Thursday, December 11, 2008

Mother Hammerhead

The Rooster and I were reading on the couch while K read to The Mayor in our bedroom.

[You gotta keep 'em se-pa-rated!]

Roo and I finished reading our first two books and waited for The Mayor to deliver that old classic ( and unbearably dull early reader) called "Hungry Hungry Sharks" which he and K were reading first, but The Rooster also wanted to hear.

[Scintillating stuff, people!]

"Where is Hungry Hungry Sharks?" Roo asked.

"Daddy and The Mayor are still reading it," I said. "Listen, you can hear them."

"...sharks have tiny brains..."

"Mommy, let's play a love game while we wait!" she suggested.

"A love game? What's a love game?" I asked excitedly.

"First, turn your head away from me."

[I did.]

"Now close your eyes."

[Uh huh.]

"Close your mouth."


"Now close your nose."

I pinched it shut.
"Now stay just like that," she said.

There was a moment of quiet and then I felt it.

My little girl stuck out her not so little tongue and licked me from my jaw bone to my temple.

[Clearly, this Mommy is an easy mark.]

And then...

The Mayor came out with Hungry Hungry Sharks and flung it at us from halfway across the room with such force that when it hit me, square in the face, it brought tears to my eyes.

I screamed in pain which brought my husband flying out to the living room resulting in The Mayor losing the rest of his books for the evening and being taken straight to bed.

There was a tremendous amount of Mayoral screaming coupled with the frequent and violent invocation of the word "NO!"

The Rooster and I soldiered on.

"...sharks have tiny brains..."

And ALL THAT, is what we commonly refer to around these parts as, THE JOYS.


Zombie Daddy said...

Sharks do have tiny brains.

They're great as an amuse bouche, but not for much else.

mo.stoneskin said...

For a mayor, he does seem rather juvenile...

As for the "love" game, did you play the trick on K? ;)

Vodka Mom said...

i have the Hungry, Hungry Shark book!!! Very well-worn.

the love game. I just love kids.

Gretchen said...

We've had multiple "No licking" talks in the house. The boy likes to lick his older sister, making her scream. I don't much mind the licking - it's the screaming I can't stand.

And reading? My oldest reads to my youngest, taking me out of the equation. The middle reads to himself.

Two Kids and a Husband said...

The 'joys' happen at my house too.. Right now its 4 year old boy trying to prove HE's the boss every 5 seconds. Sometimes I think he is winning!! :(

Mad(ish) Woman said...

We tried a "no licking" rule in our house. I think I broke it. Little Ethan loves to lick people and The Man only licks when tickled or provoked. I got it good last night. Big Ethan is the only sane one of our bunch.

WILLIAM said...

We love licks in our house.

And throwing books...that is why i am against books and for the TV. I would like to see my 4 yr old try and throw a tv at me.

(winking at the random number genrator)

Shannon said...

Aw. This made me sad at the end.

On the bright side, I'll bet K would enjoy an adult version of the love game ;P

3carnations said...

Oof. A lick and a book thrown at you. It's frustrating when a moment turns negative just like that. If only he hadn't thrown the book...Oh well. Today's another day. :-)

CM said...

I didn't expect the violent twist at the end!

witchypoo said...

When the Rooster equates licking with love, I'm thinking she has been around quite a few bloggers.

Patois said...

From peace to chaos in 15 seconds flat. Yeah, sounds about right in these here parts, too.

JoeinVegas said...

Tiny brains, huh? Are you trying to imply something there?

BOSSY said...

That was the best Thriller movie Bossy ever saw. She laughed, she cried, she shrouded her eyes in fear!

furiousBall said...

you need to teach the wet 11. lick two fingers and run them down her forehead.

g-man said...


Magpie said...

What is it with the licking?!?! My kid does that to me to. And to her father.

Tia said...

holy crap who would have ever known how often you get clocked as a mom? it happens ALL THE TIME at our house, when I'm not getting knocked over.....i feel your pain.

jeanie said...

The lick thing REALLY FREAKS ME OUT.

I don't mind it so much when V tries it out, but *shudder* with 'Salina.

Oh I hate it when all is going swimmingly and then BAM life turns another corner.

Dysd Housewife said...

That is the wierdest love game I ever played..Okay..Maybe not.. :P

Merrily Down the Stream said...


NotSoSage said...

sounds like you got licked by both your kids.

but i agree with those people who think you should try an adult version (of the love game) later tonight.

Wendy said...

remind me again why is it we're all concerned about the KIDS wearing helmets??

Queen Karana said...

The love game... LMAO!

Karen said...

I know that hurt. I once had a girl child who threw a book at me. I took the book and used it as a paddle. yeah, i know, i shouldn't have done it, but I can tell you she never threw another book. A fit, yes, but never a book.

Jesse said...

My 2 year old son, Patrick, licks the side of my face for several minutes every evening when I put him to bed.

I can't stop myself from squirming, laughing like a little girl, and saying "GRODY! GRODY!" at the top of my lungs.

Above Average Joe said...

Good thing Roo was having you play the game. The Mayor could've poked your eye out.

I love saying that phrase.