Sunday, May 04, 2008

Her Bad Chicky Chicken Shower

My friends Her Bad Mother, Mrs. Chicky, and Mrs. Chicken are about to learn that one plus one equals much more than two when we're talking about short and loud people children.

I'm proud to honor their transition from pseudo-sanity to total and utter madness as part of their virtual baby shower by contributing my useless two cents hard earned wisdom.



House of Joy Rules for
Surviving the Transition from One to Two Children



Neither parent is allowed to leave the other alone with both children until the second child is eighteen months old.

[Don't. Leave. Me. Alone. Noooooooooo!]

The "three-second rule" automatically switches to the five-ten-fifteen minute rule.

[Whatever it takes, sister. Think, "Go little immune system, GO!]

The greatest threat to the new baby in the house is the other baby in the house. Set your personal auto play button to the word "NO!" and be prepared to keep it playing on repeat.

Sigh a lot.

Using your sarcastic voice, say things like this to your husband,

"Oh, the effing JOYS!"

and

"We're LIVIN' THE DREAM, BABY!!"

See if you can convince Grandma to come for the weekend... and then sneak out to a bed and breakfast!

[Thank you, Grandma Seattle!-- When can you come again?]

C, T, and A, I'm thinking of you three and wishing each of you a safe delivery and a beautiful start to this new phase of your lives.

Much love,

OTJ


19 comments:

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Just wait until you have 3! Then you are outnumbered and everything goes to heck in a handbasket!

Good luck ladies...all my best!!

Jennifer H said...

This was all great advice. All the best to the moms!

Mrs. Chicken said...

If sarcasm is all I need .. hell! I'm TOTALLY prepared.

Thanks, Jess. I love you!

mamatulip said...

"We're LIVIN' THE DREAM, BABY!"

*snort*

I love you, J. So, so, so much.

Jonathon Morgan said...

This both freaks me out completely and kind of makes me want a second child. Weird.

that girl said...

I have four and I'm not only outnumbered, I'm hiding under the table...

Law Student Hot Mama said...

Hell, the one I have now is almost more than I can take . . . and he just started WALKING!

I'm scared. Need wine.

Carey said...

That is the best advice I have ever heard...I will sooo take it when we get preggers with #2!

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Sarcasm we have in spades. But the not leaving rule? Ha! I'll be single parenting when the baby is a month old.

Oh the joys indeed!

Thanks friend.

MeL said...

I have 5 months to go, but if someone can write one of these suckers up for how to deal with 3?

Yeah, that would be more helpful than the people who keep seeing me, my two kids, and my ginormous belly and offering to buy me condoms.

Congrats, Mamas! Two is awesome! But, um... I hope three doesn't land me square in the nut house.

Her Bad Mother said...

'Neither parent is allowed to leave the other alone with both children until the second child is eighteen months old.'

Am printing that out and stapling it to my husband's forehead.

(xoxo)

Cassey said...

Sarcasm, you never read that in the parenting books but it is a little know survival tool

JCK said...

Agreed with everything you said.

And know that later, when they are around 3 and 4, that headgear and armor is required for full frontal attacks.

Kelley said...

The number one rule is:

If the second child comes out the same flavour as the first you are allowed to punch anyone that asks 'Are you going to try for a boy/girl now?' in the reproductive organs.

Grim Reality Girl said...

Great advice -- here is my 2 cents:

You will enjoy life with 2 kids more if you EMBRACE that out of control feeling... accept it... As soon as I set aside some control freak tendencies I started having way more fun!

Above Average Joe said...

Good luck C, T & A.

pianomomsicle said...

Oh no. i'm expecting #2 in October, and people keep saying that going from 1 to 2 is not hard, and is much easier than going from 0 to 1. i knew they were lying! Darn them.

Congrats ladies!

Deb said...

You have done nothing to assuage my fears that my life is coming to an end in 31 short weeks. (This is the first time EVER that 31 weeks has seemed short.)

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

All the cool kids are having two kids.

I'm perpetually out of fashion.

Good luck "cool kids"!