Monday, August 16, 2010

Why My Husband Is So Darned Appealing

When he receives obvious spam, like this...

-----Original Message-----
From: Maria Levy Mwanawasa []
Sent: Monday, August 16, 2010 3:17 PM

Subject: Hello

Hello Dear,

I know this mail will come to you as a surprise since we haven't discuss it before, but kindly bear with me at this moment. I have a special reason why I wrote you first in the dating site. My situation at hand is miserable but I trust in God and hope you will be of my help. My name is Maria Levy Mwanawasa. I am 22 years old and I held from Zambia, I am the daughter of late President Levy Mwanawasa, the former President of Zambia. My beloved father died on the 19th of August, 2008 in the French Hospital after he was hospitalized for a stroke. well, You can read more detail about they death of my late father here.

I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment which I am receiving from my step mother and my uncle. They both planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father. Meanwhile I wanted to travel to Europe, but she hides away my diplomatic passport and other valuable documents. Luckily she did not discover where I kept my father's File which contained important documents.I am presently staying in the Mission camp in Burkina Faso. I am seeking for long-term relationship and investment assistance.

My father of blessed memory deposited the sum of $6.4Million US Dollars in a local bank in Burkina Faso with my name as the next of kin. I had contacted the Bank to claim the deposit but the Branch Manager whom I met in person told me that being a refugee my status does not permit and according to the local law and the agreement between my late father and the bank does not authorize me to carry out the operation. However, he advised me to provide a trustee who will stand on my behalf. Please I need your Assistance in this regard. I had wanted to inform my stepmother Mrs. Maureen Mwanawasa about this deposit but I am afraid that she will not offer me anything after the release of the money. Therefore, I decide to seek for your help in transferring the money into your bank account in your country or any safer place. while I will relocate to your country and settle down with you.

It is my intention to compensate you with 30% of the total money for your assistancend the balance shall be my investment in any profitable venture which you will recommend to me as I have no any idea about foreign investment.

Please your kind reply is need and I beg you to maintain absolute privacy because my stepmother is seeking for me to provide infrmation on the account details for retrival of the money.

Yours Sincerely,

Maria Levy Mwanawasa.

He responds like this....

-----Original Message-----
From: K, Man of The House of Joy
Sent: Monday, August 16, 2010 3:28 PM
To: ''
Subject: [POSSIBLE SPAM] RE: Hello
Importance: Low

The poetry of this moment, this unbridled act of generosity, this happenstance is so incredible that I have broken out in song. I sing for the generosity of the human spirit. I sing for the good fortune you should choose me. I pray my words of thanks soar to the ears of God.

This luck is made more incredible by the unbelievable happenstance that I knew your father well. We spent many an evening relaxing after a fine meal on the patio of the presidential palace in Lusaka, discussing the human hardship in Zambia and in Africa. He demonstrated great insight into the human spirit and evinced such compassion. He remains a great hero of mine.

I weep knowing the cruelty you must endure at the pampered hands of your Uncle and step mother. Godspeed to you.

I will gladly share with you any and all personal information that might effectuate our happy business cooperation.

While it has been awhile, I think I can recall enough Bemba and Nyanja to offer my good wishes in your home tongues. "Zee pinga war galun ta fisna."



Sayre said...

But... Maria wanted MY help! Methinks she has a fickle heart - Best stay where you are, K!!!

Angella said...

Your husband and my husband would be fast friends. :)

John Ross said...

Oh My. Great response. I'm amazed that those things are still circulating around. I guess there's potentially a new sucker on the net every minute(or second).

Thanks for sharing that.

Carroll said...

Bwahahahaaa! I don't think we need a dictionary to take a wild guess as to the translation of that last line. Surely this deserves to become an internet classic!

flutter said...

happenstance! ha!

Kyla said...

K is awesome.

Woman with kids said...

Lol. I love playing with them. ...which may mean I need a new hobby...

Emily N said...


Jessica said...

Love it! Thank you for the opportunity to really laugh out loud!

JoeinVegas said...

Perhaps it is not spam, since he seems to know the poor dead man so well. Perhaps he just wants a rich young African woman to move in with him. Be careful.

Amanda said...

I am complete.

I am also in possession of 3.7599 billion lira and if you are in positions to be illuminating for me your account number I can plentifully and with inordinate gratitude direct the funds to your peoples.

In glorious friendship,


Gonzo said...

Once again, Kevin has indirectly brought me joy. Please thank him for me.

Kevin Charnas said...

Thanks for her email! I just sent her some special pics of myself... I hope, hope, hope she likes them!

If she can see through all the hair.

Kevin Charnas said...

Okay, I actually had to come in from mulching the yard and leave another comment... K totally forgot to mention to Miss Maria Levy Mwanawasa his talent for throwing his underwear into the ceiling fan and having it twirl around and land where it's suppose to.

And the word verification is "underbar". If I'm not mistaken, that's how they say "underwear" in Bulgarian.

Schmutzie said...

This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday!

Merrily Down the Stream said...

absolutely fabulous, k! said...

This is just hysterical, made my day.