Monday, January 21, 2008

Escape from Sodorville




Mayberry Mom, Motherhood Uncensored, & motherbumper are hosting a virtual Baby Shower for MotherGooseMouse and asked us to "write a post about raising, rearing, chasing, or enjoying little boys."

I was planning to write about keeping THE BIG, STAND-UP PENIS covered at all times, but Mayberry Mom has that covered.

You really do have to take that penis advice seriously because you never know what those sneaky boy-nozzles will get up to when you're not looking!

I remember being only half awake and fumbling around for the diaper creme when SPLAT!

The Mayor looked up at me in all his innocence as if to say,

"Here's pee in yer eye, Suckah!"

Since the weenis coverage thing has been explained, I had to come up with something else...

You probably already know that boys manage to push out of the hoo hoo already obsessed with modes of transportation like cars, trucks, airplanes and trains.

The transportation fixation inevitably leads to... Thomas the Tank Engine.

While I am a fan of the train set, I feel it is my duty to warn you that Thomas the Tank Engine books are the equivalent of do-it-yourself, full-frontal lobotomy kits.

Avoid Thomas books at all costs or you will be begging for an icepick to the forehead faster than you can say,

"Sodorville."

[Can I get an Amen here, people?]

Never to be accused of not bringing a solution to the problem party--

Here's a short list of books that get the Oh, The Joys Seal of Approval AND satisfy the little boy need for books about transportation.

Freight Train
by Donald Crews

Choo Choo and Mike Mulligan & His Steam Shovel
by Virginia Lee Burton

Amazing Airplanes
(and all the other vehicle books)
by Tony Mitton and Ant Parker

The Little Train
by Lois Lenski
(who is a Goddess among children's authors!)

Cars and Trucks and Things That Go
by Richard Scary

Feel free to leave additional ideas for Julie in the comments!

Congratulations, Julie!

He will be a lucky little boy to have you for a mama!

Best,
OTJ



51 comments:

WILLIAM said...

Insert bad,Thomas and Friends is a metaphor for a penis, joke here.

Mrs. Fussy Fussypants said...

May I just brag and say that so far, none of my 4 boys have given on one flyin' flip about Thomas?

Oops, Did I just curse myself with boy #5?

Dang it!

Sunshine said...

I made it thru 2 boys and I don't recall pee in my face but one of them had exploding nursing poo come out of their butt like a shot and splat on the wall two feet away. It was like a cartoon.

My most alarming boy deal was when they started getting morning wood, NOBODY ever warned of that happening so early!!!!

Ali said...

josh was superheroes from pretty much day one. he never really had a thomas phase...thank the good lord.

NHDOLL said...

My son never let one go in my face and Thomas the tank wasn't even invented when he was little. However he did pee in his 12 year old uncle's face while he was Learning to change diapers! And today 20 years later he still brings it up at family gatherings!

Jennifer said...

Little boys and Richard Scary - a match made in heaven!

Mrs. Chicken said...

I second props for "Freight Train" and "Mike Mulligan." Although, Mike Mulligan is loooong.

Jodi said...

i loved thomas. the learning curve trains and track are made so well and they replace them for free for any reason!! the books are horrible, i agree.

Edge said...

Oh my gosh, you women are shocking me with your penis talk. It's like the one thing that surprises you.

~Jef

motherbumper said...

Thomas is cool but his books make my eyes bleed. No for real, they do... it's been documented by scientific-looking people and the only reason that can explain it is: Thomas contains too much morality and saccharine (and lead but that's a whole other post).

tulipmom said...

Thomas trains are great (expensive but great) and the company has been wonderful about replacing recalled trains and equipment even to the point of sending an extra train along with the replacements twice now (compensation for my son's "pain and suffering" when I had to take the trains away?).

However I agree that the Thomas books are just DREADFUL!

The ones you suggested are great alternatives. I'd also recommend Byron Barton's series of board books for babies/toddlers .... Boats, Trains, Trucks, etc. And who could forget "The Little Engine That Could"?

I wish they had invented the "Pee Pee Tent" before I had SB. Would have saved me from so much pee ending up in my face!

flutter said...

You crack meup.

Catizhere said...

Neither one of my kids like Thomas.
Little Bear, however, is the BANE OF MY EXISTANCE!

Yes, he is a wonderful little bear who is never cross, or angry. He ALWAYS pays attention to his Mother Bear, Always eats all of his dinner & goes to bed BY HIMSELF at a pre-determined time with no whining, crying or begging for drinks of water.

I think his perfectness is what pisses me off. Why can't MY kids be like that?

mamatulip said...

AMEN!

3carnations said...

I've got no problem with the Thomas books. The trains are a little rude to one another at times, but it's a good opportunity to explain why "that" isn't nice and what we could do instead if we were them.

Cara said...

Amen!

We have five of the six books and love them. To date 0 (zero) Thomas, thanks for the heads up!

slouching mom said...

And, when they're a bit older, Bill Peet's The Caboose Who Got Loose.

But you'll need some Kleenex.

Above Average Joe said...

Those Thomas books can be a bit annoying. Especially when they are taken from the same TV episode that we just watched earlier in the day.

Amen!

Heather said...

Please read my post about boys and wrestling. It is crucial.

http://3boysundermyroof.blogspot.com/2007/09/wrestlemania.html

Anonymous said...

The Thomas Books are dreadful! My son just picked out 6, yes 6 from the library. Ugggg...I would rather have pee in the eye!

Queeny said...

She should also stock up on toilet wipes. I have three males in the house and the wipes are quite handy. Pee-shooters have poor aim.

metaDAD said...

Don't forget "The Little Train That Could."

carrie said...

You are so right about the trains . . . ugh!

"Go Dog Go!" was/is a favorite of all the boys I know!

mothergoosemouse said...

Thank you, Jessica! All the penis talk has frightened me to the point of needing (more) therapy. But books...they're more my speed. So I love this list!

I'll add the Alexander books (Judith Viorst), which aren't about transportation, but are all about boys.

Kristin said...

Here is my True Mom Confession - my older son loved Freight Train so much that I lied to the library and told them we lost it... it's such a good book to read aloud.

Aliki2006 said...

Thomas=creepy.

LOVE Choo-Choo--it's wonderful!

Hetha said...

Has anyone talked about the never ending groping? My little man has been weened from the boob for 8 months and still won't/can't keep his mits off the teats. It's maddening I tell you! (My friends all say this is a boy thing!)

Sayre said...

Is THAT what happened to me? I've been lobotomized by Thomas the Tank Engine? Man, I wish someone had warned me before my son got addicted...

FENICLE said...

We too have made it out of the Thomas stage without a single mention....

Strange. But we are all about G.I. Joes and things that go boom around here.

Dory said...

AMEN, SISTA!

Thank God Dino swapped out Thomas for a dinosaur obsession when he was about 6ish.

Dory

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Ah, Richard Scary. We read those little board books until the covers fell off. And even then.

To this day, my 18 y.o. son still says "Workville - everybody off" when we stop the car.

Thomas can go de-rail himself - it's Mr. Frumble in the Pickle car who really rocks.

Redneck Mommy said...

How I miss the days of Thomas the Train. My boys would spend hours ... quiet hours... enthralled with the track.

Both of my boys were car and train nuts. Frac still is.

Circus Kelli said...

Oh yeah. Amen that, darlin... the only thing worse than Thomas books, are the Thomas DVDs...

Stimey said...

My book suggestion is anything by Byron Barton. We started with "My Car", eased through the "Trucks," "Trains", "Planes", and "Boat" series, and finished up with "I Want to be an Astronaut."

And there's a dinosaur book in there somewhere too.

Erin said...

What about the shows?! Oh the shows!!!! AAAHHHHHHH!! I loathe the shows. We have a DVD that came with a toy and seriously it is so short (and stupid) it is not even worth me getting my butt up to put it in the player.

Mayberry said...

Oh god those books are freakishly bad.

Thanks for sending out that warning flare.

Elaine A. said...

Funny you bring up Thomas - we have quite a shrine to him and much of his posse in our play room. Unfortunately the books have become a staple in our home since my son discovered that section at the library. I hope this obssession tapers off soon. It's somewhat annoying and costly!

liv said...

Oh, and The Little Red Caboose (a little Golden Book) is great!

JCK said...

AMEN on the Thomas books. We've been ALL ABOUT Thomas for the last 2 1/2 years...

Another great book is: The Caboose who got Loose by Bill Peet.

Victoria said...

Aww. Thomas. Is it sad that I miss Thomas, now that my Boy (7) is onto Steinbeck?

ALI said...

don't forget i'm dirty by kate and jim mcmullen, as well as i stink, and i'm mighty

ALI said...

oh yeah, and MY CAR by byron barton, and i second the this train, this plane, this truck series.

can you tell my little boy is addicted to things that go?

LBM said...

My little fella is almost six now, and has left Thomas behind. We had a Thomas phase, but it never did hit the "obsession" phase. He was not as interested in Thomas as some of his companions were and are.

From the beginning, we've always avoided baby-talk with him, and I started very early reading him the children's stories from classic literature. Being a writer myself, it has long been my dream that he become as interested in a well-written tale as I am, and so far we've been successful. He loves words, and thinks about the stories I'm reading him and asks appropriate questions.

As far as the pee-gun he's packin', I was lucky and never fell into the crosshairs.

Good luck with the coming little boy, Friend-of-OTJ!

JamesMommy said...

Amen, amen, amen! We hate Thomas...have you ever notice how someone is always in a pissy mood, too? We've avoided Thomas in spite of friends and grandparents who think he's so great. We love Virginia Lee Burton and Richard Scary books. Keeps our 2 1/2 year old busy for days. Other hits are "Trashy Town" and "I Stink" both about garbage trucks of all things. Check out the Scholastic videos if you are in need of 5 minutes to shower. They are animated versions of the books and you can turn on the "Read Along" captioning. Makes me feel a little less guilty :o)

Damselfly said...

I heart Richard Scarry!

kittenpie said...

Oh, and she should get to know Philemon Sturges and Byron Barton, too! Great idea, J.

Biddy said...

yeah thomas pretty much makes me want to die a slow bitter painful death...

and i still have the perfect book for you, jess. it's just sitting here...calling your name!

Anastasia Topham Hat said...

I waS jUsT staRTinG tO rEcOVeR fRom THe yeARS oF WaTCHing THomaS vIDeos oVER anD Over. And I wAS aBLe tO dREAM w/o HEARing RingO StaRR's voice or evEN GeoRGe CArlin'S. THAT's wHat YeaRS oF RE-haB--er--qUieT ReST WilL Do iF yOU ReALLy Want TO gET BetTeR. WHa--?? Is THaT a TrAIn WhistlE I heAR? Why iS THAt LiTTle WoodEN maN in THE toP HaT SmilING At me? Pleez mAKE hIm StoP!

Shauna Loves Chocolate said...

Fantastic list! Nicholas is a BIG fan of Mike Mulligan. In fact, that's what's sitting in my car right now because he doesn't want to go anywhere without it! (I didn't let him take it to school today - he had too much other crap)

Deb said...

Thank you so much. My son is on the verge of Thomas, and you have spared me from the precipice.

JoeInVegas said...

I can also put in a big YES for any Richard Scary book. They provide endless hours of fascination.