Saturday, January 19, 2008

More of The Same


Yesterday was a metaphor for all my days.

It started out with patience and love, met a bomb threat in the middle and ended in a death wish.

In the morning The Mayor wanted more milk, didn’t get it and lost his mind as we headed out the door for school.

He cried so hard that he forgot to pay attention when his father gave him his standard two hugs and two kisses goodbye.

As soon as he saw K moving away from the car and towards the train station he began to wail much harder lamenting the missed experience.

He cried so hard all the way to school that by the time we got there getting a grip on himself was far beyond his faculties.

I knelt on the floor near the door for my two kisses and two hugs only to have The Mayor collapse into my lap, throw his arms around me and snuggle face first into my chest.

I had just enough time to get a swim before I had to start work, but I decided to fit it in later and settled in to rock and quiet The Mayor.

I tried to think of soothing things to say to my still sobbing boy.

“Do you know what, Mayor? My love is filling you up --can you feel it?"


"It’s filling you up to your knees… and now it is up to your waist… Hey, it’s all the way up to your shoulders now!!!"


"Mayor! My love has filled you up all the way to the top of your head!”


The teachers all offered to take him. I could have left earlier.

The thing is, The Mayor so rarely wants affection from me. I try to make time for it when he does.

It’s a relief, in some ways, to finally be able to hold him.

I kissed his hair and continued rocking him.

Thirty minutes later he finally pulled himself together and I went to work.

That afternoon, half an hour before I planned to leave early for the pool, one of the teacher’s called me.

“There’s been a bomb threat at the school,” she said. “The children are safe. They think they are on a field trip. We need you to come and pick them up.”


She gave me directions to the community center building in the public housing project across the street from the school.

What is most striking to me about the news of the bomb threat is how little it fazed me.

I didn’t even flinch.

When I told my neighbor about it she said,

“Ugh! Today must be a test day. Teen-agers!


Later, when we were gathered for dinner, The Mayor suddenly said,

“Mom, if you were to go away or die and left just Rooster, Daddy and I, that would be okay. I don’t really need a mom.”


I wanted to fling my dinner plate at him.

Could he not have told me this before I spent thirty minutes of Me Time cuddling and rocking him until he stopped crying in the morning?

How about before I bought him the powdered sugar donuts he asked for on the way home from the bomb threat pick up?

Perhaps before I cooked a meal for him?

GAH!

[I’m sure my mom and dad are chuckling and thinking, "Mwaaa ha ha ha! Karmic vengeance finally achieved!!!"]

One of the hardest things for me about parenting is that way that I am tested and manipulated all day long.

No one apologizes.

No one says,

“Sorry I was such a manipulative turd today.”

Or

“How could we have worked out our conflict better today, mom?”


[Ha ha ha! To dream the impossible DREAM!!]

Still.

There are many nights when I go to bed with a tangled knot of anger, frustration, guilt and sorrow filling my chest.

I know I am supposed to take a deep breath and remind myself,

“He’s only three…"


[giant nostril inhalation]


"HE. IS ONLY. THREE.”

But look, I know how old he is.

It's just...
his interpersonal relationship skills?

Aaaaahhhhh.

I'd better get back to that meditation thing.


What?

What did I do?
I didn't do anything.
It wasn't me.




99 comments:

CamiKaos said...

I didn't much care for 3 in my house.

She hated me at 3.

and felt no qualms about telling me.

I remember how that felt and I have NO advice for you... you are doing what you have to... what a good mom does.

But when he goes to sleep... you can always have a margarita...

Not that I am encouraging drinking as a way to cope with life's difficulties.. except that I totally am in this case.

hugs.

Emily said...

I would have tossed my dinner plate, for sure.

Faerie Mom said...

Motherhood is both a trial and a joy from day one. Deep breaths, really tall, frosty alcoholic beverages and a lot of sighing get me through. One day you willhave your sweet, sweet revenge.... when they have kids of their own! Hope things look up for you soon!

Paige said...

You. Are Not. Alone.

I know it's little consolation, but it's true.

Signed,
She who is "NOT NEEDED" in the House of Avery Lane, but who feeds, clothes, consoles, bathes, entertains, is punching bag and so many other things to small, loud person with no good sense.

ewe are here said...

I strongly suspect I would have thrown the plate.

LSM said...

Three is a tough, tough age. I'm not sure why two gets the bad rap. Three at our house was always much worse--the defiance, the tantrums. And, my kids all went through favoring one parent or the other as well.

While I know that just hearing you're not alone is not always that comforting when you're in the midst of it, I hope you'll take comfort in the fact that eventually, he won't be three any more!

Mary Alice said...

Yes, three was THE worst. Two wasn't so bad and I congratulated myself thinking I had been a superior mother and had headed off two and was scot free and then came THREE. Whoa baby. Three was HUMBLING.

I had three children so I got three three times. It still makes me shudder just a little bit. PTSSoT...that's Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome of THREE.

Hang on tight, smile through your gritted teeth and know that women before you did survive THREE.

Damselfly said...

Yikes, what a topsy-turvy day. I bet the Mayor was just trying to get your goat.

I love your "my love is filling you up" method.

Jennifer said...

Sounds like you handle these things much better than I do. My kids, at 8 and 5, are sometimes treated to a world class guilt trip when they say stuff like that to me. Well, I call it "world class" but since it doesn't really seem to make a dent maybe it's not. Sigh. Then they wake up the next day and everything is hunky dory and I'm still reeling from the drama of the day before. Seriously, I think you have a much better handle on all these things, and the Mayor is only 3. Please pat yourself on the back, or give yourself a hug or something.

JaniceNW said...

Oh Honey. I hope you survive through the teenage years which are similar to ages 2-4 but more painful. Amazing how clever a 3yo can be.

Serious empathy hugs.

Feener said...

some one once told me 3 is 2 with attitude. my 3 year old, sass has proven that statement true. the hitting and screaming that goes on now is breaking my heart. i can not get her to realize that hitting and yelling at me is wrong ???

i get so upset that i don't want to be around her and i feel guilty but the manipulation she pulls is down right jr. high nasty !!

Little Monkies said...

I just had a flash of a vision of the Mayor at 34, looking much like K, with his arm around you (you looked fab at 70+, btw), looking lovingly and appreciatively at you while you shared a joke. His kids were tangled around your legs. And in his eyes, you could see that he understood (and appreciated) what you gave him when he was little.

He doesn't know it now, but you are his life raft. And we always bite back at the people that love us most...it's the safest place because we know those people will not leave us, no matter what.

Love to you, my friend.

Fran

Veronica Mitchell said...

One of the grossest ironies in the universe is that part of teaching kids to be less selfish includes letting them selfishly place themselves in the center of our lives.

And are they grateful? Bah.

Sue at nobaddays said...

We are at two-and-a-bit ("Mommy go away!" every now and then) so I fear "I don't need you" is coming soon. Thanks for the warning. Did the Rooster get her bed yet?

Lisa said...

Oh, bless your heart, woman!

One of my good friends has a boy that is three and aaaaaalllllllll he wants is Daddy. Momma is chopped liver. Right now, I am in the phase where my 15 month old only wants Momma. I am sure this time will pass and eventually he will only want Momma again.

Then, he'll get a girlfriend. Bye-bye Momma, bye-bye dadda.

Ravedogg said...

Bless you for keeping your cool through it all.... And for throwing yourself on the bed, and not on him. I put my mother through SERIOUS heck and, like you, she persevered with love and the patience of a saint... Decades later, my gratitude, love and devotion are immeasurable and eternal. It's like a long harvest: you can't reap 'til the growing is done. You're doing a great job, just keep breathing... My favorite silent mantra is "How 'bout you F-ing lick me?!"

mothergoosemouse said...

Thank you for the reminder to enjoy these days when she cannot yet tell me how awful I am, despite her upcoming birthday.

Her sister, on the other hand...I'll agree that three was a difficult time for both of us.

I'm still glad you stayed to comfort him at school, and I'll bet you and he are too.

slouching mom said...

May I give you some advice?

Yes?

OK, then.

Judge a three-year-old child much more by what he or she DOES than what he or she SAYS.

Him wanting you to physically comfort him for thirty minutes straight?

That's what you should take away from yesterday.

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of the story I've told you about when you were 4. I was wearing a crocheted item that you thought particularly fetching. You calmly asked, "Mom, when you die can I have that?". I could almost hear you mutter under your breadth (and could that be soon, please ;-). Although I laughed very hard at the blog, I feel your pain and I send a big hug. He's just asserting his independence and might have been compensating for his "deplorable needy weakness earlier". My goodness how can you grow up if you need your mom so much? Love you, Grandma Seattle

Lisa Milton said...

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Grandma Seattle nailed it, she is after all, your Mom.

I think he was contemplating in a totally obnoxious way for feeling weak earlier. That boy is a button pusher.

And he feels safe enough to say these things with you. They always practice their doozers on Mom.

So sorry you had to hear it. He's lucky he didn't have plate-related accident.

Hope the weekend runs smoother.

motherbumper said...

Meditation is working - most would have thrown the plate (myself included).

mamatulip said...

Oh, Joy. That sounds like one hell of a day.

Kelley said...

They say motherhood is a thankless job. But shit how about a little kindness from these little people???

You say something like that and it is child abuse and if a kid says it it is 'they are just 3'

Hurts all the same.

JCK said...

Your day. A perfect reflection of mothering a 3 year old. The dips, the wallowing in muck, the springing up in delight, the fear of your own ferocity. This post was ...my day. You always say it so well.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

My 5-year-old has really been pushing me to the brink of insanity lately with her whining and sassiness. It's tough and I find myself overreacting and making things worse.

Hang in there. This parenting thing? It is tough!

p.s. maybe you can catch a matinee by yourself tomorrow?

the end of motherhood said...

It's only when they really think they have you that they can practice imagining what the world will be like when they don't have you.

mimikatemom said...

Kinda what she above me said.

I wouldn't be surprised if this challenging time is just the mayor wrestling with the idea of being a seperate person from you, and not being sure how he feels about that. Maybe he's unsure of his readiness and it makes him angry. And he takes it out on you because it is safe.

Those moments threaten to break our hearts. But because we're moms our hearts survive the bruisings and we only get stronger which helps us love our babies harder. Whether they want it or not.

Redneck Mommy said...

Three sucked. Fric and Frac were intent on pushing their boundaries as far as they could stretch them and as often as possible at that age.

Sadly, it hasn't changed much. Except now instead of being told they don't need me anymore, they stomp their feet and slam their doors while yelling "You're SOOO unfair. I'm NEVER going to be like YOU! I can't wait to grow up!!!"

Which is usually when I go and hide in the pantry with my wine.

May tomorrow be a better day, love.

FENICLE said...

Reasoning with a 3 year old is a full-time job in of itself!

But how could you resist that sweet jelly face????

Mamma said...

Three is much harder than two--I think. The terrible twos is a giant misnomer.

Hang in there friend. Someday he'll have kids of his own, and then you can giggle your heart out.

Bastet said...

My daughter has already told me she doesn't like me...and she was only 2. But now, they say 3 is worse. Why wasn't this mentioned in any books, classes or by friends for heaven's sake! LOL.

Hang in there!

Jodi said...

ok, three is just hard. it is just hard hard hard. it gets better. it all gets better..

Elaine A. said...

As far as I am concerned it's the "terrible three's" not the terrible two's. We've had a much harder time at this age. I feel your pain. But, I also melt when he tells me that he loves me and kisses my face.

Value wIT said...

It was just that kind of a day. While reaming out my 7-year old for being a fickle, prickly, killjoy, I wasn't paying attention and slammed my 4-year old's hand in the car door.

Talk about crying.

The wonderful thing about him, which sounds like the Mayor and my 7-year old are so different, is that he soaks up the love.

We rocked, cuddled and soothed for 30 minutes. All the love that I imagined he was soaking up bounced off of him and came back to me as he touched my face, and said, "You're the best mommy in the world.

Guess that people are just born different from one another. Some love the love and some work so hard to hide their need for the love. I'm going to start passing out Seratonin and sunshine.

Not Hannah said...

You know, you could always spin it as The Mayor recognizing that you have given him such a solid emotional foundation that should you go away from him, he would soldier on, secure in the knowledge of his own strength of spirit.

No?

Little boys can be big turds. Jeffrey breaks my heart on a regular basis, most of the time without having any knowledge of doing so.

Mimi said...

Oh wow. First, that sucks rocks that The Mayor is so mean to you. It's awful when someone you love so much, and who is, at the same time, such a tremendous drain on your mental / emotional / physical resources is just such a JERK about it. It's heartbreaking and of course you feel awful. Of course. I'm sorry.

Second, holy smokes, could that kid look any more like K? Good thing you love K, is what I'm saying.

Kyla said...

You are a GOOD mommy. I think that's what you probably need to hear right now. If you weren't such a good mommy, such a safe and constant mommy, he wouldn't feel secure enough to push at you this way. Minor consolation, I know. But its true, I think.

Lisa said...

Maybe the Mayor is trying to wrap his mind around the idea of parents dying, and is reassuring himself that he could survive losing you. He was touched by a loss just a few months ago and he was disturbed recently by the death of the daddy lion in The Lion King. And he may have been read a story at daycare about a child without a mother.

In any case, you are an excellent, loving mom and I'm sorry your day was difficult

jakelliesmom said...

I am going to write about this someday on my own.

For now, I'm going to tell you that I believe he feels safe enough to express that you have filled him with enough love and security that he could survive without you. I am sure he doesn't want to, and I believe that they push us to see where they stand, that no matter how much he pokes, prods, and heckles you, you will still be his loving mommy.

I can also tell you that at 5, threats seem a bit more meaningful, and when I tell my child that he needs to speak to me with respect, and that it is not okay to give me attitude, that he listens.

Pgoodness said...

I'm sorry. I didn't like 3, it didn't like me. And I have another fast approaching. Even though you know he doesn't mean it, it just kicks you right in the chest (hell, I felt that one!). Hang in there - you're doing great.

deb said...

Aren't kids great? Don't you wish ya had a whole truckful? Me too.

pootandcubby said...

Oh, man. That is awful. I don't think kids have any idea how hurtful their ridiculous comments can be. And I'm not a fan of 3. 4 can't come soon enough.

-andi

creative-type dad said...

My daughter is only 2 and she's telling me stuff like that now.

I'm getting a little worried now...

What happens when she's 16?

I hope she's at least using the toilet by then.

Lotta said...

Sounds like the Mayor is getting ready to take his next step toward independence. Needing you desperately, and then pushing you away. It's what they do at these crossroads man.

Just remember the less you want to throw the love at them, the more they seem to need it. You did a great job at daycare and it totally took. Even if it didn't feel like it at dinner.

Hugs.

flutter said...

Oh mayor, be nice to mommy....

Queen Karana said...

Oh, what a day you had.
I'm so sorry.

mel from freak parade said...

Oh, that one stings. I second what everyone else said about three. It is no good. No good at all.

My daughter is coming up on five and the attitude and hurtful comments are rearing their ugly heads. She has told me several times that I have ruined her life. Then for good measure, she threw in one "I hate you"....that she regretted almost as it passed her lips...but still. Parenting is not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.
You are doing an awesome job, and I think that The Mayor thinks so too. Growing up is just so confusing and disorienting at times.

Edge said...

I'm feelin's ya, I'm feelin' ya. He needs you. My daughter does that now and then.

And the fit sounded like he needed sleep. Am I right? Maybe not.

It's a wild ride isn't it?


~Jef

Domesticator said...

Oh boy...what a day.

Sorry....it is so hard to make sacrifices and then feel unappreciated. Thankfully, 3 passes quickly.
I liked your Grandma's story in the comments, though!

Oh, and I am coming to Atlanta for the next few days. Any suggestions where to go? (We are doing the aquarium thing)

Victoria said...

Bleck. I'm sorry. I hate that "I'm not sure I even like you" feeling I get with my kids. My girl (4 and much like me) especially pushes my buttons. Daily. Gah, indeed.

I need to take Slouchy's advice.

Sigh.

Elizabeth said...

OUCH! Three sucks, we are very near three here and the mood swings and attitude are starting already. I've got your back! They make them that cute, jam covered and all, so you don't kill them :)

Wendy said...

Mine still hates me at 5 yrs old. Maybe it is the first kids that do this. Maybe they hate us for bringing along these little siblings to torture them?

Shannon said...

Kids say hurtful things at that age (and at any age, really).

I make a point to tell my kids that what they said hurt my feelings.

I feel my kids need to understand that the things they say have an effect on other people.

I don't think 3 yr olds understand that. So, they have to be shown that they do in fact have an effect on things outside of their own little brains.

Mrs. Fussy Fussypants said...

Jess,
Sorry I was such a turd today.
Love, Alli

Amanda said...

Oh, dear. I cannot imagine, and yet I think I best get my tail in gear as I am probably fated for this type of exchange in the very near future.

Aliki2006 said...

I'm sure you've read/heard that kids strike out against those they love the most because they know it's safe to do so...I know I've read that, but it sure doesn't help all THAT much when your kid calls you "stupid" and tells you they want another mom... :)

But still, try and remember it...and s.m.'s advice is spot-on...

mauniejames3 said...

Hang in there...at his wedding he will probably lean over and say "Mom thanks for everything you did..I really love you" and then,
they asked why the picure was ruined with me crying in it..

maunie

bew said...

oh but 4 is so much better....you don't really want them to grow up at 4....your mantra then will be:

"keep them this little...if only for a tiny bit more" and then Poof....they're in kinder....then you'll feel this frustration when they're in second grade...the little monster...but 3rd grade comes and they're the silly little boy all over again....

it comes in waves, and this too shall pass....

~leaving a hug~

now if someone wants to help me figure out 11 year olds....I'm more than listening....~nodding~

kittenpie said...

Oh yes, some days it's like their entire purpose is to push us to the breaking. Heck, some MONTHS are like that. We had a couple of months like that, where I was really not liking her, and not liking the mom I was becoming, raising my voice way too often, and then suddenly, we are on a sweet streak that I am sucking in as much of as I can while it lasts.

Corgimom said...

With as much as you travel, could this have been one way of Mayor trying to find some control, and therefore safety, in your future absences?

Circus Kelli said...

Depending on the day, I would have either laughed it off, talked it out or gotten up from the table and gone and cried it out for a bit.

Hang in there.

the mama bird diaries said...

Those crazy 3 year-olds!

My own 3 year-old darling spent today sobbing about EVERYTHING. Sucks the life right out of me. No matter how much yoga I do... turns me into the kind of parent I don't want to be (short tempered and frustrated).

It will get better. And he loves you and needs you like crazy. Now go take that swim you deserve.

PunditMom said...

The manipulation has been the biggest test of myself EVER! It drains me in a way even the the other things of life don't. And some days I want to say, "Fine, if you want to push me away so much, maybe I'll just go!'

Of course, I don't. And try to hang in there until I get the hugs PunditGirl saves for her dad.

Hang in there -- it does get a little better every month, every year.

Beck said...

At (now! as of today!) 6, The Boy now APOLOGIZES to me. For hurting my feelings. Without being prompted.
It happens slowly but it happens.

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Kids just don't get it. And it doesn't matter that he's only 3. Mine are ONLY 4, 5, and 9. They still do stuff like that. I too sometimes go to bed at night with this huge knot in my chest and wonder why it has to be so hard. Hang in...hugs!

jeanie said...

Oh my daughter wanted to trade me in on a better model many times during that age.

Now she is back to me still being the best mum - long may it last!

I used to give myself time out to stop throwing the plate.

BethGo said...

We've been having those kinds of days too lately. But yours sounds worse.

Mrs. Chicky said...

I'm not looking forward to three. I have a feeling there will be a lot of thrown plates.

S.T. said...

"There are many nights when I go to bed with a tangled knot of anger, frustration, guilt and sorrow filling my chest."

Just yes.

crunchy carpets said...

I was told I was a 'bad grown up' today by my three year old.

I have been a 'stupid parent' too.

Adam used to toss around 'I hate you' and that was from about 3.5 to 4.5. I am glad that seems to be gone.

Now he clings to me and says we will be together forever and he will still snuggle me when I am old.

But he also pulls this stuff to get to sleep in the 'big' bed or get more cookies.

Kara said...

There isn't much more I can add to the 70 comments before me..but what a sweet little face. ((hugs))

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Isn't it ridiculous how the words of a three year old can cut you to the core?

Three was a difficult age....I am liking four much better!

There is a light...and this time you can go into it! (hee-hee)

I apologize for the pathetic "Poltergeist" mention! :)

("Don't go into the light!")

Question: Is it still funny if you have to completely explain it?

Didn't think so!

Sarcastic Mom (aka Lotus) said...

I DEFINITELY need to make sure I have groove biscuits before Braden gets to that age.

I really, really don't want to commit homicide.

QT said...

How did I miss this up until now?

Hugs for you, Jess. I don't know how I would handle something like that statement.

Amy Turn Sharp said...

I am waiting patiently for the threshold of four here in our home
three is hard for me too
I try and reason...
not so much...

i love yr honesty

Jenifer said...

It is like a test where the questions change right before your eyes and the answers - ha! There are none.

I have been told I am the "meanest Mommy in the whole world" so many times I have lost count.

painted maypole said...

i need a mom. come live with me, and I will appreciate you!

Lisa said...

Being that my husband travels alot and when he is home, is usually immersed in his computer, my son doesn't really HAVE a choice. He HAS to like me. Or at least pretend to! heehee. (In fact, when Seth was a baby, he'd scream when my hubby tried to hold him because he didn't RECOGNIZE his dad.

But yes, 3 is hard. I drink more now as a parent than I ever did when I was child-free.

Someday when he brings his future wife home to meet you, you can relish telling her this story.

Miscellaneous-Mum said...

Oh, what a rough, crap day. I'm very sorry to have all that happen.

I'm waiting for my turn.

And it will happen.

Sayre said...

Everyone freaks out about the "terrible twos", but two was a breeze for me. Three was much more difficult. I think it's because at three, they are truly testing their independence as separate people. It makes them feel strong to say that they don't need you or need your help - all the while DEPENDING on it for their lives. I'm not the favored parent either - and my boy has made it plain. But I'm the one he calls for when he's sick or scared or feeling otherwise threatened because he knows he can count on my steady and unwavering love, whereas Daddy tends to flake or tell him to buck up when such an occasion arises. But my arms are always open - greedy for the feel of my son's strong little body when it needs me most. You take what you can get.

3carnations said...

Oh! I'm sorry. Those little heartbreaking comments that they don't mean in a hurtful way at all.

I think the kids are just exposed to so many different types of families at daycare that your son was trying demonstrate his vast worldly knowledge. My son has friends with stepparents, friends with one parent...

Bob said...

my wife suggested that he was trying to make you feel better, to reassure you that he would be okay if you weren't there. Which is obviously the exact opposite of what a mom wants to hear.

Mrs. Swizzle said...

I can so relate to this. Sure, Twinkle is 6 (6 1/2 mom) but she still has those total, can no longer gain control, meltdowns.

And the arguing. Oh, the arguing. She knows everything, I know nothing.

I still say, "she's only 6" just like I said, "she's only 2", "she's only 3"....

Someday will it be, "she's only 30"

Jo Jo said...

I feel ya! We had a rough weekend with my 3.5 year old and last night while I was putting him to bed he told me he needed a new, nicer mama. I thought, Dude...how much nicer do you want? You're still alive!

Kimmylyn said...

3. 3. 3.. I can't wait to get to 4 because 3 is slowly killy me.

♥♥♥ A- Licious ♥♥♥ said...

wow....3 huh? we are only at 16 months....i am thinking now...yikes.

;o)

i love your blogs - i love how you handle situations with your humor...you ROCK!

and i love the "my love is filling you up" method, i will have to remember that! :o)

and wow....The Mayor is SUCH a cutie pie!!

but wait!!! he won't need his MOM???

i'd burst into tears - in the bathroom - door shut - crying in a wad of toilet paper...LOL

;o)

cat, galloping said...

this just feels like such a preview of what's in store for me as Gatito gets more and more verbal and expressive. you're the only one i know whose child also shows such enduring preference for daddy, or at least the only one who admits it. thanks for that.

Catizhere said...

Aww Jess,
He does love you and need you. Never doubt that.


Fran (LittleMonkeys) you made me cry. That was beautiful.

Sugarplum's Mom said...

bmino need to throw the dinner plate... that's what the mother's curse is for...

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

LOVED this post! My 2 year old has been mad at me since Friday. I have had those "30 minute moments" between then and now that said he was over it, but nope, he confirms the attitude not 2 minutes later and we are back to square one of the hating mom phase.

I admire your restraint. Glad the dinner plate stayed in tact.

Dory said...

Hang in there. Sending hugs.

Tynan said...

I had one of those bad breast cancer days - I fell asleep in my chair - I felt like nobody cared and yet I know they do - and tonight while reading whymommy's blog I somehow was led here.

I've raised four children and kept my sanity somehow and now find that in the end we often come full circle; frustrated, not feeling in control - it's just that the things that fill us with sorrow or overwhelm or whatever emotion it is are different.

And reading your words reminded me of that; for which I thank you.

Susan Reynolds, whose Second Life alter ego is Tynan Clary (who normally seems in control but isn't even in virtual life)
http://susanreynolds.blogs.com/boobsonice

Alpha DogMa said...

When he's 18 show him this post and then say, "And now you want me to pay your uni tuition, huh?"

We all have days like that. Not with bomb threats and verbal assaults from cute lil' urchins, but those days when you think "for this I tore my rectum? FUCK that."

AnotherMomCreation said...

Ahh, I have a 21 year old cousin who recently told her mom the following, "Sorry I was such a LIFE SUCKER when I was kid"

Truer words were never spoken.

Tracey said...

My daughter needs two hugs and two kisses too! And she is eight now! I'm wondering what she will do when she is in college and needs her kisses. Where do they get these things from?

Becky said...

I think the Mayor loves you and would be devastated if you died and left him, Rooster & K all alone. I don't know what drives our children to tell us such things and insult us. Maybe it's a way of testing the bond, to see your reaction... maybe you might feel the same way, or would you be as sad as he would if you went away? Mine have told me some pretty horrible hurtful things... but we still love them and would rather die than live life without them, no matter what.

crankybee said...

Can't read through all the responses, but what is this little man trying to tell you? Is he wanting you to say you love him and would never leave him and the family by choice? Is he fighting against becoming more and more attached to you? Maybe he is testing you - she can love me this morning when I had a meltdown, what about when I say this?

I have a good memory, and I remember being 3. My Mum was pregnant with my brother, and I spent a whole afternoon while she was in bed with morning sickness making a menu for when I ate at my grandparents' place. I found a picture in the Australian Womans' Weekly of a pig. So I cut it out and glued it on the menu, and wrote "MUM" underneath it with an arrow. I then painstakingly drew a pig. "MUM" I wrote, and I drew it again, and again. Of course my mother busted me, and tearfully asked if I thought she was a pig. I was unsure. I felt guilty when she cried, but damn it, I was hurting! I didn't want to have to eat at my Grandparents place while she had the baby! But...I LOVED my Grandparents' place! Oh, the emotion! Too much! I watched my Mum cry and felt guilty, but never said anything.

I just rang my Mum and asked her if she remembered that. After reminding me it was 30 years ago, she confessed no, the memory was gone, replaced by far naughtier behaviour from me...like when I kicked my toddler brother up the arse and he fell over and split his head open (4 stiches). Or when I climbed onto the roof only to fall off and break both my arms...Or...no. I should stop.

What a long comment! Sorry! LOL!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Actions speak louder than words---he needs you, he sure does.

My middle one says stuff like this a lot. "Go away mommy!", "I don't like you!" etc etc. But when we connect, we CONNECT.

Deb said...

OH. MY. GOD. My 18-month-old is already refusing to kiss me. THIS is what I have to look forward to? Tell me again why I'm considering a second one?