Monday, September 29, 2008

Our Hero

K and I were talking in the front seat while The Mayor and The Rooster prattled on in the back.

As my conversation with K wound down, I overheard their conversation.

"I will crush you in half with my power!" The Rooster said to her brother.

"I am the strongest and I will fly away!" The Mayor responded.

"Are you guys playing Superheroes?" I asked.

"Yes!" affirmed The Rooster.  "The Mayor is Batman and I am Bad Story Reader."

Bad Story Reader?

I was previously unfamiliar with the superhero known as Bad Story Reader, but the more I think about the character, the more I love it.

"I will overpower you with by reading another bad story!" she yelled.


Do not try to defy Bad Story Reader!

You will teeter on the edge of the cliffs of insanity from over exposure to Harold, his purple crayon and the resulting existential hell!

If you are able to resist the sure madness usually induced by Harold's crayon ... Bad Story Reader will utilize her ultimate, super weapon...

An enormous stack of Mrs. Frizzle and her Magic School Bus books!

[Fie on Mrs. Frizzle and all her evil little friends at Scholastic Books who try to pass their educational tomes off as narrative!  The literature major in me curses you all! Fie! Fie! A pox on your house! A fart in your general direction!] 

Bad Story Reader will torture you further by reading Richard Scary's Cars and Trucks and Things That Go over and over and over again until you are nothing but a simpering, gelatinous, wad of goo.

Go, Bad Story Reader, Go!


Little Monkies said...

I will pummel you with round after round of Dora's "Happy Birthday, Mami!"and old copies of Winnie the Pooh's Christmas Story...but only in July!

WILLIAM said...

I think Bad Story Readers utility belt should include any book by any celebrity that is a celebrity for other reasons besides writing books. Jamie Lee Curtis, Madonna and Julie andrews come to mind.

A said...

Best superhero I've ever heard of. Genius!

JoeinVegas said...

Hey, I like Scary books. We still have a pile of them on the bookshelf. Maybe it's teh complex pictures, we can look at and make up stories about.

TZT said...

That is awesome!

Thankfully, my husband has the bad story patience. But I could provide some really dry science book captions.

furiousBall said...

see that's such a great character on so many levels. the creativity to come up with that, the fact that she understood what a bad story reader was means you are great parents and read to your kids.

Magpie said...

That's it! The kid wants to be a super hero for Halloween - I think you've developed a splendid idea.

Vodka Mom said...

i was JUSt about to say that I have found my costume, and that damn magpie beat me to it. A POX ON HER. A FART in her general direction.

(I love your little darling.) I also have some titles to add to that select group

Anonymous said...

Perhaps she will take after Grandma Seattle and become a librarian and keep bad stories off the shelves!!!

Anonymous said...

I love that superhero! Probably even more than "bad children's television watcher". ugh.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Where on earth did she come up with that?

Her Bad Mother said...

Emilia claims to be SuperHero Monster. Personally, I'd like Bad Story Reader on my side. Help me purge my bookshelves. SuperHero Monster is kinda useless for anything more than dealing with scary closets, which I'm not afraid of anyway.

nutmeg said...

She will rule the world with that face!

CM said...


This is what I heard first thing every morning and last thing every night, as well as many times in between.

The only superhero around here is Mommy, for not keeling over and falling off the couch while reading Cars and Trucks and Things That Go over. and over. and over. and over.

Emily said...

My poor children never had a copy of Harold's Purple Crayon. :)