I had cabbage for dinner two nights ago and then cabbage for lunch the next day.
Try as I might, regardless of how tightly I clenched my swing-low-sweet chariot butt flaps, I was unable to hold The Mighty Wind inside of my body.
It seemed that with every step I took, noxious toots just fell right out and paraded along behind me like a jazz funeral.
As a strategy for saving face, whenever I walked anywhere in my office I continuously muttered,
“Darn this squeaky shoe!”
I’m hoping it will be a while before they catch on to me.
22 comments:
have you tried oiling your toes?
I took the dog for a walk with two of my neighbours a few mornings ago and I had the worst gas. I was very glad that it was windy and that I had a dog to blame if I needed to.
My shoes squeak too, when I eat cabbage.
We claim to be followed by barking spiders. It seems to fool people. Or perhaps they're just being polite in the face of such stanky arachnids.
hee hee!
I use to blame the baby - now she will yell - no tootie mama tootie!
My son, 4, laughs uproariously and says "excuse you, Daddy" at the top of his wee little lungs. Why do little boys think that farts are the funniest things in the world?
Huh, we must buy our shoes at the same shoe store. Weird.
And the smell? Do you say you stepped in cabbage?
Cabbage is the devil!
I love how you can post about philosophical discussions among friends at a coffee house one day and post about cabbage farts the next. You are quite versatile!
Now I must go wipe diet coke off my monitor.
I have the same question as Patois...squeaky shoes smell??
Tell me how much I love working in a basement cubicle office? Can't get away with *anything* here!!
"It seemed that with every step I took, noxious toots just fell right out and paraded along behind me like a jazz funeral."
OTJ, we call that "Trail of Tears" in this household! Now all I have to do is mutter T of T when we are out and about and hub knows what I'm talking about.
Better get some odor eaters. FabGrandpa has a pet duck that follows him around.
LOL
I am not one for public expelations (yes, that is a word, one I just made up, but a word none the less LOL) but the other day, my Apraxic (almost non-verbal) 5 yr old and I were walking down the hall and the moment snuck up on me.
My lil man said "Momma!!!!" and I giggled and said "that wasn't me". As soon as I did, he started shaking his head and signing No, over and over. Okay, so he might not be able to speak well, but those little hands, they had me. Glad no one else was there to see it :)
That was hilarious. I find farting funny and amusing and I am a grown woman. There i said it. "swing low sweet chariot butt flap" and like a jazz funeral, that is some hilarious writing right there. I had this problem last night after to many edamame's. I told my husband-just give me a reason to let this loose.
Perhaps we could start a duo. I've had a lot of ham and bean soup lately...
I would be LMAO if I weren't clenching the maligned cheeks.
ROFLMAO. That was SO damned funny! At our house we call it the barking spiders. And yes, we do enjoy our cabbage here, as well!!!
hahaha.
My husband blames the barking spiders...
swing low sweet chariot butt flaps? I laughed so hard, I couldn't even think of how to comment to your "gas-amania."
Ever since you left Michael feels a lot (how can I say...) PROUDER of his wind. I feel a little more love for him with every toot he shares with me, just as I feel love for you for this story. Michael was honestly impressed by your freedom, and the volume you can achieve.
Did I miss something? Are you no longer working at home? So much easier to deal with the Mighty Wond at home ;-)
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