K asks for an apology when he needs one.
Instead of letting hurts fester until they stink, K will say,
“I really need you to apologize for [ABC] because it made me feel like [EFG].”
Early on my reaction was either surprise because I didn’t realize he was upset or shame because I knew I had been a jerk and had let it slide.
Either way, I always found it easy to fall all over myself apologizing.
I used to wonder how satisfying it could be to receive an apology that you requested as opposed to an unsolicited one, but over time I have noticed that when people are asked to apologize they generally give dramatic performances in the over-apology category.
In the end, the asking can get you what you need.
Over the years, K has has tried to teach me to ask for apologies when I need them, but I am not so seasoned.
None of these attempts worked at all…
“You are a TOTAL ass. I'd like you to apologize to me for that.”
“You cut me off at the intersection, Hairweed! Apologize for the way you drive!!”
“Please apologize for biting my nipple while you were nursing, Mr. Mayor.”