Tuesday, January 05, 2010

The Sexy Gloves

In the winter months I turn into a scaly reptile.

I am used to this phenomenon, but sometimes, forgetting that they are almost never helpful to me, I pay a visit to yet another dermatologist to see if there isn't something that can be done.

This time, the doctor suggested that, to soften my dry, chapped hands, I coat them in a thick layer of Vaseline, put on a pair of gloves and sleep that way.

[Oh, the sexy beast!]

Though I viewed the advice with a measure of scepticism, some far corner of my brain seemed to recall something vaguely Victorian or maybe Grandmotherly about the idea of applying hand lotion and sleeping in gloves.

I imagined a delicate, white pair, something cotillion-ish with a button at the wrist.

I decided I would give it a try and went searching for a pair of sacrificial gloves.

The pair I found are BRIGHT GREEN and very fuzzy.

[I AM THE SEXY BEAST!!]

As I pulled back the covers to get into bed I showed them off to my husband.

"Do you like my new look?" I asked.

"I see you're wearing THE SEXY GLOVES," he said.

I gave him a little snuggle.

"Do you like the way THE SEXY GLOVES feel?" I asked him.

"Oh, yes. They are spectacular!"

"I think it's funny that you have decided to call these THE SEXY GLOVES," I said, "considering they are so green and fuzzy."

He looked at me, incredulous.

"What other way would SEXY GLOVES look?"

[I love this man.]

"You know," K said, "the dentist says I have to start wearing a dental guard because I've been grinding my teeth. One night soon, I will bring the dental guard and you will bring THE SEXY GLOVES and we will be UNBEARABLY SEXY, UNSTOPPABLE."

Oh, yes.

Undoubtedly.

28 comments:

JoeinVegas said...

mmmmmmmm - the SEXY GLOVES. But Vasoline? Get something more nurishing than petrolium jelly

carol at A Second Cup said...

What a sweet man. You to have a great shared sense of humor.

Julie said...

Oh man, I am fanning myself over here! Can I jump in bed with y'all? I'll be sure to wear my sexiest elbow brace. :P

LSM said...

Love the sexy gloves image! But, please go to Restoration Hardware and buy their No More Crack (yes really!) handcream. It changed the winter lives of two of my children after we struggled with the same problem for years. Th pediatrician told me about it and said it was the only thing that worked for them with all the handwashimg they do at work.

Virtualsprite said...

Try living in Wisconsin! You want to talk scaly skin. Not only do I wear the sexy gloves, but also the sexy warm socks and the fleece pajamas. But I use Gold Bond creams. Even sexier than Vaseline.

Zip n Tizzy said...

Love it!
My mom has a similar story of trying to explain to her deaf grandmother why she was putting her white kid gloves over her vasalined hands, when she was about 12 years old. Her Grandmother couldn't hear or understand her and they ended up in hysterics as she was trying to mime her explanation.
Sounds like you guys have an equally good sense of humor about the situation. Have fun with that mouth guard!

Sayre said...

I had that same issue in Oklahoma - and started using Neutrogena Hand Cream (touted by Paul Harvey as the hand cream of deep sea fishermen). It really helped a lot. Now that I'm older, I have this problem even living in Florida. Time to break out the Sexy Gloves to go along with the incredibly Sexy Sox (purple and blue stripes)!

Not Hannah said...

My skin makes me cry every winter and I can't bring myself to do the vaseline thing again. (No petroleum and all that.) I wonder if the crack cream has petroleum in it? And if it goes well with sexy gloves?

Off to do research!

Carroll said...

Next up, add in a nice comfy "CPAP" sleep apnea machine for some appropriately seductive background music. Oh yes. The joys!

Mrs. C. said...

Hee, hee. At our house it's a rockin' night of romance when I come in with my own "sexy gloves" (white) and matching socks (my feet get dry too) and find my husband in his night guard plus his carpal tunnel braces. It's like a medical fetish scene...

moosh in indy. said...

The next step after the sexy gloves and before the dental guard?

A snuggie.

Just resign yourself to the fact now.

TRS said...

I have a night guard. It's thexy.

Mr. Burns finds it hilarious... especially as I say 'good night'.

Wendy said...

don't forget the sleep rite snore tape!

i also like l'Occitane's shea hand cream in a metal tube. it's awesome thick but not greasy.

Gingers Mom said...

Hot....absolutely hot.

Try a lotion without mineral oil in it. That's your best option.

But keep the sexy gloves. That's just too hot.

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

I have the night guard and sexy socks!

Merrily Down the Stream said...

soft porn? Well the gloves are anyway...
I think those teeth guards are kind of hard...

kittenpie said...

RAWR.

In my house it has been deemed that in the winter, wearing socks is still considered naked. Especially, so says Misterpie, the big bulky wool kind.

Sex-AY.

saksham said...

I keep want to start this comment with ‘good’ or ‘nice’ or ‘great’ but none of these seems strong enough, or appropriate enough for what you just posted.Just fantastic and mindblowing blog keep it up..!!!

Katie said...

Figured I'd share my 2 cents as well! First off, all day I use Vitamin E Skin Care Cream bought at the local dollar store - it is great, not greasy, and it helps strengthen your nails as a bonus! Second, I had HORRIBlE problems with my feet up until recently. I tried everything with my feet, and nothing helped long term. I now use Olay in-shower body lotion. I put it on my feet after I get out of the shower, and put on socks. My feet are amazing. I was told to do it at night with socks, but I just do it after I get out of the shower. So, I'm sure it would work on hands as well. Don't rinse it off as it says, just put it on and cover your hands.

As a side note, I also just started using it as it is intended in the shower and it has made a huge difference in the feel of my skin during the winter months.

And no, I don't work for them! :) Just an amazing product, in my opinion. I wrote a post about it on my blog in May - http://alikatcorner.blogspot.com/2009/05/for-those-of-you-with-dry-skin.html if interested.

Good luck!

GoteeMan said...

I see you're still at it, and still successful at making me laugh...
Life is so much funnier than anything we can ever make up, ain't it?

now I know what to get my kimmie for her birthday... a pair of thexy green gloves...

J/
(Goteeman)

Meg at Demanding Joy said...

Someone suggested once that I use Vicks Vapo-rub on my hands and feet overnight with gloves and heavy socks for dry skin. It didn't work, I smelled horrible, and my husband teases me about it to this day!

JCK said...

The fun in your bed is enviable.

this new place said...

almost as good as wearing socks to bed!

Nicole said...

I love it! Bath and Body works sells special hand (and foot) creams for just those problems, they also come with gloves and slippers too.

Moobs said...

P wears a dental guard at night. I can never quite put out of my mind a picture of Bingo from the Banana Splits. Yet somehow (and worryingly) that just makes all the more sexy.

Shannon said...

Such a great story. What a cute couple!!

R said...

we use Bag Balm with gloves on our hands (or socks on our feet) at night to help with our dryness... I also use it for E's diaper rash... I swear it's miracle goop :)

liquid vitamins said...

Vitamin E cream is the way to go. It is cheap and effective. Guess what is in petroleum jelly?...PETROLEUM!! Who whats to rub crude oil all over their skin?