squeals with glee when I tell her I'm going to get her squooshy tushy. One day I'm afraid that will come back to bite me in the ass.

painted maypole said...

you must just have a great collection of fun photos with which to photoshop... I am always in awe.

Now... let's just hope your kids don't do this to a stranger...

cate said...

oh, that's too funny! great headpiece, by the way! ;-)

Caro said...

Bwa ha ha

wordgirl said...

At least they're not watermelons. Because...that would just be tragic.

Redneck Mommy said...

Just the image I needed to get me through my day...you and your grapefruits.

You really are a fruit.

Hol&J said...

Awesome. I'll probably laugh the next time I see an orange.

((hugs)) for muaniejames3

we_be_toys said...

I love the Carmen Miranda Look! Is this going to be your Halloween ensemble as well?

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee.
I've got a loverly bunch of coconuts.

Catizhere said...

AAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I had something sharp & wonderfully witty to say & it just went away... dammit!

There will NEVER be scurvy at my house.

Janet said...

At least oranges are firm. You don't want to hear what the kids call my midsection....

Paige said...

You going as Carmen Miranda for Halloween?

Magpie said...

Pomelos. Now there's a nice mental image.

Shelli said...

I think Chiquita Bananas will be calling on you annnnny time now. lol

Kevin Charnas said...

So, do you fart those wonderful citrus Airborne tablets?? You know, that fizz in your water?

Stepping Over the Junk said...

my kids try and get a poke in every now and then...then they look down their shirts and ask when they are gonna get some boobe

Mama Zen said...

Love that picture!

Lisa said...

Those itty bitty little toddler butts are just the cutest ever! (sigh... I miss that age.)

Have seen you in person... You are what? A whopping size 4? Oranges. Definitely.

I second other bloggers' suggestions... You should totally go as Carmen for Halloween. :-)

flutter said...

Oh sweet jesus on a picnic that picture is money.

Carmen Miranda ain't got nuttin on you

motherbumper said...

Oh Carmen, what luscious oranges you sport.

Oh great.. now you are going to think I'm hittin' on you again. It's just I can't help myself - the set up is too hard to resist.

Just A Girl said...

Funniest post I've read here.

Kellan said...

That is too funny! (I love pinchin' those little butt cheeks too.) Cute post. See ya.

MamaLee said...

We call butt cheeks "crackers" in this house, and my kids LOVE to grab em!

Cathy said...

Your Photoshop skills continue to amaze.

Me, I'm in the melon category.

Jenny said...

Ha!

Is that a banana in your hat or...

Jenn said...

Sweet little butt pinches are the best.

I remember the day Big A told me it wasn't appropriate anymore. Yikes!

Will be thinking of you in the produce section; wishing I had more orange and less, well, quick, name a flat fruit.

CamiKaos said...

oh, you have fruit. we have bootie bongos.

Veronica said...

Great photo!

holly said...

you are truly a fruitcake - and i mean that in the best possible way. love the hat. :)

BOSSY said...

Orange you glad Bossy isn't going to leave some stupid Pun comment again?

Beck said...

My husband told me tonight that thanks to my recent weight loss exertions, my pomelos were looking rather shrunken. Grand.

Jen M. said...

Snort! Mine are oranges, but only for the accurate texture. So, really, giant oranges.

Never, ever look in the bathroom mirror at your hiney while squeezing. Ah! Squeeze. Get it?

I'm a dork.

Maddy said...

Now there's a blast from the past.
cheers

Omaha Mama said...

The texture of an orange may be an okay comparison (for my hiney), all rough and dimpley. But the size, no no.

Queeny said...

My orange-flavored milkshakes used to bring all the boys to the yard, but I guess they're allergic to my new melons.

mothergoosemouse said...

I got some Miracle-Gro sized watermelons traipsing around behind me. I'm hoping there's another baby in there.

On second thought, no. I'd rather have watermelons.

Erin said...

Too funny : )

Jozet said...

Can I tell you how relieved I am to know that I'm not the only nekkid-butt-pinchin' mama out there. I can't get enough of squeezin' the baby's butt.

Yeah, yeah, I've started a therapy fund. For him.

Grapefruit lady, lol.

jen said...

little tiny plums, babe. little tiny plums.

JCK said...

Alas, I have flapjacks. I am SO jealous of anyone who has any ROUNDED fruit.

Hysterical picture. And post.

Queen Karana said...

i don't even know which fruit my butt assembles... and I don't want to think about it either. But I've probably got a couple of watermelons back there. *sigh*

~JJ! said...

You are so hot.

The Holmes said...

Ha! No cheek is safe!

Lotus Siva Carroll said...

Oh... my... laughing - see... the story... and the picture... and the calling the bum by fruits.... well, I got to the end, looking at the photo and though, "But can she wear her ass for a hat?"

Ahhh. Sorry.

Day Dreamer said...

I love this! My baby has cookies, my daughter has biscuits, my son has a muffin butt. I have loaves of bread, my husband, alas, ain't got no butt, no butt, R ain't got no butt!!

My kids and I say this all the time. Hubs just rolls his eyes and smiles...

Fun to know that there is another family out there with fruit instead of bread! LOL!

Damselfly said...

How's about some cantaloupes? ;) Carmen Miranda had the right idea....

tulipmom said...

Funny post!

I'm hoping this next baby has a pinchable tush. SB inherited his dad's tushless tush. Totally flat. The poor kid can barely keep his pants up.

The Sour Kraut said...

My son plays the bongos on my butt cheeks. He loves it because they jiggle so much. Each time he does it, he exclaims, "This is more fun than video games!"

Kyla said...

BubTar calls boobs "apples". What is it with fruit euphemisms?

EE said...

Love the picture!

JamesMommy said...

Jess, I thought of you this weekend. In our house, I pick his "peaches" at the top of his "trees" (legs) after his bath. This weekend, after I picked his peaches he said, "Mama eat my peaches!". I think that may well be the new equivalent to "kiss my grits".

megachick said...

we don't use food euphemisms-we call 'em butt guns. my hubs used to sling pooka over his shoulder and 'shoot' me with her farts.