Monday, November 10, 2008

Privacy Died with the Birth of The Children

"You're a quiche eating old lady!" he yelled.

"You're hag with legs as tall as a house and a butt as big as the planet Earth!" his brother replied.

Our friend Michael suffers from migraine headaches. When his wife was out of town this weekend he came down with one so I took care of the boys. 

I have to say, I had a pretty good time with them.

[I mean, who can resist the fun of yelling elementary school yard insults?]

"You're a giant butt crack filled with potato chips!"

I decided to join in,

"You're a bran muffin eating, big poop maker!" I told the younger boy.

"No, no, no," the elder son said, "I make bigger poops than him."

[Of course. How silly of me.]

"Fine, fine. Then he's a bran muffin eating, tiny pellet pooper!"

"That's the TRUTH," said the elder son laughing.

"Oh, yeah?" the younger countered. "Well, YOU clip your toe nails and fling them behind the sofa."

"No, no, no," the elder corrected. "It's DAD who does that."

Oh, the things our children will tell the world about us.


Merrily Down the Stream said...

Did you happen to be taking care of my sons???

Laura said...

This is the best post ever - love it!

Little Nut Tree said...

LMAO!! I dread to think what my kids would say about me!!!

You're not the only one with the mighty wind you know!! lol ha ha

carrie said...

Remind me never to let you babysit my boys when I get a migraine . . .

I mean that in the most loving way possible, of course!

Emily said...


This might be a good idea for a new kind of therapy.

Rockzee said...

Oh, that made my day. Especially the giant butt crack filled with potato chips. Pure genius.

Vodka Mom said...

LOVE IT!! (Especially because I am one of those people the kids TELL these stories to. On behalf of teachers everywhere, thank you...)

Anissa Mayhew said...

If you think that would in any way stop me from letting you raise my kids, you are mistaken!

WaltzInExile said...

Ahhh, motherhood. It's like having a sorority that requires you to be mortified to pledge, isn't it?

flutter said...

from my niece:

"Mom poops in the bathroom and has to leave the fan on, or we will all die from...


Stimey said...

My kids' preschool teacher told me once that she learned all kinds of secrets about families during morning circle time. I'm constantly afraid that mine are going to rat me out.

Circus Kelli said...


I had a nasty sinus headache the other morning. Hubby told Sweet Pea I had morning sickness (very UNTRUE, btw). As I dropped Sweet Pea off at school, she hollered "I hope your morning sickness gets better Mommy!"

Kids, gotta love 'em.

Rachel said...

THat is hysterical.
The things I have to look forward to.

I sent a note the first day of preschool with my daughter that said: I won't believe what she says about you, if you don't believe what she says about us.

On her paperwork, I wrote:

The views and opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of the parents.

Christina said...

Too funny!! I love doing gross-outs with my boys, but my best "no privacy moment" ever:

My friend's son, Charlie, to his pre-school class:

"My Mom had rhi-no-plasty!!!"

Patois said...

They so rat you out all the time. One of my youngest's friends was out with us in Target or some similar "fun house," and as we walked by some very large underwear, he said, "That's the kind my mom wears." Ouch.

Oz said...

That is hilarious!

devilish southern belle said...

I have no experience with little girls other than when I was growing up. But boys? They never fail to amuse me (and make me nervous).