Thursday, January 24, 2008

Experienced

K was out of town last night so I invited myself over to my friend Elke's house so that she could make dinner and entertain my children.

[Is she SUPER LUCKY to have me for a friend or what?!!]

Her husband wasn't home either, so I hung out in the kitchen while she cooked and helped myself to her stash of snacks.

"We went to the zoo last weekend," Elke told me.

"Yeah?"

"When I was herding my boys from the warthog pen to the rhino enclosure I noticed this sweet, little old lady smiling at me."

(I pictured this...)


"Was she wistfully remembering her own days as a mother of young children?" I asked.

"Well that's what I assumed, but then I smiled at her and, you know, kind of gave her an opening to talk to me."


"And?"


"She leaned in close to me and said, If my children were that age again I would just have to KILL MYSELF!!!"

My eyebrows flew up to my hairline.

"She said THAT?" I asked, incredulous.

"She did."

And because we could hear our children
screaming and torturing each other in the next room...

We fell over laughing.




75 comments:

motherbumper said...

Hindsight is 20/20. Not that I'm advocating it but hell, if you made it near the finish line and someone sent you back to THAT POINT in time, well... that would be the quickest solution ;)

Morbid but it made me laugh too.

Beck said...

That's awful!
I know many, many old women who are wistful about their children's childhoods and would love to return. of course, they may be senile. WHo knows?

WILLIAM said...

Hah.

Shannon said...

LMFAO!!!! I LOVE IT!!!! That sweet old lady had been thinking 'better her than me'. Holy moly.

Circus Kelli said...

HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

That little old lady was me in 30 or 40 years... ;)

pgoodness said...

LOL! Finally, the truth!

Jennifer said...

Honesty is like a breath of fresh air, huh?

Mrs. Fussy Fussypants said...

Hee, hee. I used to worry about the day we have an 'empty nest'.

Until a mother of six gave me her prophetic words, "Oh, Honey, if you have five, by the time the last one goes, you'll be ready."

"I will? why?"

"You will need to room for the grandkids!"

Sweet! Empty nest insurance. All ya have to do is have too many! ;)

ps-you iz queen o' the blog!

Mahala said...

Little old ladies are full of wisdom lol.

Mary Alice said...

Heck my teens right now, and every Sunday when I watch my friend sit in the pew in front of me with her 5, 3, and 2 year old climbing back and forth over her for a solid hour....I THINK that very thing. Holy Crow, If I didn't kill myself, it would certainly kill me.

Mrs. Chicky said...

They just don't make nice old ladies like they used to.

ewe are here said...

hahahahaha

Have to admit, I didn't see that response coming at all.

Life As I Know It said...

I fear that may be me in 40 years...

All Adither said...

That's more honest than all the old ladies who only remember the good times and tell you to cherish "every moment" even though there are some very uncherishable times.

angie
www.AllAdither.com

Chilihead2 said...

I love her. I would have followed her all over the zoo begging her to be my best friend.

Jenifer said...

You know my Mom adores my girls, is actually another parent to them, and at then end of the day often calls me laughing to tell me she is having a rest - just to rub it in.

Yeah these are the fun years.

JoeInVegas said...

Does the laughter mean that you are already there?

furiousBall said...

Ahh yes, honesty, the old love to break that jam out on us...

I think that the old people do it just to mess with us. Friggin' old people.

JamesMommy said...

That cracked me right up! That's not bad, is it?!

Don Mills Diva said...

I love it! Sounds like someone I'd like to go get a drink with!

we_be_toys said...

Wow, aren't you glad that she wasn't your role model for motherhood?
I'm feeling sorry for her children now...

Lisa Milton said...

I guess she did her 'time'. Still, not what I expected either.

Kyla said...

That's kind of funny and maybe a little awful. But funny.

Mimi said...

I love it! Fantastic! I'm pretty sure that's going to be me :-)

kschendel said...

Yes! Yes! Yes! The truth will out!!!

We have scandalized our own children with similar sayings, and the poor deluded self-inflated putzes think that we are just trying to be "cool" or something.

Oh my.

OTJ, our last one left the nest about 4 years ago. 2 years ago, She asked me "if you had to do it over again, would you have 4 children???" I hesitated about 5 minutes, and then we laughed for at least 10 minutes! and then had several Black Russians!

You do the best you can. And then you piss on 'em , and laugh!

Karl

CamiKaos said...

ahhh... fond recollections of an experienced mother.

bew said...

LOL...too funny!!!

My mom always wonders how I'm doing this "parenting thing"....and I have to nudge her and remind her that she did it too, back in the day.

Above Average Joe said...

It is said we should listen to our elders.

Jodi said...

That is too funny (and refreshing)!

I was just saying this morning how the last couple of days Jakob has had me wanting to bash my head through a window...LOL!

QT said...

Did she have a flask in her purse, too? More like a naughty little old lady...

liv said...

This reminds me of when I was on the cusp of getting married and an elderly lady noticed me ironing meticulously at work. (I worked in costuming) She said, "Baby, I see that big diamond on your hand and I know you're about to get hitched. But, promise me that you'll never tell your man that you know how to iron. NEVER TELL."

Joeprah said...

Wow, harsh. I guess she is living it up at 95. Crusty old senior citizen with chip on their shoulder? Never heard of such a thing.

Erin said...

That is so refreshing over the little old lady who accosted me in the grocery store last week to tell me how precious kids are.

Yeah, I know, that's why I have two of them.

They're also a heckuva lot of work and the one you were cooing over has made me be dairy-free for the past 4 damn months! I miss my ice cream!

Mrs. R said...

Does it make me a bad person if I find this absolutely hysterical?

rak said...

it's amazing to me what comes out of old ladies (over 80!) mouths!!! i wonder what i will dare say when i am old and gray:)

Tracey said...

I too am going over my friend's house this weekend because both our hubbys will be out of town! Yippee for making our friends feed us!

Cyndi said...

Wow! I can't imagine what my reaction would be to someone saying that to me!

Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

She does have a point.

Family Adventure said...

Ha! I love it!

Heidi

BOSSY said...

Everyone needs an Elke.

Sayre said...

I'm only 9 years into this adventure and even I feel that way!

Manic Mom said...

HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE, AND JUST SURFING AND FOUND YOU AGAIN!!!

How are you??? Feel like donating some blood, or promoting a contest on donating blood? I'm giving away a ton of cash for donating!!! iT's a lot of fun!!!

hope you've been well!
Manic!

Jennifer said...

FREAKIN' HILARIOUS.

I love her. Hee.

JCK said...

Good to know strangers can be supportive.

carrie said...

I can't wait to be an "elder" so I can get away with shit like that.

Queen Karana said...

Love it! That's hysterical.

flutter said...

HA!!

Not Hannah said...

That old lady makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time.

And I think I'm going to blame my gas on her, too.

The Domesticator said...

Hmmm....

She is a very insightful lady! *LOL*

Jen M. said...

Yeah - where are all the nice little old ladies these days??

mamatulip said...

*snort*

What a great response.

Redneck Mommy said...

I aspire to terrorize some young mother like that in my dotty old age.

Snicker.

Sandy C. said...

ROFL!!!! Ah, the wisdom of old age.... :)

TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre said...

Just to ease your tortured conscience, I invite myself over to my friends' houses all the time. So either we're both totally rude or it's socially acceptable to do so with good friends.

Me? I prefer to think the latter. Much less therapy involved.

Worker Mommy said...

Wow..that old lady had some cahones. That's a rather bold statement to someone you don't know...but yeah I totally get it.

Laura said...

OH my!!!!!!!Screw you old lady!!!!! Too funny!!!

thanks for sharing!

Diesel said...

Old people are so sweet.

Virtualsprite said...

You know, I want to be outraged that a woman could say that about her own kids, but that would be hypocritical of me.

Especially since I once told my stepson that if he didn't think I could kick his ass, he should remember that I know where he sleeps and I know how to pick locks.

Ah, good times.

Slackermommy said...

Oh my, that woman is me in 50 years.

Helena said...

LOL!!!!!!!!
THat's priceless!!!

Kelley said...

Wonder what her take on teens would be then?

I am thinking Uzi.

Mommy Bits said...

Love it, Love it. What a great story, I love her honesty.

Magpie said...

I think I want to be that kind of old lady. Snarkety snark snark.

deb said...

I think I'll be that old lady. I think I am already that old lady.

BethGo said...

I know how she feels. And my kids are still little. That's not a good thing, is it?

Mrs. Schmitty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. Schmitty said...

I LOVE little old ladies!

Damselfly said...

The old are so wise.

girl of a thousand blogs said...

LOL

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I sometimes feel that way when I see people with babies. I LOVE babies....could hold them for hours on end...but DO NOT WANT ANOTHER ONE! NOT AT ALL! :)

Aliki2006 said...

Thank goodness for that fresh perspective on things...how truly wonderful.

radical mama said...

You've gotta love honesty!

I am pretty sure I say something along those lines to my husband nearly everyday at around 5:30.

Like, "Take your smelly rotten kids off my aching back before I kill myself!"

Elaine A. said...

That's a great story. If we REALLY knew what we were getting into some of us never would have gone into "parenting" (Not that I am saying I am one of those people...) It's the ultimate reality. But, those people also would have never known the awesome joy and love that comes from children. Like they say, you never know until you experience it. ANY. OF. IT. Good and bad.

Sorry if I was rambling. It's late...

tiff said...

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
How very funny.
I guess she was honest.

Mommahbear. said...

ROFLMAO!! I LOVE that old lady! Too funny.