Friday, January 04, 2008

Born To Be Wild

Yesterday morning I announced to my colleagues that, as the mother of two toddlers, there was not a single person who was happier about being back at work than me.

Then, after three hours of conference call participation, the conversation sounded like this,

"We need a robust strategy to fuel a catalytic work stream that will galvanize the field, leverage diverse resources and enhance development for robust, strategic, catalytic leveraging."
Huh?

[Strategery!]

I know it was wrong of me, but I started to lose focus.

My mind wandered off down the open road.

Wind blew through my hair.

[Get your motor runnin'... head out on the highway.... lookin' for adventure...]

Just about the time I was thinking,

"Oh, The Joys is the new Peter Fonda!"

I heard my boss say my name.

"Well, that about covers it," he said. "We'll just have Jessica serve as the project manager on everything we've just discussed. Okay, Jessica? You've got it?"

Doh!




***********************************




Best comment of the day goes to... Avery Gray.
[Dude! I know!]


68 comments:

PunditMom said...

Don't worry. If "strategery" and not being focused can work for Bush, think how much better you'll be able to manage! ;)

Life As I Know It said...

"strategery" - I use that term all the time. Atleast George was good for something...

Mrs. Davis said...

I wish staff meetings came with the same features as TiVo -- especially being able to rewind and hear the part that you just missed. Or to fast forward through the boring/waste-of-time parts.

liv said...

yeah. whenever i hear someone say my full name i know there's business afoot. doh!

Lisa @ Corporate Babysitter said...

The word "leverage" was the single most important reason I ran screaming from the corporate world.

dawn224 said...

Oh shizzy! Oh noes!

Mary Alice said...

Whhooooooops! Um yeah of course. Got it. Totally. This one may surprise you, I'm thinking of taking this baby in a whole new direction. You'll love it.

carrie said...

Oy! Reminds me of college . . .

Holly said...

I remember those days. "Um, sure...got it! No problem." Good luck!!!

♥♥♥ A- Licious ♥♥♥ said...

great blog! ;o)

furiousBall said...

just make sure you use the new cover sheet for the TPS reports, you'll be fine

Above Average Joe said...

After the week I had, I was dying to get back to work on Wed.

But now here I am on Friday, wishing for 5 pm to come so I can get out of here and see my kids.

QT said...

So been there, babe. A project manager in leather chaps might be able to deflect attention from actual content, right?

Family Adventure said...

Heh. And what Mary Alice said. Totally.

Heidi :)

Amanda said...

I'd never consider transporting myself to a staff meeting to cope with my inability to drift off each night. Thanks for the tip.

Avery Gray said...

So you're in charge of heading up the group that will implement the catalyst of dynamic strategery with regards to the long-term vision of synergy relevant to cost-effective leveraging of your company's diverse resources robustly?

Da-yum, girl. That sucks.

Hydes Like Us said...

Ah, Man!!

Hydes

Jodi said...

just when you thought it was safe to go back to the office....

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

I find myself in this predicament MANY A TIME.

Mama needs a Harley!

mamatulip said...

My soul sistah, you are.

Circus Kelli said...

I hate it when I get "caught" like that...

I'm betting you weren't the only one daydreaming.

Mimi said...

Well, it may be lunacy, but at least you're nominally in charge of it now, right? Right?

Magpie said...

Yup - been there! Good luck with that there project.

Ali said...

i couldn't have written that post. literally.

only if my boss had called me jessica, it would have been a little strange...

:)

Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Underwear.

I lurve Will Ferrell

Damselfly said...

Whenever I think of robust, strategic, catalytic leveraging, I always think of you -- so you can do it!

Jenifer said...

Um the minutes are available right?!

NotSoSage said...

Does the project manager get to wear leather pants? Maybe you can combine all of your interests...

I do note, however, that your daydreaming did not include being back at home with the two toddlers.

Pgoodness said...

Fo'shizzle! I thought sure you were going to be drawing a blank at those "big" words after 2 weeks with the kids!!

flutter said...

*picks fingernails*

huh?

did someone say something?

Victoria said...

Sh*t. I hate when I drift from a conference call.

Good luck with that!

jakelliesmom said...

I hate when that happens.

Beck said...

I have actually been known to fall asleep during meetings.
And THAT is why I have no career.

ewe are here said...

I remember those meetings... ugh!

Good luck!

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I always missed things in staff meetings. I am glad I dont have them anymore!

thordora said...

Oh the amount of times I've done that....thankfully, I can fill in the blanks quite easily where I work. :)

mothergoosemouse said...

That was my life as an IT PM. In the early years, I kept thinking that someday I'd understand every word that was spoken in a meeting. By the time I left, I was an expert at faking it on the spot and figuring it out later.

~JJ! said...

You are so gonna rock the project.

(you make a great biker babe)

Alpha DogMa said...

Poor poor you. I beginning to wonder if adult hood is just over rated.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Thank you for reminding me why I gave up my job as a project manager. Now for step 2 of the master plan - buy motorcycle and grow cool facial hair like Jess.

Emily said...

doh!

Queen Karana said...

I'm with mrs. davis -- staff meetings (and other boring meetings) should all come with TiVo. SO NICE! Heck, that way you wouldn't even have to GO... you could just watch it later.

LSM said...

Perhaps a flux capacitor is called for in this situation. If you can't find a handy one to actually use to relive the meeting, you could throw the "technical term" around to lead people to believe you're right on top of this whole thing.

notfearingchange said...

lmao...

yep...i turned the wrong corner before the holidays and before i had a chance to do a u-turn the execs yelled out my named and assigned me their work...uh-huh...when does my pay start matching the work i do under your name? man i always thought i would be a ghost writer but this is just silly... ;oP

Seattle Mamacita said...

calgon calgon take me away...

JCK said...

I can't say it better than Punditmom.

Kelley said...

he he he. That happens to me all the time.... I was even caught writing a shopping list in a particularly mind numbing meeting....

Breastfeeding brain usually freaks out the guys enough to give you the info after the meeting. Even if I haven't breastfed in 8 years! (make sure you choose one of those childless types)

Cinn said...

It sounds like you had the real life version of that Adult ADHD commercial. Have fun with project manager!

Shannon said...

I would've said, "Could you please repeat what was said....in ENGLISH?!"

I can't tell you how many times my mind had wandered during a meeting and I had to carry out whatever project it was I zoned out on.

gckwlwk said...

See? This is what I'm worried about when I think about returning to work full time this year. Mind numbing staff meetings where my brain wanders away from me.

Jenn said...

You're rockin' out that bike WAY better than he ever did.

When I sit in on those meetings, I start picturing stabbing myself in the eye with a toothpick.

Somehow the imagining of that type of pain helps balance out the torture of that moment.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Could you just "yada yada yada" your way through the project? It worked for George Costanza! :)

Laura said...

Oh my...I just confirmed my back to work date after mat leave and I fear i will be in the exact sme situation in a month!

GOOD LUCK!!!!!

suchsimplepleasures said...

i would have needed a dictionary, just to translate with he said. hanging with preschoolers, all day=limited vocab.
good luck with the what's it called...um...strategy (phew...i spelled it right)

Lawyer Mama said...

Damn. it. That happens to me all the time. I like Mrs. D's idea of meeting TIVO. I need that.

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

yoooouuuussss in trooouuubbblllee!

Haley-O said...

Ahh, the good old working days.... Now I remember why I decided not to go back (not that staying home with 2 kids under 2.5 is any easier -- or any less comprehensible!)

Natalie said...

Dude, it was a conference call. You can totally feign static interference.

Aliki2006 said...

That's why listening to toddlerspeak can be oh so refreshing...!

Sarah O. said...

Every once in a while I get the urge to go back to work. Thank you for the reality check!

motherbumper said...

Damn you are rockin' that shirt and hog woman!

As for that incident - that used to happen to me before I was a mom. At least you have a damn good excuse (x2).

selfmademom said...

See that's the problem with working. You can't just go there and take a nap. People expect you to stay awake, listen and actually do stuff. Nobody wins.

Kelly said...

Holy crapola, I didn't follow a word of that. Good thing I'm going back to school!

(I have a feeling, anyway, that you can handle anything on your plate.)

The Super Bongo said...

I've read several of your posts, and now I know why you're one of "outta the coop's" favorite bloggers. I love your style. Thanks.

croutonboy said...

Catalytic was used not once, but twice? That's horrifying. Someone looked that up in the dictionary that morning so they could sound smarter than they are.

Now lets shift our paradigm and focus on maniacal empowerment.

The Chick said...

You are the PhotoShopping Wizard! Now if only THAT were your job!

Shannon said...

The answer -- Delegate!

Love the new look.

EE said...

Was that call in English?????