Thursday, April 03, 2008

Oh, The Bovine

For the last three days I've been facilitating an out of town meeting for work.

The participants were bowled over by my facil-ee-tay-shun skillz and could barely contain their enthusiasm for every topic I introduced.

They were rapt, rapt I tell you!!


The only down side to the beautiful meeting location were the swarms of biting "no see 'ums."

I don't know why they're called no see 'ums, I mean, I could TOTALLY SEE 'EM!

Anyway, the bugs bit me incessantly.

One of the meeting participants (that I had just met) said,

"Well there's one in every herd."

"Excuse me?" I said.

"In every herd there's one cow genetically predisposed to attract biting bugs, you know, to keep them away from the other cows. You must be the cow that protects the herd."

Um... is it me, or did she just call me a cow?

71 comments:

bzybead said...

ahhhhhhh!!!!!!! the castle of ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! and the midges. We must have all been predisposed back in those days. All bovines. love ya.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

That photo is awesome. I'd prefer to call you "protector of the herd" instead of "cow", yk?

furiousBall said...

watch yer ass, that's where they usually brand 'em

ccr in MA said...

It depends on how she said it. If she seemed to think she was being nice, then she was probably thinking of the "protects the herd" part of it. Self-sacrificing for the greater good, etc.

On the other hand, if her tone was the least bit Like That, then yes, I think she was calling you a cow. Sorry!

Annie said...

I LOVE it!

And, I am that cow, too - with scars to prove it - except here it's mosquitoes.

Jodi said...

I think she DID call you a cow! That PIG!

Denise said...

I think she did call you a cow, but I think she called herself one as well.

JoeInVegas said...

Yes Jodi, she did call you a cow. Sorry.

HW said...

Yeah, she totally called you a cow.

And I think that photo is hilarious.

Carrie Sue said...

Oh yes she did! LOL, I never heard of that cow / bug theory before. I think I am a cow, too. That bites.

DD said...

I've been called worse...


MMMMmmmmmOOOOOOooooo!

(Bwahahahaha: word verification was "cujnx" - close enough)

Paige said...

You know...

I think she did.

Let's kick her ass.

Ann M. said...

To be fair, I think she called everyone there cows. You were just the special, super-tasty, magnetic with all the mojo powers of attraction. That would be cool, if we weren't talking about bugs here. Or cows, I guess.

Mamma said...

Niiiiice. Bitch.

kittenpie said...

I am that cow, too. You should have seen me after the one summer I went away to camp.

Nancy said...

She was udderly out of line calling you a cow!

I must be a cow too ... I am always the one getting bit!

Mimi said...

Omigod. I'm the cow. I totally am. Or, as I prefer to think of it, the sacrificial lamb.

Seriously. One more thing we have in common. Although obivously when I run meetings, no one has to hold up their heads with their hands. Nossir. ;-)

Leah said...

What an honor to be considered the most important cow in the herd! That's one way to look at it.

Lisa Milton said...

How do you respond to that? Talk about random. Hope the critters leave you be - the bugs and buttheads.

Gingers Mom said...

Mooooo..... sorry to hear that. LOL. My son and husband are the lucky cows in our family.

Queen Karana said...

LOL! I am totally the "cow" in my neck of the woods.

Andria said...

Did you Mooooo for her?! Ugh, insert foot in the mouth... Or, in her case, insert hoof in the mouth.

King Isepik said...

MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmoooooooooooooooooo!!!

You said that to her as she regained consciousness, right? :)

Jo Beaufoix said...

How rude. ;) I am also the cow.'
Bugger.

Sunshine said...

I'm sure she meant it in the "I bet you would taste super good with A1 sauce" kind of way. Medium rare.

TEOM said...

How do you do it? Your audience looks positively riveted.

Ok, Where Was I? said...

Such a funny post. That photo is hilarious.

Mahala said...

Hey.. that's a compliment!

QT said...

OMG - That photo is hilarious. SHe did call you a cow, but managed to lump herself in there, too.

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Them's fightin' words.

flutter said...

What a LOVELY analogy.

I would have cow pied in her general direction

Mrs. Chicken said...

Um, not laughing. Nope. Not.

Aimee said...

She did, but she also called herself and everyone at the meeting a cow too, so she has some issues anyway!

Jan said...

I want to vote, even this late. Yes, she called you a cow. She really didn't mean to be included, just you. What a pig.

Sugarplum's Mom said...

sounds like she called everyone a cow.. LOL

Not the Queen said...

I'm the one in the herd, too. I wonder what would happen if we both got together? Who would get bit more? Or if there'd be enough room with all the cows around...

carrie said...

Huh? Well, I hope you turned and licked her then, just so she would know for sure.

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

Oh no she di'int just call you a cow!? Them's fightin' words! (How many of these thingys ' can I use in one comment?)

Those no see ums are the reason southerners are always waving. It's not southern hospitality ya'll, it's just to keep the bugs away.

Amy said...

That is screaming hilarious! I cannot believe she said it!

Actually, you could have informed her, you just attract blog fodder.

Lotta said...

You should have said something about how you heard bugs can sense if you're bitter and so they don't bite you.

Kevin Charnas said...

HA! Knowing your extreme good character, I took to the "protector" part.

However, I think she's just trying to deflect that she has an incurable case of the crabs.

Jen said...

I see from the picture that you also have the ability to cause people's faces to blur just by being around them. That's like something from the Twilight Zone. Always use that power for good.

Day Dreamer said...

Cool! Complete permission to chew with your mouth open and fart in her face...

She sounds reallllly niiiiice!!

Next time, squirt her with a teet!!!

LOL

jennifer h said...

Um, I think she did. Love the photo.

And that fireplace is enormous. I want it.

Little Monkies said...

I did pee looking at the photo. Yes I did. ;)

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I hate when I go to meetings and somebody calls me a cow! If you can believe this...I have never been bitten by a mosquito. I suppose I am a different kind of cow altogether! :)

Molly said...

Some cultures revere cows, you know.

TRS said...

Okay... I have never heard that theory and I grew up on a farm.. with cattle and pigs and horses too.
Hmm.

I too am the one who gets bit all the time. I heard that mosquitoes are attracted to those of us with a fast metabolism.
Funny, shortly after I met my boyfriend it was revealed that bugs love to attack him too. In fact I found that they are drawn to him over me. MY HERO!!! My protector!!
I told him, "Well, that's the best reason I've heard yet to keep you around!" He was not flattered.

Moo

Deb said...

That is the best photo ever.

apathy lounge said...

She did and I would be Mooooved to smite her.

Ponygirl said...

hilarious, thanks, made me laugh. love you lots

cce said...

Wow, that kind of comment deserved a smack down. I bet you thought of 15 witty and equally insulting responses as soon as the opportunity to deliver you scathing come back had passed you by. That's always the way.

Aprylsantics said...

Oh, I don't think she meant to call you a cow. That's the kind of stupid thing I would say when I first meet someone! I'm the queen of saying things that might get misinterpreted as an insult. Happens to me all of the time and I get this look. The look of confusion and "did she just say that to me?" and I'm thinking "how the hell did that just happen?" I'm also that cow.

The Laundress~JJ! said...

That's one of the funniest pictures I've ever seen...

You've put them all to sleep?

I can't believe it....:)

WILLIAM said...

Nice Udders.

Kyla said...

The photo had me laughing...but then the cow part? HILARIOUS. Of course, that makes the rest of them cows, too. You're just the Alpha Cow.

Bananas said...

I LOVE that picture.

Mama DB said...

oh no. No witty comment here. Just letting you know that this made me laugh out loud and I do thank you for that.

Happy Friday, Girlfriend!

Above Average Joe said...

If you are the cow that protects the herd, maybe you should show her to the wolves.

Jamie said...

Oh, bless you, woman!

fragiledragon said...

Bless you and thanks for the giggle. That was priceless!

Traceytreasure said...

When my friend got married, someone stood up and toasted to her and her new husband and the guy refered to my friend as a heffer. He meant it as a compliment. I guess farmers look for the best heffer to breed cows. Maybe she was just a small town girl. She's lucky she didn't say that to me though. I might have hit her. Try Aloe for the bites. Mosquitoes LOVE me. I guess maybe we just taste good! I'm glad that you are back! I'm thankful for you! Hugs!

Maggie said...

You should have snorted and mooed at her.

Sayre said...

I don't think she called you a cow - I think she called you a wonderful facilitator...

BethGo said...

I would have given her a hamburger.

Moo!

Amanda said...

I once told someone, intending it as a compliment, that she had cow eyes. To this day I know what I meant, but damn, did I blow the delivery.

Moobs said...

I'm worried that man may be dead.

Grim Reality Girl said...

Holy Cow! I was SUPPOSED TO BE A COW!!!!! This explains everything!. Bugs are attracted to me because I am that cow. It explains my body type. It explains why I'm the only one in my family with misquito bites in the winter (or are those spider bites -- ew!). I'm the sacrificial COW. I am the chosen one! I AM THAT COW.

Feel better, you are NOT alone!

Heather said...

I found your blog via Mommy 411. I had to comment because I am always the one that gets all the bug bites. I'm happy to meet a fellow cow!

KC said...

Dude. i am totally the cow.

Martyrs, we are.

Birdie/That Girl said...

This blog is hilarious, but you probably already guessed that!