Sunday, February 07, 2010

Oh, The Stimulating Work Place

I first met the new(ish) guy at the fancy, designer office coffee machine.

"Oh!" he said shaking his head, "I'm not so sure about that brand name."

He looked skeptically at the coffee maker.

"I know what you mean," I agreed.

"Flavia?" he questioned.

[Pronounced FLAY-VIA by our office mates.]

"It doesn't sound good," I said.

"No," he agreed, "It actually sounds kind of naughty."

"I've always thought so too," I admitted.

((((FLAYVIA, for your warm drinking PLEASURE.))))

((((Stimulating caffeination deep, deep, inside you.))))

There was much chuckling -- and I'm sure I also snorted.

It's bad enough that when the phone on my desk rings it makes this very low, sexy soul music sound that makes me think it must be Barry White calling for a booty call.

I actually blush when the phone on my desk starts ringing.

[Don't you DARE call me.]

I thought the workplace blushing was limited to caffeinated beverage preparation and telephony.

But no.

Late last week, new(ish) guy and I were in a meeting about an awards program.

I kept thinking I misheard our colleague because she seemed to be referring to the "Deep Hole" Awards.

I interrupted the meeting to say,

"I'm sorry. What did you say? The WHAT awards?"

She slowed down for me,

"Deep Hole," she said again.


I still couldn't believe it.

"Did you say, D-E-E-P H-O-L-E?" I asked again, spelling it out.

"No," she sighed. "D-POL - it's an acronym."

"Phew," I said, "I was wondering what someone would have to DO to win a Deep Hole Award!"

And this was the opportunity new(ish) guy had been waiting for because he leaned over, elbowed me and said,

"I'm TOTALLY nominating you for one."

Apparently they are awarded to those who drink too much of the Flavia.


John Ross said...

I admit I haven't had(or taken) the time to check in on Joys lately. This post reminded me that I realy should. Flavia - Deep Hole awards - heh-heh...

There is really nothing that comes to mind in my working world of Yacht maintenance that compares... Is that good or bad?

None the less, bless your heart & twisted little are a HOOT.

Stacia said...

I totally need a coffeepot like that.

thatgirlblogs said...

that's. what. she. said.

WILLIAM said...

I knew a girl named Flavia...I don't think she was dirty.

Sayre said...

I used to have a coffee pot at work that sounded like it was having an orgasm as it brewed. It was embarrassing, but it sure made good coffee. I kept it until it died (my father had given it to me because he couldn't take the noise in his own office - too many people checking up on him).

Apparently you can win a "Deep Hole" award by digging one with your mouth?

~ifer said...

I remember being in church as a teenager, and them advertising a youth conference called "Y.E.A.R.N". I still swear to this day that the person announcing it was calling it the Urine Conference. Not exactly something I wanted to attend, ya know?

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

TOO funny.

And now I can't get Barry White outta mah head!

HeSaid/SheSaid said...

I'm sitting alone in my house . . . it's peacefully quiet until I read your post . . . and burst into happy laughter. I needed the pick-me-up so thank you? I'll be back!

Magpie said...

better the stimulating than the dullsville. mine's fun, but the phone system is not so cool as yours.

Michelle | said...

((((FLAYVIA, for your warm drinking PLEASURE.))))

((((Stimulating caffeination deep, deep, inside you.))))

I have to say though, these tag lines are really catchy! Hand me some of those!!!

NinjaMom said...

I recall at a meeting a while back, one of my Francophone colleagues talking about how we all have to "fuck us".

"We must fuck us, fuck us!"

Turns out he was saying "focus". Now, whenever I hear the word focus... well, you know what I'm thinking about.

Emily N said...

Well if you have to be back at an office full time (shudder) at least you have a colleague with a juvenile sense of humor. Ya gotta have at least one of those to make it thru all those meetings...

happygal said...

So glad I am not the only one bothered by that name. Always seemed wrong to add cream.

Expatriate Chef said...

I want to work with you!

Around our office we have a tradition called "Wrong Thursday" and pretty much anything is said. Wrong Thursday is not limited to one day a week. I've seen our HR director put her ankles behind her head (dressed, thankfully), done company-wide tequila shot toasts and keep a pair of spurs in my office — just to make sure anyone who enters knows not to mess with me. Ah, work.

I would really never be able to go corporate again. It was post-worthy, these wrong work moments .... Thank you for reminding me!

Meg at Demanding Joy said...

Hahahaha! I'm totally buying one of those for my office.

JoeinVegas said...

Work, people - you are supposed to be working at work, not having fun!

Gappy said...

Yes. Rather reminds me of the sort of flavoured condom ranges you find in machines in pub toilets. Not that I spend a great deal of time looking...

Have been reading your brilliant blog in a lurky kind of way for a while, and have tagged you over at my blog if you're interested...