Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Spring Is Worse Than Tequilla

Driving home from the market tonight, I noticed the scores of spring blossoms flagrantly waving themselves at the passing traffic.

Sluts!!

All the cars and even the streets themselves were dusted in bright yellow pollen.

Oh, what a whorish season!

I came to a stop at a red light and looked over at the car next to me.

The passenger had these giant, chocolate brown eyes.

[Oh, swoon!]

He was staring at me in this intense, way.

His look seemed so innocent, so full of pure love.

I found myself grinning dreamily at him.

I might have imagined it, but I think I saw his ears perk up at my smile.

The driver, a man who had eyes that matched the passenger's, turned to look into my car.

He totally busted me...flirting... with his dog.

Oh, saucy season of Spring! What have you done to me?

I was left with no choice but to rush home, burst through the door and shout...

"Bark like a dog, sweet husband!"


[Bow chicka bow wow!]

40 comments:

KathyLikesPink said...

OH you canine-lovin' hussy you!

Ivy Brown said...

You panted at the dog, didn't you?

Tsk.

michele said...

you know... My kids have been singing that. For the life of me, I have no idea where they got it from. They just singing Bow chicka bow wow... And my husband and I look at each each other like, "you weren't watching...??!"

Mimi said...

Ha! With all the dogs and the flowers making spectacles of themselves, who can expect you *not* to partake of the mood?

Law Student Hot Mama said...

Did you sniff your husband's butt?

Wendy said...

once I got to the end, I realized TEQUILA was a key word here. am I right?

Amy U. said...

Talk about spring fever! Did you do it doggy style? Will we be treated with pictures of your hubby in a dog collar this summer?

Assertagirl

Andria said...

lol... like a dog in heat! Ok, that didn't come out as funny as it sounded in my head. :/

Above Average Joe said...

Did foreplay include rubbing his belly or behind his ears?

Amanda said...

This post feels like it should lend itself to brilliantly witty comments...and here I am neither witty or brilliant. Sigh.

Karly said...

Did you drive him around town with his head out the window and his tongue wagging? Dirty girl.

Damselfly said...

Dogs, park rangers ... K has quite a repertoire, huh? ;)

Kelley said...

oh *snort* that was hilarious. Flirting with a dog. There are millions of pages on the internet about such things I believe.

Circus Kelli said...

Spring -- it does things to people. They become... twitterpated.

Jodi said...

Okay, I don't know what is funnier...this post or the comments!?! I totally lost the witty response I had in my head after reading all of the other VERY witty responses!

urban-urchin said...

your husband is one lucky guy...

Chilihead said...

First the ranger, now the dog. You have issues, girlfriend. Just a friendly observation.

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Hmmmm, can you send some of that spring slutness over here?

Molly said...

Puppy love... that's sweet.

WILLIAM said...

What? No one says anything about doing it Doggy....oh never mind.

SoMo said...

Since you bring in the bow chicka bow wow, I have a joke for you.

What did the farmer say when he saw the brown chicken and brown cow in bed together?

Brown Chick-en, Brown Cow

It is better if you hear it, but I think you get it. This is my daughter's favorite joke and I can't decide if it is inappropriate or not.

Day Dreamer said...

Oh, I love it when my husband snorts like a bulldog.

Mating season is open!! LOL!

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

I can't stop laughing at law student hot mama's comment!

Who let the dogs out?

Happy Spring!

Jenifer said...

I washed the snowsuits yesterday so all I can say is sweet Spring better not be toying with me!

mamatulip said...

You called the flowers sluts.

I love that.

Deb said...

Bend over and bark like a dog is line in our household, that and I call kitchen sex.

It's spring fever.

King Isepik said...

So... Lemme get this straight.

1. You say a dog and it got you all "tingly."

2. You got caught "eye-ballin" said k-9.

3. You ran home and made K act like said k-9 so you could have your way with him.

Hmmm... What's in the water where you live and could you ship a gallon to me?! :)

Here, doggie. Sit. Lay down. Roll over...

Traceytreasure said...

You are so funny! I'm glad that you can't see me because I'm blushing. We have spring fever here too....only if my allergy medicine is working!! Achooo...blow nose.....isn't very sexy. I'm very thankful for Pseudoephedrine even though I have to get it from the Pharmacy these days.....jeeze crackheads, thanks!

JCK said...

Hysterical!

Shirley said...

I flirted with a dog sitting in a man's lap a few weeks ago. And I enjoyed every minute of it.

We can be totally shameless sometimes.

Heather said...

Definitely bow chicka bow wow season--my husband came upon bunnies doing the nasty in the front yard (with a friend watching even) and the ducks were doing it at the lake when I ran.

April said...

I'm just glad you made it home without getting arrested!
And I'm thankful for Duracell.

Carey said...

You always need to wear sunglasses to cover those wondering puppy eyes! LOL

cce said...

I'm still waiting for my feverish springy, doggy sex moment. This winter seems to have lasted long into spring. I'm ready for a little pollen buzz and some elevated libido.

Blog Antagonist said...

GAH. The pollen is AWFUL. Only one side of our garage is currently parkable, and my van resides under a copse of pine trees. It was absolutely blanketed with pollen. I asked the pressure wash dude to blast the van for me, and he did.

I am a shameless pet romancer. It's an illness.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

I'm with you, sistah. I loves me a pair of big, puppy dog eyes.

VA refinance said...

Just be careful where you walk,

Diana said...

Did you scratch in just the right spot for him? You know, the one that makes him thump his leg? Or something like that. ;)

urban-urchin said...

OMG- the comment from michele freaked me out! my 3 yr old has been singing it too! what are they showing on Jack's Big Music Show these days???!!!

Honey from reading you over the past few years I'd say a warm breeze is all you need to get warmed up for a little hot monkey love....

lisawho? said...

I love this!!!
When I asked my husband who he'd miss more after we divorce, the dog or me his reply was immediate. "The dog! She's NEVER mad at me and she always wants to have sex with me."
My dog humps my husband like nothing I've ever seen. Only my husband, she's very loyal to him. She has a special kinda love for her daddy. I call him Woody Allen.