Thursday, March 27, 2008

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Blog Post

Come to the dark side, Luke!" K said, channeling James Earl Jones.


"Don't listen to him, Luke!" I urged.

Organizing his own entertainment for the morning commute, The Mayor assigned the role of Darth Vader to K and the role of Red Darth Vader to me.

[You haven't heard of Red Darth Vader? Me neither.]



Black Darth Vader urged Luke (a.k.a. The Mayor) to become evil while Red Darth Vader encouraged him to resist and remain true to the Jedi.

"It's much harder to be good," Red Darth Vader reminded Luke.


The Mayor weighed his options and PLAYED the two adult Vaders.

[Who were, perhaps, a little too into the game. What's that about?!!]

While K and I play-debated the virtues of good vs. evil, The Rooster quietly ate dry breakfast cereal in her car seat.

Just as we were dropping K at the commuter rail station she piped up and, in her most sweet and innocent voice, said...

"Mommy and Daddy, I am on the dark side."

Hearing my baby girl swear allegiance to the dark side sent a chill down my spine.

Note to self: Devise a plan to move The Family Joy to a remote sheep farm in New Zealand.


**************


In other news, after a long vacation at the bottom of my pants drawer, a pair of jeans that I found at the thrift store last year came out for wear yesterday.

I hadn't worn them in such a long time that I had forgotten the truth.

Some low-rise pants are too low for this mama.

I had no place to tuck the Sharpei when I sat down and had to let that wrinkly dog sleep in my lap all day.

In the afternoon, when I received a porno
-spam message in my blog e-mail offering me "fire and ice in my pants," I yelled,

"Sorry! No room!!"

Note to self: Super low rise jeans are
nothing more than extra tall knee-socks masquerading as pants.


**************


Lastly, thanks so much to everyone who left a note for my friend yesterday.

So many of the comments made me well up with tears.

I'm always touched by the way women who have crossed the bridge to motherhood turn back with such tenderness and reach out to support those just beginning the journey.

Thank you for that.



40 comments:

foop said...

Love the "knee socks masquarading as pants"! Wah!!!!!

Love the Mayor Skywalker pic.

Scared of Mister and Missus Vader.

Love love love the community that gathers at your virtual water-cooler.

Julie Pippert said...

I am beside myself lol at the Hello Kitty superhero photo.

Thanks for a great laugh to start to third part of the day LOL.

Shannon said...

You and your Sharpei. I am LMFAO right now.

I tried on a pair of thift store pants the other day. They were so low I had to put my own sharpei on a leash since I couldn't tuck her into my pants. And a Brazilian wax would've been needed as well.

Who the HELL structures those pants?? Men...who are on the dark side.

Grrrrr...my sharpei growls at them.

Andria said...

lol... you have some mad skillz.

furiousBall said...

you gots some fierce force goin' on

Mama DB said...

low-rise pants. Seems all of Old Navy's 3T & 4Ts are low rise. I can always find my daughter on the playground because of the white blinding light of her bottom as she bends over to pick up a leaf or something. I had to turn to the dark side that is Target and buy some non-bottom flashing pants for her just last week.

The Sharpei. You are killing me.

jen said...

sister, i missed the chance to tell your friend that i can already see how extraordinary she's going to be at this mothering thing. and how gentle she is allowed to be on herself.

and you, well girl, you are funny.

WILLIAM said...

MY screen did not show the rest of the post and stopped here for a few seconds. "In other news, after a long vacation at the bottom of my pants"...

Then the rest appeared and I was disapointed.

Paige said...

Roo's on the dark side...excellent. Perhaps she and Avery can be roommates in the lair of doom.

Day Dreamer said...

My Sharpei had puppies, I think.

There are some things you just don't want to hear your baby say! But it was still cute!

Love the pictures, btw!

Asia'h Epperson said...

Love those pictures. A great post to start my day.

jakelliesmom said...

When watching Disney films, Ellie used to always cheer for the villains. We were secretly pleased. Now she's faking and says she's scared. (She's not. Nothing scares her, which scares me.)

I read through all of yesterday's comments and am touched and amazed by the kindness of your readers. Lovely.

Lindy said...

Oh. my. got. I just read the original sharpei post and I just peed my pants (yep got that from birthin' my babe). NOBODY goes near my eeerm sharpei- a quick karate chop to the neck usually stops them on their tracks!!

Hol&J said...

Haa! "The Sharpei... extra tall knee-socks masquerading as pants."

Oh the goodness, if I laugh any harder, I'll probably end up choking.

carrie said...

My Sharpei needs to go to obedience school.

we_be_toys said...

Nowhere to tuck your Sharpei - I'm crying over that! Too funny!

Ya know - the dark side has a way more slimming clothing line - i'm just sayin...!

Magpie said...

A sharpei, huh? Go figure.

Rima said...

I don't know what's funnier - the Rooster turning to the Dark Side, or the little Sharpei resting in your lap all day!

Moi said...

Knowing how my own daughters would also choose the dark side, I can tell you EXACTLY why Roo said that was her choice.

Because you said it was HARDER to be good.

She's just trying to be efficient.

Janet said...

I'm so sick of the low-rise. Can't they make something inbetween the half inch zipper and the full-on, waist-at-your-boobs mom jeans?

Bastards.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee, the sharpei.

Carey said...

I love the "fire and ice in my pants," spam, I think I got that too! LOL

Lisa @ Corporate Babysitter said...

The answer to the low-rise pants issue: http://www.myhip-t.com/

Seriously.

Molly said...

Whoever invented low-rise pants needs to be shot. Unless you are a skinny 14 year old, they just don't work.

Denguy said...

"Extra tall knee high socks"

Too funny.

AliBlahBlah said...

I loved this post, the dark side, the Sharpei ( I go with muffin-top), everything.

Thanks for a good laugh!

moosh in indy. said...

the moosh claimed to be a dragon slayer witch today. Any extra room on that sheep farm?

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

Declan calls him "Dark Vader."

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

As the mother of a three year old boy myself I can assure you that the Red Darth Vader is Darth Maul.

Or Dark Maul. We're like Declan in these parts.

(look out for Ewan Mcgregor)

LaskiGal said...

Awe . . . you are too, too funny!

Oh, and low rise jeans . . . um, no more. Nope. Can't.

urban-urchin said...

Well, look on the bright side, now the Roosters Halloween costume is sorted out for next year.

You can do like me and just make sure that you have toliet paper hanging out of the back of your pants to distract them from the sharpei...

flutter said...

I've said it once, I will say it again...I don't want to have to get a brazilian to put on my pants.

cce said...

Every time I wear my skinny jeans that also happen to be low-rise, my kids hoot and holler and carry on when I bend over or sit down, "I can see your piggy bank!" Knee socks masquerading as pants are definitely not appropriate childcare attire especially when they kids are old enough to have come up with a cute nickname for their mother's butt crack.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Low rise jeans are JUST EVIL...evil, I tell you!

Junior Mayhem and The Rooster should join together to form their own "Axis of Evil"....the world would never recover!

Amanda said...

It is a privilege...walking the path and wearing the low rise.

And right now, I am immeasurably privileged as everything I wear is, how you say, ah, obscenely low rise...

Damselfly said...

Where did you find a Hello Kitty Star Wars outfit?!

The thing that gets me about low-rise pants is that you have to wear low-rise underwear (er ... on second thought, maybe most people don't?), and they are always slipping down and you wonder how you can stick your hand in your pants and pull them up without anyone noticing.

Or maybe that's just me....

NotSoSage said...

It's the quiet ones you have to look out for...

Christina said...

I'm laughing so hard right now, only because I also wrote about Star Wars the other day. Now lets see the Mayor and Rooster going at it with lightsabers!

Heather said...

I have a small one who aligns to the dark side as well. :D

Alpha DogMa said...

I've been meaning to comment on this post for a few days. The Red Vader is probably an Imperial Guard, as seen here. Yeah, I'm a geek. So what?