Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Middle English Presidential Junque Mail

My husband is the kind of man who spends time actively ensuring that our address is removed from junk mail lists.

But today, he received a piece of direct mail advertising from the President.

[of these United States.]

He showed me the packet and he was clearly annoyed.

It had a cellophane window pane and the envelope was decorated with a full color photo of the white house and our smiling leader.

A certificate and a refrigerator magnet were enclosed.

[What? No pre-printed return address stickers?]

My husband shook his head sadly.

"It seems to cheapen the office. Is nothing sacred?"

He put the magnet down and examined the certificate.

"Know ye," it said, "that [love of my life] has been honored as an official member of The Presidential Kitchen Cabinet..."

[He is in the KITCHEN cabinet because he is the SPICIEST! RAWR!]

"Know ye?" my husband asked. "KNOW YE?"

He tore the certificate free from the rest of the page along the perforated line provided.

"Well," he said, "I didn't realize this was YE OLDE junk mail. I'll have to write back to the President."

He adopted a formal tone.

"Hail Sir President.

I hopeth thou doth fare well.

Anon, I must thank thee for the honor bestow'd upon my good name and for the magnet which clingeth verily unto my sword.

Fey, both shall enjoy a position of great height in our most humbled hamlet's earthen heap known throughout the land as Ye Olde Land Fill."

I feel like I should add clarification and say that while we are enthusiastic supporters of our nation's President, we are also routinely aggravated by the excess of junk mail that we receive.

Oh, the woeful mixing of the two!

In other news, click this and you shall receiveth my Grandma's Super Moist Lemon Cake Recipe and a chance to support Ovarian Cancer Research.


Merrily Down the Stream said...

Are you kidding me? That sucks - I hate that and yet I am mildly irritated that I didn't receive one...

Stacia said...

Good to know that thy husband doth bite his thumb at junque mail. But not at Sir President per se (per se-yeth?).

Heather said...

so much for going greena dn all that jazz eh+ send out a billion flyers that'll get junked with a few seconds of opening, now that's responsible leadership. sigh.

Dory said...

I heartily second 'Merrily Down the Stream's motion. I'm on the damn email distro and I didn't get a stinking magnet!

carrie said...

You sound like me while driving through downtown yesterday evening I could not believe that the Seattle Lighting store (which was closed btw) had EVERY SINGLE DISPLAY LAMP on!

Oh...the waste!

I mean, you sell lamps. We GET it.

Emily N said...

A magnet? I would have wanted the address labels, in fact that is the only way I have any is via my junk mail, but not a magnet. (I still heart Obama tho :-))

JR Moreau said...

Being cute only works sometimes... alas... down with Direct Mail!