Monday, October 22, 2007

I'm Number One

Over a year ago when I Googled "Hot Park Ranger" I got nothing.

Therefore it is with tremendous pride that I announce that this blog is now the number one returned site when you Google
Hot Park Ranger or Park Ranger Fetish.

I am the official hot park ranger EXPERT of the internet.

Yay me!

The real benefit to being number one is that real Park Rangers find me.

Over the last year Rangers have discovered me, wanted to help me with my fantasy, and created links from their blogs to mine to support the pursuit of a National Park Ranger uniform for K.

This week I received an e-mail from Former Park Ranger Gal (FPRG) who said she got a "hearty laugh" out of my ranger fetish and forwarded one of my posts to her Park Ranger friends.

Apparently, one Ranger wrote back to her and said,

"reminds me of the time that a woman came up to me (I was in uniform at the supermarket) and asked if she could touch me.."
See? I am not alone. Park Rangers ARE hot.

FPRG also sent me a collection of photos of real-life, hot rangers along with their bios and e-mail addresses.

[FPRG is AWESOME. Now I'm going to start a Hot Ranger magazine!]

I assured FPRG that I am completely satisfied with my very own hot ranger.

However, since Oh, The Joys is the epicenter of Hot Park Rangerism, I will share the bounty that FPRG sent with all you closeted Ranger Lovers.

Behold!

First, FPRG gives us... Ranger Matt.



Oh, Matt! Where is your uniform?

According to FPRG, Matt is...

"single and still stuck in the middle of Death Valley. Not easy to meet women when you work in a park like that, even more difficult when you are so shy like he is. He told me stories of female visitors who would hit on him, but would hang his head saying, but 'they weren't looking for the same kind of thing he was'-(i.e. they just wanted a fling and he wanted true love)... One asked, 'what's there to do around here?' (obviously hoping he'd pick up on the hint), to which he replied something like "oh, rescue people, put out fires..."

[I have Matt's e-mail address, people. Just let me know...]

Next up? Ranger Jon. (Again, out of uniform.)



Here's what
FPRG says about Jon...

"When he's not working for NPS he is an artist and handyman (likes to do things with his hands, heh heh) with a college degree in environmental science. He's 33 and never been married and despite having three sisters acts like a 10 yr old around women; he also lives in a hand-built shack without electricity or plumbing. That is, he's probably a different kind of fantasy altogether, lol. What the photos don't show is his incredibly blue eyes, just to die for."

Next, FPRG gives us an unidentified ranger in chaps.



I don't know anything about Ranger Chaps, but whoa... hot chaps!

When
FPRG learned that K had fulfilled my wanton ranger desires she suggested I consider a new fantasy, sent photos of her re-enactor friends and explained that re-enactors hang around in National Parks.

FPRG sent me the following photos for consideration:

Continental Man




Ramrod Rifle Continental Man




Wilderness Man




and

Old Time Navy Guy



I don't know... K has promised to dress up like a ranger again next week for Halloween... I don't think I'm ready to let the whole ranger thing go yet.

106 comments:

PunditMom said...

Thanks for the great laugh this morning! Number one is SUCH an accomplishment -- do I see a 2008 park ranger calendar in the offing from the OTJ household?? ;)

Misty said...

LOL! there needs to be some odd ball magazine featuring unusually uniformed men that women fantasize about....

Lisa Milton said...

Who knew there were so many ranger lovers out there? (I love knowing the Mayor was playing ranger too - that's awesome.)

Karen Forest said...

I didn't realize Park Rangers could be so hot.

I had a mental image of a early 60's man, pot bellied and balding..... now I am beginning to understand this whole fetish thing...

Theresa said...

A few weeks ago I was standing on line at a bagel shop and a Park Ranger in full uniform came in and stood behind me.

I couldn't help giggling and staring at him as I thought of you.

Now I'm starting to have a Park Ranger fetish!

Julie Pippert said...

Oh be still my not so delicate sensibilities. Don't you have a number of over 35 female readers? Dude. How many women are sitting at their computers fanning themselves right now? Too much hotness.

I second the OTJ Park Ranger Calendar of Hotness.

Julie
Using My Words

radical mama said...

Number One, indeed.

Pundit Mom is right. A calendar is necessary. Raise money for the National Parks Consevancy and get your kicks all at once. :)

CamiKaos said...

I needed a laugh this morning, thanks.

Colleen said...

I absolutely love that Park Ranger sites have linked to you. All that linky love and still no uniform for K though, huh?

Mimi said...

Oh sweet baby Jesus, J, this is too much! You have the market cornered on a whole fetish category. Me, I'm number one for the category of 'baby ate philodendron', which tells you the relative interest levels of your life and mine, I think ;-)

Victoria said...

Where are *these* Park Rangers?! We visit a lot of national, state and local parks...we camp...we road trip. My Ranger sightings are never so handsome (or in chaps!)

Post. More. Pics. =)

Scott said...

Hey, where's the picture of Miss Park Ranger? Us boys have fantasies too!!

Family Adventure said...

Number Uno! Though I'm not really surprised.

Glad to hear that the next JOY generation is preparing to carry the torch.

- Heidi

Assertagirl said...

Oooh, I like Ramrod Rifle Man's scruffy face.

JoeinVegas said...

I'm a park ranger, let's get naked! Hah, you are training them. The descriptions do sound like a calendar - new opportunity for you.

Redneck Mommy said...

Aw, eye candy. Just the balm I needed this morning to soothe my jagged soul.

Now how come all the park rangers I meet are five feet tall and look like trolls?

Not fair I tell you. Not fair.

dawn224 said...

mmmm. I love the calendar idea....

JamesMommy said...

Oh, lord! I must confess that you've inspired a new fetish. Funny enough, I wasn't one of those girls that had huge Hollywood crushes but, alas, at the age of 37 it has hit. My new-ish Hollywood boyfriend was discovered while indulging my hubby in his historical naval interests. I discovered Ioan Gruffod (I really can't say his name - it's Welsh) as the great Horatio Hornblower. It gets worse. We call him Horry Horny as one of the characters called him "Horry". Yes, we are immature.

Rimarama said...

This post really opened my eyes to all the ranger, um, options, out there. I'm partial to the ramrod rifle guy, myself.

BTW, there was a park ranger at the final table on the poker channel the other night. Who knew?

kristen said...

in high school that standardized test that tells you what you'll most likely be, had me as a park ranger, just look at what i've missed!

ranger john...

pinks & Blues Girls said...

You should start a dating service for women with Park Ranger fetishes. You've got a good start here!

Jane, Pinks & Blues

Scarlett Wanna Be said...

I have always had a fondness for uniforms...always. Sometimes I make Big Daddy leave his on until I get home. Now, you have stirred up something new in me...uniforms and the out doors...just something to ponder.

Monica said...

WOW you simply are #1! Niiiice Raaaaaangers! ;)

Mon

Anonymous said...

Yea is right...maybe it's because number one is on a horse...or the fact that he's shy...I'd like to knock the shy right out of him..be still my pounding heart...although..your guy is pretty hot in or I am sure out of uniform..


mauniejames

Mamma said...

You know, I always just thought of the Park Ranger thing as your little fetish, but thanks to FPRG I have a whole new appreciation for hot Park Rangers.

I think I'll be suggesting hubby gets a horse right away.

Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Oh the Mayor! A boy after my own heart!

Jess, I am in awe, AWE, of your awesome blogosphere powers. I am still trying to get fan love from my own current obsession.

You give me hope that one day, like you, Dirty Jobs will discover me and give me some fan love.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Please don't give up on your park ranger fetish! The others are not nearly as sex-ay!

Congrats on this very distinguished recognition from the Google gods!

Jenifer said...

I like the calendar idea! I fear I am like Mimi in that the things you typically hear around here are, "drink your water before you get rehyderated" coming from Rosebud.

Maybe it is time for my very own, ahem, hobby.

Bon said...

me like the calendar idea...oh yeh. ;)

Thalia's Child said...

Being the top site returned for park ranger fantasies... That's awesome in a 'dare you to put it on your resume' way.

Veronica Mitchell said...

This was my biggest laugh of the day.

You have the most interesting ways of making friends.

Dory said...

"I'm a Park Ranger! Let's get NAKED!!!"

LMAO!

Twisted Cinderella said...

bwahaha! Thanks for the giggle! They are some very hot park rangers!

Guilty Secret said...

Thanks for a truly hilarious post.

And congratulations on your new expert status!

SouthernBell said...

You wierdo! But, that's why we love you. Long live the park ranger obsession!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, a Google ranking is sometimes hard to get.

massage recliners

Geologychick said...

Par rangers are HOT! Good call!

NotSoSage said...

Well, I DIDN'T have a Park Ranger Fetish, until now! Any chance you've got Jon's...er...I mean, I'm a happily married woman.

Lawyer Mama said...

I had never thought about park rangers before I met you, Jess. Now every time I go camping I start giggling like a teenager!

WorksForMom said...

I, too, NEVER much thought of park rangers. Let alone that they were hot.

Just THINK of all the park rangers that google's index will send your way after THIS post!

sweetney said...

umm, YUM.

Jennifer said...

I was all set to be way into Park Ranger Jon until I read about the no electricity or plumbing thing. Okay, candles would work, but no plumbing?? Jon, Jon, Jon.

God, how many times can I say it? THE MAYOR CRACKS ME UP. (If I yell it, does it count as twice?)

Mimi aka pz5wjj said...

Thank you for a good laugh and nice eye candy on this rainy day!

Emily said...

ROFL! The ranger sites say "there is a lonely lady out there looking for ranger love."

Ranger #2 sounds a little bit like the Unabomber. Just saying.

Marmite Breath said...

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude! My circuits just blew! So. Much. Hotness.

Reeeeowr!!

Those pictures were almost as hot as when K dressed up as the Virgin Mary.

Scientific Lutheran said...

Can I have Ranger John's email address??? I'd like to give him a reason to come back to civilization, and then we can both go back to no-man's land!

Really, that man is HOT. and a handy man, too. I didn't know there were still single men who looked like that.

The Empty Nest said...

Add another vote for a calendar. I'm sooo in!

Still drooling over the guy in chaps. Wowza.

Very impressive work!
Renee
http://theemptynestblog.blogspot.com

Cathy said...

Hilarious!

My mother's cousin's husband is a retired park ranger. I must ask him if he's heard of you!

Stella said...

What a great laugh! Let's get naked....too much!

Who knew there were so many hot rangers out there?!?! And to think I've been thinking about Marines and Cops when there have been such "natural" alternatives!

~JJ! said...

Holy Crap. Ranger Matt and Ranger Jon...and the ramrod guy...I'm sweating here.

Thank you.

Jordan said...

Thanks for the huge laughs this morning - my co-workers are wondering what the hell is so funny but I just don't know where to begin. Love this - and I had no idea there were so many gorgeous park rangers out there!

Mango Marie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
flutter said...

Uh I am just tearing myself away from park ranger Jon to tell you...uh I'll be right back...

carrie said...

Thanks for the eye candy!

Those rangers are much hotter than the picture I sent you, eh? Did you ever get that?

I think I may be developing a little ranger fetish myself . . . hmmmmm.

b*babbler said...

I'm laughing out loud right now. I can only imagine what your google hits are going to be like now!

Flawed & Disorderly said...

Ummmm, hello JON! If I were single....

I had to scroll past all the other guys just to say that. Sorry, other guys.

painted maypole said...

what a valuable service you and FPRG have provided

ALM said...

Oooh, Ranger Jon... cute!!

ali said...

i'm pretty sure old time navy guy is chandler bing...

Momish said...

LOL @ The Mayor!!

Ok, now I see why you have a such a fetish. I had no idea of the hotness factor. And that Ramrod dude??? Sign me up!

ewe are here said...

hahahaha

Ranger fetish central, indeed.

Jenn said...

I've got a park right next to my house that needs a ranger.

OK, so it's more of the basketball/soccernet sort than the free-range, mountain type, but still.

I KNOW a ranger would love it there. I just know it.

Kimberly said...

Wow! Those Park Rnagers are HOT! Yikes! I have a thing for the FedEx man- great legs, nice smile and he ALWAYS brings me a present! I will be adding Park Rangers to the list!

Kyla said...

OH MY GOD! The Mayor's quote is priceless. The best part is he probably has said it at school, too! SOMK!

And your new tagline should be "Your #1 Source for Hot Park Rangers!"

imhelendt said...

My blog comes up first when you google "Kinky Rolfing." Seriously. And then I made some Rofling list serve and was inundated with emails from rolfers. lol.

Hol&J said...

Great post and great laugh (thanks to the Mayor). "I'm a Park Ranger! Let's get NAKED!!!" LOL!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee.
Fantastic.
You must be soooo proud.
And ohh the lovely men. :D

motherbumper said...

I call dibs on Ramrod Rifle Continental Man just based on his name alone.

And sweet juju, The Mayor's proclamation made my f'ing day.

SusieJ said...

Very funny; great job at being number 1!

JCK said...

You know I'm a fairly good photographer, especially shots of natural wonders and I would be happy to shoot the calendar session. You may have launched a whole new business.

Today is my 12th wedding anniversary and my man is already dressed in green...just need a hat - the heck with the hat...

Aliki2006 said...

I like Ramrod Rifle Continental Man, myself.

This was hilarious, J.--pictures and all!

moosh in indy. said...

Ramrod Rifle Continental Man-Can I have his e-mail?
I met a man on Friday and his son was named Casey and his son was a Park Ranger-I ALMOST ASKED HIM FOR A PICTURE.
He showed one to me anyway.
You have good taste in fetishes.

Anonymous said...

They look like pussies to me.

liv said...

Ummm....Matt?! Sweetheart? The South is a totally different kind of hot than Death Valley.

Jess--that man needs a girlfriend. Mama likes.

Maddy said...

Jessica the pimp! Has quite a ring to it don't you think? Could be quite a lucrative side like, the matchmaker on a horse!
Cheers

FENICLE said...

HOLY COW!!!!

Those guys are sizzling! I see your point now with park rangers.

Loralee Choate said...

Dammit. Just when I thought my uniform fettish COULD NOT GET WORSE.

I'm at a loss to understand how I could have overlooked the park rangers in my other drooling/lusting/ga-ga-ings.

Thank you for educating me. (I'm not sure my husband will thank you as it will be yet one more "Costume" I beg him to consider trying out. Grin.)

Mama Zen said...

OK, now I'm the one with a Ranger fetish!

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

I love it!!!

And I won't mention the Googling and linkage I received from the nekked w-r-e-s-t-l-e-r-s in t-h-o-n-g-s post.

One word: ICK.

Mrs. Schmitty said...

ROFLMAO!

angela said...

so, you are like the park ranger pimp now, eh?

cool.

delmer said...

Not that I'm one to Google Park Ranger Porn but, based on the comments of the female readers, it's my guess that this is the top prilf site on the Internet.

Also, as Scott points out, there have got to be some female rangers out there.

Theresa Bakker said...

Hey, your park ranger fetish is what made me fall in like with you. Soon the whole world (at least those with the right combination of search engine terms) will know of your freaky coolness. Now you need a Joyful version of the foam finger to celebrate. A foam ranger hat?

theotherbear said...

Admit it - it was YOU that touched up the park ranger at the shops, wasn't it. ;)

Shannon said...

I felt compelled to Google "hot park ranger" hehe.

You should go to the networks with "The Hot Park Ranger" hookup show.

If the women can find their way back to camp using a compass, then they win a dinner with a hot park ranger.

Or if they're willing to poop in the woods, then they're rugged enough to win a date with a hot park ranger.

SUEB0B said...

Note to self: must go hiking more often.

cronznet said...

LOVE the Mayor!
Ummm, maybe it's just a glitch in my gaydar, but I *think* Ranger Matt is gay...needs a nice guy to ask him what there is to do!

Avery Gray said...

My brother is a park ranger. He doesn't look like those guys. That's all I'm sayin'.

Damselfly said...

Yummy!

PT-LawMom said...

That's awesome. Definitely think a calendar would be in order! ;)

Lotus Siva Carroll said...

I just... just....oh hell, I just slobbered and stuttered laughing and my face almost hit the monitor.

Magpie said...

Speechless. Hysterical.

deb said...

So, do I get to pick which one I want? Please!!!!

Mrs. Fussy Fussypants said...

I'll never think of park rangers the same again!

The Sour Kraut said...

OMG, I was totally in love with Jon until I read the part about living in a hand-built shack with no electricity or plumbing...WTF??

amusing said...

I simply MUST get a snap of the hot NPS bike ranger for you. Mmmm. Those biceps. Those legs of steel. Those handcuffs hanging off the belt loops....

Lotta said...

As someone who gets loads of creepy Google MILF traffic I envy your friendly 'Hot Park Ranger' status.

PS - More hot pictures please!

Deb said...

I am CRYING over this!! If I was single, I'd take the one living in the shed (any wonder why he's still single?)

Mommahbear. said...

The MOMENT that I'm single.. should it happen.. I'm coming DIRECTLY back to this post.. Pass Go!

**please put together the park ranger calendar!

Ruth Dynamite said...

I see a calendar. Yes, a calendar.

You've got a blockbuster bestselling photo calendar in your hot little hands. Get to work! (Then tell us how much!)

kittenpie said...

OMG that is too hilarious. There is a reason all extracurriculars in our house happen AFTER BEDTIME!

The Chick said...

I would like to submit my order for Ranger Jon please. I can split it between MANY credit cards...What? This isn't a catalog? What????

Erin said...

lmao, seriously...I had no idea park rangers were the thing. You are so great!

Kelly said...

Bwahahaha! This is why I keep coming back. But I don't share your PR fetish. My BIL is a park ranger. And he is so far from hot...so, so far. Now if he looked even a little like the pictures sent to you, but he doesn't. Too bad. Christmas gatherings might be more interesting.

Kelly said...

Well, I'm a firefighter gal myself, love everything about that uniform, and I get hot when I see the big red truck zoom by, with the young lads ready behind the windows. Hats, boots, suspenders. Who ever knew protective gear could be so damn sexy?

But hell, Ranger Jon was looking mighty fine, even in t-shirt and jeans. Yum.

Cherann said...

This was hilarious and nice to look at same time. Thanks!