Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Patchwork

After her death, we decided to keep my grandmother's home as a place for my extended family to gather.

When we closed up the house we removed things that had sentimental value to guard against their loss, theft or destruction.

I brought one of her handmade quilts home and, t
hough perhaps it was too soon, spread it out on my bed.

For weeks, every time I looked at it I burst into tears, but I didn't take it off.

When I'm in my room now I often run my hand across the quilt squares and imagine her fingers making the delicate stitches on each one.

I try not to remember that her fingers were almost all I recognized of her in the end.

The quilt is made from a riot of fabrics
reflecting a time long ago when lime, orange and brown forged a deep friendship. They are all most likely scraps from clothes Granny made for herself or the family.

The jumble of fabrics in my quilt somehow mirror my tangle of thoughts about The Mayor today, but I'm having trouble making the pieces fit together.

The Mayor seems so angry these days.

At school, he kicked his best friend in the face during story time and in defiance h
e unbuckled his car seat straps in our moving car.

The number and severity of his tantrums has escalated.

I can't figure out if he's just being three or if there is something else wrong.

If he's just being three then clearly I am at a loss about how to parent.

I find my self standing still staring in wide-eyed disbelief.

[Not much of a strategy!]


The other morning when his sister woke up earlier than expected he wailed,

"No! I wanted to spend more time alone with just you."

My heart sank.

Alas, my patience with The Mayor has run so short
.

When The Mayor was born, my Granny knit a beautiful, deep blue, throw-sized blanket for him that will cover his bed as he grows up.

She knit blankets like his for each of her great grandchildren.

As the only person interested in the craft, I inherited all of her knitting needles and carried them home with me after her funeral.

This week I started a knitting class.

The teacher was impressed with my granny's collection of supplies and said,

"How exciting that you have all of her things!"

While I realize that she didn't know what happened to my grandmother and couldn't have meant anything by her comment, it still stung.

My cheek burned as if I had been slapped.

I would trade my grandmother's knitting needles in a heartbeat to have her back in my life.

I held my tongue and learned to cast on.

I think knitting settled my grandmother's thoughts at the end of each day and I can see it serving me the same way.

The Mayor also has trouble settling down at night.

When he finally falls asleep
after the day's collection of tirades, K and I creep into his room to check on him.

I pull the blanket that Granny made over him and think again of her fingers working love into every stitch.

I can picture her sitting in her yellow wing backed chair with her feet on a low stool, her knitting in her lap and her hands and arms moving rhythmically with the yarn.

I imagine The Mayor's blanket wrapping him up in her love just as her quilt wraps me.

It is good, but somehow not enough. Not for either of us. Not today.







95 comments:

Two Shews said...

Poor Mayor. Three is no fun, and we're dealing with a lot of the same issues here. So angry and defiant, so suddenly that it left me confused and hurt. I hear it's just a function of three.

Lucky he has such love.

Mrs. Fussy Fussypants said...

I'm so sure your Grandma is looking down on you in that knitting class and she is so touched.

I am so happy for you that you are doing that.

The Mayor- Sounds like a normal "testosterone" burst. :)

Three and four are the years of turning them into semi-civilized people instead of crazy cavemen!

Love to ya!

Mrs. Chicken said...

I don't have any good words. I do understand, in a way. A trust fund left to me and my siblings and our mother helps fund our time in graduate school. I would trade it in a heartbeat for five minutes with my father.

I hope you and The Mayor find an easier path soon.

Paige said...

All I can say is that I understand every last word of this post, friend. Hang in there and give me a call if you need to chat.

P

Lisa Milton said...

I guess sometimes all we can do is cast on. Wrap up.

(This is a perfect post. Got me.)

Annie said...

She is with you - just in a different way.

I think it's beautiful that you can feel her presence and imagine her hands working their magic on your knitted and quilted treasures. I feel the same way every time I bake one of my Nana's wonderful recipes.

This may be completely useless to you - but I'll share it anyway. My daughter was going through a MAJOR tantrum phase in the last couple of months which left me feeling like a very incompetent parent. She literally laughed at all our normal attempts at discipline. Then following a doc's appt to investigate hives everywhere, blood tests have revealed she has milk and egg allergies. I've cut them out of her diet, no more hives, and a much better mood for Miss E! What I'm saying is maybe it is just The Mayors age, or maybe it's something else - either way I'm sure it'll become apparent soon, and I trust that he will settle down again for you, soon.

Bon said...

blurry with tears, here. for your loss and pain, and for being at a loss about how to go on with the Mayor sometimes...all of it so human.

from the post, i get this sense of your grandmother and you and the Mayor all stitched together in this family line, some of it marked with terrible sadness and frustration, but all held together with love, the running stitch through the quilt.

furiousBall said...

tough stuff this grieving. all good thoughts for you and your family.

All Adither said...

3 is super hard. It gets better.

Angie
www.AllAdither.com

Robin Marie said...

I hope this comment doesn't cross and lines...

As I was reading this post I read the one about your grandmother and from there the one about your grandfather. I think perhaps both of your grandparents have strength to offer you in this situation. It sounds as if you had a phase very similar to The Mayor's when you were young and it was your grandfather's gentle guidance that helped you through it. Perhaps this is an opportunity to live in his memory and pass it on to your own child.

It's times like these that I do not envy mother's their children. Knitting sounds like a good opportunity to make time for you and your thoughts and memories.

Wishing you strength and patience!

canape said...

There are so many things going on in my life that I ache for my grandparents to be here for. I don't know the cure for that.

I'm sorry it is so hard.

liv said...

three is a hard age, honey. it really is. and children can also be so sensitive to grief--the energy just sort of lurks.

Am I doing okay? said...

Great post. This sentence struck me as especially well crafted:

The quilt is made from a riot of fabrics reflecting a time long ago when lime, orange and brown forged a deep friendship.

Thank you for sharing. My Grammie crochets. Same blanket for all the granddaughters and another same style for all the great grandbabies.

Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake said...

What a heart-wrenching post J. You squeeze my heart.


The age of three is much harder than two. It's a little secret because everyone talks of the terrible twos. Two couldn't hold a candle to three. Good. Got.

I'll mention this, just because it's something I've discovered with Payton and it has seriously helped. I noticed a pattern with Payton on days when he didn't have enough protein at breakfast, he was close to uncontrollable. Eggs have made a huge difference. The incredible edible egg indeed.

I don't know if protein would make a difference with Mayor or if he's just being three, but I thought I'd bring it up since I've seen it make such a difference with Payton.

Anonymous said...

I went through the tantrums with my son at that age, and it was so hard. He made me cry on more than one occasion. BUT, that strong will and mind of his own will help him in the future! My "little" boy is now 19; we had NO trouble with peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, etc. A wise woman told me that it is better to deal with a difficult child when they are little and you can still pick them up. A difficult teen would be a whole different matter. Stay strong, this will pass. And I find knitting to be very therputic-it almost becomes a meditation. It has gotten me through many difficult times. Blessings!

kristen said...

Yes, this grieving thing is so hard. Sending you a hug and wishes for better days ahead.

I have no real advice to offer on the Mayor as I am fully in doubt of my own parenting skills these days. Watch, listen, give it time. The answer will come to you.

we_be_toys said...

Poor Jessica - these are hard days, aren't they? I feel sure your grandmother is watching over you - I'm so glad you have a piece of her to touch every day
Little boys can be really hard to fathom at times - my 10 year old is suddenly all touchy and secretive about his inner life, and I well remember the 3-6 year old phase of crying and tantruming. Hang in there girl - its only 10 more years until the teen years! (Aughhhhh!)

Two Kids and a Husband said...

Oh Three how I loth thee... My son just turned three on december 15th. And on that day the the good Gavin Fairy flew down and replaced him with the temper tantrum Gavin...and I am hating it. For the first time in his life I actually had to hold him down while he was throwing a fit so he didn't hurt himself...when he is like that it is like he isn't there...I am praying it is just being three and that he grows out of it soon. Our daughter is older and for the last two weeks...just constant fighting. So I feel your pain and trust me it has nothing to do with parenting.

And your words about your grandmother are beautiful, I know she must be looking down and smiling knowing she left such a wonderful legacy behind with you!
Julie

the end of motherhood said...

Joys, my pal, your little one told you exactly what he needs. I've got a good idea for how to deal with this one (having so been there, done that) but, since I can't be bogarting your comments, I will post on it today. Thanks for the inspiration - now if only you could inspire me to knit...

Reesie said...

I am right there with ya! my son is 3.5 and had hitting & kicking incidents at school yesterday (his first). That is just the icing on the cake. The staff assures me that this is all perfectly normal 3 y.o. behavior and that we'll all live through it. Some days, I'm not sure I believe them, but I am trying to stay optimistic. You are not alone.

Great post, I loved the way you knit your grandmother and The Mayor (my nick name for my son too) into the post.

nutmeg said...

My Nana crocheted all of our blankets. When I'm down I still hold that blanket against my body while I sleep twenty some years later. it so helps.

Robin said...

It may be because he's three. It may also be that he has some mild sensory integration dysfunction. You might want to look into it.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

You make me cry. I have several of my grandmother's quilts. She quilted two baby quilts before she died (and before I even got married) because she wanted to store them away before arthritis took away her ability to sew.

I'm proud of you for signing up for the class and I know your Grandma is, too.

I wish I could offer sage advice on the tantrums. Usually my girls are either over stimulated or "over tired" when the tantrum beast rears its ugly head.

You are a great mama and with time the answer will come.

flutter said...

these little stitches hold all the affection we want to pour all over the people we love. Every little stitch, to keep them warm, to keep them safe, to keep them close.

It's the knitter's creedo. Your Grandmother is holding him close, even from as far away as she is.

I know you miss her, she misses, you too.

CamiKaos said...

I wish you all the best.

I'm all teary eyed, I'm emotional today so this just gave me a little push.

I can tell you though that K had a horrible time at three. I always thought it was so silly to talk about the terrible twos when three is so hard for so many kids.

She had awful tantrums, couldn't properly understand or explain feelings she was having, lashed out verbally and physically at those she loved most.

The best I could do was love love love and clear boundaries and try not to bas my head against the table. ;)

I think you know all that already.

sending you hugs.

Cami

The Super Bongo said...

I read your post outloud in the office, and we all cried for you.

bubandpie said...

This post felt so familiar to me - more with Pie than with Bub. She too seems to undergo a personality transplant every so often into whiny/angry/misery child, and it's almost always because she wants/needs more of me than she's getting.

painted maypole said...

poor mayor. poor you.

we have several quilts my grandmother made, one on the guest bed. when my parents are here my dad likes to comment "This was a shirt of my dad's, and I think this square here was an old apron..." there is so much history in that quilt. it is a treasure.

Elizabeth said...

Three stinks! We are rapidly approaching it here and I see the fun coming a mile away. Good for you learning to knit. It is relaxing and a wonderful bond with your Grandmother although not one you were able to share while she was alive you will treasure her knitting goodies. I have a little case with darning needles that was my grandmothers that I use when finishing up stuff and cherish it because I know she used it and would probably think it very funny that I found such a mundane thing so special. I'll send knitting and surviving the Three's mojo your way!

mothergoosemouse said...

I find knitting soothing, but I know it often takes more than knitting to relax me when I'm worried about my kids.

So much on your mind. I hope knitting helps absorb some of those thoughts.

Mad Hatter said...

Knitting is a great gift. Your grandmother has given you a great gift.

I once wrote a post about my mother's hands. There was also a post on BlogHer once about what it means to write about and experience the world through the memory of our mother's hands. This post--touching on your grandmother's hands and the work of those hands--is a beautiful complement to all that reflection.

Above Average Joe said...

How best to remember her but to take up one of her hobbies.

Good for you.

Mimi aka pz5wjj said...

My (maternal) grandmother made us quilts too before she died. I got it in the mail 2 days before she died. That was more than 20 years ago and I still remember her when I see it.

I too, have recently re-taken to knitting. I have my (paternal) gramma's knitting needles too.

Both of these will bring you closer over time as you heal -- but there is no need to rush it. Dwell in it and take your time.

As for the Mayor, poor kid. Being 3 is difficult!

Redneck Mommy said...

My Gramma crocheted. As do I. And I never fail to think of her as I pull on my yarn.

I'm thinking of you and your Gramma today. As I tug on my yarn.

Circus Kelli said...

Sweet Pea gets a bit like that sometimes... and I get just as perplexed. I just do the best I can, and continue to love her. Sometimes just the right idea or realization comes to me.

I love how you talked about your grandmother's knitting and quilting... and how that has "stayed" with you.

I hope something comes to you soon. Hugs.

mommymommyland said...

Just one of the joys of 3 year olds. It to will pass, just be as strong and loving as ever.

deb said...

Sometimes they're just little shits and sometimes it's something else. My middle daughter was a hellion when she was three, swearing, bossing, ramming doors with toy pianos.

Not much help I know. But at least you know he's not the only one.

Family Adventure said...

I'm sorry that you are having a rough day. It will get better ... both with the Mayor and your heavy heart. Hang in there!

Heidi

Damselfly said...

That sounds so tough. Hugs for you....

Julie Pippert said...

A little cyber hug to start if that isn't too fresh. Just seemed like the thing to do.

I hear you about the Threes. They a re currently dragging me down to their level, here, more often than I'd like to admit.

I blogged my moment of peace and quiet with my 3 because ti was so *extraordinary.*

And sorry about the reminder and pang of loss.

But how beautiful that you use her loving quilt to wrap a growing boy.

Sugarplum's Mom said...

I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it. One of the simple (but difficult) facts of life is that generations living before us also pass before us and it's nice when wonderful tangible pieces of them are handed down. It *IS* wonderful that you have her things. it doesn't mean it's *better* to have her things rather than her and I think that's the distinction to try to keep in mind.

Janet said...

I'm sorry for your deep sense of missing.

Three can be really tough. Truthfully, though, I haven't yet experienced an age with my kids that didn't present some new challenge. I often feel like we're putting the "mental" in "developmental" around here....

Little Monkies said...

Oh Jess, this made me sad. Love to you. Things will iron out. Defiance is normal and expected and will help him stand up for things that he needs to in the future. My heart feels for you, my friend.

tulipmom said...

Sending hugs your way. I hope things get easier soon with the Mayor.

Your posts about your grandmother always make me teary. I've missed my own grandmother so much these last six years. I wish she was still alive to meet this little baby girl growing inside me. I will have to settle for giving my daughter her name.

mamatulip said...

I would love to see a picture of the quilt.

Sending peace to you, and The Mayor.

JayJenny said...

Thinking of you...

Jennifer said...

Life is so hard, sometimes. Age three doesn't make any of it any easier. Wishing you all peace.

(And, mama? A stiff drink helps.)

Holly said...

I have never understood the big deal with the "Terrible Two's". The threes were unbelivably hard! This is a phase. It will pass. Your parenting skills have nothing to do with it. It is nature!

QT said...

Hugs for you, woman. Big, tight squeezes coming straight from me.

Beck said...

Oh, I KNOW. I have many of my grandmother's things and I often hold her favorite mug in my hands and am overwhelmed by this wave of loss, this grieving undertow.

theotherbear said...

I do understand how much you miss your grandparents.
I can't imagine how hard being a parent must be but I am pretty sure you are good at it.

Jan said...

I have worked in the field of child development for more than 25 years and he does sound like he's just being three. But I also heard something in your post that might help: he said he wanted more time with just you. Lack of alone time with you isn't the reason for his angry behavior but a little time alone with him may make him feel better about life overall. Although that may seem like a big demand when your days are already so full, it might be good to try to find a little time (even a half hour) when it is just you and the boy. One thing I have learned over the years: kids just want to be with their parents. Peace and hope to you.

♥♥♥ A- Licious ♥♥♥ said...

i totally understand and feel this post ma...i would trade my grandparent's "things" for them ANY day....

as for Mayor - i am still new to your blog - but i can tell you that all the postings i have read so far tell me what an awesome mommy you ARE....and he is LOVED and i think that is all that matters...i too hear that is part of being 3 (so not looking fwd to that, my son is 16 months....)i believe with love and constant encouragment with children - it will all work out!

I wish you lots of LOVE & BLessings and PATIENCE! ;o)
((hug))

and i blow kisses of comfort to you for the loss of your grandparents... ;o) I miss mine so deeply!

imhelendt said...

Jessica- I noticed someone suggested the Mayor might have Sensory Integration and to be honest, the thought crossed my mind too. The tantrums and anger and difficulty with transitions would certainly fit. I wrote a blog entry describing it years ago on my old blog because my sons and husband have it: http://imhelendt.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!80A987C7370420AB!254.entry

And there's a link under catagories on my wordpress blog to sensory integration entries I've written since.

If you think the Mayor might have sensory issues, I recommend picking up the book The Out of Sync Child. If he's got sensory issues, you'll recognize him in that book. One of the first things that clued me in was that my son never raced his matchbox cars. He would line them up throughout the house but never MOVED them. There's always a bunch of telltale signs...

Good Luck!

Mel said...

I have no advice. Just some loving support, and a great big hug:
(((You)))
I wish you patience and hope, my friend.

Tracey said...

I feel your pain. At least on the grandmother end. I lost mine about a year ago and I too am keeper of her quilts. I love to swaddle myself in them and think of her. She did not make them herself, rather, her mother made them for her. I love to quilt and carry on the tradition in memory of the lost women in my family.

jen said...

oh, friend. i am sorry your heart has been so heavy. and the Mayor...i recognize that in M lately too and i keep earnestly trying to meet her in the place she needs. there are no rules to this, sister. it's just hard sometimes.

ps. or you can send him to CA. I'll keep him for a week. I'd love it.

Kyla said...

This is so tough. I wish those blankets were magically enough.

Corgimom said...

I think memory serves two purposes: to honor those we loved; and to be an admittedly poor substitute for actual life.

Our three-years-old-next-month son is becoming ever more vocal and physical in his tantrums (having had almost none during his "terrible twos") and his pediatrician tells us it is within normal limits and due, partly, to his great sensitivity to all going on around him. While nice to hear, it doesn't make surviving the tantrums any easier, does it?

Hugs and patience to you and yours.

Chantelle said...

Beautiful. Just beautiful.
May you and Mayor both find your peace.

jakelliesmom said...

I am sorry for your struggles, both with the boy and your loss.

Three does take its toll on a parent. Such highs, and such terrible, awful lows in moods, etc.

If you are truly worried, talk to someone who might be able to give you a second opinion that you trust - not necessarily a doctor or teacher, but maybe someone who has lived through it. If there is something going on, and something you can do, sooner is always better.

Hugs to you, and keep fighting the good fight.

Catherine said...

Ah, 3 - how I don't miss thee. E learned to say, "being 3 is hard!". It seems, at least for my boy, that he didn't have all the words to tell me that he needed me. And that while he IS a big boy, he is still a little boy and needs to be cuddled and hugged and carried around. He's over 4 now, and still craves that sometimes and still lacks the words to get what he needs. But really, how many of us are able to say - I need a hug from you now, a good long snuggle?

motherbumper said...

Oh boy, I wish I had the right words, the words that would wrap you up like one of her quilts and make you feel all peaceful and safe. But expressing emotions is not my strong point so I send a (hug)xinfinity instead.

Omaha Mama said...

Someday I hope that it will only be the quilt and the knitting and the memories. And the violence and pain associated with her death will be gone. The way you speak of your grandmother, makes me think of a dear (young, just 29) cousin we lost to a house fire three years ago. The pain it caused. I haven't been able to write about it, and won't, but you make me think of it. It doesn't hurt as much now as it did. I don't cry like I did. There is peace now. And I wish that for you.

On a totally different note (and making for a l-o-n-g comment), I worried about my little girl for quite some time. The tantrums. The temper. My temper. My tantrums. I worried about my parenting. I worried there was something wrong with her. There wasn't. There isn't. Two words that help: patience, repetition. You will say the same things over and over. You will show patience and grace again and again. Eventually it sticks.

Cat, Galloping said...

i don't know if it's normal for all three-year-olds, but i remember my sister being bewildered by my younger nephew's rage at that age. once she found him punching his own nose and saying, I hate my nose! when it was stuffed. she went to a family therapist to discuss (without her son, as i recall) and i remember she told her that he was very angry for someone with a basically happy life. i think the therapist gave her some good techniques for dealing/helping him, so might be worth a try for you.

Veronica Mitchell said...

My heart is so sore for you right now.

Jordan said...

I'm sorry to hear about this hard time but glad that you've started knitting, we could all use something so calming. I don't know what to say about the Mayor but for sure I've been taken aback by the pure rage in small children quite often. Three is rough.

Sarcastic Mom (aka Lotus) said...

Your words are beautiful and you are gifted with the ability to reflect on your emotions in such a way. Your family is blessed by you because of that, and the way you really see them, in much the same was that your grandmother blessed your life. I hope the knitting can help you find peace.

The Sour Kraut said...

I am sorry to hear you're having a hard time with The Mayor lately. It gets A LOT easier. The toddler years are really, really hard.

Bastet said...

My great grandmother quilted for me...I love that I have a piece of her to carry with me and on to my children.

Jenifer said...

Good golly blogger ate my comment! Ah!

That is so hard to deal with and my own Godson did the same thing with his car seat too. He would be like Jeckyl & Hyde and when he flipped the switch it was like you could not get him back from the edge. He is now five and much of this has disappeared. He is still a bit sneaky and if he thinks no one is watching he is likely to try something on his sister, but that rage has really faded. His parents are very laid back in terms of disciple and once they got consistent with simple consequences for his actions he quickly responded. Mostly though I think he just matured.

I can relate to your grief and 11 years later it is still hard and I miss my Dad terribly. The thing is I don't want it to go away, it reminds me just how much I loved him. I am glad I am not a weepy puddle 24/7 anymore, but that pain is something I think I will carry with me forever - along with the smiles for course.

Jennifer said...

My grandmother died in December and I miss her so.
I'm not a mom, so I have no ideas about your son. You and your husband are loving, good, and thoughtful parents. He won't win!
Peace.

slouching mom said...

i'm so sorry, j. i wish i were there, to take you out, or to hang with The Mayor, or both...

xxoo

carrie said...

I would trade it all for just one more day.

Scribbit said...

Poor little guy--life can be so tough. I'm sure it's just a phase that will pass soon. I mean I have absolutely no basis for that comment except that I'm really hoping for your sake that it is. What do I know? :)

JCK said...

If it isn't 3 it happens at 4, as we've recently found out. WhooHAA! And he was such a sweet boy... I'm told it is a stage.

Your thoughts on your granny were really poignant, especially describing how you felt like your cheek had been slapped by the woman commenting on you having your granny's knitting supplies.

I would imagine knitting would be relaxing. I imagine. This said from someone who can barely sew on buttons, let alone get all fancy and knit.

Kelley said...

Oh babe. I just read the post about your Grandmother. It took a while for me to compose myself afterwards.

I was with my beloved Nanna, holding her hand as she passed away. 3 weeks to the day after my grandfather and her husband.

I know your pain.

And my Nanna was the one who inspired my shoe obsession.

WILLIAM said...

Wonderful post.



I think the problem with the mayor is that he is Three. My Kid is the same way and I just stand there.

Shannon said...

We had issues with Brendon being angry, defiant, short tempered.

The more time I spent with him talking about things as mundane as the weather, listening to him read me books, the storm calmed a bit.

I don't see that in Jacob, so I won't say it's a boy thing.

Sometimes kids need extra attention. Yes, it can suck the life out of us, but if it's what they need, then I'll find a way to get more life into me to give to him.

Let your granny calm him. Wrap him in the blanket she made him and tell him stories about granny and you as a little girl. I know my kids love to here my childhood stories.

Craze said...

It is wonderful you are going to take up knitting. I'm sure a lot of it IS his age. Children are also very intuitive to our own feelings, perhaps it's some of that as well. Remember: this too shall pass.

Lawyer Mama said...

(((hugs))) It seems fitting that your hands will do what hers did.

We're having the same 3 year old issue. Some days I think I have a budding psychopath in the house. Others, I wonder if Lithium is suitable for toddler mood swings. I posted a video of one of Hollis's violent tantrums awhile back. I understand that 3 is much worse than 2.

BOSSY said...

It's such a bumpy road, this life.

~JJ! said...

Maybe not today, but eventually.

Be patient with your grief.

It will serve you well later on...Trust me. I know first hand.

The mayor sounds like my daughter a year ago. I was so scared of her anger and I thought it was all my fault.

Today at just 4, she is evening out.

Hugs.

david mcmahon said...

Your prose takes us on a powerful journey.

Shauna Loves Chocolate said...

Hugs, Jess.

rak said...

with so many other comments, not sure if this will make a difference...

but i saw on the Nanny show last night (ONLY episode i've EVER seen) that the small boy with aggressive temper was able to unleash it best in a karate type class... they even talked to him about the class being the only "safe" place for that type of behavior...

Don Mills Diva said...

I'm so sorry. I have beautiful things my grandmother knit too and while I'm happy about that I still grieve that she never met my son.

Grim Reality Girl said...

Do not despair on the Mayor or your mothering skills (you have mad skillz!). Terrible three's are SO much worse than terrible two's!!!

I'm proud of you for taking up the knitting. I too sting from having all of my mother's knitting needles. I want to learn, but it hurts so much still.

The day will come when these tangible reminders (quilt & throw) will revert to simply bringing joy vs. pain. As grief ages we hang on to the happy times of a life well spent. I try to focus most on the happy memories. I'm glad you have so many happy memories of Granny.

The Mayor may bite his best friend next.... do not be shocked.... it will be okay! This too, shall pass. Wishing you comfort...

Jamie said...

My goodness, what a lovely post. I have no advice to give but can only offer warm thoughts and prayers to you.

Aliki2006 said...

This was so beautiful.

I know those types of days you describe--they are truly awful, for everyone. Part of it could be growing pains, I think. If their bodies grow, so must their minds, too, and this must be a painful, confusing process, especially for a smart, sensitive boy like The Mayor.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Oh, I wish I could wrap you up in one of those quilts---three IS hard (my little guy is three and, OMG, I am at a loss). With my daughter (who had TERRIBLE insane rages), she escalated so quickly if she felt like someone was mad at her. So, I had to learn, the hard way, to just shut off my emotion and judgement and stress and anger and she would settle right now. Of course, this isn't helping me now with my son, but maybe it will help you with yours.

NannyOgg said...

{{{ HUGS }}} to you and The Mayor.

Karen

Claire B. said...

What a beautiful post. Your dear grandmother must have gone through the very same difficulties that you are, which probably make the knitting in the wingback chair days that much sweeter.

Lotta said...

There is never enough mommy to go around. Hugs.

Jeni said...

What a beautiful post! I can relate on several levels here. One, my grandmother was a quilter -tried to make a quilt for each grandchild before she died as a wedding gift. I have mine but I was the last of the grandkids to get one before her eyesight went and she was no longer able to do the close needlework. But each time I see my quilt, I see, I feel, her touch; I have memories of some of the scraps of fabric in the quilt as well. And it does warm not just the body, but the soul as well.

Children, tantrums and the like though - oh my! Seems to be a stage for every age and if they skip a stage early, it seems to come to play then at a later date.
I was lucky -my kids probably luckier though - in that none of my three kids went through the ugly stuff of tantrums and such. I say they are lucky because my patience levels then were not near as finely developed as they are now at age 63. But my granddaughter -age 4 -and also autistic -has meltdowns. You ain't seen nothing till you see one of them! LOL From her, I have learned -still learning too - patience! My son says I am not the same person today that I was when he was growing up and I know he means that by the way I usually am able to deal with the granddaughter. And there, I say usually - not always -human is, you know not perfect. Discipline him for the tantrums -either than or just step over him and take care that you don't get kicked in the shins or wherever.
Raising kids - it does get better, easier to a degree and then they become teens and you have to relearn everything all over again. Or, like me, you become a grandmother.
Just take heart that tomorrow is another day, another stab at the issues, whatever they may be, and you'll muddle through it all.
Trust me!