Monday, March 16, 2009

Wedding Ceremonies

Over the last few weeks, The Mayor routinely announced his intention to remain a bachelor.

But today he was interested in learning about the actual wedding ceremony.

We were talking a summer trip to the west coast that we have planned to attend the wedding of a friend and The Mayor suddenly had to know everything.

"Can you tell me everything about weddings? NO! Can you show me?"
Lately, The Mayor has to be pretending all day long.

For example, he spent the entire day soaring around the house and shrieking.

[Bald eagle.]

His pretending is so fast and furious that he's making K a little bit nuts.

"What animal are you?" he'll ask impatiently as K fumbles for his first cup of morning coffee.

"Can't I just be a plain, old, regular Daddy right now, Mayor?" K will beg.

[That would be no.]

Showing The Mayor about weddings meant that K and I had to play the bride and groom while The Mayor served as the officiant.

[We went with a non-denominational imaginative play wedding.]

K told The Mayor what to say and I repeated back all the for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health words.

We walked up and down the aisle.

We sang Here Comes The Bride.

We exchanged rings.

We even kissed.

When The Mayor was finally satisfied, he said,
"I'm still not going to marry. I'm definitely going to be a bachelor."
Then I remembered one thing about weddings that I had forgotten to tell him.
"At the end of the wedding, everyone gives you presents."
His eyes widened.
"They give you toys?"
"Well, no. You're an adult when you get married so they give you things adults want."
"Oh," he said, experiencing a moment of regret about his choice never to wed.
Then he shrugged it off,
"Oh, well. I'll still have Christmas."
[Later The Mayor asked what wedding presents K and I received. When K told him we got the family silverware, The Mayor couldn't stop laughing. He had never heard of such a ridiculous gift.]


Kyla said...

"Oh, well. I'll still have Christmas." spoken like a true bachelor. So funny!

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

I don't know, my Kitchenaid mixer sure is my favorite toy.

Magpie said...

My grandmother met a gay male friend of ours - he was at the house for dinner or something. Afterwards she said, "so he's a bachelor?" - I think, for her, it was code for gay. Now of course, we use it all the time.

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

This is so funny - of course silverware sounds absurd as a gift!!

My son: "Mom, I think when I grow up I might become a priest."

Me: "Really? I think that's wonderful! That would be a great thing, to be called by God to serve the church. We'd be so proud of you."

My son: "Yeah, I reeeally don't want a wife and kids. "

Me: ...

furiousBall said...

smart, smart boy

Merrily Down the Stream said...

Love it! The dumbest gift evah!!! I think The Bunny would concur.

MonsteRawr said...

Yeah, I never imagined I'd be getting goofy over a mixer and Crate and Barrel table settings either. Funny how a person's definition of 'toys' changes over the years.

Anonymous said...

That's very funny!

JoeinVegas said...

Silverware? No Incredible Hulk toys? That is funny.

movin' down the road said...

Classic. My kids keep saying they don't want to have kids. Because they don't want their belly buttons to stretch out when the baby comes out of it (the belly button). And they say that kids would just be too frustrating for them. (they are 6 and 8)

Megan said...

Funniest story I have heard all month. Wedding gifts were the most exciting presents ever!

SUEB0B said...

It is PRETTY ridiculous, no? Silverware.

Bon said...

i dunno...he's funny enough he may find himself snapped up before he knows it.

but he has a point about the silverware. :)

Jenn said...

I have a future Singleton here as well, and a little one with an awesome imagination.

She has taken to telling the stories that we've told her about our youth and turning herself into the character. The best one is, "and I took my trusty ole shotgun wif me and I SHOT that dirty bugger coyote".

I don't believe that silverware is going to convert the Mayor. Perhaps cotton candy?

Patois said...

I think my kids might have favorite spoons, but they're sure not giving them as gifts. Ridiculous, indeed!