I have continued to stew about the tic-tac needing, close-talking, all-up-in-my-face, evangelical lady.
Many of the comments on that post helped me understand and justify my anger...
"I think we all feel angry or violated when someone else tries to impose their morality on us without first trying to understand WHO we are."
"You're angry because it wasn't PERSONAL. She didn't know anything about you... It became about HER and what she had to do, instead of about YOU and RELATIONSHIP, which is what God calls us to be in with each other."
- Painted Maypole
Yeah! What THEY said!
But then, there were also a few comments that challenged me.
"I think it was the Dalai Lama who said, "your enemy is your best teacher."
- the end of motherhood
[Oh, the darned Buddhists... always suggesting you take the high road.]
"Who knows, I'm not sure how your personal belief system works, but maybe it happened for a reason, just to spur your thoughts, emotions and beliefs."
"As annoying as she was, could there have been something that God wanted you to hear through her?"
Though I sincerely wish I were, I am not someone blessed with the gift of absolute faith.
I question and struggle.
I wrestled with the question "could there have been something that God wanted you to hear through her?"
Would God want me to hear about my Grandparents?
That's what I need to hear about.
[Even though I am not talking to Granny yet.]
I can't help but wonder... if there were a way to send me a message would my grandparents send one?
Would they let me know that they are happy and well? That they are together, reunited?
Just after thinking these things I looked up at my bookcase and saw a photo of my Grandparents smiling down at me.
I love this photo.
It was taken at my wedding. K and I were standing in front of them talking with them when it was taken.
In the context of wondering about messages from beyond, their smiles suddenly seemed to mock me.
I started yelling at their photo,
"IF YOU ARE TRYING TO SEND ME A MESSAGE, YOU COULD AT LEAST PICK SOMEONE WITH GOOD SMELLING BREATH AND NOT SOMEONE THAT SEEMS COMPLETELY INSANE!!"
[Uh oh... who seems completely insane now?]
I relayed the story of screaming at the photo to K because someone has to keep track of my sanity besides me.
He thought about whether or not the lunatic in the thrift store could have carried a message from my grandparents.
He smiled and said,
"They say God works in mysterious ways..."